Being in a Relationship

9 Best Ways to Keep Him Interested & Why They Work So Well

Milena J. Wisniewska Avatar

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Sarah felt it — that slow-motion car crash of watching a guy’s interest fade.

“I swear, if he leaves me on read one more time . . .” Sarah slammed her phone facedown on her desk, earning concerned glances. Three days of watching those message bubbles appear and disappear, like some twisted digital morse code of relationship doom. This wasn’t the Mark who’d once driven across town at midnight just to bring her soup when she had the flu. 

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“Where did I go wrong?” she asked herself for the hundredth time — until her late-night scrolling led her to a goldmine of relationship wisdom that would change everything.


The Secret to Keeping Him Hooked Is . . .

. . . that there is no secret? (I see your eyes roll). No, there is a way, but it’s not a secret. 

The solution lies in understanding the proven principles and putting them to work. Because, honestly, if one more dating coach tells me to “just communicate better” without saying HOW, I might scream.

And that’s exactly what Sarah discovered one night when she stumbled across our article about emotional unavailability. Something clicked. She’d been studying theory instead of practice all along.

Make Yourself a Priority 

Do you want to know why “make yourself a priority” is the E=mc² of relationship advice?

You’ve seen it everywhere, nodded along, and probably thought “yeah, yeah, I know, self-care . . .” and then proceeded to go about your business. 

Like many of us, Sarah thought prioritizing herself was about indulgence — treating herself, seeking comfort, and chasing pleasure. But what if it wasn’t any of that? 

As she went down the rabbit hole — the signs of codependency, the confidence issues, relationship anxiety, and even why she fell so hard for guys she barely knew — pieces started falling into place.

Making yourself a priority isn’t about bubble baths and gym classes you’ll skip anyway. It’s about the unsexy stuff that doesn’t make a nice Instagram story: 

  • Having self-discipline, like putting your phone on airplane mode at 10 p.m. to get a good night’s sleep instead of doomscrolling until 1 a.m. and then dragging through work in zombie mode the next day (not very mindful).
  • Filling your own cup first, like making sure your fridge is full of nutritious food that you like instead of ordering pizza because he likes it.
  • Investing in yourself, like sticking to your schedule and completing your online digital marketing course instead of dropping everything whenever he calls.
  • Giving people your best, not your everything, like not overcommitting to socializing when all you can dream of is a quiet night on the couch.

You get the point. 

The reason it works is not that men love women with their own lives or admire ambition. What men like should be the least of your concerns. 

It works because when you prioritize yourself, you set the standard for how you deserve to be treated — and that means you don’t tolerate any BS.

And right when Sarah started questioning whether she had truly been prioritizing herself. What if all her actions didn’t project the aura of a boss-biche like she thought but . . . an aura of desperation?

Neediness Out, Independence In

There’s one label that shatters the “high-value woman” identity faster than you can spell “anxiously attached.” 

For Sarah, this was a hard pill to swallow. She realized that most of the articles she’d been reading weren’t about genuine self-growth, they were about “getting him to love me” or “how a woman should treat a man.” And then the truth hit her like a ton of bricks: “I’m desperate to make him want me . . . without even stopping to ask if I truly want him.” Love addiction, level 9000.

Let’s take a deep breath. I was called needy before. Actually, I was needy in love. And look at me now. 

See? There’s a way out.

And the secret is — yep, you guessed it — independence! But not in an “I don’t need no man” kind of way.

Being independent means this:

  • Regulating your own emotions, like resisting the urge to triple-text “Are we okay?” just because he took an hour to reply. Breathe. Journal. Self-soothe. Not everything needs reassurance. It’s giving anxious attachment.
  • Thinking for yourself, like not suddenly loving The Godfather just because he does. You can adore your Gossip Girl rewatches and still be a woman of substance.
  • Owning your schedule, like making plans because you want to, not leaving your Friday night suspiciously free just in case he “wants to do something” (so guilty🙈).
  • Dropping the people-pleasing act, like ordering your damn sushi spicy even if he “doesn’t like food with too much heat.” Cool, more for me.

The path from neediness to independence isn’t about becoming cold or distant. It’s about becoming whole on your own terms. And yes, there’s a bit of “not needing a man” energy here, but not in the performative I can carry my own bags” kind of way. 

More in the “a man is a luxury, not a necessity, like a dessert” sort of way (Cher ✨). You don’t need one to function, but if you want one? It’s because he adds to an already whole life.

Being independent has one fun and very magnetic side effect.

Maintain Mystery

Think about how the end of every Lost episode made you instantly want to watch another. A well-placed cliffhanger works like a charm. 

Sarah always took pride in wearing her heart on her sleeve — being open, warm, and unapologetically Sarah. When she liked someone, she showed it. Texting back instantly, sharing her deepest thoughts by date three. She thought that kind of honesty built intimacy. 

But after reading our article on love addiction, she realized the truth — it was a way to fast-track connection, to make him feel closer to her before he had actually earned that place in her life. 

So, Sarah did something counterintuitive. Inspired by the advice in 9 Ways to Make Him Miss You Like Crazy, she decided to take a step back. 

  • Holding back the oversharing, like saving the deep life stories for when trust is built, not just because the vibe feels right on date three. Real intimacy isn’t a speedrun.
  • Letting him initiate, like resisting the urge to always text first just to make sure he’s still interested. If he wants to talk to you, he will.
  • Treating flirting like a game, not a job interview, like actually having fun with flirting instead of acting like your whole future depends on it. The joy is in the chase — when you’re too focused on the finish line, you miss all the fun along the way. 

Men (and humans in general) crave what isn’t fully accessible. As Esther Perel reminds us, desire thrives in the space between togetherness and separateness. 

When you’re too close, there’s no room for longing to grow.

But mystery isn’t about being secretive — it’s about pacing. 

Think of it as an emotional strip tease: letting him uncover pieces of you over time, each revelation making him hungry for more.

Now that we’ve cracked the mystery code, let’s dive into decoding my biggest relationship advice pet peeve. 

Communicate Effectively

There are two things you can find literally everywhere: Coca-Cola and advice on “effective communication.” There’s just one issue — most people have no clue what that actually looks like in practice. (Speaking from firsthand experience here.)

Sarah thought she was great at communicating. And she was . . . as long as it didn’t involve

  • having the patience to ensure others understood her needs,
  • listening actively when others shared their idea,
  • disagreeing with others,
  • saying “no” to things she didn’t want to do,
  • expressing when her feelings had changed, or
  • actually standing up for herself when she was hurt.

If there was no conflict of interest, Sarah was a stellar effective communicator. But the second things got uncomfortable? She’d freeze, sugarcoat, or avoid the conversation altogether. She didn’t want to be seen as difficult.

But when she read the article on overthinking, something clicked: Every time she didn’t speak up, she wasn’t keeping the peace; she was agreeing to things that didn’t make her happy.

So, she committed to practicing open and honest communication — not the vague, self-help-book kind, but the real kind:

  • Saying no without guilt, like turning down last-minute plans without making up a fake excuse. “I’d love to, but I need a quiet night in” is a full sentence.
  • Bringing up concerns before they turn into resentment, like telling him, “It hurt my feelings when you dismissed my idea,” instead of silently fuming for three days.
  • Being real about what she wanted, like saying, “I’m looking for something serious,” instead of pretending to be cool with something casual when she definitely wasn’t.

Being more direct might scare men away — but only the ones who are wrong for you anyway.

The truth is men (the good ones, at least) are drawn to women who are clear about what they want

No mixed signals, no mind games, no shrinking to be more “convenient.” “Open and honest communication” is showing up as your real self so the right person can actually fall for the real you.

Speaking of saying things right, let’s talk about the art of saying the right things.

Support, Believe, Appreciate 

Another fluffy-sounding piece of advice is hiding a whole lot of power in it, if you know where to look. 

After Sarah committed to open and honest communication (for real this time), she expected everything to magically click into place. She was speaking up, setting boundaries, expressing her needs — so why did it still feel like something was missing?

Then she read How a Woman Should Treat a Man and had a bit of a yikes moment. She had been so focused on making sure she was heard that she never stopped to ask: Was I actually making space for him, too?

Sarah used to think supporting a man meant agreeing with him, hyping him up, or cheering on his successes. Cute, but shallow. 

Stop thinking of support as passive encouragement and start showing up in ways that actually matter:

  • Supporting him emotionally, like validating his frustrations instead of trying to fix them. “That sounds really tough. I totally get why you’re frustrated.” Sometimes, he doesn’t need solutions, he just needs to know he’s not alone.
  • Believing in his ambitions, like reminding him he’s capable when self-doubt creeps in. “I know this feels impossible right now, but I’ve seen you figure things out before. You’ve got this.” Confidence is contagious — sometimes, he just needs yours to borrow.
  • Appreciating who he is, not just what he does for you, like recognizing his character, his values, and his unique footprint in the world. “One thing I love about you is how you always do what you say you will. That’s rare.”
  • Thanking him for the things he does, not as an obligatory “good girl” response, but as a genuine acknowledgment. “I know you didn’t have to do that, and I appreciate it more than you know.”

Support is about standing beside him when he questions himself, believing in him when he can’t see his own potential, and making sure he knows he doesn’t have to carry everything alone.

The more Sarah showed up like this, the more he did, too. That’s the kind of energy that makes space for intimacy.

Make Him Crave Your Body

Wait, wait — hear me out.

Hands up if you grew up seeing “How to Make a Man Happy in Bed!” on the cover of every magazine.

Sarah definitely grew up reading these articles. It’s not like we had access to genuine, authentic content in the 90s and aughts (things have changed). So, she soaked in a lot of troubling messages about intimacy and men’s expectations around it.

For years, she believed that intimacy was just about techniques, performance, and making sure he was satisfied. It was all about what men wanted — never about what she wanted, needed, or felt comfortable with.

But after reading How to Make Yourself More Attractive and Build Your Confidence she realized something. 

Physical affection and intimacy aren’t about “keeping him interested” or “driving him wild.” They’re about connection, safety, and mutual desire — things she had never really been taught to prioritize in bed.

So, she started approaching it differently:

  • Exploring her own desires, like taking time to understand what actually felt good for her rather than what she thought men liked. (Spoiler: When she enjoyed herself, he did too.)
  • Bringing intimacy into daily life, like making physical affection a natural, effortless part of the relationship — not something reserved for the bedroom. A lingering touch while passing in the kitchen, a back rub after a long day, or cuddling up without expectation of more. This builds safety and anticipation instead of pressure.
  • Shifting from performance to presence, like slowing down and focusing on the moment instead of wondering if she was “doing enough.” She realized that being fully engaged — not trying to get to the big O — made the experience more fulfilling.
  • Embracing Tantra for deeper connection, like incorporating mindful touch, synchronized breathing, and eye contact to turn physical intimacy into something deeper than just a routine act. 

She also came across Recognizing the Signs He Only Wants You for Your Body and realized how many times she had mistaken lust for intimacy.

Stop seeing physical affection as a test of your desirability and start seeing it as a reflection of how safe and connected you feel with someone. Real intimacy isn’t about making him obsessed with you. It’s about finding someone who makes you feel safe enough to be fully yourself.

And when you’re being fully yourself, you feel like doing fun stuff together. Which brings us to everyone’s favorite F-word.

Keep It Fun 

Think relationships are all about “doing the work”? Well, that depends.

For Sarah, relationships had always felt like a job. She was doing the heavy lifting, emotionally project-managing every interaction, and carrying the weight of keeping the whole relationship alive. 

But somewhere between reading How to Fix a Relationship and Why Do Relationships Get Boring, Sarah had a realization — she wasn’t having fun. Not on her own. Not with the men she dated. And if she wasn’t having fun, what was the point?

So, she stopped treating love like a self-improvement seminar and started treating it like something to actually enjoy.

  • Tracking her Fun KPI, like actually checking in with herself: “Am I enjoying this? Does this feel light, playful, exciting?” If worry started outweighing fun, she’d pause, reevaluate, and — if needed — reset.
  • Prioritizing shared experiences, like saying yes to spontaneous road trips, trying a salsa class for the chaos of it, or ditching plans to have a “do-nothing” day together.
  • Trying new things together, like ditching the fear of looking silly and embracing a beginner’s mindset. Whether it was attempting to cook something absurdly complicated (and maybe setting off the smoke alarm) or watching a documentary just to passionately debate it later.

Fun is magnetic. No one dreams of a relationship that feels like a chore. The right kind of love is a place to exhale, to be silly, to feel alive.

And guess what: The more Sarah let go, the less she cared about keeping him interested.

She understood that Mark was always never going to stay.


Your Next Steps: Open Your Eyes

When the self-reflection finally kicked in, Sarah saw Mark for what he was — just another name on her long list of emotionally unavailable men.

She had been so focused on commitment issues from his side that she never stopped to ask if he was even worth committing to. You can’t make a Peter Pan grow up. You can’t convince a man to be ready for love if he refuses to do the self-work.

But you can do the work on yourself. And that’s exactly what Sarah was going to do.

These are the resources that helped her:

But I realize not everyone is on Sarah’s exact journey. Here are some additional resources that might help you:

For more where that came from, check out our comprehensive guide to being in a relationship.


FAQs

What is mankeeping?

Mankeeping refers to the effort someone puts into maintaining a romantic relationship, often through emotional support, communication, and shared experiences. It’s about fostering a healthy dynamic rather than controlling or manipulating a partner.

How can you tell if he is falling in love with you?

Signs a man is falling in love include prioritizing your happiness, deep emotional engagement, and long-term planning that includes you. He listens attentively, remembers small details, and offers consistent support. Genuine love is reflected in actions rather than just words, showing care even when there’s no immediate benefit to him.

What text will make him chase you?

A text that sparks intrigue and engagement should be playful, slightly mysterious, or emotionally engaging. Instead of trying to make him chase you, focus on creating meaningful exchanges. A lighthearted question, an inside joke, or a subtle compliment encourages deeper connection than relying on artificial tactics to gain attention.

Author

  • Milena might not be a relationship professor, but she's definitely been through it all, learned her lessons, and is here to spill the tea. She combines the wisdom of renowned relationship specialists with her own romantic adventures to offer relatable and practical advice.

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