Whenever I write about what guys like in a girl, I feel like we’re asking the wrong question. Instead of focusing on men’s expectations, shouldn’t we be focusing on celebrating who we truly are?
This piece is about embracing authenticity and empowering you to attract someone who cherishes the real you.
What Do Guys Like in a Girl Physically? (Ugh, eye roll)
If you found out that statistically, most men prefer shorter women, then what? Would you shrink yourself?
It was the Pamela Anderson era, and now the BBL craze. Where does this end? Our bodies aren’t clay that can be molded and reshaped according to the latest trend.
In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter if a guy likes this or that in a girl. But let me tell you what does matter.
Being comfortable in your body
Men are attracted to women who are comfortable in their own skin, regardless of size, shape, or appearance.
Confidence in your body shows that you embrace your physical self and aren’t caught up in external pressures or beauty standards.
As legendary beauty icon Bobbi Brown, a trailblazer in the cosmetics industry, famously (and rightly) put it, “Feeling confident, being comfortable in your skin—that’s what really makes you beautiful.” Brown, whose name is synonymous with natural beauty, built her career on the belief that true allure comes from self-acceptance, not a makeup bag.
There’s more.
A 2019 study published in Body Image found a positive body image is associated with improved mental health outcomes, such as reduced anxiety and depression. This also translates into healthier relationships, as individuals with higher self-esteem tend to have more fulfilling connections with others.[1]
Whether you’re dressed up for a night out or enjoying a cozy night in, feeling comfortable in your body allows you to be fully present and engaged.
Men who appreciate women for their confidence in their bodies are often drawn to their sense of self-assurance and emotional independence. Men love women who aren’t constantly stressing about their appearance but instead embrace themselves as they are, which creates a more authentic and enjoyable connection.
So, if you are still not your body’s biggest fan, maybe it’s time to apply a new strategy. Try Louise Hay’s advice:
Natural beauty
I’d sooner throw myself into a fire than suggest you should go for a “natural look” just to make yourself more approachable to men. In fact, I’d tell you the exact opposite — intimidate them as much as you can! Enough with shrinking ourselves to make insecure men comfortable.
That said, natural beauty is self-empowerment — it’s recognizing what makes you feel good, embracing and celebrating your unique features, and feeling comfortable in your own skin.
It’s more aligned with self-acceptance than any form of external validation. It’s standing in front of the mirror, seeing yourself without the need to be anyone else, and appreciating what’s naturally yours.
When I talk about natural beauty, I mean the freedom to present yourself however you want. Remember when Adam Levine teased Alicia Keys about wearing makeup on The Voice? Alicia’s response to the “beauty police” was as iconic as it gets: “I do what the f— I want.”[2]
A guy who appreciates your natural beauty is someone who values the real you and your choices because he understands that your body is your choice.
A guy who appreciates your natural beauty is someone who values the real you and the choices that you make about your body because he understands that your body is your choice.
Smile
Again, I’m not talking about when a guy tells you to smile because he thinks you’re a decoration and expects you to always look cheerful to make him feel comfortable. No, I’m talking about a genuine smile.
A genuine smile is one of the most universally attractive traits a person can possess. It radiates warmth, joy, and positivity — qualities that naturally draw people in.
From an evolutionary perspective, smiles likely evolved to signal positive intent and cooperation. When we smile, it triggers positive feelings in others, which leads to increased connection and trust, the Centre for Economic Policy Research claims.[3]
Men are often attracted to a woman’s smile because of that sense of connection.
Research presented at the International Conference on Information Processing in Sensor Networks shows that smiling is contagious and it can elevate our mood and, in turn, create a positive feedback loop.
Psychologically, seeing someone smile makes us perceive them as more trustworthy and easygoing, which is why people who smile often are seen as more confident and likable.[4]
So, men feel attracted to your smile because . . . It’s evolution, baby.
Eyes
The attraction to eyes isn’t just about beauty — there’s a deeper, psychological reason that makes men (and humans in general) drawn to them.
Eyes are often referred to as the “windows to the soul,” and as cliche as it sounds, there’s a reason for it. Eyes are incredibly expressive and play a massive role in nonverbal communication.
A quick glance can reveal a whole spectrum of emotions: happiness, sadness, attraction, even disinterest. This emotional transparency makes eyes captivating and alluring because they offer a genuine insight into what someone is feeling, which can create an immediate connection.
According to evolutionary psychologists, eyes signal health and vitality.
In a study published in the Journal of Research in Personality, researchers explain bright, clear eyes can be a marker of good health, which is inherently attractive because it suggests strong genes for future offspring (though let’s be honest, the guy telling you he likes your eyes probably hasn’t thought that deep about it).
Eye contact, in particular, is known to stimulate the release of oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” which fosters feelings of closeness and trust.[5]
But let’s not forget the simple truth — catching someone’s gaze across a room is one of those magical, intimate moments that can’t quite be explained but always seem to leave an impact.
Healthy energy
Men are drawn to women who take care of themselves, both physically and mentally, because it shows that they respect their bodies and minds.
Healthy energy isn’t about obsessing over diets or workouts, but about living a balanced life that makes you feel good. You know, a sound mind in a sound body.
Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, explains that when partners prioritize their own well-being, it strengthens the relationship because both feel energized and capable.[6]
A study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that couples who engage in health-positive behaviors together, whether it’s yoga, hiking, or simply eating well, tend to have stronger, more intimate connections.[7]
Men who appreciate a woman’s healthy energy are likely to value self-care and balance in their own lives as well.
So whether you’re hitting the gym or enjoying a quiet day of meditation, healthy energy radiates confidence, positivity, and balance, all of which men find attractive.
What Do Guys Like in a Girl’s Personality?
Authenticity
The number one trait, the trait to rule them all, is authenticity.
Every action, every decision, and every word you speak should be aligned with your heart’s true desires.
A study from Current Psychology found that living authentically was linked to greater happiness.[8] And happy people create happy relationships.
Another study published in Sociology Compass describes authenticity “as a self-reflective and emotional experience.”[9]
Since authenticity requires introspection, it’s a very sought-after trait by those who want to create serious partnerships. Only when you are connected with yourself can you truly connect with someone else.
This resonates with men who value deep emotional connections because authenticity allows both partners to engage in a relationship fully.
A great resource for hands-on advice on practicing authenticity comes from Dr. Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly. Brown suggests starting with daily self-reflection: Ask yourself, “Is this action in line with my values?” or “Am I choosing what feels true to me?”[10]
Emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence (also, emotional quotient, or EQ) is the ultimate superpower.
It’s the ability to recognize, understand, and manage not only your emotions but those of others, leading to better communication and deeper connections.
From EQ stems empathy, compassion, and healthy communication, all qualities that mature men (because we’re excluding all the Peter Pans out there) find incredibly attractive.
Dr. Daniel Goleman, the leading expert on emotional intelligence and the author of a book literally titled Emotional Intelligence, highlights that when partners practice emotional intelligence, they create emotional safety and deeper connections, which are crucial for lasting relationships.[11]
This isn’t about bottling up emotions or pretending to be perfect; it’s about understanding and expressing them in a way that fosters closeness. Men who are ready for a serious relationship value women who can communicate with emotional depth.
Goleman’s advice on developing emotional intelligence focuses on knowing what you’re feeling and why first, and then practicing empathy by truly listening to the other person’s feelings and perspectives without judging or taking things personally.[12]
A sense of purpose
A sense of purpose is about knowing what drives you and aligning your actions with your deeper values. It reflects ambition, direction, and the commitment to live intentionally.
A 2022 study featured in Personal Relationships found that having a strong sense of purpose makes people more likely to stay in relationships. Additionally, healthier relationships were shown to boost an individual’s sense of purpose over time.[13]
A man who’s ready for a relationship will be looking for a woman who lives an intentional, purposeful life.
My favorite meditation guru, Tara Brach, advises that to understand your purpose beyond external goals, you should ask, “What is my deepest intention?” and explore how that can guide your actions.[14]
By aligning with your heart’s true desires and living with purpose, you create a life that feels meaningful and authentic and attracts like-minded men.
Humility
If you’ve been on dating apps lately, you’ve probably seen the line: “Looking for a girl who doesn’t take herself too seriously” (usually from a guy who hasn’t smiled in a single photo).
While it’s a massive cliché, there’s some truth tucked behind it — the ability to not take oneself too seriously, better known as humility, is one of the most attractive traits anyone can possess.
When you embrace your flaws with grace, it shows that you aren’t ruled by your ego. Instead, you’ve mastered the art of self-awareness and self-acceptance.
It’s not about putting yourself down, but rather about recognizing that we’re all imperfect and that’s okay. Humility reflects a deeper understanding of life and relationships, where no one is flawless, and mistakes are a part of the journey.
A humble woman doesn’t need to pretend she has it all together. She can own her imperfections without letting them define her. Rather than focusing on her shortcomings, she maintains perspective and moves forward with confidence and kindness.
Men who value emotional depth are naturally drawn to this trait. It shows you can navigate both the highs and lows of life with grace and balance. Humility brings a sense of calm and authenticity that allows for genuine connections.
So, next time you stumble, remind yourself that growth comes from acknowledging mistakes. Humility isn’t about perfection; it’s about the wisdom to keep learning and growing.
Standards
Standards are your personal guidelines, built from all the insights discussed before. They are your commitment to yourself. And trust me, a real man wants to be with someone who has clear standards.
It’s about knowing your worth, understanding what you deserve, and holding people accountable when they don’t meet those expectations.
Standards reflect self-respect — they show you refuse to settle for less than you deserve.
Guys want to know what makes you happy, and by communicating your needs, you provide them with a roadmap for how to care for you and as a result build a strong, successful relationship.
The next time you date, don’t shy away from expressing what you need and want in the form of firm boundaries and direct expectations. A woman with high standards not only attracts a respectful man but also lays the foundation for a lasting, healthy relationship in which both partners feel valued.
Things Girls Do That Guys Love
Show genuine interest
One of the things guys love most is when a woman shows genuine interest in them, their thoughts, passions, and ideas. Basically, showing curiosity about the small things that make up who they are as a person.
According to psychologist Dr. Gottman, asking thoughtful questions can foster deeper connection because it shows engagement and presence, which men appreciate in a partner.[15]
Guys love it when women engage with them authentically because it signals mutual respect and emotional investment. It’s a nonverbal way of proving that you see him and care about him.
Take initiative
Guys love it when women take the initiative, whether it’s suggesting a date, planning an adventure, or making the first move.
Get that suspicious look off your face! Yes, go ahead and make the first move. I double-dare you.
Taking initiative shows confidence and breaks away from outdated gender norms. Men want to be courted too, even if they don’t quite know the word for it!
Research from the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy shows that men appreciate women who are proactive. Such initiative inspires emotional security and encourages mutual investment in the partnership.[16]
Of course, it’s all about finding a healthy balance — both partners contributing in their own ways keeps the relationship fun and fulfilling.
Laugh with him
Men often enjoy it when women laugh at their jokes because it’s a form of validation. Men may subconsciously interpret laughter as an indicator that their sense of humor, and by extension, their personality, is appreciated, boosting their confidence.
They also love when women are funny. A woman who can crack a joke or come up with a witty retort is seen as confident, intelligent, and comfortable in her own skin. It’s refreshing and engaging.
Plus, humor adds a layer of playfulness and fun to interactions, keeping things light and easy.
Additionally, psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Hall notes in his Evolutionary Psychology publication that mutual laughter is a way to assess compatibility. It’s finding a common ground where you both enjoy the same type of humor.[17]
So while laughing at his jokes can give him a confidence boost, don’t hesitate to dish out your own! When you both can make each other laugh, it creates a deeper connection and shows you’re both on the same wavelength. And who wouldn’t be drawn to someone who can share a good laugh?
Offer encouragement and support
Men appreciate a girl who offers genuine encouragement and support. A simple “you can do it” or “I believe in you” can go a long way.
Whether it’s cheering them on in their career or simply listening to their struggles, guys love it when women are emotionally supportive.
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, emphasizes that offering words of affirmation and support is crucial in maintaining a healthy emotional connection.[18]
A study published in Psychology of Men & Masculinities reviews how men express stress and perceive their partner’s support within romantic relationships, revealing that when men feel emotionally supported by their partners, they experience reduced stress and higher relationship satisfaction.
The study also suggests that supportive, nonjudgmental partner behavior can significantly improve a man’s emotional well-being, which in turn fosters stronger, more resilient romantic relationships.[19]
The right man will value your emotional support because it helps him feel secure and understood — real men know the value of that. He might be a man of steel, but even Superman needed Lois Lane.
Be herself
One thing men genuinely love is when a woman is unapologetically herself. There’s something magnetic about a woman who knows who she is, and what she stands for and doesn’t feel the need to play a role or fit into anyone’s mold.
That authenticity creates a space for vulnerability and vulnerability is where true connections thrive.
When a woman is comfortable in her own skin, it invites a man to do the same. No pretenses, no games, just two people exploring who they are without fear or judgment.
Real men are attracted to the genuine, imperfect, and unique qualities that make you, you.
Being yourself is not only liberating but incredibly attractive, setting the stage for an authentic connection that can grow into something real and lasting.
Things Guys Like About Girls: Conclusion
So if you want to know what guys like in a girl, I challenge you to ask yourself, “What sort of woman do I want to be?” True love is belonging, belonging is authenticity, and authenticity is not trying to fit in.
I live by this motto: Be so confident in knowing what you bring to the table that you’re willing to eat alone until you find the right table.
Looking for more information about getting into a relationship? We’ve got more where this came from — click the link!
FAQs
What kind of girls do guys like?
Guys like the kind of girls who are confident, know what they want, and approach things with emotional maturity. They like a girl who is authentic and not afraid to show her true self. Physically attractive traits matter, but guys also really do want a woman who can handle challenges with grace and knows how to make a guy feel appreciated.
What makes a man want to take care of a woman?
What makes a man want to take care of a woman is when she makes him feel needed and appreciated. Men want in a woman a sense of support, kindness, and the ability to make him feel like he’s important in her life. A guy wants to feel like he’s bringing value to the relationship.
Why do men like women’s bodies?
Men like women’s bodies due to evolutionary biology, which drives attraction to physical traits linked to health and fertility. From an evolutionary perspective, things men find physically attractive, like certain curves, symmetry, or clear skin, signal reproductive health and vitality.
References
1. Gattario, K. H., & Frisén, A. (2019). From negative to positive body image: Men’s and women’s journeys from early adolescence to emerging adulthood. Body Image, 28, 53–65.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bodyim.2018.12.002
2. Schulte-Hillen, S. (2017, March 29). Alicia Keys is not here to explain her makeup to Adam Levine. Vogue.
https://www.vogue.com/article/alicia-keys-adam-levine-makeup-police-howard-stern
3. Centorrino, S., Djemai, E., Hopfensitz, A., Milinski, M., & Seabright, P. (2011). Smiling is a costly signal of cooperation opportunities: Experimental evidence from a trust game. CEPR Discussion Paper, no. DP8374.
https://ssrn.com/abstract=1846256
4. Sasaki, W., Furukawa, Y., Nishiyama, Y., Okoshi, T., Nakazawa, J., & Tokuda, H. (2016, April). Smilewave-sensing and analysis of smile-based emotional contagion over social network. In 2016 15th ACM/IEEE International Conference on Information Processing in Sensor Networks (IPSN) (pp. 1–2). IEEE.
https://doi.org/10.1109/IPSN.2016.7460714
5. Hart, A. L., Richardson, D. C., & Johnson, T. R. (2015). Eye contact and attraction: The role of engagement in interpersonal interaction. Journal of Research in Personality, 59, 47–56.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2015.07.005
6. Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony Books.
7. Yam, K. C., Grossmann, I., & Liang, J. (2016). Fitness together: Shared physical activity and relationship satisfaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 33(1), 73–93.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407514568758
8. Koydemir, S., Şimşek, Ö. F., Kuzgun, T. B., & Schütz, A. (2020). Feeling special, feeling happy: Authenticity mediates the relationship between sense of uniqueness and happiness. Current Psychology, 39, 1589–1599.
https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-018-9865-z
9. Vannini, P., & Franzese, A. T. (2008). The authenticity of self: Conceptualization, personal experience, and practice. Sociology Compass, 2(5), 1621–1637.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9020.2008.00151.x
10. Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.
11. Interview with Daniel Goleman. (2009). Development and Learning in Organizations, 23(2).
https://doi.org/10.1108/dlo.2009.08123baf.001
12. Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books.
13. Pfund, G. N., & Hill, P. L. (2022). Correlated change in sense of purpose and romantic relationship quality. Personal Relationships, 29(4), 875–893.
https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12453
14. Brach, T. (2023, January 4). Realizing your deepest intention, with Tara Brach [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTVpXQgWgCw
15. Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony Books.
16. Gewirtz-Meydan, A., Sowan, W., Estlein, R., & Winstok, Z. (2024). Rights or obligations: The extent to which sexual desire and gender roles determine sexual intimacy in romantic relationships. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 50(4), 482–497.
https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2024.2310693
17. Hall, J. A. (2015). Sexual selection and humor in courtship: A case for warmth and extroversion. Evolutionary Psychology, 13(3).
https://doi.org/10.1177/1474704915598918
18. Chapman, G. (2015). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing.
19. Kapsaridi, A., & Charvoz, L. (2021). Men’s stress expression and perception of partner’s support within the romantic relationships: A systematic review. Psychology of Men & Masculinities, 22(2), 375–390.
https://doi.org/10.1037/men0000276
