You’re sipping coffee with a friend, laughing about how you could practically write a thesis on bad relationships thanks to your life experiences.
But could you describe healthy relationships?
Table of Contents
1. Open and Honest Communication
Open and honest communication in a relationship is everything. It makes a relationship thrive or, in the absence of it, crash and burn.
Imagine if the Apollo 13 astronauts had crossed their arms and refused to tell Houston what the problem was, expecting Mission Control to figure it out through sheer mind reading. “If you really care about us, you should just know!”
You hear how that sounds, right?
That mission would have had a very different outcome.
Relationships need that same level of clear communication. No mind reading allowed. Talking openly keeps both partners on the same page and helps them meet each other’s needs. Active listening is also a must. It’s not just about nodding while thinking of your next mani-pedi appointment.
So, make a point to share thoughts without fear of judgment and keep the guessing games for game nights.
2. Trust and Respect
While communication is the oxygen, trust and respect are the bricks and mortar that build every relationship.
Honesty builds transparency, like confessing that you don’t want to hang out with his college friends because their jokes make you uncomfortable. Gentle honesty means not confessing that you think they’re all d-bags (they are though, aren’t they?).
Reliability shows dependability, for example, when he picks you up from the airport on time. Respecting boundaries shows mutual respect, like giving each other personal space or avoiding things that make each other anxious or upset.
Trust-building is an ongoing process, not a one-time thing. In a balanced relationship, people are accountable for their actions and follow through on commitments to build a strong foundation of trust.
When people trust and respect each other’s point of view, they feel safe to share their deepest thoughts and wildest dreams without fear of being ridiculed.
3. Appreciation and Gratitude
Showing appreciation and gratitude are hallmarks of a great relationship. You can keep your relationship healthy by ensuring your partner knows how important they are to you. And you should expect the same in return.
In a healthy couple, partners appreciate each other’s efforts, from something as exciting as booking a surprise holiday to everyday tasks like sweeping the floor.
Examples of such healthy couples are everywhere; you don’t even have to look that hard.
Take Phil and Claire Dunphy from Modern Family, for example. They’re great at showing gratitude and appreciation in heartfelt and humorous ways.
Phil plans surprise getaways, uses affectionate nicknames, publicly praises Claire’s dedication, and supports her ambitions. Claire encourages Phil’s dreams, attends his magic shows, and playfully engages with him, ensuring he knows how much she values his playful nature.
Through verbal affirmations, thoughtful gestures, and acts of service, couples create bonds that keep them happy and connected.
4. Empathy and Understanding
The healthiest of relationships thrive on empathy and understanding between partners. Being a power couple means approaching every situation with patience, compassion, and a willingness to find common ground.
A study published in Affective Science found that cognitive empathy, or understanding another’s perspective, improves emotion regulation, leading to better conflict resolution and interactions in relationships.[1]
Putting yourself in your partner’s shoes helps you understand their perspective and emotions better, even when you don’t necessarily agree. It’s about listening attentively without immediately jumping in to fix things.
When both partners feel heard and understood, they’re more likely to open up, creating a stronger emotional connection.
5. Individual Identities and Interests
A great relationship doesn’t mean losing individual identities. Keeping separate interests and chasing personal goals and hobbies helps couples maintain their sense of self.
Sure, being totally wrapped up in each other might seem cute at first, but over time it suffocates the relationship and creates mutual resentment.
Knowing who you are outside the relationship is key to a more satisfying and well-rounded partnership. Your happiness isn’t solely your partner’s job (and it shouldn’t be).
By cultivating separate selves, unique flavors are brought to the relationship, as champagne and orange juice combine to form the magic of a mimosa.
6. Quality Time and Shared Activities
One of the keys to a healthy relationship is setting aside dedicated time for meaningful interactions without distractions.
Quality time isn’t about quantity; it’s about making moments count.
Shared activities, whether an origami class on Udemy or a two-person book club, help create memories and increase fun. These moments strengthen connections and keep the relationship vibrant.
Without this connection, living under one roof but being totally separate can make you feel lonely in a relationship.
To prevent this, carve out time for activities, such as Wednesday cinema nights or Sunday thrifting. Prioritizing these moments amidst life’s chaos ensures time to reconnect and enjoy each other’s company, deepening the bond and keeping the spark alive.
7. Support of Each Other’s Growth and Goals
Healthy romantic relationships are filled with active support and encouragement for each other’s personal and professional dreams. Those couples view the relationship as a team effort, meaning one partner’s success is the other partner’s success.
Supporting goals and standing strong during life’s challenges are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. Whether your partner is trying to break into the fintech industry with a self-developed app or working on a first novel, being the unwavering support they need can make all the difference.
This type of encouragement from someone who knows you and gets you can make all the difference and, quite frankly, may be the only thing that keeps you going when self-doubt creeps in.
Having a supportive partner means having someone who will be strong when you feel weak. If that’s not what relationships are for, I don’t know what is.
8. Healthy Boundaries
One of the top tips for building thriving relationships is setting healthy boundaries. It’s not healthy to just wing it, charging forward in a relationship without establishing some parameters and expectations.
In a recent issue of Personality and Environmental Issues, author Taras Chernata states that boundaries are an “important aspect of mental health . . . they help individuals remain true to themselves, feel harmony, define their needs and desires, and protect their psychological and emotional integrity.”[2]
Think of setting boundaries as drawing a line between the two of you. It’s a wall that keeps your selves separate and your relationship safe from resentment or enmeshment.
Boundaries aren’t about keeping each other out; they’re about creating a safe space for the relationship to breathe. They promote mutual respect, trust, and a sense of security.
So, if you want your relationship to be healthy, communicate your limits.
Whether it’s needing alone time after work or not sharing passwords, respecting boundaries shows you care about one another’s well-being.
9. Forgiveness and Letting Go of Grudges
Resentment and holding grudges are clear signs of unhealthy relationships, while forgiveness and letting go are the keys to nurturing ones.
Letting go is one of the hardest things to learn, but it improves relationships and gives people peace of mind. Not to mention that it prevents chronic diseases.
As David R. Hawkins writes in Letting Go, “Chronic, unrecognized anger and resentment reemerge in our life as depression, which is anger directed against oneself. If pushed further into the unconscious, it can re-emerge as . . . migraine headaches, arthritis, and hypertension.”[3]
Learn from conflicts and mistakes instead of holding onto resentment. Holding onto past hurtful things only drags you down. It’s all about progress, not perfection. Letting go of grudges makes room for more positive experiences.
Embrace forgiveness, and you’ll find it easier to move forward together.
Remember, forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting; it means choosing not to let past issues cloud your present. It’s about giving each other the grace to make mistakes and grow from them.
10. Emotional and Physical Intimacy
In a balanced relationship, partners nurture emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy. Chatting openly about needs and desires helps maintain a strong connection. Intimacy means feeling safe to share personal thoughts and secrets.
Physical intimacy, like holding hands or cuddling, builds a bond, while emotional intimacy thrives during late-night pillow talks where vulnerability is welcomed. Meaningful conversations and empathy further strengthen emotional closeness.
Both types of intimacy are essential for a healthy relationship.
Spend time together, be present, and show affection. Small gestures, like making morning coffee or leaving sweet love notes, make partners feel loved and valued.
11. Constructive Conflict Resolution
Handling disagreements constructively is all about acknowledging each other and finding solutions, not pointing fingers.
There’s an elementary truth behind every conflict: unmet needs.
Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, states, “All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.”[4]
Rosenberg further advises, “All criticism, attack, insults, and judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message.”[5]
Using “I” statements instead of “you” statements can make a significant difference. For example, saying “I feel neglected” instead of “You ignore me” during an argument shifts the focus to personal feelings rather than blame.
Truly listening to each other and being open to give and take are key. Avoiding disrespect, not taking things personally, and tuning in to your partner’s needs are the foundations of constructive conflict resolution. These habits help build nurturing and balanced relationships.
12. Encouragement and Care
One of the main differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships is supporting each other’s physical, mental, and emotional health.
Encouraging self-care practices, such as regular exercise, nutritious eating, and nervous system regulation is vital.
Whether it’s joining a spin class or doing breathing exercises together, supporting each other’s self-care efforts makes both partners feel valued and cared for, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling partnership.
Because, as you know, you can’t pour from an empty cup, and having someone who helps you fill up your own cup is priceless.
13. Celebration of Milestones
Acknowledging and celebrating important milestones in a relationship and in your partnership are clear signs of a balanced couple.
Whether it’s an anniversary, a promotion, or just surviving a tough week, marking these moments with style and humor — like ordering pizza every time your “didn’t-punch-a-coworker” money jar makes it to $20 — can make you laugh and bring you closer.
Partners who acknowledge these moments demonstrate that they value and appreciate each other, reinforcing the connection and joy in the relationship.
For instance, celebrating surviving the first year of living together with a custom pillow that says, “Our home: Where one is freezing and the other is sweating, but the thermostat is set to compromise.”
These gestures act as the glue that keeps you smiling and connected.
14. Open Communication About Finances
Healthy couples have honest, transparent conversations about financial goals, budgets, and spending habits.
Research shows that couples who openly share financial information build trust and mutual respect, significantly reducing misunderstandings and disagreements over money matters. This transparency enhances marital quality as couples collaborate toward shared financial goals.[6]
Sharing financial dreams and goals — whether it’s saving for a vacation or planning for retirement — will pay off in the future. Being up-front about spending habits is crucial to avoid financial pitfalls. Take a lesson from Lily and Marshall from How I Met Your Mother; her compulsive spending ruined their credit score and they couldn’t buy a house. Oopsie.
Working together to make financial decisions and establish a sense of equality and partnership in managing resources is essential.
Money matters can be tricky, but open communication can prevent misunderstandings and build trust. After all, building a future together is the goal.
15. Knowing Yourself
One of the most overlooked aspects of building a healthy relationship is knowing yourself first and foremost. Self-awareness is the foundation upon which all other qualities rest.
Understanding your own values, emotions, and triggers allows you to enter a relationship with clarity and authenticity. Without self-awareness, you might find yourself reacting impulsively or projecting unresolved issues onto your partner.
So, take time to reflect, journal, or practice mindfulness to become more self-aware. Understanding yourself better not only leads to personal growth but also helps you build a stronger, healthier relationship. After all, how can you expect someone to know you if you don’t know yourself?
Conclusion
Building a healthy relationship takes effort, but it’s worth it. Wouldn’t you rather invest in making it work with one partner than having to keep telling a new person your favorite color every three months?
Start with open communication, trust, respect, and gratitude. Show up for each other, keep promises, and maintain your own identities. Spend quality time together, support each other’s goals, and handle conflicts with maturity.
Not to stomp on anyone’s childhood heroes (let’s be real, Sex and the City made me who I am), but Carrie Bradshaw could seriously use these tips.
Apply them yourself and watch your twin flames ignite right in front of you!
Want to learn more about starting a relationship? Follow the link!
FAQs
What are the first signs of an unhealthy relationship?
The first signs of an unhealthy relationship are controlling behavior, lack of respect for boundaries, constant criticism, and a pattern of dishonesty or broken promises. These early signs can indicate an unhealthy or potentially abusive relationship.
Why are healthy relationships important?
Healthy relationships are important because they contribute to overall well-being by providing emotional support, fostering personal growth, and creating a sense of belonging and security. They enhance happiness, reduce stress, and improve mental and physical health.
What does a healthy relationship do to you?
A healthy relationship positively impacts personal development, boosting self-esteem and emotional resilience. It provides a safe space for vulnerability and self-discovery, allowing individuals to grow and thrive. Through mutual support and understanding, healthy relationships enhance overall well-being and foster a sense of security and belonging.
References
1. Thompson, N. M., van Reekum, C. M., & Chakrabarti, B. (2022). Cognitive and affective empathy relate differentially to emotion regulation. Affective Science, 3, 118–134. https://doi.org/10.1007/s42761-021-00062-w
2. Chernata, T. (2024). Personal boundaries: Definition, role, and impact on mental health. Personality and Environmental Issues, 3(1). https://doi.org/10.31652/2786-6033-2024-3(1)-24-30
3. Hawkins, D. R. (2012). Letting go: The pathway of surrender. Hay House, Inc.
4. Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent communication: A language of life. PuddleDancer Press.
5. Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent communication: A language of life. PuddleDancer Press.
6. Jeanfreau, M., Noguchi, K., Mong, M. D., & Stadthagen, H. (2018). Financial infidelity in couple relationships. Journal of Financial Therapy, 9(1), 2. https://doi.org/10.4148/1944-9771.1159
7. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLOS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316
