Love — the four-letter word that podcasters talk about, Taylor Swift sings about, and poets write about.
But when it sneaks up on you, how do you really know you’re in love and not just nursing a crush — or worse, infatuated and doomed for a fiery crash back to Earth?
Table of Contents
How Do You Know You Love Someone?
When it comes to love, it’s often the little things that reveal how you truly feel. If those small, unexpected moments bring you joy, you might just be falling for someone real. Here are some signs it’s true love.
1. You think about them constantly
Love has a funny way of taking up mental real estate, quite literally, according to research conducted at the University of La Laguna in Tenerife, Spain. Author and psychobiologist at the university Burunat writes that “love affects every single mental function.”[1]
If you find yourself constantly daydreaming of them when you’re supposed to be participating in the real world — planning weekend getaways or imagining what it would be like to wake up next to them in the morning — congratulations, friend, this may be a tell-tale sign you are in love.
2. You care about their happiness as much as your own
When you’re in love, prioritizing your partner’s happiness becomes a natural instinct. Every day becomes a quest to express your love and make them happy.
Research indicates that couples who celebrate each other’s successes are more likely to report high relationship satisfaction. This phenomenon, known as capitalization, involves sharing in your partner’s joy and supporting their growth, which strengthens your bond and enhances individual well-being.
Love, in this way, is about mutual happiness — where their smile or success feels as rewarding as your own personal joy.[2] If you’re genuinely invested in their happiness and find joy in their achievements, you’re likely in love.
3. You appreciate all their quirks
Does their laugh sound a bit cringe? Do they have a habit of saying “Prego” with an Italian accent? Are you equally beguiled and bewildered by their LARPing or their introverted tendencies?
When these little things that might usually give you the “ick” become endearing, it’s often a sign you’re feeling something deeper. Finding yourself in love means accepting quirks as charming, rather than annoying.
4. You envision a future with them
If you’re imagining a “we” instead of “me” when you think about the future, you might just be in love. In their research on the connection between love and planning, authors Porter et al. explain that pre-planning is certainly a symptom of a loving attachment — emphasis on the loving![3]
So, if you catch yourself making plans for the future, from trips you want to take to where you’d like to live, you’re shifting from “I” to “we,” a clear indicator of love.
5. You’re comfortable being vulnerable around them
Vulnerability is essential to building deep, meaningful relationships. It’s about letting your guard down and sharing your true self — your fears, insecurities, and dreams — with someone else. This openness allows us to feel “seen, heard, and valued,” as Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability, explains.[4]
Vulnerability is a core element of closeness because it requires trust and invites deeper understanding between partners — which leads to intimacy, the emotional closeness that grows from vulnerability. When we’re intimate, we share a personal connection that goes beyond the surface, creating a safe space where both partners feel genuinely supported and accepted.
Studies show that couples who are willing to be vulnerable and open with each other experience higher relationship satisfaction and greater emotional closeness. This shared emotional space nurtures a stronger bond and is a foundation for deeper love. If you’re embracing vulnerability and building intimacy with your partner, you’re likely on the path to a truly loving connection.
6. You make small sacrifices without a second thought
Love has a way of showing up in the form of small, simple everyday choices. Maybe you acquiesce to watching the game even though you’re not a huge fan of sports. Maybe you make a little extra time in your schedule to spend together.
Psychologists Righetti and Impett studied the motivations of partners who willingly sacrifice for their partners. They found that commitment and sacrifice go hand in hand.[5]
You’ll know it’s love when making both small and big sacrifices feels less like compromise and more like a choice you’re happy to make for their happiness. The act of prioritizing their joy, even if it means adjusting your own plans, is a sure sign that you’re deeply invested in them.
7. Their successes feel like your own
When you begin to fall in love, their wins feel like your own. This isn’t some hopeless romantic diatribe about how you and your lover are like two sides of the same coin — OK, maybe it is.
Whether they have a big promotion at work or finish a task they’ve been hard at work for, you feel genuinely excited and proud. It’s almost like their personal joy fuels your own happiness, and your joint celebration becomes a natural extension of your shared connection.
If their happiness feels as fulfilling as your own, it’s a clear sign you’re truly in love.
8. You miss them when you’re not together
Missing someone during the small, everyday moments is a strong sign of love.
When you find yourself thinking about them in quiet moments — like your morning coffee or while grocery shopping — it’s not just about their presence; it’s about their place in your life. This sense of absence during day-to-day routines signals they’ve been woven into your world in a way that goes beyond surface-level affection.
If life feels a little emptier without them and you miss them even when you just saw them three hours ago, it’s a clear indication they’re not just someone you care about; they’re someone you love.
9. You don’t feel the need to put on a show
When they’re around, you can truly be yourself, no filters required. There’s a comfort in knowing you don’t have to pretend because they’re into you for who you are at your core.
Whether it’s spending the day in sweats or geeking out over your Hogwarts house, you know they’re not just in love with the best version of you — they’re in love with all of you — even if you are a Hufflepuff.
They’re not just there for the polished parts; they embrace the real, unfiltered you, flaws, badgers, and all. If you’re eager to reveal every facet of who you are, it’s a sure sign that you’re experiencing a genuine, all-encompassing, reciprocated love.
10. You lose track of time
Love has this beautiful way of making time slip between your fingertips like quicksand.
You may go to have a quick chat and suddenly hours have passed. Time is flying because your minutes together are effortless.
If the hours pass like minutes when you’re with them, it’s a pretty clear sign you’re in love.
How Do You Know When You’re in Love — Physically?
Love often speaks through your body, making each touch and every glance feel more electric than before. These subtle physical reactions, these tiny sparks are signals from your body to your brain that something truly special is unfolding.
1. Your heart races when they’re near
A racing heart isn’t just a symptom you read about in romance novels. When you’re in love, your body releases dopamine, the “feel-good” chemical, which causes that heart-pounding excitement whenever they’re near. (Fun fact: Dopamine is addictive — it’s why we get attached to love so easily.)
In fact, in his book, Love, Sex, and Your Heart, Alexander Lowen explains, “When we feel lighthearted, all organs function better; when we feel heavyhearted, all organ systems are depressed.”[6]
So that light heart? It could be that physical sign you’re head over heels in love.
2. You’re nervous around them
When you find yourself in love, it’s normal to feel a bit on edge, but in a giddy, “I can’t believe this is happening,” sort of way.
We don’t get nervous around people we couldn’t care less about, do we? Nervousness is a sign you care, a clear sign you’re into someone a lot.
That fluttery buzz your body feels? Your sweaty palms? That blush you wish you could control? All clear physical manifestations of those deeper feelings.
3. You’re more energized around them
Being around someone you are in love with actually gives an extra pep in your step, boosting your inner energy.
Instead of feelings of fatigue, like you’re forcing yourself to be social, you may find that your time together makes you feel lighter, happier, and more upbeat.
It’s almost like a dose of caffeine from your favorite coffee order, but way better.
4. You find yourself smiling when you think of them
Love has a bit of a sneaky way of making your face light up, even when he’s absent. If you catch yourself smiling at the small moments because something might remind you of them, it’s a physical clue that they’re occupying a special place in your mind — and your heart.
Want to make him smile too? Send him a quick text that will have him grinning ear-to-ear.
5. You get “happy nerves” before seeing them
If you feel a mixture of excitement and jitters before a date, or even just hanging out, it’s a sign you’re feeling something deeper. In fact, there’s a scientific reason for that!
In a study of the neurobiology of love, researcher Zeki finds that when you’re in “the early stages of romantic love,” nerve growth factor, which affects neurons, is higher than in “those who are not in love or who have stable, long-lasting, relationships.”[7]
So those jitters you’re feeling aren’t from the three iced coffees you’ve had today — well, maybe it’s the coffee a bit. Still, your stomach is doing flips, you can’t digest any food, and you can’t wait for the next minute you get to spend with them because you’ve got it bad.
6. You feel calmer when they’re close
Sometimes, love doesn’t just bring butterflies; it can also bring a sense of calm. What can I say? Love loves a contradiction. When you spend time with someone you love, you feel calm and at ease, like all the stressors of your day fade away.
In their study of secure attachment styles and feeling safe, psychologists Gilbert et. al found “that feelings of safeness and contentment are key” to a healthy relationship.[8]
We’ve established that you’re nervous before a date, and even a little nervous when you’re around them, but as the evening grows long, you grow calmer and calmer as you begin to realize how safe you feel around this person.
When you’re feeling the inner sense of safety and peace, you’ve graduated from liking to loving. They’ve become your safe space.
7. Your body language changes
Body language is a powerful indicator of romantic interest. Research suggests that our nonverbal cues can reveal attraction and affection, often without conscious effort.
For instance, studies in social psychology have shown that mirroring behaviors — like copying someone’s gestures or posture — indicate empathy, connection, and interest.[9] Leaning in, maintaining eye contact, and orienting your body towards someone are also common signals of attraction.
Here are some other examples of body language to watch out for if you’re trying to diagnose yourself in love:
- Leaning in closer when they speak
- Facing your body directly towards them
- Unconsciously positioning yourself near them
- Touching or grazing their hand or arm
- Holding prolonged eye contact
- Smiling often and showing open expressions
- Adjusting your posture to be more open, like uncrossing arms
Learn to manage all these signs of love and mold them into a brilliant relationship with these dating tips for women.
What Does Love Feel Like?
Despite what the song says, “The Book of Love” is only a melody, not a physical handbook, and while love may not come with a manual, it does come with plenty of emotions — many of which may not make the most sense.
In his book, The Semiotics of Love, author Marcel Danesi explains, “The changes in facial expression, body language, etc. are physical manifestations of how the body-mind-culture continuum is shaped by the emotional power of love.”[10]
Sometimes you may feel warm and cozy, like snuggling up on the couch and starting a Netflix binge. Other times, it may feel a bit more intense, like the anticipation that may arise before a big concert.
However, at its core, love should be a mixture of comfort and excitement all rolled into one. It’s the emotional mix that makes you feel like you’ve met someone on another level.
What to Do About Being in Love
Maybe you’ve found yourself falling hard, but what comes next? Navigating new love can feel a little overwhelming, especially if you’re taking the time to figure out what to do with all these large and exciting feelings.
Take it slow
Slow and steady wins the race, and let’s be honest, rushing into things can cloud your judgment. Take a deep breath, enjoy the moment, and resist the urge to fast-forward through the stages of love. Real connection takes time, and there’s no need to hurry.
Communicate your feelings
Effective communication is essential for building a healthy foundation in the early stages of a relationship. Research highlights that open communication fosters trust, helps partners understand each other’s needs, and can prevent misunderstandings.
Studies show that couples who engage in honest and open dialogue from the beginning report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and are more likely to maintain a lasting bond.[11]
Embrace the uncertainty
Love isn’t always walking along a straight line. Sometimes, you’ll wonder if you are ready for the next step, questioning if they’re the one, or if these feelings will last.
Take time to sit with those questions and remember that a little uncertainty is part of the process. Love is not about having all of the answers — it’s about embracing the journey, together.
Focus on building a friendship first
The best relationships are rooted within friendship, so take the time to get to know each other on that deeper level, not simply through romantic moments but shared interests and everyday conversations. Friendship is the foundation that makes love feel secure and lasting.
This is not to say we promote the misguided notion that you should always be “friends first” if you want to build lasting love. That’s nonsense. But a couple should be friends as well as romantic partners.
According to psychologist Dr. John Gottman, friendship within a relationship is essential for long-term stability. His research indicates that a strong friendship is the foundation for trust, respect, and emotional intimacy, which are key factors in relationship satisfaction.
When partners know each other well beyond romantic aspects, they are better equipped to handle life’s ups and downs together, making the relationship more resilient.[12]
Don’t lose yourself
Don’t listen to Eminem. In a healthy relationship, it’s crucial to maintain your individuality. Research indicates that people who continue to nurture their own passions and friendships experience greater relationship satisfaction and emotional well-being.[13]
By staying connected to your own interests, you bring a sense of balance and self-fulfillment that ultimately benefits the relationship.
Psychologists refer to this concept as self-expansion theory, which suggests that personal growth within a relationship leads to greater happiness and resilience.[14] In fact, couples who encourage each other’s individual interests report higher satisfaction and lower rates of relationship burnout.
Love is about growing together but also maintaining a strong sense of self.
Celebrate the small moments
Not every moment needs to be a bold or grand gesture. It’s the little things — like a sweet and spontaneous text, sharing a laugh, or a cozy night in — that make love worth it.
Taking the time to really embrace and enjoy the small moments, these are where you’ll often find the heart of the relationship.
Practice patience
Be prepared that love, much like life, has its ups and downs. It will not always be a smooth ride. When challenges arise, teach yourself to practice patience.
Love is not about perfection; it’s about being present, even on the harder days. Take a breath and give each other the grace to grow and figure things out together.
Be open to surprises
Love is full of the most unexpected moments.
Sometimes, it may be a shared hobby you didn’t know you’d enjoy together. Other times, it may be something silly they do that makes you laugh.
Let go of any preconceived ideas of how love “should” look and let yourself stay open to the fun and surprising adventure that occurs when you fall for someone.
Learn each other’s love languages
Everyone gives and receives love differently. Learning the way you each show and receive love can help you connect a bit more deeply and love each other in ways that resonate for both of you.
Understanding each other’s love language can be transformative in a relationship. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, explains that “we all have an emotional love tank that needs to be filled.”
He emphasizes that when partners learn to speak each other’s love languages, it strengthens the connection and helps both feel more valued and understood.[15]
Here are Chapman’s love languages:
- words of affirmation
- acts of service
- receiving gifts
- quality time
- physical touch
Each language shows a unique way to express and experience love. Learning your partner’s love language can deepen your connection and help you show love in a way that feels most genuine and fulfilling for each of you.
Don’t overthink it
It’s too easy to be caught up in analyzing the little details, but love isn’t a big mystery case you need to solve — it’s something you need to feel . . . and do. Love is a verb.
Instead of overthinking every detail of what each gesture or word might mean, take the time to enjoy being in the moment together. Sometimes, the greatest thing you can do is relax and let things unfold naturally. Make every day about doing love and the rest will fall into place.
Conclusion
Falling in love is one of life’s greatest adventures — an exhilarating mix of excitement and vulnerability. Butterflies, a racing heart, and nervous energy are all part of the magic of knowing you love someone.
Savor each moment and let love add color to your life. It’s the journey that makes life richer and sweeter.
Ready for more advice about being in a relationship? Just follow the link!
FAQs
Do I love them or am I just attached?
You can tell you’re just attached to someone or their attention if you’re with them for fear of being alone or out of habit. True love is a matter of I need you because I love you rather than I love you because I need you.
Do I love them or am I just lonely?
You love them if being with them enhances your already fulfilling life. However, if their presence merely fills a void or wards off loneliness, you might be more drawn to the attention than to the person themselves.
What does real love look like?
Real love looks like everyday acts of trust, patience, and support. It’s consistently making time, listening, and building a foundation of respect and empathy. When you love someone, you want to show them affection and kindness every day, be around them as much as possible, and share your innermost self with them.
How can you tell if they love you?
You can tell they love you if they respect, listen to, and value you as an equal. Genuine affection and devotion are unmistakable signs of love. When they show up consistently, communicate honestly, and are there in the tough moments, they probably love you.
References
1. Burunat, E. (2016). Love is not an emotion. Psychology, 7, 1883–1910.
https://doi.org/10.4236/psych.2016.714173
2. Gable, S. L., Gonzaga, G. C., & Strachman, A. (2006). Will you be there for me when things go right? Supportive responses to positive event disclosures. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91(5), 904–917.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.91.5.904
3. Porter, L., Sandercock, L., Umemoto, K., Bates, L. K., Zapata, M. A., & Sandercock, L. (2012). What’s love got to do with it? Illuminations on loving attachment in planning. Planning Theory & Practice, 13(4), 593–627.
https://doi.org/10.1080/14649357.2012.731210
4. Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.
5. Righetti, F., & Impett, E. (2017). Sacrifice in close relationships: Motives, emotions, and relationship outcomes. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 11(10), e12342.
https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12342
6. Lowen, A. (2013). Love, sex, and your heart. Simon and Schuster.
7. Zeki, S. (2007). The neurobiology of love. FEBS Letters, 581(14), 2575–2579.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.febslet.2007.03.094
8. Gilbert, P., McEwan, K., Mitra, R., Franks, L., Richter, A., & Rockliff, H. (2008). Feeling safe and content: A specific affect regulation system? Relationship to depression, anxiety, stress, and self-criticism. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 3(3), 182–191.
https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760801999461
9. Chartrand, T. L., & Bargh, J. A. (1999). The chameleon effect: The perception-behavior link and social interaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(6), 893–910.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.76.6.893
10. Danesi, M. (2019). The Semiotics of love. Palgrave Macmillan, Cham.
11. Stafford, L. (2010). Communication competencies and long-distance romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 27(4), 544–563.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407510363426
12. Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. Harmony Books.
13. Aron, A., & Aron, E. N. (2000). Self-expansion motivation and including other in the self. In S. Duck (Ed.), The social psychology of personal relationships (2nd ed., pp. 251–270). John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
14. Aron, A., Lewandowski, G., Branand, B., Mashek, D., & Aron, E. (2022). Self-expansion motivation and inclusion of others in self: An updated review. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 39(12), 3821–3852.
https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075221110630
15. Chapman, G. (1995). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing.
