My coworker Emma, an extrovert, married introverted Daniel, surprising us all. Introverts and extroverts make great couples if the extrovert understands the signs of interest.
If you’re unsure about your introverted friend’s feelings, here are 15 signs they want to be your plus one forever.
When an Introvert Likes You
Unlike extroverts, introverts may not express their feelings face-to-face or ask you out on a date directly. They take a different approach.
Table of Contents
An article published in the International Journal of Research and Review discusses how “extraverts are high on positive effect, are effective communicators and enthusiastic. Whereas, introverts are quiet, reserved and introspective. They are not very communicative.”[1]
Extroverts are more like Jim Carrey with the mask on — gregarious, outgoing, and full of energy. If they like you, you’ll know it.
Introverts like doing things at their own pace, which might feel like forever to an extrovert.
Introverted guys might shy away from saying “Hi!” until they’re comfy with the person they’re crushing on. It’s unlikely he’ll just come out and say it, and even the signs that he likes you but is afraid to shoot his shot will be subtle.
Extroverts, on the other hand, will practically throw a party just to introduce themselves.
If an extrovert is crushing on you, he’ll shout out his feelings from the rooftop, while introverts prefer writing to express their feelings, like Rachel pouring her heart out to Ross in that 18-page letter.
Susan Cain writes in The Kindred Letters, “Introverts shower their affection on people they know and love. These are the people whose company is so dear and comfortable that introverts feel neither over-stimulated nor anxious in their presence.”[2].
Once an introverted man gets to know you and develops feelings for you, there are obvious signs he’s into you.
Spark Irresistible Attraction Between You and Him
Feeling like his attention is slipping away, but not sure if he’s just shy and introverted? It’s easy to wonder if he’s truly interested with an introvert. The truth is, signs of genuine interest often hide beneath the surface of his shyness.
But… there’s a simple but transformative approach that can unlock a level of connection that will put you before anything else in his life. When you understand how to tap into this, his desire for you will grow stronger than ever, and the bond between you will be undeniable.
Click here to discover the secret to building a deeper, more irresistible attraction so you’re his priority.
Signs an Introvert Likes You
He initiates conversation with you
For starters, introverts aren’t the most talkative people on the planet. It may come off as rude or snobby, but it’s just their style.
In fact, the taciturn nature of introverts can be explained by the neurotransmitter dopamine. According to author and introvert Jennifer Granneman, “When dopamine floods the brain, both introverts and extroverts become more talkative.”[3]
And while both introverts and extroverts have similar levels of dopamine, Granneman argues that “it is more active in the brains of extroverts than in the brains of introverts.”
Small talk just isn’t their thing. However, your introverted crush may speak more openly and enthusiastically if he likes you.
He shares personal information
Introverts spend a lot of time absorbed in their own thoughts, so if they make the effort to share personal details with you, they probably like you.
Researchers Grimes et al. explain inhibited introversion, reporting, “Introverts mostly keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves.”[4]
By sharing their likes and dislikes, their hobbies, strengths, and weaknesses, as well as their dreams and goals, they reveal they find you worthy of that information and feel safe with you.
He makes an effort to spend time with you
We all know introverts love solitude. Where extroverts are energized by social interaction, introverts find it draining.
Multiple studies support the conventional belief that introverts prefer to spend time alone.[5]
“Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.” – Criss Jami, American poet
However, introverts will step out of their comfort zone to spend time with those they enjoy being around as much as themselves.
They may even participate in activities they find miserable because you like them. If he surprises you with tickets to see your favorite band, even if large crowds aren’t his thing, girl, he’s got it bad.
Introverts have a close-knit circle of friends that includes their beloved books or their trusty cell phone. They cherish their personal space and only let their closest loved ones into their inner circle.
If you are SUPER special, they might even invite you into their secret sanctuary — a room with a bookshelf and the comfiest sofa, where you can binge Grey’s Anatomy, rewatch Titanic for the hundredth time, or get lost in the latest romantasy novel.
You are special to him, so he’ll go the extra mile to make you happy and feel valued, even if it means sacrificing his alone time.
He shows signs of nervousness around you
Another thing introverts are good at is hiding their lovey-dovey feelings for you, particularly if they don’t think you return them. But you can guess a lot from their body language and facial expressions.
You might notice a small blush or a shaky voice. They might even stumble over their words or fidget.
They’re nervous.
Because introverts don’t prioritize socializing, they’re not always the best at it, and that includes flirting.
Take pity on your timid Romeo.
Try to make him feel comfortable. Don’t ask awkward or embarrassing questions or he may never have the courage to talk to you again.
When it comes to flirting, or even just conversing, with introverts, sometimes it’s up to you to take the reins.
He remembers small details about you
Like Sherlock knowing everything about John by simply looking at his phone, an introvert will analyze your every move and interaction with precision.
Your introverted admirer will note the way you talk, the fake smile you put on when you’re pissed off, and even what’s likely to set you off in the first place.
For example, Nate in The Devil Wears Prada remembered Andy’s favorite flowers and how she liked her coffee. Of course she ditched her awful job for him in the end!
Introverts have excellent memories. According to the Huron University College Journal of Learning and Motivation, “Introverted individuals have higher cortical arousal levels thus enhancing memory consolidation and storage abilities.”[6]
Whatever the science behind it, you can count on an introvert to deduce your needs based on all the little details they remember about you, from your birthday to your childhood dog’s name.
He seeks your opinion and advice
Introverts have a rich internal voice, constantly whirring things around inside their heads, and this makes them great problem solvers.
They’re not only great at it, they’re superior. Indeed, researchers Kumar and Kapila, with Himachal Pradesh University in India, found that “introverts are superior to extraverts in terms of problem-solving.”[7]
Despite their status as being great problem solvers, an introvert might still ask for your opinion and advice when you matter to them and they respect you.
Even if you’re uncertain 99% of the time.
He shows his playful side around you
Don’t expect him to be a party animal.
Introverts usually keep a reserved and composed demeanor, especially in social settings. However, with people they truly like and trust they are totally different. An introvert will laugh out loud or crack the weirdest jokes when with their close friends but barely crack a smile in a group.
Only those they’re close to, those they trust as part of their inner circle, get to see the real person beneath their stoic exterior.
So, if you’re crushing on an introvert and they start showing you their silly side, inviting you into their special brand of weirdness, they might just like you back.
He defends and stands up for you
This one is a bit tricky because all the introverts in your life are protective, not just the ones who want to make you their passenger princess. Introverts are extremely loyal and committed. They won’t go all John Cena on anyone but they will surely stand by you.
If your introvert crush comes to your defense the next time Chad from research and development calls your ideas “sophomoric,” it might be a sign they like you.
Then again, it might be a sign that everyone but Chad knows Chad is a d-bag.
Their protective nature speaks volumes about their feelings. It’s their unique way of showing they’re smitten. Consider yourself a lucky girl. You’ve got a silent guardian who puts your well-being above his own.
He makes eye contact and smiles at you
Eye contact and smiling are a sign of respect and kindness from anyone, but from an introvert they mean even more.
You might even catch your introverted devotee secretly gazing at you when you’re not looking.
Try to decode the smile they give you too. If they’re smiling with their eyes (smizing, thank you Tyra Banks) and maintaining direct eye contact, they want you to see what’s behind their shy exterior.
Eye contact is also a sign that you and what you have to say are important to them. John Liptak, in his book Succeeding as an Introvert, writes, “Introverts reduce eye contact when speaking to focus on collecting words and thoughts. Eye contact increases when introverts are listening to take in information.”[8]
As you can see, eye contact can say a lot about an introvert’s intentions. So don’t let it — or his sweet smiles — go unnoticed.
He actively listens and engages in your conversations
Another appealing thing about introverts is their attentive listening skills. Even your besties would need a recap to catch all the details he picked up.
In their study of introverted and extroverted students, Muharrami et al. found evidence supporting the widespread assumption that introverts are better listeners than extroverts.[9]
But while introverts are good listeners, they don’t like to waste time on people they find boring or don’t care about. If an introverted guy is truly interested in you, he’ll stick around and listen to you rather than flee or brag about his expensive car.
These small but significant details show just how deeply he cares and how badly he’s got it for you.
He shows physical affection in subtle ways
Look. No woman wants unsolicited touch from a rando. But if you’re close with an introverted guy and wondering if he’s interested in taking it further, pay attention to his small touches.
Introverts have a subtle flirting style. Maybe he puts his hand on the small of your back when he holds a door for you. Or maybe he presses his leg against yours under the table on drinks nights. Or he might lean closer or sneak popcorn from your bag while you watch your favorite film together.
His affection softly unfolds, gradually revealing his heartfelt sentiments through meaningful actions.
He creates opportunities for one-on-one time
If your introvert keeps turning up in places you don’t usually see him, the dude has a crush on you. That’s just how introverts are — secret agents, always on a mission to find that perfect one-on-one interaction.
He might time his coffee break to match yours, suggest walking home together after work, offer to help fix your car, or even join your gym. If you notice him struggling with the squat rack because he’s never set foot in the gym before, he’s there to see you, and he’s hoping to grab a cup of coffee afterwards.
If he keeps finding reasons to be around you, seeking quiet moments to talk to you, he totally likes you.
He confides in you about his challenges
Introverts prefer handling their challenges alone. They take time to process things and attempt to fix their problems without anyone looking on, judging their methods or choices.
However, if they trust you, they’ll tell you what’s really bugging them. Whether it’s a promotion at work or pressure to participate in the family business, they’ll share their challenges and dreams with you.
Introverts share their vulnerabilities with the people they trust the most.
They may appear guarded and reserved in the beginning, but if they have a sweet spot for you, they’ll start showing their true self, including their quirks and deeper thoughts — and even their struggles.
He shows genuine interest in your passions and goals
The most tempting part of falling in love is getting to share all your passions and interests with someone. Thank goodness you found an introvert. Your introverted admirer will show you how much he cares about your passions and goals through his thoughtful actions.
Let’s say you’re nuts about photography. Your introverted fella might surprise you with a waterproof camera cover he stumbled on at a flea market, knowing you would love it. Or the time he got you a fitness tracker during your weight-loss journey. Let’s say you’re training for a marathon. Your guy might send you articles about carb-loading and stretching.
The fact is whatever your thing is, he wants to be in on it. Maybe not adopt it as his thing, too, but he wants to hear all about it. An introvert will invest in your dreams as if they were their own, creating a powerful and empathetic relationship.
He makes an effort to connect with your friends and family
Introverts find social interaction exhausting and face new social interactions with trepidation. So for the introvert in love, connecting with someone else’s family is like walking on a minefield blindfolded.
But if he’s really into you, he’ll do it. He wants a future with you.
He may get nervous but he’ll make a valiant effort to mingle with your folks. But whether it’s a Christmas party or your dad’s 80th birthday, he’ll be around to let you know how much you mean to him.
When You Like an Introvert
Introverts have a unique allure due to their mysterious nature and deep insights, quixotic and enigmatic to the end. It’s these qualities that make introverts appealing to others.
You want to unpeel the layers.
Laurie Helgoe, author of Introvert Power explains why we find introverts so irresistible.
She writes, “Introversion is very compelling in the outer world. Visit a portrait gallery, and notice the faces that draw you in. The Mona Lisa poses, even smiles a bit, but she doesn’t give it all away. She sits regally and calmly. Her portrait captures the beauty of introversion. And she gets noticed.”[10]
But you better show that introvert you like them! Keep in mind, if you’re an introvert, too, they’ve got no idea what’s going on in your head.
Remember, Jane Bennet was mad for Bingley, but no one could tell — and she almost lost him because of it.
Don’t ignore the introvert, or they’ll forget you exist. Speak to them, smile at them, engage with them.
Introverts love passion, so talk about something you’re passionate about. You might even find you share the same passions.
If you come across an introvert at a party, the odds are they’re uncomfortable and would prefer to be at home with their cat. So try to make them comfortable and help them have a good time!
A good bet is to talk about plants. You can’t lose.
This is the best way to show an introvert you like them.
Conclusion
You don’t need a tarot reading to know if an introverted fellow secretly likes you or not.
By paying close attention to the signs, you can easily figure out what’s going on in his head.
If he prefers your company over his own solitude, tries out something new to make you feel special, finds small ways to touch you, and remembers every detail about you, odds are he’s got it bad for you.
Handle your new introvert carefully and he’ll reward you with dedication and intimacy for years to come.
Interested in learning more about starting a relationship? Check out our page here.
FAQs: Decoding the Introvert’s Heart
How do you tell if an introvert is flirting with you?
You can tell if an introvert is flirting with you if they text frequently or linger near you. They’ll maintain eye contact and try to get you into deep conversations or share personal stories, even the silly ones. They might try to subtly touch you or ask you details about your passions and goals.
How do you know if an introverted guy is not interested?
You know if an introverted guy is not interested in you if he avoids one-on-one interactions with you or gives you short responses. He’ll make no eye contact or effort to connect with you. Introverts typically don’t spend time or energy on people they don’t like.
How do you know if an introvert likes you?
You know if an introvert likes you when they express their affection through small gestures or acts of kindness. They’ll share their personal thoughts and show genuine interest in your life. They may also invite you to connect one-on-one or try to be alone with you. They will make every effort to connect with you on a deeper level.
References
1. Jain, A., & Singh, S. (2019). Relationship between extraversion and relationship satisfaction. International Journal of Research and Review, 6(6), 94–96.
https://d1wqtxts1xzle7.cloudfront.net/63561343/IJRR001620200608-64617-q9jjp6-libre.pdf?1591608513=&response-content-disposition=inline%3B+filename%3DRelationship_between_Extraversion_and_Re.pdf&Expires=1720479873&Signature=Dn2xFCLjjfukY6MNc47F-JAn9H8IFA9cwC6hcMQhvu2WHt0qp7cR04EvLP3BeEwAwc7e7YDxRiwZ8lPvswlBDUf~owvnlNoFojz5pxrhcgprpiGP7-uAe6b529MFDLFgw~Ii6e52h1p-5QDDb7~nWXNHq7zQBy5TAMqXgSJCt9WGj04CHjuL8bMwSDuXCYEVFzM5wNgY6JnFd1yxpJzsKq~7ssWCr6nm~tTq8uLotYcy8WSa2uVjhsp49VwyCUgsaPstH7VT~n~cFQrdhyadnKKlhZczpm3YEX9OVsYbpFXmm4~OfSF-IOiuZoyNttmpsfhFBc50Daf48auDrZJ9sw__&Key-Pair-Id=APKAJLOHF5GGSLRBV4ZA
2. Cain, S. (2023, April 13). 5 ways for introverts to socialize (happily & authentically). The Kindred Letters.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/5-ways-introverts-socialize-happily-authentically-susan-cain/?trackingId=4seDSZCqTnGigtdXMaIDsw%3D%3D
3. Granneman, J. (2015). Why introverts and extroverts are different: The science. Quiet Revolution, December, 21.
https://quietrev.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Why-Introverts-and-Extroverts-Are-Different-The-Science-by-Jennifer-Grannerman.pdf
4. Grimes, J., Cheek, J., & Norem, J. (2011, January 31–February 1). Four meanings of introversion: Social, thinking, anxious, and inhibited introversion (Conference presentation). Society for Personality and Social Psychology Annual Meeting, San Antonio, TX, United States.
https://scottbarrykaufman.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Introversion_4_domains_SPSP_2011_Grimes__Cheek___Norem-libre.pdf
5. Zelenski, J. M., Sobocko, K. & Whelan, D. C. (2013). Introversion, solitude, and subjective well-being. In R.J. Coplan and J.C. Bowker (Eds.). The Handbook of Solitude: Psychological Perspectives on Social Isolation, Social Withdrawal, and Being Alone. John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.
https://doi.org/10.1002/9781118427378.ch11
6. Simpson, C. (2007). The relationship between extraversion-introversion on memory task performance. The Huron University College Journal of Learning and Motivation, 45(1).
https://ojs.lib.uwo.ca/index.php/hucjilm/article/download/7797/6413
7. Kumar, D., & Kapila, A. (1987). Problem solving as a function of extraversion and masculinity. Personality and Individual Differences, 8(1), 129–132.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0191886987900201
8. Liptak, J. (2021). Succeeding as an introvert. bookboon.
https://hservers.org/kobo/BookBoon/Self%20Confidence/succeeding-as-an-introvert.pdf
9. Muharrami, M. L., Setiyadi, A. B., & Hasan, H. (2013). A comparative study between introvert and extrovert students personality in listening achievement. U-JET, 2(8).
https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/291530607.pdf
10. Helgoe, L. A. (2013). Introvert power: Why your inner life is your hidden strength. Sourcebooks.
