Are you in a relationship for the “likes”? In our increasingly isolating yet plugged-in world, it’s often hard to tell if you have genuine feelings for someone or if you just want attention.
If he wants to take things further and you aren’t sure, you need to ask yourself, “Do I like him or the attention?”
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Do I Like Him or the Attention? How to Tell If You Actually Like Someone
So, you’re feeling it, but what exactly is “it”? Is he making your heart flutter or is it the buzz of your phone? Here are some clear signs to help you know if you’re truly interested in him.
1. You’re interested in who he is, not just what he does for you
When you genuinely like someone, you’re curious about who they are beyond the surface. You want to know their hopes, their dreams, their quirks. You’re interested in their hobbies, their favorite books, and their past experiences.
It’s not just about what they do for you; it’s about who they are as a person.
You’ll find yourself asking questions and actively listening to the answers. You’ll want to share your own stories and find common ground. You’ll feel a genuine connection based on shared values and interest.
This genuine curiosity is a strong sign that you’re truly into him.
2. You enjoy spending time with him
Sure, fancy dinners and big gestures are great, but if you can just hang out on the couch watching Netflix or run errands together and still enjoy his company, that says a lot.
It’s not just about the excitement or how he “wows” you — it’s about appreciating him, even in those laid-back, no-frills moments. When you find comfort and fun in just being around him, it’s a good sign your connection runs deeper.
3. You care about his happiness
When you undeniably care about someone, you want to see them happy and fulfilled. You’re invested in their well-being and want to support their goals. You’re not just focused on how they make you feel; you’re genuinely concerned about their happiness.
You’ll celebrate their successes and offer comfort during tough times. You’ll encourage their dreams and help them overcome challenges. If you see this in how you feel about your man, this genuine care and support is a strong sign that you’re truly into him.
4. You think about a future with him
You’re starting to imagine what it’d be like to share your life with him, whether it’s planning a dream vacation, thinking about how he’d fit into your circle of friends, or even picturing what life could look like long-term.
It’s less about the butterflies he’s giving you in the moment and more about seeing him as part of your actual future. When you start wondering if he could be a real partner, not just someone who’s good for now, that’s when you know it’s serious.
You’re thinking beyond the present — and that’s a pretty big deal.
5. You want to introduce him to your people
When you actually like someone and not just the idea of them, you want to share them with the people you care about most. You’re excited to introduce them to your friends and family and you can’t wait to see how they get along.
It’s a sign that you’re serious about the relationship and that you see a future with this person.
You’ll want to show him off to your loved ones and hear what they think of him. You’ll be proud to have him as part of your life, and you’ll want to share the joy and excitement you feel with the people who matter most to you.
6. You feel comfortable being yourself
When you’re around him, you don’t feel the need to act differently, put on a show, or hide parts of your personality. Instead, you can relax and be the real you — whether that means sharing your quirky habits, like spending your Sundays in your ratty old sweatpants, or reciting all the lines while you watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
Feeling this level of comfort shows there’s trust and emotional safety in the relationship, which is key to a strong connection.
Research published in Advances in Experimental Social Psychology proves that “authentic individuals are more likely to engage in meaningful and honest self-disclosure, fostering intimacy and mutual understanding.”[1]
So, if you’re letting your guard down around him and feeling good about it, that’s a pretty solid sign you’re into him for real.
7. You’re physically attracted to him
When you genuinely like someone, there’s a spark, a connection that goes beyond the surface. These signs of mutual attraction is a physical response that can’t be faked.
You’ll find yourself getting butterflies in your stomach or feeling a jolt of excitement when you see him, even when he’s doing something totally mundane, like scarfing down pizza or belting out terrible karaoke, and you still find him irresistible. If this is all true for you, your attraction is real.
Just don’t get too carried away with the physical stuff; remember, there’s more to a relationship than just physical attraction.
8. You notice the little things
When you’re really into someone, you start noticing all these little details about them. It’s like you’ve suddenly got Sherlock Holmes-level observation skills, but only for this one person.
You find yourself smiling at the way he scrunches his nose when he laughs or how he always holds the door open for strangers. You notice his go-to order at your favorite coffee shop or the way he fidgets with his keys when he’s nervous.
It’s not just the big, obvious stuff that catches your eye. You’re tuned in to his subtle jokes, the quiet way he shows he cares, or that weird dance he does when he’s cooking.
These aren’t things you’re actively looking for. They just stick with you, because somehow, all these tiny quirks and habits add up to make him . . . him. And you’re kind of loving all of it.
9. You feel a genuine connection
When you genuinely like someone, you feel a deep connection. Conversations flow naturally, and you feel understood and heard.
You know that feeling when you’re talking and suddenly it’s 2 a.m. and you’re wondering where the time went? That’s what I’m talking about. You can chat about anything — from your deepest fears to your silliest childhood memories — and it just feels . . . easy.
There’s this sense of “getting” each other that goes beyond just nodding and smiling. You finish each other’s sentences, share inside jokes, and sometimes you don’t even need words to communicate.
10. You’re willing to make sacrifices
It’s not all about you anymore — you’re open to compromising and making adjustments to make the relationship work.
Maybe it’s giving up some of your free time to hang out with him or being flexible with plans to accommodate his schedule. It doesn’t feel like a chore, either — you’re genuinely okay with these little sacrifices because you care about the relationship.
You want to see him happy, and if that means tweaking things a bit, you’re down for it. When you find yourself considering his needs alongside your own, that’s a pretty strong sign your feelings are real.
Do I Actually Like Him? Signs You Just Like the Attention
Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in the compliments and the thrill of someone wanting you, but that doesn’t always mean you’re genuinely interested in him. It’s important to be honest with yourself about what’s really going on.
Let’s break down some signs that you might be more into the attention than the guy himself.
1. You’re more excited about his compliments than him
Maybe it’s the sweet messages, the way he boosts your confidence, or how he’s always praising you — but here’s the thing: It’s the compliments that have you hooked, not the guy.
You’re not daydreaming about spending time with him or learning more about who he is; instead, you’re waiting for the next ego boost. While feeling good about yourself is great, ask yourself: If he stopped with the constant praise, would you still be interested?
If the compliments are the highlight and not the person behind them, it means you’re more into how he makes you feel than actually liking him.
2. You’re afraid of being alone
Sometimes, we cling to someone not because we’re head over heels but because we’re scared of flying solo. It’s like, you’d rather scroll through his texts than face the dreaded “single” status on your social media.
You might find yourself reaching out when you’re bored on a Friday night or panicking at the thought of not having a plus-one for your cousin’s wedding. It’s not about him — it’s about not being alone.
In her study, aptly called “Settling for Less out of Fear of Being Single,” Dr. Stephanie Spielmann says that “this isolophobia can be caused by traumatic experiences, family history, childhood adversity (such as parental divorce or death in the family), or genetic predisposition.”[2]
She adds that “people who fear being single may remain committed to unsatisfying relationships, prioritizing relationship status over quality.”
If that sounds familiar, it’s possible you’re more into the attention than the actual relationship, and you may be looking for love for all the wrong reasons.
3. You crave the attention when you feel insecure
Maybe you had a bad day at work or you’re feeling bloated and gross. Suddenly, his “Hey beautiful” text feels like an emotional equivalent of a mouthful of Vermont’s finest ice cream.
You find yourself reaching out, not because you’re dying to hear about his day, but because you need that hit of validation. Is that enough to build a real connection? Do you reach out when you’re in a good place, or just when you’re feeling a bit off?
4. You’re more focused on how he makes you look to others
If updating your relationship status and posting photos of you together is more important to you than actually hanging out with the guy, you might be in it for the wrong reasons.
You might be into the idea of having someone around, someone who makes you seem desirable or “couple goals,” but deep down, the emotional bond just isn’t there. Ask yourself: Do you care about getting to know him, or do you care more about how people see you together?
If the thought of losing this “high-value man” bums you out because he’s hot or successful and makes you look good, it’s probably more about the image than the relationship itself.
5. You don’t see a future with him
You’re having fun with this guy, sure. The flirty texts, the cute dates — it’s all great at the moment. But when you think about the long term, he’s not really in the picture.
If the idea of committing down the road feels off, but you’re still sticking around for the compliments or playful banter, it’s worth asking yourself what’s really keeping you interested. Maybe it’s just that boost of excitement in the moment, not something deeper.
6. You enjoy the chase but lose interest when he’s available
When he’s a little hard to get, it’s exciting — you’re hooked on the idea of winning him over. But as soon as he’s all in, ready to commit, suddenly the excitement fades, and you start pulling away.
You find yourself taking longer to reply to his messages or making excuses not to hang out. The thrill is gone, and so is your interest.
It’s not uncommon to enjoy the thrill of the chase, but if you consistently feel less interested once he reciprocates, it’s worth thinking about why.
7. You only think about him when he reaches out
When he’s not texting or calling, he doesn’t really cross your mind — out of sight, out of mind. But the moment he messages you, suddenly you’re excited again.
It’s almost like he’s there to fill the gaps of boredom or give you an ego boost when you need it. When you’re actually into someone, you’re thinking about them even when they’re not texting, wondering how their day is going or looking forward to seeing them.
8. You’re not willing to compromise
He wants to hang out, but it’s not exactly what you had in mind, so you bail. Or maybe he’s asking for a little more of your time, but you’re not willing to budge on your schedule.
When you truly like someone, you’re open to making little sacrifices or adjustments to make things work.
But if you’re not ready to bend, whether it’s about plans, interests, or time, maybe it’s because you’re not that invested. You enjoy the attention, sure, but when it comes to putting in the effort to meet him halfway, it feels like too much.
9. You feel the need to keep him interested
Instead of just being yourself and letting things flow naturally, you’re always trying to impress him — whether it’s dressing a certain way, planning exciting dates, or keeping conversations super engaging.
It’s almost like you’re performing to make sure he stays interested.
But when you genuinely like someone, you don’t feel the need to put on a show. You’re comfortable being yourself, knowing that the right person will appreciate you for who you are, not for how well you can keep their attention.
This behavior also affects your mental health. According to research published in the Blackwell Handbook of Social Psychology, “people who are overly concerned with maintaining others’ interest often have lower self-esteem and higher anxiety.”[3]
It’s time to explore why you need other people’s approval and find ways to build yourself up so you don’t turn to superficial relationships.
10. You’re not interested in his life
When you really like someone, you naturally want to know more about them. You ask about their day, listen when they talk about their passions, and care about what’s important to them.
So, if you find yourself zoning out when he shares something personal, or you don’t bother asking questions, it’s a sign that you’re not invested in who he is. You might just enjoy the way he makes you feel when he’s showering you with attention.
Why Do I Fall in Love With Every Guy Who Gives Me Attention?
It’s easy to get swept up in the thrill of someone noticing you, but that excitement can sometimes cloud your judgment. Here’s a list of reasons why you might be falling for every guy who showers you with affection.
1. Validation seeking: You may crave validation and reassurance from others, and when a guy shows interest, it boosts your self-esteem. This can create a false sense of connection based solely on the attention.
2. Romantic ideals: If you have a tendency to idealize romance, any display of interest can be seen as a potential fairy tale. This can lead you to jump to conclusions about love based on superficial interactions.
3. Attention over substance: You enjoy the excitement of being pursued more than the substance of a real connection. The thrill of the chase can feel intoxicating, making it easy to ignore any red flags.
4. Fear of loneliness: The fear of being alone can drive you to latch onto anyone who expresses interest, making it easy to confuse attention for affection. You feel that any attention is better than none, leading to false emotional attachment.
5. Insecurity: When you’re feeling insecure about yourself, attention from a guy can feel like a balm. You cling to that attention as a way to temporarily fill emotional voids, leading to infatuation.
6. Lack of self-awareness: Sometimes, not being fully aware of your own emotional needs can lead to confusion. If you’re unsure of what you want in a relationship, any attention can feel significant.
7. Desire for connection: Human beings crave connection, and any sign of affection can trigger those desires. This natural inclination can lead to premature feelings of love based on fleeting interactions.
8. Past experiences: Previous relationships may have conditioned you to associate attention with love. If you’ve felt neglected in the past, you might overvalue attention as a sign of commitment or interest.
9. Escapism: Getting swept up in new crushes can serve as a distraction from your daily life or stressors. Falling for someone new can be an easy escape, but it often lacks a solid foundation.
10. Biological responses: The brain releases dopamine when you receive attention, creating feelings of pleasure and excitement. This chemical reaction can make it feel like love, even if it’s just a fleeting crush.
11. Idealization of partners: When someone shows you attention, you might project your ideal partner qualities onto them, creating an illusion of compatibility. This can lead to feelings of infatuation based on fantasy rather than reality.
12. Social media influence: The prevalence of social media can amplify the desire for attention. The more you see others in relationships, the more you might crave similar validation, leading to infatuation with anyone who shows interest.
Conclusion
Figuring out whether you like someone or if the attention is what you’re after can be tricky, but it’s super important for your emotional health. Once you have the answer, you can work on building up your self-esteem and embarking on meaningful relationships.
Take some time to reflect on your feelings and actions. Remember, it’s totally okay to enjoy attention, but it’s even better to build a real connection based on mutual respect and understanding.
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FAQ
Do I like him or the idea of him?
To know if you like him or the idea of him, you need to pay attention to your feelings when you’re actually with him. If you find yourself fantasizing about a future with him and you actually connect with him intimately, it’s a sign you like him. But if you struggle to connect with his real self, it might be the idea of him that you like.
Do I like him or am I just lonely?
To know if you like him or are just lonely, find out what triggers your need for attention. If your feelings for him intensify when you’re feeling lonely or isolated, it might be the loneliness driving your attraction. Ask yourself if you would still feel the same way if you had a strong support system.
How do I know if I really like him?
You know you really like him when you feel a genuine connection, enjoy spending time with him, and support his goals. You’re interested in his life and you feel comfortable and at ease in his presence. You imagine him in your future.
Do I like him or am I just attracted to him?
To find out whether you like him or you’re just attracted to him, you need to pay attention to your feelings. You might only enjoy his looks or charm without wanting to know him better. Do you want a deeper connection or are you just drawn to his appearance?
References
1. Kernis, M. H., & Goldman, B. M. (2006). A multicomponent conceptualization of authenticity: Theory and research. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 283–357.
https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(06)38006-9
2. Spielmann, S. S., MacDonald, G., Maxwell, J. A., Joel, S., Peragine, D., Muise, A., & Impett, E. A. (2013). Settling for less out of fear of being single. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 105(6), 1049.
https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/a0034628
3. Leary, M. R. (2003). The self we know and the self we show: Self‐esteem, self‐presentation, and the maintenance of interpersonal relationships. Blackwell Handbook of Social Psychology: Interpersonal Processes, 457–477.
https://doi.org/10.1002/9780470998557