Looking for signs a man is in love with you can sometimes feel like trying to decode an artificial intelligence algorithm. In other words, things can get complicated fast. Luckily, his feelings for you are more straightforward than advanced robotics.
11 Signs a Man Is Falling in Love
What you see is what you get with these signs a man is in love.
Table of Contents
1. He makes you a priority
The most glaringly obvious sign that a man is falling in love is that he prioritizes your relationship and quality time with you. Period. If he doesn’t go out of his way to make time for you (or always tries to get you to fit into his schedule without any compromise), he’s not into you.
That’s a relationship you don’t want to set sail on anyway.
And it’s important to understand because feelings and fluffy promises can blind you to what’s really going on. But if you look at his actions, one of the biggest signs a man loves you deeply is that you have a starring role in his life.
2. He stands up for you
Despite a lack of overwhelming scientific evidence, popular belief maintains that men have an innate biological and psychological drive to protect and provide for those they care for. He may not have to protect you from pillagers and saber-toothed tigers, but a man in love will still find a way to stand up for you.
As a result of this purported vigilance, his natural instincts will kick in the moment he sees his queen being treated poorly. So, if you want to know one of the primary actions of a man falling in love, look for his puffed-out chest and furrowed brow when someone crosses your boundary.
Whether it’s a backhanded comment from a relative or an unwanted advance from a stranger, a man who loves you will step in when you need him most. Defending your honor is one of the major signs a man is deeply in love.
A man who doesn’t care what happens to you certainly doesn’t love you. Explore the implications of the reverse, then. Sure, maybe he’s just a decent person. But in combination with these other signs, his protective instinct is a clear indication of his love and devotion.
There’s actually a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s getting a lot of buzz at the moment. It goes to the heart of the riddle about why men fall in love—and who they fall in love with.
The theory claims that men want to be your hero. That they want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide and protect her.
This is deeply rooted in male biology.
People are calling it the hero instinct. I wrote a detailed primer about the concept which you can read here.
The kicker is that a man won’t fall in love with you when he doesn’t feel like your hero.
He wants to see himself as a protector. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as an accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.
I know this might sound a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into our DNA to seek out relationships that allow us to feel like a protector.
If you would like to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free online video by the relationship psychologist who coined the term. He provides a fascinating insight into this new concept.
3. He’s emotionally available
While it may be hard for him initially, a man in love with you will show you his softer side. He’ll let you see parts of him that he hides from the world. This vulnerability comes when he feels strongly about your relationship.
According to an article published by the Cyprus Turkish Journal of Psychiatry & Psychology, vulnerability is a foundational aspect of fulfilling relationships.[1] As a result, an emotionally available man is one who loves you enough to be real about his feelings and emotions.
Here are a few signs of vulnerability a man may display when he starts falling for you:
- communicating with you more frequently
- sharing personal secrets
- opening up about his dreams and ambitions
- seeking your advice and counsel
- being honest about his feelings and insecurities
- apologizing when he’s in the wrong
If you catch these displays of vulnerability in your man’s behavior, it means he has a high level of trust in you. But more than that, he may be starting to fall for you and see more potential in your relationship.
Any man can sit with you and be physically present, but it takes a man who genuinely cares to engage that emotional side of himself and bring that to the surface for you.
4. He tries to resolve conflicts
A man who loves you won’t allow the two of you to go to bed angry with each other. Even if it takes all night, he’ll dig until he gets to the bottom of what’s upsetting you. There is a caveat to this, though.
You have to actually tell him you’re upset.
We love our guys, but let’s face it, they aren’t exactly Sherlock Holmes when it comes to picking up on clues and hints.
In fact, a study conducted by Agneta H. Fischer at the University of Amsterdam revealed that men have more difficulty understanding relational nuances. Fischer explains that “women are more sensitive to emotional refinements” than men, “but only when the cues are subtle or low intense.”[2]
So, if he’s done something to upset you, don’t hesitate to verbalize it. Like a lantern fish trying to find its way in the light, men can’t detect subtlety.
It can be tempting to assume that he “knows what he did” or that he’ll “figure it out.” Sorry bestie; he probably doesn’t, and he probably won’t.
If he loves you, all you have to do is communicate your frustration to him, and he’ll sit with you to untangle those emotional knots.
5. He apologizes when he’s wrong
When a man apologizes sincerely and promptly when he’s wrong, it’s a strong sign he values your relationship. Apologizing, especially when it involves putting his ego aside, shows that he values the relationship more than being “right.”
It shows emotional maturity and a deep commitment to resolving conflicts fairly. A sincere apology also helps mend broken trust.
And it doesn’t matter how strong the relationship is either. In all relationships, an apology is to forgiveness as oxygen is to fire.
In a 2012 study of 60 couples and their conflicts, “when an apology was absent, individuals who were highly satisfied with their relationships were no more forgiving of their partners than individuals who were relatively less satisfied with their relationships.”[3]
We all know that apologizing isn’t as easy as it sounds. A man who readily apologizes values you and probably loves you.
6. He talks about the future
Although you may see instances where he tries to play it cool, a guy who’s into you won’t be able to help himself. He’s down to define the relationship. He’ll talk about the future by bringing up date ideas or mentioning outings that would take place months down the line. He may even ask where you see yourself in the future.
This is him trying to determine if you see a future with him in it. He’s testing the waters to see how you feel about him and the relationship. So, be on the lookout for any indicators of “future talk.”
A guy who isn’t excited about being with you will never bring up the topic of exclusivity or a trip to Iceland. However, if he begins dropping ideas or even suggestions about future plans or trips, that’s a clear indication that his attraction and love for you are growing.
7. He communicates regularly
A lack of communication sucks, and it can make you feel unappreciated. A guy who loves you, though, is not going to leave you hanging. Granted, he may get busy sometimes, so it’s important to be patient and not jump to conclusions.
But he’ll never intentionally leave you on read.
If he can’t reply within a reasonable time, he’ll be apologetic about it when he does have the time to get back to you. Ultimately, this comes down to a healthy level of respect. A man who loves you will not string you along with silly games or manipulation.
Whether it’s a simple text or a long phone call, his efforts to stay in touch are a clear sign that he’s fallen for you. Love doesn’t always come in big gestures — it’s often found in those small, everyday check-ins that build trust and closeness.
8. He finds you fascinating
Another one of the signs he’s falling for you is that he moves beyond the surface-level interactions. He wants to truly know you for who you are, your hopes, your dreams, and what makes you tick.
This usually takes the form of more intimate and probing questions. It’s not to “interrogate” you, but rather, he wants to learn all about you.
According to the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, being naturally curious about a partner is “the genesis of intimacy.”[4] And building intimacy is essential to a loving relationship.
This man who’s in love with you will want to know all about the things you like, watching your favorite movies and listening to Taylor Swift’s full discography just to understand why you listen to it on repeat.
So, if he barrages you with questions and gets involved in things you like, it’s a giant flashing green flag and a sign that he has fallen madly in love.
9. He wants to make you happy
He cracks jokes to lighten your mood, listens to make sure you feel heard, praises you to show his affection, all the best stuff — these are the actions of a man in love.
Your happiness becomes his joy. The happier you are in the relationship, the more he feels he’s doing a good job as your man.
Here are a few things a man who loves you may do to make you happy:
- Plan surprise dates: Whether it’s a stargazing picnic or a themed movie night, a man who cares will take the initiative to plan surprise dates to make you feel special.
- Cook your favorite meal: Yes, he may mess up the ingredients or butcher the presentation of the dish, but it’s the thought that counts, right?
- Be open and honest: He’ll practice open and honest communication with you. Even if it’s uncomfortable, he tells the truth to preserve your trust and keep your relationship healthy.
- Communicate how he feels: Many men struggle with communicating their feelings. So, you may have to help him out here. Make him feel like he’s in a safe place where he won’t be judged for his emotions, and he’ll open up to you a lot more freely.
- Adjust to your love language: Whether it’s physical touch, gifts, or acts of service, making you happy sometimes means learning to love you the way you want to be loved.
In the end, all he really wants is to be the Jay-Z to your Beyonce. And he’ll do whatever he can to earn that status marker in your life.
10. He wants everyone to know about you
A man who loves you will want everyone to know about it. He’ll want to introduce you to his family, brag about you to his friends, and talk you up to his colleagues.
According to a study published in Evolutionary Psychological Science, “Romantic partners function as hard-to-fake signals of status, and men are concerned about signaling their status to both other men and to other women.”[5]
So, if he makes an effort to introduce you to his inner circle, congratulations Hot Stuff, he thinks you’re fantastic.
This doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to “show you off” like a new Rolex or Armani suit. Yes, there may be some vanity attached to it, but the underlying principle is that he takes pride in you.
And honestly, can you really blame him for wanting to show off his fine taste in women?
11. He exhibits healthy doses of jealousy
When a man exhibits jealousy in healthy doses (emphasis on the healthy), it can be a subtle sign that he has strong feelings for you. This isn’t the possessive, controlling jealousy that raises red flags; instead, it’s the mild, natural unease that comes when he cares deeply and wants to protect the relationship.
He may feel slightly uncomfortable with attention you receive from another man, but he respects your independence and boundaries. It’s his way of showing that your connection matters to him and he’s invested enough to feel a twinge of jealousy.
However, it’s important to distinguish between this healthy, normal emotion and unhealthy possessiveness, as the latter can lead to toxic relationships.
4 Signs He’s Falling for You
Contrary to the “love-at-first-sight” paradigm perpetuated by romantic comedies, most true love takes time. A man needs to understand who you are as a person before he feels comfortable uttering those three magic words.
If a man confesses his undying love for you after only knowing you a few hours or days, that’s a red alert. This is a sign of love bombing, which is often a precursor to dating abuse. Shut it down.
However, if it’s in the early days and you feel like he hasn’t fallen for you yet, here are some subtle signs that he’s beginning to.
He starts giving you more attention
It doesn’t matter if it’s a faster response time for his text messages or more gift-giving; a dude who’s falling for you will up the ante.
He’ll give you more attention and also seek more of yours. He’ll make time for you (even if he’s busy), call and text more often, and find reasons to reach out.
He’s hot and cold
Does he act weird around you? And go hot and cold like a flick of the switch?
Now, being hot and cold isn’t a sign that he loves you — but it’s not necessarily a sign that he definitely doesn’t.
Men go cold and pull away suddenly all the time. What you have to do is get inside his head and figure out why.
The truth is most women don’t know what men are thinking, what they want in life, and what they really crave from a relationship.
And the reason is simple.
Male and female brains are biologically different. For instance, the limbic system is the emotional processing center of the brain and it’s much larger in the female brain than in a man’s.
That’s why women are more in touch with their emotions. And why guys can struggle to process and understand their feelings.
Have you ever been let down by an emotionally unavailable man before? Blame his biology rather than him.
To stimulate the emotional part of a man’s brain, you have to communicate with him in a way that he’ll actually understand.
Because there are certain things you can say to him that will supercharge his interest in you.
I learnt about this from relationship expert Amy North. You can watch her excellent free video here.
In her video, Amy North reveals exactly what to say to a man to make him want to commit to a deep and passionate relationship with you. These words work surprisingly well on even the coldest and most commitment-phobic men.
Amy is different from all the other relationship “gurus” out there. Smart, straightforward and relatable for the average woman, she has developed an enormous fan base through her books and YouTube channel.
If you want to learn science-based techniques to attract men and get them to commit to you, check out her free video here.
He starts remembering things about you
Granted, he may not remember all the details you share, but let’s give the guy some credit.
Remembering even simple things such as your first-date anniversary or the details of a project you’ve been assigned at work means he’s been paying attention.
And if you have attention, you also have his interest.
He starts teasing you playfully
Forget the idea that playfulness is reserved only for school children. Adult love is supposed to be playful and fun. Who wants to grow old and gray with a partner who doesn’t know how to have a good time? Boooring.
According to an article in Social and Personality Compass, there’s actually a connection between a couple’s playfulness with one another and the quality of their relationship. Authors Brauer et al. argue that playfulness is “a resource that contributes to solving tension, enhancing communication, and strengthening positive experiences within couples.”[6]
They further explain that “being playful elicits positive emotions, which helps people to build and strengthen social bonds.”
So, not only is a knack for playfulness a good quality to find in a man, but it’s also one of the clear signs he’s falling for you.
Signs He Doesn’t Have Feelings for You
While it’s important to maintain a positive perspective when you experience feelings of doubt in your relationship, it’s also important to be realistic.
And the truth is that sometimes relationships run their course, and the spark simply fizzles out. When this happens, you may, naturally, move into denial. However, if you bottom-line his actions, you can usually make a pretty accurate case for how he feels about you.
Here are a few signs that he may not be interested (or may be losing interest).
He’s closed off emotionally
This is a glaring red flag. An emotionally closed-off man is falling out of love — or, more likely, was never in love in the first place.
He may not have the spirit to say it verbally, but emotionally, he can’t help but communicate his feelings. And picking up on the subtle cues is important in these instances.
By recognizing the patterns early, you can make a clean break and save yourself a lot of unnecessary pain.
I know that may not be what you want to hear.
However, it’s better to cut your losses early on rather than hold on to false hope and wish for things to improve. You can waste a lot of time in that kind of situation.
He uses negative body language
Mental and emotional health expert Jon Deloney says, “Behavior is a language.”[7] Arms crossed over his chest, lack of eye contact, and his body facing away from you are all negative body language signs that communicate he’s just not feeling it.
As gut-wrenching as this can feel, it’s clear communication that his feelings are shallow.
If you’ve tried communicating with him and he hasn’t opened up or changed his behavior, giving him some space is a good idea. Sometimes, time apart can be the perfect tool for reattracting him when he’s gone cold.
But if things still don’t improve, you have to pull the plug on the relationship.
He never initiates contact
Going from a flurry of text messages to crickets is not a good sign.
If you find that his contact initiation has taken a nose dive, that’s a clear indication that so has his love. Contact initiation is more than an act; it’s a signal of interest.
And when it begins to taper, a red warning alarm should be going off in your head. It doesn’t mean you should throw out his belongings or unfollow him on social media.
But it is an indicator that you should be more observant of his behavior, and, if it continues, communicate your concerns with him.
Conclusion
The bottom line is that love is a behavior as much as it is a feeling.
Being mindful of the signs a man is in love will allow you to see where you stand, giving you more peace of mind.
Looking for advice on being in a relationship? We have a whole page for that — check out the link.
FAQs
Does he really love me or is he playing me?
To know if he really loves you or is just playing you, pay attention to his actions more than his words. A man who loves you won’t try to play with your emotions. He’ll make you a priority and build intimacy and a future with you.
How to know if a guy is serious about you?
To know if a guy is serious about you, focus on one thing: his behavior. Regardless of how sweet and loving his words sound, they mean nothing if his actions don’t match them. A guy who’s serious will introduce you to his family, make time for you in his busy schedule, and listen to you attentively.
How does a man act when he is secretly in love?
When a man is secretly in love, he may show signs of nervousness and distraction. Clear signs that a man is in love include prioritizing time with his partner, talking about a future with them, and making romantic gestures.
References
1. İçinde, R. Geliştirmede, Ö. Rolü, K. (2021, November 17). The Key Role of Vulnerability in Developing Authentic Connections in Romantic Relationships: Cyprus Turkish Journal of Psychiatry & Psychology.
https://dergipark.org.tr/en/download/article-file/2009749
2. Fischer, A. H., Kret, M. E., & Broekens, J. (2018). Gender differences in emotion perception and self-reported emotional intelligence: A test of the emotion sensitivity hypothesis. PLOS ONE, 13(1), e0190712.
https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0190712
3. Schumann, K. (2012). Does love mean never having to say you’re sorry? Associations between relationship satisfaction, perceived apology sincerity, and forgiveness. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29(7), 997–1010.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407512448277
4. Kashdan, T., & Roberts, J. (2004). Trait and state curiosity in the genesis of intimacy: Differentiation from related constructs. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 23(6).
https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.23.6.792.54800
5. Winegard, B., Winegard, B., Reynolds, T., Geary, D. C., & Baumeister, R. F. (2017). One’s better half: Romantic partners function as social signals. Evolutionary Psychological Science, 3, 294–305.
https://repository.lib.fsu.edu/islandora/object/fsu:253065/datastream/PDF/view
6. Brauer, K., Proyer, R. T., & Chick, G. (2021). Adult playfulness: An update on an understudied individual differences variable and its role in romantic life. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 15(4), e12589.
https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12589
7. Deloney, J. [@johndeloney]. (2023, December 5). Behavior is a language. What are they trying to tell you? Delony [Tweet]. X.
https://x.com/johndelony/status/1732161993283366975
Thanks for this information
Do you have the same information for women.
Thanks for reaching out, Mary! Just to clarify, are you asking if we have an article for women that talks about how to tell if they’re in love? Let us know, and we’ll be happy to help!