You want a game night, he wants to stay in with just you. You want to visit a museum, he wants to stay in with just you. You want to get to know each other better, he couldn’t care less.
These are all signs he only wants you for your body.
1. He looks at you like a predator looks at prey
You’ve just wrapped up a great conversation, maybe about your career or a recent trip, but instead of maintaining eye contact, his gaze is doing laps from your head to your feet. It’s not a contemplative glance — unless he’s contemplating having you for dinner.
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If his focus keeps returning to your chest or legs rather than your face, it strongly indicates he’s more interested in your body than your thoughts.
2. He only texts you late at night
One way to really know if a guy has a one-track mind is what time of day he pays you attention. I know late-night texting is all the rage, but if he rarely texts you during the day and his communication only happens after the late-night chat shows start, take it as a clue.
It’s not because he’s eager to hear your thoughts on Colbert’s monologue or passages from the book you’re reading.
He’s not interested in real conversations, only late-night hookups. Anyone serious about getting to know you would be texting at reasonable hours, asking how your day went or making plans for a proper date, not just when he’s bored at night.
3. He’s super handsy
You’ve finally convinced him to be seen with you in public when suddenly you feel his hand on your lower hip, waist, or thigh. It’s not the occasional affectionate touch — it’s constant. And it’s definitely not the right time or place.
If he can’t keep his hands off you in public but never engages in nonsexual physical affection, it’s clear where his priorities are. Instead of being interested in how you’re enjoying your meal or what you think of the restaurant’s vibe, he can’t wait to get you out of there, and out of your clothes.
4. He’s always offering shallow compliments
Every time you’re together, his compliments sound something like, “That dress makes your legs look amazing,” or “I can’t stop staring at your butt in those jeans.” While it’s nice to hear that you look good, it’s a red flag if he never mentions your intelligence, creativity, or accomplishments — hell, even the way the light touches your eyes.
In a world where, according to a 2011 study published in the Journal of Pragmatics, “appearance compliments [are] commonly addressed to women but almost never to men,” you need to look out for these double standards.[1]
And it’s not just for the sake of principle that you should watch out for this. In fact, objectification theory surmises that appearance-based compliments can increase self-consciousness in women, leading to what researchers observe as “impaired cognitive performance.”[2]
If he only ever compliments your body and never your brain, that’s all he’s into, and if you fall for it, science says it’ll make you dumber. Read between the lines!
5. He makes no effort to get to know the real you
You’re talking about your passion for volunteering or the promotion you’re striving for when all he wants to do is flirt — or worse, zone out. His responses become minimal and it’s clear he’s not invested in what you’re saying.
But the moment the conversation turns flirtatious or you mention something physical, like how you’re thinking of going to the gym more often or that you’re considering a pixie cut, he perks up.
If he only engages when the topic shifts to your body, he’s not interested in the deeper parts of who you are.
6. He stalks you on social media
Your phone buzzes. He’s liked a photo of you at the beach from two summers ago, one where you’re in a bikini. Then another notification: Fire emojis on a recent gym selfie. But when you post news about the 2024 election, a reel of dogs with babies, or something else important to you, there’s radio silence from him.
If he’s only interacting with posts where you’re showing skin and ignoring everything else, he’s not genuinely interested in your life, just how your body can make him feel special.
7. He doesn’t want to have deep conversations
You’re trying to have a meaningful conversation, but he’s not interested. He nods along but checks out when you discuss deeper topics, like goals or politics. He’s not interested in emotional intimacy, only physical intimacy.
Psychiatrist and researcher Dr. Donald W. Black suggests that individuals who consistently steer conversations towards sexual topics may exhibit compulsive sexual behavior (CSB), affecting 3%–6% of people, mostly men.[3] If every conversation circles back to your appearance, that’s all he’s focused on.
Of course, not every sex-obsessed man is pathological. But do you really need that complication in your life? Seems exhausting.
8. He only suggests activities that show off your body
You’re out for a casual lunch but he insists on going to the beach afterward, even though you hadn’t planned on swimming — and it’s 60° outside. Or he suggests a hike in 90° weather, knowing it’ll have you in skimpy, form-fitting workout clothes.
Every activity seems carefully designed to get you to show more skin. If your dates often turn into scenarios where you “just happen” to be in revealing outfits, like hot yoga or poolside lounging, he’s more interested in what you look like than spending quality time with you.
Ask him to go ice skating and see what happens. I dare you.
9. He only wants to Netflix and chill
You suggest going for brunch on Saturday at that cute café downtown, but he’s “too busy.” You mention dinner at that new Italian place, but nope, he’s got plans. You propose a fun day trip to the nearest big city, but he can’t make it.
Yet, magically, he’s always free after 11 p.m., sending you a “Hey, wanna come over and chill?” text.
If he constantly shuts down your ideas for planned activities and only makes time for you when it’s convenient for him, when it also conveniently involves his bed, he’s showing you exactly where you stand in his life.
You’re not a priority; you’re just an option when he has nothing better to do. He’s not interested in investing time and effort into meaningful experiences with you.
10. He shies away from intimacy
This guy has more walls than a laser-tag course. When it comes to sharing personal information, he’s incredibly tight-lipped. Inquiries about his childhood lead to swift topic shifts and his hopes and dreams are as elusive as student debt relief.
The irony is that he only opens up when things heat up. Suddenly, he becomes chatty about his favorite positions or adventurous fantasies. It’s as if his true self is trapped behind a veil of physicality.
But emotional intimacy plays a pivotal role in fostering trust within romantic relationships. According to a study in Emotional Review, emotional intimacy allows partners to share vulnerabilities, creating a safe environment that nurtures trust.[4] Without this, relationships can feel shallow.
A man who only reveals himself when he’s trying to undress you isn’t truly open. It may be that he uses his body to obscure the fact that he has little else to offer, and potentially that he doesn’t want a relationship to begin with.
11. You haven’t met each other’s friends and family
You exist as a ghost in this guy’s life. You almost saw one of his friends once when they came to pick him up, but he didn’t want you to come out and meet them. And parents? Psh. You assume he has them, but you’ve never met them.
In his social circle, you’re more of a mystery than the Loch Ness Monster — people have actually heard of her. His friends remain strangers, and his family could be circus performers for all you know. And you’re lucky you could even convince him to meet your dog, let alone your friends.
A guy who is interested in more than your body will want to incorporate you into his life and himself into yours. If he’s not doing that, it’s a big red flag.
Signs He Only Likes You for Your Looks
Sometimes a guy’s interest isn’t purely sexual. I mean, sure, that’s probably part of it, but some guys are just shallow and aren’t willing to date women who don’t represent their perfect idea of beauty. Sometimes, what a guy wants is only skin deep.
This actually says more about him than it does about you. Dating a beautiful woman elevates his status and makes him look good. A guy who only likes you for your looks doesn’t care about you — he only cares about what your pretty face can do for him.
Here are signs to look for.
➔ He’s an Instagram boyfriend
You’re not dating a man, you’re dating a wannabe influencer with a human tripod. Every date is a photoshoot for a magazine nobody reads. Instead of being fully present with you in each moment, he’s focused on showcasing you like a trophy he “won.”
“Babe, can you stand over there? The lighting is perfect. No, tilt your head 37 degrees to the left. Perfect! This will get so many likes!”
Gross.
If he’s more interested in how you look in his curated Instagram feed than in his actual life, you might be dating a shallow-gram, not a boyfriend.
➔ He’s an unsolicited makeover enthusiast
This guy has more opinions about your appearance, clothes, and accessories than a panel of Project Runway judges. He’s always suggesting “improvements” to your look.
“Have you ever thought about going blonde?” or “I think you’d look great with blue contacts” or “Maybe try contouring?”
News flash, buddy: She’s not a Mr. Potato Head, and you’re not the grand curator of her appearance.
➔ He’s obsessed with beauty
If he recoils at the sight of you without makeup, he’s more into your MAC than your actual face. A man who can’t appreciate your natural beauty, morning breath and all, is about as useful as a chocolate teapot in Hell.
According to Chevallereau et al., focusing on physical appearance in relationships can lead to significant emotional consequences, particularly for women, who may experience feelings of “metadehumanization” and emotional distress when objectified.
These negative effects of objectification can include “aggression tendencies, victims’ well-being impairment, reduced self-esteem, increased behavioral inhibition, and reduced use of functional coping strategies.”[5]
You want someone who thinks you’re gorgeous even in sweatpants and a messy bun, complete with a PMS pimple, not someone who expects you to wake up looking like you’re ready for the red carpet. Ugh, the pressure to be constantly beautiful is so 20th century.
➔ He becomes the fashion police
This guy scrutinizes your outfit choices harder than your mom. If he’s more concerned about how you look on his arm than the thoughts in your head, he’s not looking for a partner; he’s shopping for a human accessory.
“Are you wearing that to dinner? Don’t you have something more flattering?” Well, Captain Critique: She’s dressing for her comfort and style, not for your fashion show.
➔ He sees you as a trophy
To this guy, you’re not a person, you’re a prize to be won and shown off. He parades you around his friends and is more interested in the envious looks from his buddies than in actually getting to know you.
“Hey guys, check out my smokin’ hot girlfriend! Isn’t she a total babe?” You’re not a blue ribbon at the county fair, sweetie; you’re a whole human being with thoughts, feelings, and a mean right hook if he doesn’t shape up.
What to Do About It
Let’s explore practical steps and thoughtful advice on what to do if a guy likes you for your body and nothing else:
Set boundaries.
It’s time to lay down the law harder than Dr. Dre lays down beats. Make it crystal clear that you’re not a 24/7 body buffet. The next time Mr. Handsy tries to turn your coffee date into an octopus wrestling match, shut it down, politely but assertively.
Researchers with the University of Alba Iulia in Romania write that assertive communication enables individuals to set clear boundaries, stand up for their needs, and create opportunities for open discussions. Authors Pipas and Jaradat define assertiveness as “the ability to represent to the world what you really are, to express what you feel, when you feel it necessary.”[6]
If you feel it necessary to express to this guy that he’s being a bit creepy, try, “I appreciate that you find me attractive, but I’m not comfortable with this level of physical contact, especially in public. I’d like to get to know you better on an intellectual and emotional level first.”
If he can’t respect that, show him the door.
Date men who are your intellectual equal.
Enough with the players and f—boys. You’ve got a sharp mind, so use it! Steer conversations toward topics that matter to you. Talk about your recent project at work, your thoughts on the latest bestseller, or your plans to learn Mandarin. If he can’t keep up or loses interest, well, there’s your sign.
You’re looking for a partner, not a hypnotized parrot who just repeats “You’re hot” on a loop. A good response to his attempts to steer the conversation back to your body could be, “I’m flattered you find me attractive, but I’d like to know what you think about [insert passion here]. It’s something I’m passionate about.”
Overhaul your expectations.
If you’re constantly attracting men who are only after your body, it might be time to examine your expectations and the signals you’re putting out. You might need to raise your standards. Having a “type” is a myth, especially if you think this Brosef is your type.
Start by making a list of nonphysical qualities you want in a partner. It could be intelligence, kindness, or ambition. Great! Now, on your next date, actively look for these qualities and steer the conversation towards them.
And watch out for the above red flags! If you come across a guy who immediately wants sex, get rid of him. You’ll be bored stiff in weeks.
Love yourself.
Launch a love affair with yourself. Cultivate your interests, pursue your passions, and treat yourself like the queen you are. Take a pottery class, train for a half-marathon, or finally write the novel that’s been percolating in your brain.
If you’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places, take a break and date yourself instead.
Start each day with a positive affirmation that has nothing to do with your appearance. “I am intelligent, capable, and deserving of respect and genuine connection.” Repeat as needed, especially before dates.
As the legendary RuPaul says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”
Conclusion
It’s time to wake up and smell the desperation — but plot twist, it’s not yours! If you’re constantly wondering why you can’t snag a boyfriend who sees beyond your bodacious body, it’s because you’ve been fishing in a kiddie pool of shallow men.
Learn the signs he only wants you for your body so you can be ready to find someone who wants all of you.
To read more about getting into a relationship, follow the link.
FAQs
How do you tell if he’s into you?
To tell if he’s into you, look for consistent communication and genuine interest in your life, such as asking about your day or hobbies. He also might introduce you to his friends, be the first to suggest making plans, or ask your thoughts on interesting topics.
How can you tell if a man is using you?
You can tell a man is using you when there’s a lack of emotional engagement and only reaching out when he needs something like support or favors. A man who likes you for you will offer support and favors, not demand them.
How to tell if a guy secretly has feelings for you?
To tell if a guy secretly has feelings for you, look for signs that he is nervous around you. He may also actively seek opportunities to spend time with you, offer to help you with a problem or project, or remember details about you.
References
- Rees-Miller, J. (2011). Compliments revisited: Contemporary compliments and gender. Journal of Pragmatics, 43(11), 2673–2688.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pragma.2011.04.014 ↩︎ - Kahalon, R., Shnabel, N., & Becker, J. C. (2018). “Don’t bother your pretty little head” appearance compliments lead to improved mood but impaired cognitive performance. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 42(2), 136–150.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0361684318758596 ↩︎ - Black, D. W. (2000). The epidemiology and phenomenology of compulsive sexual behavior. CNS Spectrums, 5(1), 26–72.
https://doi.org/10.1017/s1092852900012645 ↩︎ - Schoebi, D., & Randall, A. K. (2015). Emotional dynamics in intimate relationships. Emotion Review, 7(4), 342–348.
https://doi.org/10.1177/1754073915590620 ↩︎ - Chevallereau, T., Stinglhamber, F., Maurage, P., & Demoulin, S. (2021). My physical appearance at the center of others’ concerns: What are the consequences for women’s metadehumanization and emotions? Psychologica Belgica, 61(1), 116.
https://doi.org/10.5334/PB.558 ↩︎ - Pipas, M. D., & Jaradat, M. (2010). Assertive communication skills. AnnalesUniversitatis Apulensis Series Oeconomica, 2(12), 1–17.
https://doi.org/10.29302/oeconomica.2010.12.2.17 ↩︎
