Starting a Relationship

Everything You Should Know About the Signs of Love Bombing

Milena J. Wisniewska Avatar

Table of Contents

We’ve been spoon-fed rom-com narratives that make love bombing seem normal

But what feels like a heady rush of affection can quickly turn toxic. Love bombing is control disguised as devotion. 

Table of Contents

Here are the 11 major signs of love bombing to watch for before you’re stuck in a romance that’s anything but dreamy.

Love Bombing Signs

1. Over-the-top compliments

If someone you’ve just met starts showering you with grand compliments like calling you their “soulmate” or “the most amazing person they’ve ever met,” it’s time to slow things down. 

Compliments are great, but love-bombers go nuclear, crafting this narrative that you’re on some pedestal before you’ve even settled into the idea of knowing each other. This overwhelming praise early on isn’t about admiration — it’s about emotional control.

A study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that individuals with narcissistic tendencies often use over-the-top affection to accelerate emotional intimacy, effectively creating a dependency that makes it hard for you to step back and see the red flags waving in your face.[1] Sound familiar? 

It’s giving Edward Cullen telling Bella that she’s his “own personal brand of heroin” after a handful of cryptic conversations. It’s intense, overwhelming, and sounds romantic . . . until you realize it’s a recipe for emotional manipulation

The image shows a scene from the movie Twilight featuring Edward Cullen, played by Robert Pattinson. Edward has a serious expression, and the caption reads, "It's like a drug to me," referencing his strong feelings for Bella, the main character.

2. Excessive gift-giving

Gifts are lovely, but when your new partner is sending you designer bags, arranging surprise getaways, or flooding you with expensive bouquets before they even know your middle name, it’s a red flag wrapped in ribbons. 

This isn’t about generosity — it’s about creating a sense of obligation. Social psychologists refer to this as the “norm of reciprocity,” where you feel compelled to repay a favor, even if it’s emotionally, making it hard to reject or set boundaries.

In fact, research from Communication Monographs indicates that excessive gifting can build a subtle form of indebtedness, leaving you feeling like you “owe” something — whether that’s your time, attention, or affection.[2]  

And what’s worse, pop culture has romanticized this dynamic so much (hello, Fifty Shades of Grey!) that we start to believe this is what love is supposed to look like: grand, lavish, and laden with strings.

3. Immediate plans for the future

When someone you’ve just met starts talking about marriage, kids, or moving in together before you’ve even decided on a favorite restaurant, it’s not just premature — it’s manipulative. This fast-forwarding is a classic love-bombing tactic used to create a false sense of intimacy and commitment.

According to research in Violence and Victims, abusers frequently rush relationships to gain control, fast-tracking milestones to lock you into a commitment before you’ve had a chance to assess the situation.[3

Remember when Ted Mosby told Robin he loved her on the first date? Without the laugh track, it’s less “aww” and more “uh-oh.” But pop culture loves to paint this as romantic, reinforcing this idea that intense emotions right away are a sign of true love, when really, they’re more often a red flag.

The image is a scene from How I Met Your Mother featuring Ted Mosby, played by Josh Radnor, looking into Robin Scherbatsky's eyes. The caption reads, "I think I'm in love with you," capturing Ted's emotional confession to Robin.

4. Constant communication

Nonstop texting, calling, and DMing might seem sweet at first — it shows they care, right? But when it starts to feel like there’s no escaping them, it’s a sign of something more insidious. 

Love bombers use constant communication to monopolize your thoughts and time, making it harder for you to maintain perspective.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, in her book Should I Stay or Should I Go? explains how manipulators use excessive contact to create an emotional tunnel, where your entire focus narrows down to them.[4]

A study in Computers in Human Behavior backs this up, showing that over-communication in relationships often leads to emotional dependency and anxiety.[5] If you’ve ever found yourself glued to your phone, wondering if you’re being rude by not replying within seconds, that’s the emotional trap.

5. Fast-forwarded intimacy

If he’s casually suggesting you move in together by next weekend after your second date you’re likely dealing with a love bomber. They thrive on whirlwind romances, hoping you won’t notice the red flags blowing in the background.

Dr. Dale Archer, in The Narcissist Next Door, notes that love bombers rush emotional commitment to trap you before you can catch your breath.[6] Genuine relationships need time — time to build trust, establish boundaries, and understand one another’s ways. 

The world might sell us rom-coms where everything clicks into place overnight (cough Love Actually), but in reality, those fast-forwarded relationships rarely end in happily ever after. It’s more often a fast pass to emotional whiplash.

The image is from the movie Love Actually, featuring Andrew Lincoln's character, Mark, holding up a large sign that reads, "And at Christmas, you tell the truth." This scene is part of Mark's silent confession of love to Keira Knightley's character, Juliet.

6. Public displays overload

Is your new fling posting couple selfies and #relationshipgoals before you’ve even made it Facebook official? Love bombers love to broadcast the “perfect” relationship, creating an illusion of happiness that’s hard to back out of without feeling judged.

This pressure to keep up appearances is designed to trap you into playing along, even if something feels off. 

A study from Computers in Human Behavior shows that couples who overshare on social media often create unrealistic expectations that can increase relationship stress.[7]  

It’s a bit like being on The Bachelor — all grand gestures and no real substance.

7. Isolating you from your circle

If suddenly your best friend is “too negative” or your family is “always in your business,” you’re likely being isolated. Love bombers will gradually alienate you from your support network, creating an echo chamber where only their voice matters.

Lundy Bancroft, in his book Why Does He Do That? highlights that isolation is a classic control tactic used by abusers to keep you emotionally tethered.[8] Without outside perspectives, you’re more susceptible to their narrative, no matter how warped it becomes, and by the time you need someone to help you, they’re all gone. 

Blair and Chuck’s relationship in Gossip Girl is complex, marked by passion and subtle manipulation. Chuck’s possessive behavior often caused Blair to drift from her friends, shrinking her world. This shows how love bombing can disguise itself as romance, gradually isolating someone without obvious red flags.

The image shows a scene from Gossip Girl featuring Chuck Bass, played by Ed Westwick, speaking intensely to Blair Waldorf. The caption reads, "I can't stand the thought of you with anyone else," highlighting Chuck's emotional conflict and possessiveness in his relationship with Blair.

8. Extreme jealousy

If your partner is flipping out because you chatted with a coworker or spent time with friends, that’s not romantic. Jealousy dressed up as love is a common tool used by manipulators to get you to prioritize them above all else.

Dr. Durvasula explains that love bombers use jealousy to sow seeds of insecurity, making it seem like their possessiveness is a reflection of how much they care.[9] But it’s really about emotional possession, not love. In fact, research in Violence and Victims reveals that extreme jealousy is often linked to emotional abuse.[10]  

This isn’t Othello — it’s your life, not a Shakespearean tragedy.

9. Guilt-tripping when you set boundaries

Ever mention needing some “me time” and suddenly you’re faced with lines like, “Oh, I guess I don’t matter to you anymore” or “If you really loved me, you’d want to spend every moment together”? 

That’s manipulation dressed as insecurity, not love. Love bombers use guilt to erode your boundaries, making you second-guess your own needs.

Guilt-tripping is one of the most common tools manipulators use to bulldoze boundaries, forcing you to prioritize their needs over your own. It chips away at your confidence, making you feel like the villain in your own story. 

10. Rapid mood swings

One minute, they’re all about the cuddles and sweet talk, and the next, you’re getting the cold shoulder because you didn’t respond to a text fast enough. These emotional whiplash moments aren’t random — they’re calculated. Love bombers flip between affection and withdrawal to keep you off balance, making you chase their approval.

Psychologist Dr. Susan Forward, in her book Emotional Blackmail, identifies this push-pull dynamic as a classic form of manipulation. It’s designed to create anxiety and dependency, making you crave the moments when they’re warm and affectionate.[11]

It’s the emotional equivalent of Pavlov’s dog. The stimulus is his bad mood, triggering your craving for his next love bomb and keeping you strapped in and riding his roller coaster. 

11. It feels too good to be true

That little voice in your head saying, “This is all too perfect”? You should probably listen to it. Love bombers know exactly what to say, how to act, and when to pull back just enough to make you wonder if you’ve met your soulmate. But if it feels too good to be true, it probably is.

Gavin de Becker, author of The Gift of Fear, emphasizes the power of intuition, noting that we often ignore our gut feelings when things don’t add up — especially when we’ve been conditioned by media to chase “storybook” romances.[12]

Research in Trauma, Violence, & Abuse echoes this sentiment, pointing out that trusting your gut is one of the most effective ways to identify manipulative dynamics before they fully entrap you.[13]

So, if you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, put the shoe on and get the hell out of there.

The image shows a scene from A Cinderella Story featuring Hilary Duff’s character, Sam, wearing a masquerade mask. The caption reads, "I knew this was too good to be true," capturing a moment of realization and disappointment during a pivotal scene in the movie.

Love Bombing Examples

Love bombing has been romanticized in pop culture for years, often disguised as romantic gestures when, in reality, they’re examples of manipulation. Here are five well-known love bombers from TV shows, movies, and books:

Edward Cullen (Twilight)

From his obsessive need to protect her to his constant, overwhelming attention, Edward’s love is suffocating. What starts as romantic quickly turns into control, as he isolates Bella from her friends and family under the guise of “protection.” 

And the moment he sneaks into her room to watch her sleep before they’ve even had a proper relationship talk? Beyond creepy. It’s sold as romantic, but it’s really just a toxic trap.

Noah Calhoun (The Notebook)

Sure, The Notebook has the rain-kissing scene we all adore, but let’s not ignore Noah’s relentless pursuit of Allie — even when she’s moved on. 

But when you zoom out, it’s classic love bombing. Buying the mansion and rebuilding it for Allie (who’s engaged to someone else) isn’t just romantic — it’s his attempt to drag her back into his orbit without regard for her current life.

We’ve been sold this idea of love as a relentless chase, but in reality, healthy love respects boundaries and choices.

The image shows a scene from The Notebook featuring Ryan Gosling's character, Noah, working on a roof, hammering wooden planks. This moment is part of Noah’s effort to restore the house he promised to build, symbolizing his dedication and love for Allie.

Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)

Gaston is a Disney villain for several reasons, not the least of which are his over-the-top attempts to woo Belle — textbook love bombing. 

His most iconic love-bombing moment is when he arranges an elaborate wedding without her consent — complete with musicians, a wedding cake, and the whole town watching. He’s not interested in Belle as a person; he’s interested in possessing her and feeding his ego. 

His grand gestures aren’t about love; they’re about control. This is Disney magic gone wrong.

The image shows a scene from Disney's Beauty and the Beast where Gaston aggressively corners Belle against a door. Gaston is leaning in close while Belle looks uncomfortable, pushing him away, emphasizing her rejection of his advances and highlighting Gaston's arrogance.

Why Do People Love Bomb?

Love bombing is a manipulative tactic often used to gain control and create emotional dependency. It’s no surprise that this is a classic go-to strategy for those with narcissistic tendencies.

Narcissists thrive on admiration and power, using love bombing to secure a steady source of validation. It’s not authentic affection; it’s a calculated move to manipulate emotions and feed ego.

In fact, The Handbook of Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder shows that narcissistic individuals often use over-the-top affection not to build genuine connections, but to meet their own needs.[14]

It’s all part of the “cycle of abuse” — hooking you in with love bombing, then flipping the script to gaslighting and controlling once they’ve got you emotionally invested.

But here’s the twist: Not all love bombing is malicious. For people with anxious attachment styles, love bombing can stem from deep insecurities and fear of abandonment. 

Instead of manipulating, they’re desperately trying to forge a bond so strong it prevents separation. These behaviors come from a place of vulnerability and a heightened need for closeness.[15] It’s their way of trying to feel secure in a relationship, even if it ends up backfiring.

So, is love bombing always bad? Yes. 

Narcissists use love bombing to mask their insecurities, like low self-esteem, while those with anxious attachment do so out of fear of abandonment. 

In both cases, the excessive affection is about securing emotional safety, not genuine connection, and often comes at the cost of their partner’s emotional freedom. In healthy relationships, love should grow naturally, not be forced or suffocating. 

The image shows a young couple standing closely, facing each other in a romantic moment. The woman is smiling, holding a small bouquet of wildflowers near the man's chest. Both are casually dressed, and the setting appears to be outdoors in a sunlit, natural environment, possibly a forest or park.

Stages of Love Bombing

Let’s break down the stages of love bombing using Sex and the City’s Mr. Big as the prime example (my favorite romantic interest to hate), a character who embodies the cycle of love bombing:

Idealization

In the beginning, Mr. Big sweeps Carrie off her feet with charm, spontaneity, and lavish attention. He creates an intense connection, making her feel like she’s the center of his world. 

From helping her pick up her spilled belongings in their first meeting to taking her on exciting dates, Big’s early actions leave Carrie captivated. 

His romantic declarations, like telling her, “You’re the one,” further reinforce the idea that their relationship is extraordinary — classic love-bombing behavior designed to quickly hook her emotionally.

Devaluation

As time passes, Big starts to pull away, creating confusion and insecurity for Carrie. 

His reluctance to introduce her to his mother hints at his emotional withdrawal. When he decides to move to Paris without consulting her, it underscores his dismissive behavior, leaving Carrie questioning her place in his life. 

This stage highlights the classic love-bombing pattern: After intense affection, the love bomber distances themselves, causing their partner to strive harder for validation.

Discard

One of many, a discard phase is when he casually announces he’s moving to Napa Valley without any real consideration for Carrie’s feelings (again). Her frustration is perfectly captured in the famous line, “If you’re tired, you take a nap-a, you don’t move to Napa!” 

This abrupt decision, paired with emotional detachment, leaves Carrie feeling discarded, marking the final stage of love bombing where the manipulator withdraws after securing emotional control. 

The image is a scene from Sex and the City featuring Mr. Big and Carrie Bradshaw. In the first part, Mr. Big says, "I'm tired of old New York." In the second part, Carrie responds sarcastically, "Well, if you're tired you take a napa, you don't move to Napa." This dialogue highlights Carrie’s witty, humorous response to Mr. Big’s statement about wanting to leave New York.

Love Bombing Cycle

Excessive affection

At the start, it feels like you’ve met your soulmate — constant attention, over-the-top compliments, and romantic gestures everywhere. But this over-the-top affection is often a manipulation tactic to create emotional dependency. 

If you feel overwhelmed or things seem too good to be true early on, it’s a red flag. What may seem like love is actually designed to hook you fast.

The image is from the Twilight series featuring Edward Cullen, played by Robert Pattinson. Edward is looking serious, and the caption reads, "I can't live without you," emphasizing his deep emotional connection and dependence on Bella, the main character.

Withdrawal

Once you’re hooked, they start pulling back — suddenly distant, less attentive, and emotionally unavailable. You’re left questioning yourself, wondering what changed. 

This is classic love bombing: They want you to chase the affection you’ve become accustomed to. The shift is all about control, not love.

Control

At this stage, the love bomber uses tactics like guilt, jealousy, or anger to manipulate your behavior. They might make you feel guilty for needing space or spending time with others, slowly shifting the relationship into something more about control than love

The image is from the Twilight series featuring Edward Cullen, played by Robert Pattinson. Edward is looking down with a contemplative expression, and the caption reads, "I feel very protective of you," highlighting his concern and desire to keep Bella safe.

Types of Love Bombing

Love bombing comes in various forms, but it’s always a manipulation tactic designed to create emotional dependency and gain control over the relationship.

Narcissistic love bombing

Narcissist love bombing occurs when someone showers their partner with excessive love and affection early in the relationship. This love bombing may feel like genuine love, but it’s actually a manipulation tactic. 

For instance, Christian Grey in Fifty Shades of Grey uses lavish gifts, intense attention, and overwhelming affection to fulfill his own desire for admiration and feel powerful in the relationship. 

<br>The image is from the movie Fifty Shades of Grey featuring Christian Grey, played by Jamie Dornan. Christian is speaking with a serious expression, and the caption reads, "Oh, I exercise control in all things, Miss Steele," showcasing his dominant and controlling personality, particularly in his relationship with Anastasia Steele.

Unintentional love bombing

Unintentional love bombing comes from those with anxious attachment styles. They aren’t trying to manipulate, but their fear of abandonment leads them to overwhelm their partner with attention. 

Someone with this attachment style might feel insecure and unintentionally use love and affection to create closeness. A good example is Cher in Clueless, whose desire for connection leads her to smother her crushes without meaning any harm.

Manipulative love bombing

In this type, the love bomber’s goal is to control or manipulate their partner for personal gain. Their affection isn’t genuine — it’s calculated. 

Think of Hans from Frozen — his grand gestures hide his self-serving intentions. The person who love bombs wants to create emotional dependency, using praise and attention to control or manipulate their partner.

The image is from Disney's Frozen, featuring Anna and Hans in a boat. Hans is gazing at Anna while complimenting her with the caption, "You're gorgeous." Anna leans toward him with an enthusiastic expression, reflecting their playful and romantic interaction during this scene.

How to Deal With Love Bombing

Slow down

Don’t let the intensity of a new relationship sweep you away. Take your time to get to know someone before committing emotionally. 

Dr. Durvasula advises that healthy relationships develop over time. She emphasizes the importance of taking things slow and being wary of partners who push for too much too soon, which can be a red flag for manipulative behavior.[16]

One actionable step is to slow your responses — don’t feel the need to reply instantly. Stop being constantly available and take breaks to check in with yourself. If someone can’t handle this, it’s a sign they may not be interested in genuine connection and could be love bombing.

The image shows a woman speaking with an assertive expression, wearing a leopard-print top. The caption reads, "Pump ya breaks boo," implying that someone needs to slow down or reconsider their actions. The tone is sassy and confident.

Set boundaries

Dr. Faith Harper, in Un**** Your Boundaries, in the signature spirit of the book writes: “Discussions around boundaries aren’t whiny b******* but instead are the blueprint to saving ourselves and our relationships.”[17] Exactly. 

Setting clear boundaries is crucial to maintaining your sense of self in a relationship. 

If things feel too fast, express that you want to slow down. Refuse gifts or invitations if they make you uncomfortable and pay attention to how he reacts when you set these limits. His response will tell you a lot about his true intentions.

The image features Aretha Franklin sitting and giving a thoughtful expression with a slight smile. The caption reads, "hmmm..." suggesting that she is pondering something, perhaps with a hint of skepticism or amusement.

Seek support

Getting perspective from friends, family, or a therapist is crucial for recognizing love bombing and other manipulative behaviors. 

An outsider’s view helps you identify unhealthy patterns that may be hard to spot when you’re emotionally involved. 

In Big Little Lies, Celeste’s friends play a key role in helping her confront the abusive dynamics in her relationship with Perry. Their support gives her the clarity and strength to begin breaking free. This highlights the importance of having a trusted support network to offer perspective and validate your experiences.

However, if you don’t have friends or family you can talk to, there are resources available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

Conclusion

Understanding the signs of love bombing is crucial for protecting yourself from manipulation. While love bombing can feel exhilarating at first, it’s important to recognize when affection becomes a tactic of control. Trust your instincts, set boundaries, and remember — real love grows steadily, not through grandiose gestures, but mutual respect.

Follow the link for more information about getting into a relationship.

FAQs

How can you tell if you’re love-bombing someone?

You can tell that you are love-bombing someone if you’re overwhelming them with excessive affection, gifts, or constant attention early in the relationship. If you notice that you’re trying to rush intimacy or make the other person feel overly secure too quickly, take a step back and allow the relationship to develop at a natural pace.

What can be mistaken for love bombing?

Behaviors that can be mistaken for love bombing are expressions of intense affection early in a relationship. However, love bombing is a manipulation tactic intended to control or manipulate. Genuine affection comes from mutual care, while love bombing often aims to create dependency. Look for a balance of attention and respect for boundaries to distinguish between the two.

What is the 3-month rule?

The 3-month rule suggests that people should wait about three months into a relationship before making significant decisions. This stage allows time for the initial intensity (or potential love bombing) to fade and for both partners to see if feelings are genuine or if unhealthy patterns, like manipulation tactics, begin to emerge.

How do you spot the difference between love bombing and genuine feelings?

Spotting the difference between love bombing and genuine feelings lies in intent and balance. A person who love bombs may overwhelm you with affection and attention early on, but this behavior can feel manipulative and often leads to control. Genuine love grows gradually, respects boundaries, and doesn’t rely on excessive gestures to manipulate the relationship.

What is an example of a love bombing text?

An example of a love bombing text might be, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. You’re my everything, and I can’t imagine my life without you.” While this sounds loving, if sent within the first few weeks of dating, it could be a red flag that you’re being manipulated with attention and affection to control the relationship.

References

1. Campbell, W. K., & Foster, C. A. (2002). Narcissism and commitment in romantic relationships: An investment model analysis. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28(4), 484–495.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167202287006

2. Goei, R., & Boster, F. J. (2005). The roles of obligation and gratitude in explaining the effect of favors on compliance. Communication Monographs, 72(3), 284–300.
https://doi.org/10.1080/03637750500206524

3. Dutton, D. G., & Painter, S. L. (1993). Emotional attachments in abusive relationships: A test of traumatic bonding theory. Violence and Victims, 8(2), 105–120.
https://www.academia.edu/download/71618053/Emotional_attachments_in_abusive_relatio20211006-31854-mz9s77.pdf

4. Durvasula, R. (2015). Should I stay or should I go? Surviving a relationship with a narcissist. Post Hill Press.

5. Drouin, M., & Landgraff, C. (2012). Texting, sexting, and attachment in college students’ romantic relationships. Computers in Human Behavior, 28(2), 444–449.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2011.10.015

6. Archer, D. (2015). The narcissist next door: Understanding the monster in your family, in your office, in your bed—in your world. St. Martin’s Griffin.

7. Fox, J., & Moreland, J. J. (2015). The dark side of social networking sites: An exploration of the relational and psychological stressors associated with Facebook use and affordances. Computers in Human Behavior, 45, 168–176.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2014.11.083

8. Bancroft, L. (2003). Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men. Berkley Books.

9. Durvasula, R. (2015). Should I stay or should I go? Surviving a relationship with a narcissist. Post Hill Press.

10. Puente, S., & Cohen, D. (2003). Jealousy and the meaning (or nonmeaning) of violence. Violence and Victims, 18(4), 459–476.
https://doi.org/10.1891/vivi.2003.18.4.459

11. Forward, S. (1997). Emotional blackmail: When the people in your life use fear, obligation, and guilt to manipulate you. HarperCollins.

12. de Becker, G. (1997). The gift of fear: Survival signals that protect us from violence. Dell Publishing.

13. Anderson, D. K., & Saunders, D. G. (2003). Leaving an abusive partner: An empirical review of predictors, the process of leaving, and psychological well-being. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 4(2), 163–191.
https://doi.org/10.1177/1524838002250769

14. Campbell, W. K., & Foster, C. A. (2007). The narcissistic self: Background, an extended agency model, and ongoing controversies. In W. K. Campbell & J. D. Miller (Eds.), The handbook of narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder (pp. 33–44). Wiley.

15. Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

16. Durvasula, R. (2015). Should I stay or should I go? Surviving a relationship with a narcissist. Post Hill Press.

17. Harper, F. G. (2019). Unf*ck your boundaries: Build better relationships through consent, communication, and expressing your needs. Microcosm Publishing.


Author

  • Milena might not be a relationship professor, but she's definitely been through it all, learned her lessons, and is here to spill the tea. She combines the wisdom of renowned relationship specialists with her own romantic adventures to offer relatable and practical advice.

    View all posts
0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest

0 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x