When truth becomes a moving target and you start questioning your sanity, you may be in a relationship with a gaslighter.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic designed to erode your mental health. Here are 31 disturbing signs of gaslighting in a relationship that you need to know to protect your peace of mind.
Table of Contents
Warning Signs That Someone Is Gaslighting You
1. You constantly second-guess yourself
The most common gaslighting technique is making you doubt yourself. The goal is to make you mistrust yourself, leaving you wondering if your memory is playing tricks on you.
For instance, you’re certain you told your partner about the Thursday dinner plans with your friends, but when the time comes, he insists the conversation never happened.
Dr. Robin Stern, author of The Gaslight Effect, explains that chronic self-doubt is one of the earliest and most insidious warning signs of gaslighting.[1]
2. You feel like you’re “too sensitive”
Have you ever been told you’re being “too sensitive” for reacting to a hurtful comment? Gaslighters love to invalidate your emotions, making you feel guilty for simply expressing yourself. They’ll say something hurtful and when you respond, they’ll brush it off with a casual, “You’re overreacting.” Suddenly, you’re not sure if your feelings are justified anymore.
Psychotherapist Dr. Stephanie Sarkis says in her book, Gaslighting, that this tactic is designed to silence you and make you doubt the validity of your emotions.[2]
Just a quick reminder: Your feelings are completely valid, and a person who truly loves you cares about your emotional experience without questioning it.
3. You apologize frequently
If you find yourself saying sorry all the time — even when you haven’t done anything wrong — gaslighting might be at play.
Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman, in The Science of Couples and Family Therapy, emphasize that over-apologizing often stems from emotionally abusive relationships, where victims take on the burden of their partners’ actions.[3]
This constant apologizing erodes your confidence and shifts the narrative, making you feel responsible for someone else’s bad behavior.
4. He withholds critical information
Another example of gaslighting abuse is being left out of important decisions. Gaslighters often keep you in the dark about big plans or significant choices, like making a major purchase without discussing it with you.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, an expert on narcissistic abuse, explains in Should I Stay or Should I Go? that withholding information is a form of control, designed to make you feel excluded and dependent.[4]
This keeps you off balance, feeling like you’re constantly playing catch-up in your own life.
5. He denies previous agreements
This “I never said that” tactic is a classic gaslighting example designed to distort your sense of reality. For instance, your partner might agree to help with a task, only to later deny ever making that promise.
Research by Dr. Gisli Gudjonsson highlights that victims of gaslighting often develop “memory distrust syndrome,” a condition where individuals start doubting their own memory and rely on external cues to recall events.[5]
This deep-seated uncertainty makes it hard to trust even your own mind, which is exactly what gaslighters want.
6. He tells you that “it’s all in your head”
When you bring up legitimate concerns, does he dismiss you with, “You’re just imagining things” or “It’s all in your head?” This is emotional gaslighting at its finest. It makes you question your perception, and, over time, you start doubting whether your feelings are real.
Dr. Stern points out that gaslighters use this line to make you doubt your experiences, creating an alternate reality in which they’re always right.[6]
This invalidation can lead to long-term anxiety and even depression, as victims start to lose trust in their own perceptions.
7. He isolates you from your friends and family
If your partner is discouraging you from spending time with your friends and family, claiming, “They don’t care about you” or “They’re bad for you,” this is classic gaslighting behavior. The goal is to isolate you from other people, making it easier for them to maintain control.
A perfect example of this can be seen in Big Little Lies, where Perry, Celeste’s husband, slowly isolates her from her friends and family, making her dependent on him for emotional support. This kind of isolation traps you in a distorted reality, much like being caught in the psychological prison of gaslighting.
8. He projects his feelings onto you
A gaslighter uses projection to make you feel guilty for his bad actions.
According to the American Psychological Association, “projection” is a psychological defense mechanism where individuals attribute their unwanted feelings, thoughts, or traits to someone else.[7]
In relationships, a partner may accuse you of being angry, selfish, or manipulative when he is the one exhibiting these behaviors. Projection keeps you in a constant state of anxiety, creating mental stress and emotional exhaustion, as victims become hyper-vigilant to avoid conflict.
9. You walk on eggshells around him
Living with a gaslighter often feels like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. You’re never sure what will trigger them, so you stay on edge, hoping to avoid conflict.
When you’re always on high alert, your body’s stress response becomes chronic, which can have serious implications for your mental and physical health, including chronic stress and even symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), according to a study published in Trauma, Violence & Abuse.[8]
The inability to relax not only drains your energy but also makes it harder to break free from the cycle of abuse.
10. He uses your compassion against you
It’s a harmful myth that only the weak are victims of emotional abuse. Even the most self-aware people fall into that trap. Gaslighters are skilled at weaponizing kindness and empathy, twisting your concern into making you feel responsible for their actions.
In The Empathy Trap, Dr. Jane McGregor and Tim McGregor discuss how empathetic individuals can attract manipulative people who exploit their kindness. They highlight that those who are willing to give without receiving are often prime targets for emotional predators.[9]
They often prey on your strengths, like emotional intelligence and compassion, turning them against you.
11. He constantly criticizes you
If it feels like nothing you do is ever good enough, that’s one of the tell-tale signs of a gaslighter. He’ll criticize everything from your appearance to your decisions, trying to make you feel small and inadequate.
Research published in the Journal of Family Violence confirms that repeated verbal abuse can cause long-term damage to mental health, leading to anxiety and depression. The study found that individuals subjected to ongoing verbal aggression often experience significant psychological distress and low self-esteem.[10]
Living under constant criticism can make you doubt your abilities and worth, contributing to serious mental health issues over time.
12. He minimizes your accomplishments
Gaslighters often feel threatened by your successes, so they’ll downplay or belittle your achievements to keep you dependent. It’s like winning an Oscar and having them say, “Well, it’s not a Nobel Prize.” Over time, you begin to question the value of your accomplishments.
As previously mentioned, Dr. Sarkis explains this tactic makes the victim reliant on external validation instead of trusting in their own self-worth.[11] Worse even, research in Psychotherapy found individuals who feel undervalued or have their achievements downplayed are more prone to experiencing impostor syndrome.[12]
13. He plays the victim
Gaslighters love to flip the script and turn themselves into the victims, even when they’re the ones causing harm. It’s like you’re suddenly the villain in the Joker’s tragic backstory.
People with narcissistic personality disorder often use this tactic to avoid accountability. A study published in the Journal of Personality discusses how individuals with narcissistic traits often engage in manipulative behaviors to influence others, which can include playing the victim to elicit sympathy and avoid accountability.[13]
This strategy keeps you emotionally hooked, making you feel guilty for things you didn’t even do.
14. His behavior is inconsistent
One minute he’s attentive and sweet, the next he’s cold and distant. This behavior is known in psychology as “intermittent reinforcement.”
In her book, The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist, Debbie Mirza explains that “intermittent reinforcement is a conditioning behavior where CNs [covert narcissists] set the rules. Their love is inconsistent and on their terms. This leaves you feeling unstable and longing for their love and attention.”
She goes on to say, “It brings you to a place where you lower your standards so much that you become grateful for mediocre treatment that you never would have tolerated when you first met them. You end up believing you don’t deserve any better and that you are not worthy of love and affection.”[14]
15. He lies blatantly
Pathological lying is a key feature of gaslighting.
According to the American Psychological Association, “pathological lying” is characterized by a long-term pattern of habitual or compulsive lying. Individuals who engage in pathological lying fabricate stories and deceit without a clear motive.[15]
In any toxic relationship, there will be a fair amount of lying, but gaslighters will lie straight to your face, even when confronted with evidence. You know they’re lying, but they do it with such confidence that you may start feeling confused and doubting yourself.
16. He reinvents the past
Abusers often use gaslighting to rewrite history, altering past events to fit their narrative. They’ll claim things happened differently than you remember, leaving you questioning your own memories.
Dr. Stern calls this tactic “retroactive reframing,” where gaslighters twist past events to align with their current narrative or needs.[16] This tactic confuses you and makes you feel crazy, as it forces you to question your own memory and perception of reality.
17. He uses the “everyone agrees with me” tactic
Ever hear, “Everyone agrees with me,” when the other person is trying to win an argument? Gaslighters love to pull out the imaginary consensus card to make you feel isolated. Suddenly, it’s not just their opinion — it’s the whole world against you.
This tactic is designed to make you doubt your own judgment and feel alienated. By fabricating this collective agreement, they aim to make you question not only your perspective but also your relationships with others, sowing seeds of distrust both in yourself and those around you.
18. He guilt-trips you
Guilt-tripping is a tactic that uses guilt to exploit the natural human desire to avoid feeling guilty.
For instance, he may bring up past favors or sacrifices to make you feel indebted, even if those actions were done willingly and with no prior conditions attached.
If he’s upset, it’s because of something you did (or didn’t) do. It’s a guilt-ridden drama where you’re always cast as the villain.
19. He exerts financial control
Gaslighters often exert financial control, limiting your independence by controlling your access to money. This behavior is all about power and control.
Dr. Judith Herman, in her influential book Trauma and Recovery, emphasizes that financial abuse is a frequent tactic in emotionally toxic relationships. By controlling finances, abusers make it incredibly difficult for their victims to leave, trapping them in the relationship.[17]
20. He sabotages your success
If it feels like your partner is undermining your goals, you’re likely dealing with gaslighting. He may belittle or outright sabotage your efforts, to keep you reliant on them.
It could be something as blatant as “forgetting” to give you an important message about a job interview or something disguised as care, such as downplaying your ambitions by saying, “Are you sure you can handle that workload? It seems too stressful for you.”
Dr. Stern mentions that gaslighters feel threatened by their partner’s success because it weakens their control, so it’s natural that they would sabotage it.[18]
21. He makes you feel incompetent
Let’s step outside the realm of intimate relationships for a moment because this tactic is all too common in other areas of life, especially in the workplace.
In a culture that often glorifies narcissistic traits, gaslighters frequently hold positions of authority, where they belittle efforts, downplay achievements, and criticize employees at every turn. We are conditioned to associate this behavior with strong leadership. But don’t fall for that — it’s abusive leadership.
A study published in Frontiers in Psychology highlights how gaslighting in the workplace can lead to emotional exhaustion and decreased job performance, as victims internalize the constant criticism and self-doubt.[19]
22. He uses silent treatment
The silent treatment is a go-to tactic for gaslighters. They’ll emotionally withdraw, refusing to communicate until you’re desperate for their attention.
Dr. Susan Forward and Donna Frazier, authors of Emotional Blackmail, explain that emotional withdrawal is used to punish the victim, leaving them feeling abandoned. Silent treatment is one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse, leading to feelings of low self-worth.[20]
23. He manipulates situations
Gaslighters are experts at setting up events to make you feel humiliated or at fault. They distort circumstances so you always seem to be in the wrong.
He might arrange a dinner with friends and then purposely leave out a key detail, like a dress code, so you show up feeling embarrassed and out of place.
When situations consistently feel engineered against you, it’s not a coincidence — it’s a deliberate form of control.
24. He questions your sanity
Gaslighters may tell you things like, “You’re overreacting” or “You’re imagining things,” causing you to doubt your perceptions. By questioning your mental health, he aims to destabilize you and make you dependent on his version of reality.
It can lead to serious mental health issues, including anxiety and depression. According to Dr. Stern this manipulation erodes self-trust and can have long-lasting psychological effects.[21]
25. He makes you feel alone
It’s not uncommon to feel all alone even though you’re in a relationship when that relationship includes a gaslighter.
Gaslighters often isolate you from the people who could validate your reality, making you feel like no one else understands or supports you. He may discourage you from seeing loved ones or belittle your relationships. He probably says that no one understands you like he does.
This isolation increases your dependence on him, giving him more control.
Dr. Lisa Aronson Fontes, author of Invisible Chains, explains that isolation is a common tactic used by abusers to weaken your support network and make you more vulnerable.[22]
26. He’s unwilling to compromise
Gaslighters insist that things be done their way, showing little willingness to consider your perspective. This lack of compromise creates an unbalanced relationship where your needs are disregarded.
The ability to compromise and negotiate is essential for a healthy partnership. If there’s only one “right” way of doing things, and it’s his way, then this isn’t a relationship but an authoritarian regime.
27. You feel trapped
Dr. Herman reminds us that feelings of entrapment are common in abusive relationships due to psychological manipulation and fear.[23]
Over time, the constant erosion of your self-esteem, the emotional exhaustion from endless conflict, and the gaslighter’s refusal to acknowledge your feelings or reality create a toxic environment. This is often compounded by isolation from those who could offer support.
You’re left feeling as though there’s no escape from the relationship. The relentless cycle of manipulation and abuse fosters a deep sense of hopelessness.
28. He mocks you or uses sarcasm excessively
By framing their insults as “just jokes,” abusers create a situation where the victim feels wrong for being upset, making it easier for the gaslighter to maintain control.
Dr. Patricia Evans, author of Controlling People, explains that such behavior is a form of verbal abuse designed to destabilize you.[24]
This not only belittles but also invalidates the victim’s feelings, as any objection is met with accusations of being too sensitive or lacking a sense of humor.
29. He crosses your boundaries
Gaslighters frequently disregard your personal boundaries, whether emotional or physical. They may invade your privacy, such as reading your texts or emails without permission, or dismiss your need for personal space, gradually undermining your sense of autonomy.
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, co-authors of Boundaries, emphasize that respecting personal limits is essential for healthy relationships. When boundaries are ignored, it creates an imbalance of power, with the gaslighter seeking to dominate and control the relationship, making you feel like your limits don’t matter.[25]
Over time, this erosion of boundaries leaves you feeling powerless and trapped in a dynamic where your sense of self is constantly undermined.
30. He demands respect without giving it
Gaslighters often expect unwavering respect and compliance from you yet fail to offer the same in return. They create a one-sided dynamic where your opinions, feelings, and boundaries are dismissed while they demand deference and obedience. This imbalance fosters resentment and slowly diminishes your self-worth.
Dr. Deborah Tannen, a sociolinguist and author of You Just Don’t Understand, states that mutual respect is essential for healthy communication. Without it, dialogue becomes imbalanced and manipulative.[26]
Respect should be a mutual exchange, not a one-way expectation.
31. He uses subtle praise to control you
A lesser-known gaslighting tactic is the use of subtle praise to manipulate your behavior. Gaslighters might compliment you just enough to keep you hooked, but they’ll also use praise strategically to keep you in check. For instance, they’ll say things like, “You’re amazing when you’re calm,” implying that your emotions are a problem.
This creates a cycle where victims feel they must earn love or approval, reinforcing the abuser’s control.
Gaslighting Phrases (and How to Respond)
Gaslighting is all about context and can often fly under the radar, especially when disguised as seemingly innocent phrases.
If you hear these remarks during arguments (repeatedly), it may be time to pause and reflect on what’s really happening. Here are common gaslighter phrases and empowered ways to respond in an assertive, mature way.
You’re just being paranoid
Response:
I get that you might see it that way, but I have some real concerns, and I feel that we should talk about it.
You’re overreacting
Response:
I don't think I am. Can we chat about what's bothering me?
I was just joking
Response:
Maybe so, but it didn't sit right with me. Can you refrain from making such comments in the future?
You’re too sensitive
Response:
I feel things deeply, and that's okay. Let's discuss what's going on instead.
That never happened
Response:
I remember it differently. Let's go over it together.
You’re imagining things
Response:
This is how I see it. Can we clear things up?
Don’t be so dramatic
Response:
I'm sharing how I feel because it's important to me. Can we talk about it?
You’re making a big deal out of nothing
Response:
It matters to me, though. Can we discuss that?
You’re crazy
Response:
Name-calling is not solving anything. Can we focus on resolving the issue?
You’re remembering it wrong
Response:
My memory's different. Let's discuss what we both recall, ok?
I don’t know what you’re talking about
Response:
Let me explain it another way so we're on the same page.
Stop making things up
Response:
I'm sharing what I believe is happening. Can we talk about it?
You’re always twisting things
Response:
That's not my goal. Let's try to understand each other better.
I never said that
Response:
I thought you did. Let's revisit the conversation.
You should have known how I’d react
Response:
I can't predict your reactions. I want you to communicate openly.
Everyone agrees with me
Response:
This is about us. Can we focus on our situation?
You’re the problem, not me
Response:
I think we both play a part. Let's find a solution together.
Why can’t you let things go?
Response:
I will once we address it. Can we work on it now?
You’re too emotional
Response:
These are my feelings. I'd like to talk them through with you.
You’re the only one who feels that way
Response:
Maybe, but it still matters to me. Can we discuss it?
I guess I’m just a terrible person
Response:
That's not what I'm saying. Let's focus on fixing the issue.
You’re lucky I put up with you
Response:
That hurts to hear. Let's talk about how we treat each other.
No one else would deal with you
Response:
I don't think that's true. Let's work on improving things between us.
You’re not making any sense
Response:
Let me try explaining it differently.
You’re reading into things
Response:
I feel there's more here. Can we talk about it?
Don’t get so defensive
Response:
I'm just sharing my perspective. Let's have a calm discussion.
You’re being irrational
Response:
I believe my concerns are valid. Can we address them together?
You’re always so negative
Response:
I'm bringing this up because it matters. Let's find a positive way forward.
I hate when you act crazy like this
Response:
Please don't dismiss my feelings. Can you address me respectfully?
You always make me the bad guy
Response:
That's not my intention. I want us to work through this together.
You’re pushing me away
Response:
I'm trying to connect by talking about this. Can we discuss it?
Calmly responding helps you regain control and keep the conversation on track. But if he deflects twice, just drop it and move on.
Be clear and specific about how you feel and what you need. The simpler your request, the less room there is for misinterpretation or for him to twist your words. Keeping it straightforward allows you to stay grounded in your truth and reality, making it harder for him to manipulate the situation.
Types of Gaslighting
Outright lies
Gaslighters often tell blatant and bold lies to cover up their bad behavior and sow doubt in your mind. For example, if you confront them about something you know happened, like them going behind your back, they might say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. That never happened.”
The confidence they have in their lies is so strong that it can make you second-guess yourself.
Manipulation of reality
Gaslighters often twist your experiences or perceptions, making you doubt your own reality. They may deny things that you clearly remember, saying things like, “That’s not how it happened” or “You’re remembering it wrong.”
This distorts your sense of reality, making you more dependent on their interpretation of events.
Scapegoating
Scapegoating is when the gaslighter blames you to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions. A common line you might hear is, “You’re the reason I’m angry. If you hadn’t done X, I wouldn’t have reacted this way.”
This tactic shifts the focus to you, forcing you to defend yourself rather than confront their bad behavior. It also diminishes your self-worth and makes you believe you’re the one at fault.
Coercion
Coercion can range from subtle charm to outright bullying or emotional abuse. Gaslighters often use guilt, charm, or even threats to get their way, sometimes weaponizing things that matter most to you.
For example, they might say, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t be acting like this,” making you feel guilty for standing your ground.
Over time, this creates a sense of dependency, as you begin to fear the consequences of not doing what they want. You may start to feel isolated, with your actions monitored or controlled, and gradually lose touch with your support network.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic where someone causes you to doubt your reality, memories, or perceptions. The term originates from the 1938 play Gas Light, where a husband dims the gas lights and insists his wife is imagining it, driving her to question her sanity.
According to the American Psychological Association, gaslighting involves a pattern of abusive behaviors with the intent to control or dominate. It’s commonly used by narcissists, sociopaths, and abusers to gain power over their victims.[27]
Key elements of this behavior include denial of reality, distortion of facts, twisting information to suit their narrative, and isolating the victims from support systems.
Gaslighting in a Relationship
Gaslighting can occur in any type of relationship, whether with family members, friends, or even at work. In the workplace, this might look like a colleague or supervisor constantly questioning your memory of events, denying agreements that were made, or undermining your credibility.
For instance, you might bring up a project that was discussed in a meeting and your boss says, “I don’t recall ever discussing that,” even though you clearly remember the conversation. Over time, this can cause you to doubt your professional abilities, feel incompetent, or question your memory.
Gaslighting often stems from power dynamics, where the gaslighter wants to maintain control. Sometimes, it’s about projecting their own insecurities onto you, and in cases involving narcissism, gaslighting serves to feed their ego.
Gaslighting in intimate relationships
Gaslighting in intimate relationships — especially in marriages — takes this psychological warfare to a deeper level due to the emotional closeness and commitment involved.
Victims often report increased levels of anxiety, depression, and even PTSD, as highlighted by studies like one published in the Journal of Family Violence.[28]
In marriages, gaslighting can affect various aspects of life, from parenting to finances. Some common signs include parental alienation, financial control (like limiting access to joint accounts), and public humiliation.
Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, in her book Gaslighting, explains that gaslighting in marriage often involves long-term patterns that are difficult to break due to emotional and legal ties.[29]
This behavior often persists due to societal pressure to maintain the marriage, fear of change, or concerns about the impact on children. To counter gaslighters, it’s important to document instances of manipulation, seek professional therapy, and understand your legal rights.
Conclusion
Recognizing the disturbing signs of gaslighting in a relationship is the first step toward empowerment.
Stay informed and seek help from your support system. If you don’t have anyone you can trust, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233).
Gaslighters thrive on confusion, but awareness is your greatest tool in breaking free.
For more information and resources about relationship abuse, follow the link.
FAQs
What is the cruelest form of gaslighting?
The cruelest form of gaslighting is total denial, where the gaslighter completely denies events or conversations that you know happened. This extreme manipulation can make you feel like you’re losing your grip on reality.
What is a gaslight apology?
A gaslight apology is an insincere apology that diverts the blame back to you. For example, “I’m sorry you feel that way” implies that your feelings are the problem, not their actions.
What is mistaken for gaslighting?
Sometimes honest misunderstandings or differences in perception are mistaken for gaslighting. The key difference is intent and a pattern of manipulation.
What are the phrases to shut down gaslighting?
These phrases assert your reality without escalating the situation. Try, “I know what I experienced,” “My feelings are valid,” or “Let’s agree to disagree.”
What is a gaslighter’s weakness?
A gaslighter’s weakness is exposure and loss of control. They thrive on manipulation and secrecy, so setting boundaries, seeking support, and maintaining your confidence can undermine their tactics.
References
1. Stern, R. (2007). The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life. Morgan Road Books.
2. Sarkis, S. (2018). Gaslighting: Recognize manipulative and emotionally abusive people—and break free. Da Capo Lifelong Books.
3. Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2017). The science of couples and family therapy: behind the scenes at the “love lab.” W. W. Norton & Company.
4. Durvasula, R. (2018). Should I stay or should I go? Surviving a relationship with a narcissist. Post Hill Press.
5. Gudjonsson G. (2017). Memory distrust syndrome, confabulation and false confession. Cortex, 87, 156–165.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cortex.2016.06.013
6. Stern, R. (2007). The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life. Morgan Road Books.
7. American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Projection. APA Dictionary of Psychology.
https://dictionary.apa.org/projection
8. Lohmann, S., Cowlishaw, S., Ney, L., O’Donnell, M., & Felmingham, K. (2024). The trauma and mental health impacts of coercive control: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence & Abuse, 25(1), 630–647.
https://doi.org/10.1177/15248380231162972
9. McGregor, J., & McGregor, T. (2013). The empathy trap: Understanding antisocial personalities. Sheldon Press.
10. Follingstad, D. R. (2009). The impact of psychological aggression on women’s mental health and behavior: The status of the field. Journal of Family Violence, 24(2), 129–140.
https://doi.org/10.1007/s10896-008-9219-1
11. Sarkis, S. (2018). Gaslighting: Recognize manipulative and emotionally abusive people—and break free. Da Capo Lifelong Books.
12. Clance, P. R., & Imes, S. A. (1978). The impostor phenomenon in high achieving women: Dynamics and therapeutic intervention. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice, 15(3), 241–247.
https://doi.org/10.1037/h0086006
13. Buss, D. M., & Chiodo, L. M. (1991). Narcissistic acts in everyday life. Journal of Personality, 59(2), 179–215.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.1991.tb00773.x
14. Simon, G. K. (2010). In sheep’s clothing: Understanding and dealing with manipulative people. Parkhurst Brothers Publishers.
15. American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Pathological lying. APA Dictionary of Psychology.
https://dictionary.apa.org/pathological-lying
16. Stern, R. (2007). The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life. Morgan Road Books.
17. Herman, J. L. (1997). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence—from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.
18. Stern, R. (2007). The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life. Morgan Road Books.
19. Heller, N. R., Bernard, D. L., & Cokley, K. O. (2020). Contextualizing the impostor “syndrome”: Exploring the interactions between work, social factors, and imposter phenomenon. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 606513.
https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.606513
20. Forward, S., & Frazier, D. (1997). Emotional blackmail: When the people in your life use fear, obligation, and guilt to manipulate you. HarperCollins.
21. Stern, R. (2007). The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life. Morgan Road Books.
22. Fontes, L. A. (2015). Invisible chains: Overcoming coercive control in your intimate relationship. The Guilford Press.
23. Herman, J. L. (1997). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence—from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.
24. Evans, P. (2003). Controlling people: How to recognize, understand, and deal with people who try to control you. Adams Media.
25. Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life. Zondervan.
26. Tannen, D. (2001). You just don’t understand: Women and men in conversation. HarperCollins.
27. American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Gaslight. APA Dictionary of Psychology.
https://dictionary.apa.org/gaslight
28. March, E., Kay, C. S., Dinić, B. M., Wagstaff, D., Grabovac, B., & Jonason, P. K. (2023). “It’s all in your head”: Personality traits and gaslighting tactics in intimate relationships. Journal of Family Violence, 1–10.
https://doi.org/10.1007/s10896-023-00582-y
29. Sarkis, S. (2018). Gaslighting: Recognize manipulative and emotionally abusive people—and break free. Da Capo Lifelong Books.
My gaslighted is smart enough not to directly insult me; he lies when he goes out for a pack of smokes and returns 2 hours later, he went to casino while I was in the hospital, etc etc
Paula, thank you for sharing — sounds like you’ve got a real piece of work on your hands. The lies, the casino stunt — it’s the kind of stuff that makes you shake your head. You’re clearly seeing through it, though, and that’s a power move. You deserve honesty. Maybe this would help: How to Leave a Toxic Relationship: 6 No-Nonsense Steps (+ Quiz)