Between matchmaking apps and social media, side hustles and lockdowns, a lot has changed in the last couple of decades. Unfortunately, one aspect of dating that is NOT new is dating violence.
To prevent yourself, your sister, or your BFF from becoming a victim of dating violence, it’s crucial to learn how to identify toxic behavior in a relationship, recognize when it’s turned into dating violence, and get away from it.
Table of Contents
What Is Dating Violence?
According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, the term dating violence “covers a wide range of controlling, abusive, and aggressive behaviors in . . . dating relationships that occur alone or in some combination.”[1]
Dating violence differs from domestic violence in that it lacks cohabitation, but otherwise, the dating violence definition is the same as domestic violence.
Dating violence encompasses a whole spectrum of abusive behaviors, from emotional manipulation and digital stalking to verbal and physical abuse.
Dating violence encompasses a whole spectrum of abusive behaviors, from emotional manipulation and digital stalking to verbal and physical abuse — anything your partner uses to control you, make you feel unsafe, or harm you.
Physical violence like hitting, slapping, or preventing you from leaving are the most obvious forms of dating violence. But emotional mind games, such as constant insults, extreme jealousy, and isolating you from friends can lowkey mess you up even more, in the long run.
Which of the Following Best Describes Dating Violence?
Dating violence isn’t always about shouting matches and black eyes. It can be a lot more subtle.
Test your knowledge with this quick quiz:
Scenario 1: You and your partner are arguing, and they raise their voice and call you names. Is this dating violence?
a) Yes, this is a clear sign of emotional abuse.
b) Not necessarily. Sometimes people yell during arguments.
Scenario 2: Your partner constantly checks your phone to see who you’ve been texting. Is this dating violence?
a) Yes, this is a violation of your privacy and a sign of control.
b) Not necessarily. Maybe they’re a bit jealous . . . . It’s kinda cute!
Scenario 3: Your partner always wants to know where you are and who you’re with. Is this dating violence?
a) Yes, this is controlling behavior and a red flag.
b) Not necessarily. Maybe they just care about you a lot.
Scenario 4: Your partner and you are arguing and you turn to walk away. Your partner grabs your arm to stop you from leaving. Is this dating violence?
a) Yes, this is physical abuse and unacceptable behavior from a partner.
b) He barely touched you, and didn’t leave any marks. No harm done!
Mostly a’s? You’ve got a good grasp on dating violence!
Dating violence can be emotional, physical, verbal, or even digital. It’s about control and manipulation, not just dramatic fights. If you answered mostly b’s, don’t worry; many people misunderstand what dating violence really is.
Recognizing the Signs: Toxic Behavior in a Relationship
No one stumbles into an abusive relationship on purpose — it starts with subtle, insidious behaviors you might not even recognize as toxic right away. But once you can read those red flags, you’re armed with awareness to avoid falling into a cycle of dating violence.
Excessive jealousy and insecurity
For some people, a little jealousy can be reassuring; it shows your partner cares. In the Western Journal of Communication, authors Elphinston et al. claim that occasional jealousy “can remind a person of the importance of the partner and the relationship” and “provide a signal to stop taking the partner for granted.”[2]
But when the green-eyed monster turns into Godzilla and starts stomping all over your social life, it’s a red flag bigger than Kanye interrupting Taylor’s acceptance speech. Or Kanye doing . . . anything really. The guy’s a walking red flag.
Constantly getting grilled about who you talked to at work or why you took so long at the grocery store breeds an atmosphere of distrust and control. Your every move gets interrogated under a never-ending cloud of suspicion.
Having to explain and defend yourself incessantly for simply existing gets beyond exhausting.
Possessiveness
Jealousy and possessiveness are like the Bonnie and Clyde of toxic relationship traits — a destructive duo that thrives on insecurity and control, leaving a trail of emotional carnage in their wake.
There’s a fine line between “You’re my everything” and “You’re my literal property.” Jealous partners who’ve binged too much Twilight might romanticize possessiveness, but in reality, it’s about as appealing as Edward Cullen’s pasty, sparkly vampire skin.
Possessiveness is jealousy turned into action. The possessive partner doesn’t want you going anywhere or hanging out with your friends. Only they should have access to you. In their eyes, you belong to them.
Signs your partner is less soul mate and more soul sucker:
- Wants to know your whereabouts 24/7, often via invasive tracking apps
- Acts suspicious or angry about your interactions with others
- Tries to dictate who you can/can’t talk to or hang out with
- Shows up uninvited to “check” on you
- Pressures you to share passwords to monitor communication
- Accuses you of flirting or cheating without any evidence
Possessiveness is a manipulative tactic designed to make you so anxious over being falsely accused that you start policing your own behavior. You’ll walk on eggshells, distancing yourself from friends and cutting off totally innocent interactions just to avoid your partner’s baseless blowups.
Pressure to change or controlling your appearance
You ever see that classic 2000s flick She’s All That where the popular dude makes over the artsy girl to fit his vision? Well, abusive partners take that controlling makeover trope and jack it up to psychotic levels. They’re not trying to land you the prom queen crown; they’re attempting to mold your entire identity into their twisted ideal.
They see you as less of a partner and more like a personal Sims character they can endlessly customize. “That dress is too revealing,” or “I prefer you in pastels, not black.”
Next thing you know, they’re Marie Kondo-ing your wardrobe until it’s all mom jeans and turtlenecks. Hell, they might even start dictating your hairstyle or makeup routine like a deranged stylist.
But it doesn’t stop at fashion policing.
Over time, they move on from your style to your entire sense of self. As they slowly strip away everything that makes you unique, you lose touch with who you really are outside of their distorted vision.
Isolation tactics
Abusers are experts at manipulation, and one of their key tactics is isolating their victims to exert complete control.
One way abusers may isolate their victims is by discouraging social interactions with friends and family. Hanging out with friends? “Ugh, you never want to spend time with me anymore.” Going to the gym? “Must be nice having more time for yourself than for me.”
They make you feel guilty for spending time with friends or family and try to isolate you from your support system. They may even use manipulation to turn you against your friends and family, tightening the hold they have on you.
Constant criticism and humiliation
Remember when your coworkers had that roast session during happy hour, and everyone’s imperfections got mercilessly dragged through the mud? You all laughed it off because the jokes were served with a side of genuine camaraderie.
That’s not the vibe with an abusive partner’s “playful” critiques.
They start with seemingly harmless jabs. “Your laugh is so annoying” or “Did you really think that outfit looked good?”
At first, you might brush it off as honest feedback or quirky teasing. But soon enough, they’re dissecting every single thing about you with the relentless precision of Gordon Ramsay inspecting a kitchen disaster.
Your intelligence, appearance, career, hobbies — nothing is safe from their scathing reviews. They’ll make backhanded compliments an art form: “You look almost pretty when you try.” Or openly insult you: “No wonder you’re still stuck in that entry-level job.”
Eventually, every choice you make gets scrutinized to death. Eventually, this relentless negativity chips away at your self-esteem like Chinese water torture — one drip at a time until you’re left drowning in self-doubt.
The theory here is that a woman with low or no self-esteem is less likely to leave.
Threats and explosive behavior
Threats, both spoken and unspoken, are a bully’s tactic used to control and manipulate. In a relationship, they are a terrifying sign of psychological abuse.
If your partner casually mentions how “jealousy can make people do crazy things,” or throws their phone across the room in a rage after a disagreement, these actions, subtle or explosive, send a chilling message: “Do what I want, or else.”
Abusive partners know that displaying unsettling behavior like punching walls, throwing objects, or even direct threats of harm creates an unpredictable environment rooted in fear. You’re left walking on eggshells, never knowing when you’ll inadvertently “set them off” again with the next outburst.
Sure, they may apologize and insist they’d never actually hurt you once they’ve had a chance to cool down. But the damage is done — you’ve been reminded of their ability to become unhinged and irrational at any moment.
That underlying threat of potential violence lingers like a dark cloud.
Digital and physical privacy invasions
A healthy relationship thrives on trust and respect. That includes respecting your privacy, both online and off. But some abusers use privacy invasions as a tool for control.
Digital privacy invasions
If your partner pressures you to hand over your social media logins or phone passcode, that’s a major red flag.
It’s bad enough that every major corporation in the world is already monitoring our actions online. Like this guy:
An abusive partner might pressure you to hand over your social media logins or phone passcode under the guise of “nothing to hide.” They use this access to monitor your activity, control who you interact with, or even post embarrassing things on your behalf.
Other tactics include trying to control who you follow on social media and who follows you, constantly tracking your location, or demanding to know where you are at all times.
It’s a hop, skip, and a jump from here to stalking.
Abusers may also use compromising photos or videos as a weapon. They threaten to leak them online or share them with others if you don’t do what they want. This “revenge porn” is not only a serious form of abuse and a violation of your privacy, it’s also a serious crime.
In fact, cyber abuse often overlaps with other types of dating violence. A recent study on cyber abuse shows that perpetrators of physical and emotional abuse are more likely to engage in cyber abuse.[3] It might seem less tangible, but the scars it leaves can be just as deep.
Physical privacy invasions
Privacy invasion gets even more unhinged in the real world. These actions disregard boundaries and personal space, instilling fear, discomfort, and a sense of violation in the victim. Such intrusions can be intimidating, coercive, and indicative of a lack of respect for personal boundaries.
It’s nice when a partner makes a surprise visit. But if they constantly show up at your work or doorstep unannounced, especially after you’ve expressed discomfort, it’s a violation of your boundaries and privacy.
Other tactics include going through your drawers or checking your belongings without your permission, checking your devices while you’re away, and physically trailing you.
Your personal space is sovereign territory, not an occupied war zone monitored by an overbearing dictator.
Gaslighting, manipulation, and emotional abuse
Dating violence isn’t always about fists and fury. Sometimes, the weapon of choice is your own mind.
Emotional abuse is a sneaky monster that chips away at your self-esteem, leaving you feeling confused, isolated, and worthless.
The National Library of Medicine describes emotional abuse as “any non-physical behavior or attitude that is designed to control, subdue, punish, or isolate another person through the use of humiliation or fear and can include verbal assault, dominance, control, isolation, ridicule, or the use of intimate knowledge for degradation.”[4]
It is often a precursor to physical abuse.
Some sneaky tactics emotional abusers use include denying things they said or did, leaving you confused and wondering if you’re overreacting or misinterpreted events. This is called gaslighting. It makes you question your own reality.
Abusers often employ a cycle of idealization and devaluation. They may shower you with excessive affection and attention (love bombing) initially, only to withdraw affection, become critical, or devalue you over time. This inconsistent behavior keeps you hooked, hoping the wonderful person returns.
Unwanted sexual contact and reproductive coercion
Sex is a beautiful and intimate part of a healthy relationship, but only when it’s consensual.
Unfortunately, some abusers use pressure, manipulation, or even force to gain sexual control. This can have devastating consequences for the victim.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly 3 in 10 women in the United States (29%, or approximately 34.3 million), and about 1 in 10 men (10%, or an estimated 11.2 million), “have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner.”[5]
With such dire statistics, it’s important to highlight the importance of sexual consent in dating relationships.
Unwanted sexual contact (or sexual violence), simply put, is any sexual activity that occurs without mutual consent. It’s not just a bad date; it’s a crime, and you are the victim (read: victim = 100% blameless).
Sexual violence explicitly involves physical force or actions that are clearly degrading, humiliating, and unwanted. According to the World Health Organization, “this includes any person, regardless of their relationship to the victim, and can occur in any setting, home or work.”[6]
Sexual coercion is more subtle than sexual violence.
According to the World Health Organization, while both terms involve forcing an individual into sexual activity against their will, sexual coercion includes a broader range of behaviors and circumstances, often involving nonphysical forms of pressure.
This can occur through threats, verbal insistence, deception, cultural expectations, or economic circumstances. Sadly, this trauma too often gets downplayed as persistent “persuasion” or simply assertive sexual appetite.
Some tactics sexual abusers use on their victims:
- Making you feel responsible for their happiness and using guilt to pressure you into sex
- Using past favors or good deeds as leverage to get what they want now
- Raising their voice (making threats) or giving the good ol’ silent treatment
- Plying you with alcohol or drugs to lower your inhibitions and make it harder for you to consent.
Reproductive coercion is another sneaky and manipulative form of abuse that involves controlling your reproductive choices and taking away your bodily autonomy. Here are some red flags to watch out for:
- Hiding your birth control pills or sabotaging condoms
- Constantly talking about wanting children, even when you’ve expressed a desire to wait or not have kids at all
- Trying to pressure you to terminate a pregnancy you want — and vice versa
- Getting you pregnant intentionally to control you or trap you in a relationship
Let’s make one thing crystal clear: Any form of sexual activity without enthusiastic consent from all parties involved is assault, period.
If you’re experiencing pressure, manipulation, or force regarding sex or your reproductive choices, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. There are resources available to help.
Physical abuse
When we think of dating and relationship violence, physical abuse is usually what first comes to mind — and for good reason.
According to statistics published by the CDC, nearly one in three women (30%, or about 36.2 million) and one in four men (26% or about 29 million) in the US have been “slapped, pushed, or shoved by an intimate partner.”[7]
With numbers like these, it’s essential to recognize the signs of physical abuse very early in a dating relationship.
It isn’t just about broken bones and black eyes (although those are serious and require immediate attention).
It can be any physical act that hurts you or leaves you feeling unsafe.
Some signs of physical dating abuse:
- Injuries, such as bruises, burns, or cuts
- Frequently get damaged clothes or belongings
- Walking on eggshells to avoid your partner’s outbursts
- Abuse of your pets, throwing items, or punching walls/furniture
- Physically restraining you from leaving or blocking exits
- Forcing you to consume alcohol or drugs against your will or in excessive amounts
- Forcing you to engage in sexual activities against your will
This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it paints a grim picture. Remember, any physical violence is a huge red flag and a sign of a dangerous relationship.
Don’t let anyone downplay physical abuse with phrases like, “It was just rough play” or “We were both drunk.”
A healthy relationship doesn’t involve getting physical, even during arguments. If your partner ever hurts you or makes you feel afraid, it’s a serious issue. Don’t fall for promises of “changing” or the “it won’t happen again” routine.
Physical abuse often gets worse over time, not better.
If you’re experiencing physical abuse, know that you’re not alone. There are resources available to help you get safe.
Dating Abuse Can Happen to Anyone
Dating violence can strike anyone, anywhere. It’s not a stereotype confined to after-school specials or specific social groups.
Dating violence can happen in opposite-sex couples, LGBTQ+ relationships, and even relationships that seem perfect from the outside.
It can happen to anyone, regardless of socioeconomic status, racial background, religion, education, gender, you name it. Your best friend, your neighbor, your coworker with the charming smile and the winning jokes — they could all be the one victims of abusive behavior.
Even people who seem sweet at first can turn sour.
Effects of Dating Violence: The Lasting Impacts of Abuse
Dating violence can shatter lives, leaving behind irreparable damage that echoes through victims’ physical and mental well-being for years to come.
Emotional effects
Short-term emotional effects
The immediate emotional fallout from dating violence is anxiety and depression. In fact, researchers with Johns Hopkins University, Campbell and Lewandowski, found that recent studies show “the strongest risk factor for identification of battered women . . . was depressive symptoms.”[8]
Anxiety can become your constant companion when you’re in an abusive relationship, whispering worries in your ear and making even the simplest decisions feel monumental.
Increased levels of anxiety can lead to myriad other mental and physical health issues.
Not surprisingly, a report in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence shows that “women who experience physical and emotional abuse within dating relationships exhibit disproportionately more symptoms of mood and anxiety disorders than women without the experience of such abuse.”[9]
You might find yourself constantly on edge, waiting for the next outburst, the next controlling comment. Sleep, once a welcome escape, can become riddled with nightmares reliving the abuse, leaving you exhausted and jumpy even after waking up.
Depression and anxiety can become a heavy weight, draining your motivation and making it hard to find joy in the things you used to love. You might even isolate yourself from friends and activities you used to enjoy, feeling like no one understands the emotional roller coaster you’re on.
Long-term emotional effects
Dating violence can trigger symptoms of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), a condition often associated with war veterans but very real for survivors of abuse.
According to the journal Violence and Victims, PTSD symptoms can “include reliving the experience (e.g., through flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive thoughts), feeling numb and avoiding reminders of the experience, and exhibiting increased physiological arousal, especially when reminded of the experience.”[10]
Trust issues are another significant long-term effect. After experiencing betrayal and manipulation from someone they loved and trusted, survivors may find it incredibly difficult to trust others.
In fact, according to an article published in the journal Health Care for Women International, studies show that the long-term emotional health consequences caused by dating violence can “include distrust and hostility toward men and the inability to establish meaningful attachments.”[11]
Low self-esteem is a prevalent issue among those who have endured dating violence. Abusers often erode their victims’ self-worth through constant criticism, belittling, and manipulation.
This can lead to insecurity, self-criticism, lack of productivity, irritability, and social withdrawal.[12]
The potential for substance abuse as a coping mechanism cannot be overlooked. According to the New England Journal of Medicine, women may turn to substance abuse in response to physical and emotional abuse inflicted by their partners.[13] While this might offer temporary relief, it ultimately leads to a host of additional problems.
Lastly, the risk of suicide also increases significantly for survivors of dating violence.
In the Journal of Family Violence, authors Rogers and Follingstad studied abused women and found that feeling isolated and disconnected from others led them to “contemplate suicide in the future as a means to end the abuse because she anticipates no positive social bonds.”[14]
Physical effects
While the psychological anguish of dating violence can feel like an inescapable hell, the harsh reality is that survivors often endure severe physical trauma as well.
Here’s a shocking statistic: The most severe health consequence of intimate partner violence, homicide, accounts for more than half the homicides of women in the United States each year.
Campbell and Lewandowski further report that while “the majority of battered women eventually do leave their abuser . . . they are probably most at risk for homicide after they have left the abuser or when they make it clear to him that they are leaving for good.”[15]
But even in cases where external injuries heal, internal damage frequently lingers. Broken bones, concussions, unwanted pregnancies, and increased risks of contracting sexually transmitted infections are all part of the horrific course.
A perverted sense of “possession” often drives sexually abusive partners to tamper with birth control or sabotage reproductive choices. An unplanned pregnancy or termination can bring up a whole new dimension of trauma to untangle.
Sexually transmitted diseases are another sick parting gift, handed out by abusers who deploy unprotected assault as an extra violation.
A recent Public Health Report from the US surgeon general’s office suggests that “abuse victims fear safer sex negotiations with their partners would lead to intensification of the violence already present in their relationships, resulting in less condom use.”[16]
The bruises and bones may heal, but the physical effects of dating violence can last long after the abuse stops.
Social and relational effects
The vicious cycle of dating abuse doesn’t just decimate your sense of self and safety in the moment. That fallout radiates outward, poisoning all areas of survivors’ lives in the aftermath, including their ability to develop healthy relationships and social circles going forward.
After being systematically stripped of independence, autonomy, and boundaries, simply trusting another person becomes a massive hurdle.
Building meaningful connections requires vulnerability — the very thing that was exploited and crushed before.
So, many survivors ironically isolate themselves as a form of self-preservation, withdrawing socially to avoid potential mistreatment. But in doing so, they rob themselves of the exact support structures proven to aid in healing emotional and psychological wounds.
Tragically, this isolation also increases vulnerability to falling for unhealthy relationship patterns or even directly back into an abuser’s arms in the future.
Academic and professional
In the midst of a volatile relationship, maintaining focus or consistent attendance becomes difficult. Every day is an exercise in vigilance and self-preservation, not productivity.
And it gets even harder when you consider that dating abusers often try to sabotage their victims’ careers in an attempt to weaken their autonomy.
According to research, “abusive men deliberately undermine women’s employment by depriving them of transportation, harassing them at work, turning off alarm clocks, beating them before job interviews,” compromising their careers by causing them to miss work, damaging their physical health, cognitive aptitude and concentration, and “lowering [their] self-esteem and aspirations.”[17]
That fast-track promotion? Now it feels like you’re fighting just to keep your job.
On top of that, collaborating with colleagues proves equally daunting. The inability to simply relax and feel safe around others makes establishing professional rapports and trusting bonds nearly impossible.
Getting Help: You Are Not Alone
Dating violence can make you feel isolated and alone.
Listen to me: It’s not your fault.
No matter what your abuser might say, you deserve to be treated with respect and safety.
Whether physical abuse, emotional manipulation, controlling behaviors, or threats — none of it is OK.
Remember, you are not alone. There are people who care about you and want to help. Reaching out for support is a sign of strength, not weakness. With help, you can break free from the cycle of abuse and build a life filled with healthy relationships and happiness.
Resources: Counseling and support
If you’ve ditched the drama and left the violence behind, well done! But difficult breakups, even the necessary ones, can leave you feeling emotionally bruised and confused. And the effects of the abuse will linger long after you’ve taken out the trash.
For starters, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). This nonprofit organization offers crisis intervention, information, and referrals to victims of domestic violence as well as their friends and families.
The hotline is confidential, toll-free, and anonymous. They have access to over 5,000 shelters and domestic violence programs across the U.S., Puerto Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands.
Getting counseling or another type of professional help is crucial to your mental and emotional help, both during an abusive dating relationship and beyond it.
Talking to a therapist can feel scary, but it’s a safe space to unpack all that emotional baggage your abuser left behind. They’ll help you understand what happened, navigate the confusing mix of anger, sadness, and maybe even relief, and develop healthy coping mechanisms to deal with the aftermath.
Other resources:
- National Centers for Victims of Crime (NCVC). The NCVC provides resources and advocacy for crime victims, including young people facing dating violence. You can reach them at 1-800-FYI-CALL. They can connect you with local victim services counselors.
- National Dating Abuse Helpline. Call 1-866-331-9474 for real-time, one-on-one support from peer advocates trained to offer information, support, and advocacy related to dating abuse. This helpline is specifically designed for teens and young adults, as well as concerned friends, parents, teachers, and service providers.
Safety planning
Creating a safety plan is a vital step in ensuring your well-being if you’re in an abusive relationship. It’s your personal roadmap to safety, designed to help you navigate tricky situations and leave dangerous environments swiftly and securely.
Here’s what your safety plan should include:
Pack your essentials: Gather your important documents, such as your ID, passport, bank statements, licenses, financial records. Also include some cash, a change of clothes, and a spare phone if possible. You may not live with your dating abuser, but they may try to track you down anyway, so it might be best to lay low for a while.
Buddy system: Pick a trusted friend or family member as your emergency contact. This should be your guardian angel — a third-party who’s 100% looped into the toxic situation and can promptly send help or safely extract you when that code word gets dropped.
Fortress of solitude: Identify safe spaces — a friend’s place, a trusted family member’s house, even that 24-hour diner you love. Basically anywhere you can temporarily exist off their radar while formulating the next move.
If you need assistance coming up with a proper exit plan, the National Domestic Violence Hotline has a great interactive guide that will help you come up with the perfect safety plan.
Building a support network
Reaching out to trusted friends, family members, or mentors can be a great first step in building your support network. But pulling a J.D. Salinger and going total recluse mode is only going to stunt your healing process.
They’ll be your cheerleaders, your shoulder to cry on, and the voice of reason when your brain is clouded with “Should I text them?” anxieties.
Helping a Friend
Supporting a friend who you suspect is in an abusive relationship can be tough. You want to help, but you also need to respect their autonomy and choices. Here’s how you can be the best friend they need right now:
Listen without judgment: When your friend vents about the latest manipulation tactics or violent outbursts, keep an open ear to absorb their doubts, fears, shame spirals, the whole enchilada.
Validating their experiences helps chip away at the gaslighting. Phrases like, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this” or “That sounds really hard” can go a long way in making your friend feel heard and understood.
Offer support: Show your friend that you’re there for them, no matter what. Offer practical help, like a place to stay or a ride to counseling appointments. Sometimes, the best support is just being there, whether that’s hanging out and watching movies or being on the other end of the phone when they need to talk.
Respect their choices: This one’s tough but essential. Even if you think your friend should break things off with their partner immediately, the decision has to come from them. Pushing too hard can backfire, making them feel isolated and more dependent on the abusive partner.
Encourage professional help: Gently suggest seeking professional help, whether it’s through a counselor, support group, or helpline. These professionals can offer expert advice and support that you might not be equipped to provide.
Be patient: Change doesn’t happen overnight, and your friend might need time to come to terms with their situation and decide what to do. Continue to be there for them, offering your unwavering support and understanding. Your patience can be a lifeline in their journey to safety and healing.
Know when to call the police — and when not to: According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, calling the police when your friend is in an abusive relationship is not always the right thing to do. In some cases, it can make the situation worse for the victim rather than improving it.[18]
If the victim is in imminent physical danger, however, calling the police is a good way to protect your friend.
For more information and resources about relationship abuse, follow the link.
Conclusion
Dating violence is a serious and pervasive issue that affects people from all walks of life. While it can take many forms, it’s important to recognize the signs of abuse so you can seek help and support, or give it, if needed.
Remember, none of this is your fault, and you are not alone. There are people and resources available to help you.
Whether it’s reaching out to a trusted friend or family member, seeking counseling and support services, or building a support network, there are many ways to take action and work toward healing and recovery.
“You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” – Winnie the Pooh
FAQ Section
Who does dating violence affect?
Dating violence can affect anyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, socioeconomic background, or age. It’s a pervasive issue that can impact anyone who dates, from teenagers to adults.
Is dating violence considered abuse?
Yes, dating violence is considered abuse. It comprises physical, emotional, sexual, and digital abuse in a dating relationship. It’s not just about physical harm but encompasses any behavior that seeks to control, manipulate, or intimidate someone.
What are the different roles in dating violence?
The different roles in dating violence are the abuser and the victim. However, it’s important to note that these roles can be complex and fluid. The abuser exerts control and power over the victim, who may feel trapped, scared, or manipulated.
What is dating safety?
Dating safety involves taking precautions to protect yourself in a dating relationship. This includes meeting in public places at the start, setting clear boundaries, being aware of the signs of abuse, maintaining your independence, and ensuring you have a support system. It also means ending a relationship that becomes abusive.
How can I help a friend experiencing dating violence?
You can help a friend experiencing dating violence by listening without judgment, offering support, and respecting their choices. Encourage them to seek professional help and provide them with resources like the National Dating Abuse Helpline (1-866-331-9474) and the National Centers for Victims of Crime (NCVC).
References
1. Wasserman, C. R. E. S. S. I. D. A. (2003). Dating violence on campus: A fact of life. National Center for Victims of Crime, 16–21.
https://www.markwynn.com/wp-content/uploads/Dating-Violence-on-Campus-A-Fact-of-Life-2003.pdf
2. Elphinston, R. A., Feeney, J. A., Noller, P., Connor, J. P., & Fitzgerald, J. (2013). Romantic jealousy and relationship satisfaction: The costs of rumination. Western Journal of Communication, 77(3), 293–304.
https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/15152695.pdf
3. Borrajo, E., Gamez-Guadix, M., & Calvete, E. (2015). Cyber dating abuse: Prevalence, context, and relationship with offline dating aggression. Psychological Reports, 116(2), 565–585.
https://doi.org/10.2466/21.16.PR0.116k22w4
4. Karakurt, G., & Silver, K. E. (2013). Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: The role of gender and age. Violence and victims, 28(5), 804-821.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3876290/?ref=popsugar.com&=___psv__p_5104871__t_w_
5. Black, M. C., Basile, K. C., Breiding, M. J., Smith, S. G., Walters, M. L., Merrick, M. T., Chen, J., & Stevens, M. R. (2011). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey. National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
https://doi.org/10.3886/ICPSR34305.v1
6. Bott, S. (2010). Sexual violence and coercion: Implications for sexual and reproductive health (Social Determinants of Sexual and Reproductive Health, 133–57). World Health Organization.
https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document?repid=rep1&type=pdf&doi=89053c9edce13e4a81dca856cb7a4a60841f4b1b#page=141
7. Lone Star College Police Department. (n.d.) Domestic & dating violence. Lone Star College.
https://www.lonestar.edu/domestic-dating-violence.htm
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