You’ve got him! You’ve been dating awhile and he’s yours. But it’s just not quite . . . true love yet.
Here’s how to make him fall in love with you — a modern woman’s guide to capturing his heart and building a strong, romantic bond.
How to Make a Guy Fall in Love with You
You want him to fall head over heels, but you’re not about to change your entire personality or start juggling flaming batons to get his attention.
Good news: you don’t have to.
1. Be yourself: authenticity is irresistible
Nowadays, it’s easy to feel pressured to fit into a mold or present a perfect, filtered version of ourselves. However, research has shown that men are drawn to genuine, authentic women.
A study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that “individuals who engaged in self-verification — acting in ways that confirmed their true selves — were more likely to be perceived as attractive and likable.”[1]
To make him really fall in love with you, embrace your unique qualities and let your true personality shine through. Maybe you snort when you laugh or have an unhealthy obsession with true crime podcasts. Those little idiosyncrasies are what make you unique and memorable — and lovable.
So go ahead, geek out about your passions, share your unpopular opinions, and let your freak flag fly. The right guy will find your authenticity irresistible. And if he doesn’t? Well, his loss. You’ve just saved yourself from wasting time on someone who doesn’t appreciate the real you.
2. Perfect the art of listening
Being truly present in a conversation is a skill. Active listening isn’t just about hearing his words, it’s about engaging with what he’s saying and showing genuine interest in his passions and interests.
When he’s talking about his passions — even if it’s the mind-numbing intricacies of fantasy football — lean in. Ask questions. Show genuine interest. Dr. John Gottman, the relationship guru, calls this “turning towards” your partner, and it’s a key predictor of long-term relationship success.[2]
If you’re trying to make a guy fall in love with you, you can’t fake being a good listener. If you’re zoning out while he drones on about cryptocurrency, he’ll know (though I do sympathize). Instead, be curious about what excites him about it and how it makes him feel. Connect with the emotion, not just the topic.
Remember, the goal isn’t to become his echo chamber. It’s to create a space where he feels heard and valued. Do that, and watch how quickly he starts hanging on your every word too.
3. Positivity is attractive
It’s easy to fall in love with someone who has an infectious sense of humor. Life can be serious, but relationships shouldn’t be a drag. Injecting fun and playfulness into your dynamic adds a sprinkle of magic.
Science actually backs this up. A study in the journal Personal Relationships found that “couples who laugh together report higher relationship satisfaction.”[3]
Turns out laughter is the best medicine after all.
But it’s not about being a stand-up comedian. It’s about finding joy in everyday mishaps. Had a bad day at work? Challenge him to a pillow fight instead of a pity party.
Being someone who can laugh and find joy even in small things fosters a sense of companionship and makes him look forward to your time together.
4. Take care of yourself
Before you can truly connect with someone else, you need to be good to yourself. This isn’t selfish; it’s essential. And I don’t mean just face masks and bubble baths (though those are pretty damn great).
Start by focusing on your physical health. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep aren’t just for your body — they’re for your mind too. When you feel good physically, you’re more likely to have the energy and confidence to engage fully in the relationship.
Emotional well-being is equally important. Take time to nurture your mental health by setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
When you’re emotionally balanced, you’re better equipped to handle the ups and downs of a relationship with grace and resilience.
As Neff and Germer, researchers with the University of Texas and Harvard, respectively, advise in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, “Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.”[4]
Remember, a happy, healthy you is like catnip for the high-value man. So go on, treat yo’ self. Your love life will thank you.
5. Show appreciation: compliments go a long way
When you express gratitude for the little things he does, you’re sending a clear message: you value him and notice his efforts. Don’t wait for grand gestures to express your thanks.
Instead, recognize and celebrate the small, everyday actions that often go unnoticed. Whether it’s making you coffee in the morning, sending a sweet text, or simply being there when you need him, these moments deserve acknowledgment and reciprocation.
A heartfelt “thank you” or a warm smile can go a long way in helping him feel valued. Dr. Sara Algoe, a relationship researcher, calls this the “find, remind, and bind” theory.[5] Find the good stuff, remind him you noticed, and watch how it binds you closer.
In a world where it’s easy to take things for granted, being the person who consistently shows appreciation will make you stand out. It’s a simple yet impactful way to build a loving, lasting relationship.
6. Pursue your passions and live your best life
It’s easy to get caught up in a romance, but don’t let your world revolve solely around him. Having your own passions and interests makes you a more dynamic and interesting person. It shows him that you’re independent and fulfilled.
Whether you’re proudly Netflix-and-chill Jill or just came back from scaling Kilimanjaro — or both — embrace your personality with pride. Don’t forget to nurture them and explore new pastimes as well.
Your passions make you interesting and give you stuff to talk about beyond “How was your day?” And — bonus — they provide a handy excuse to be elsewhere when his mom’s dubious cooking is on the menu again.
So, whether it’s mastering the art of sourdough (very 2020 of you), learning to juggle chainsaws, or finally writing that novel about vampire accountants, do you. Because nothing’s sexier than a woman who’s got her own thing going on.
7. Build mystery and anticipation
That old saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is actually true. Revealing everything about yourself too soon can diminish the excitement of getting to know you. Don’t be afraid to keep a few secrets.
In today’s world of instant gratification, it’s easy to overshare and lay everything on the table right away. But by holding back a little, you allow the relationship to unfold naturally. This gradual discovery keeps the connection fresh and engaging.
It’s not about playing games or being deceptive; it’s about pacing the relationship so that he has the time to truly appreciate you and get to know you.
So, don’t spill all your tea on the first date. Keep some plot twists for sweeps week. Like a good book, reveal your chapters slowly, keep him turning the pages, and leave him wanting the sequel.
8. Be supportive and encouraging
Being his biggest cheerleader is a surefire way to make him fall head over heels.
Start by taking an active interest in what matters most to him. Whether it’s his career, a personal project, or a lifelong passion, let him know you’re in his corner.
Offer words of encouragement when he needs them, celebrate his wins, and be a comforting presence during setbacks. Your unwavering support will make him feel like he has a true partner who believes in him.
This doesn’t mean you have to be a yes-person. Constructive criticism is important, but frame it in a supportive way. You’re not just inflating his ego; you’re building a team.
9. Communicate effectively
Communication is the bedrock of any relationship. Any man who is going to fall head over heels for you will need to understand and be understood.
To achieve this, be open, honest, and clear about your thoughts and feelings. Don’t beat around the bush and don’t let conflicts fester. Address issues directly and respectfully, using “I” statements to express your feelings and needs.
For example, say “I feel upset when . . .” instead of “You always . . .” This approach helps you take ownership of your emotions and prevents your partner from feeling attacked or defensive.
Active listening is just as important as speaking. Give him your undivided attention when he’s talking. Reflect back what he’s saying to show you understand. When you create an open and honest communication channel, you build trust and intimacy.
How to make him want you
Attracting a man’s attention is the first step toward building a deeper connection and, ultimately, love. Men don’t love on command. Before he can fall for you, he needs to notice and be intrigued by you.
Confidence is key
Carrying yourself with confidence is one of the most powerful ways to make him want you. It isn’t just about looking good; it’s about feeling good in your own skin, knowing your worth, and embracing who you are.
Confidence naturally draws people in by making you more attractive and intriguing. A strong, self-assured presence is magnetic because it signals that you’re comfortable with yourself and don’t need external validation to feel whole.
This kind of inner strength is incredibly appealing because it shows that you’re independent, capable, and aware of your own value. Men are often drawn to women who know what they want, who aren’t afraid to be themselves.
Research published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin shows that “confidence is often interpreted as a sign of various desirable traits, such as intelligence and competence, which are not directly visible.”
However, you’ll find you want to be sure not to exude a quality of self-importance. Authors of the research, Murphy et al., advise that “overconfidence can also lead to perceptions of arrogance, which can counteract the positive effects.”[6]
True confidence means not having to boast or flaunt your self-assurance anyway.
Be approachable
A warm, open demeanor is like a beacon, inviting others to come closer. When you’re approachable, it shows that you’re interested in connecting. This may mean adjusting your RBF. I know, I know. That’s your armor.
Not a single woman on Earth wants to be told to smile more. And yet, smiling is your best first move — it’s a universal sign of friendliness and instantly makes you more attractive.
A genuine smile not only lights up your face but also sends the message that you’re happy and confident. It lowers the barrier for him to approach you, allowing him to feel more comfortable striking up a conversation.
Relaxing your body language is equally important. Avoid crossing your arms or looking too bothered. Instead, maintain an open posture, keep your arms and hands relaxed, and make natural eye contact.
This shows you’re present in the moment and interested in engaging with those around you.
But being approachable doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover to every Tom, Dick, and Harry. It’s about being open to interaction so you’re someone he can easily talk to. You can tell everyone else to bugger off if you want to.
Dress to impress
The right outfit can boost your mood, enhance your confidence, and give you that extra spring in your step. I don’t mean you have to wear the latest trends, flaunt your cleavage, or wear clothes you feel uncomfortable in. I’m talking about wrapping yourself up like a gift in something that makes you feel amazing.
Whether it’s your favorite jeans that fit just right or a dress that makes you feel unstoppable, the key is to wear what resonates with your personal style and comfort. When you’re dressed in something that makes you feel like the best version of yourself, that confidence becomes irresistible.
So, choose an outfit that makes you feel good, and let that positive energy draw him in.
Flirt like a pro
Flirting is a powerful tool for captivating his attention, but it’s important to approach it with finesse. Instead of being overly direct, use playful banter, subtle hints, and gentle touches to spark his interest.
The key to flirting effectively is to keep things light and intriguing, leaving just enough room for him to wonder and want more.
Don’t just take my word for it. Research published in the journal Communication Quarterly shows that “subtle flirting, especially the sincere style, is non-threatening and focuses on creating an emotional connection rather than immediate physical attraction.”[7]
Playful banter is your secret weapon. Tease him about his man-bun or challenge him to a battle of wits. And don’t underestimate the power of the “accidental” touch. A light brush of the arm or a playful nudge can send his heart racing faster than a squirrel on espresso!
Let the flirting be a dance where each of you takes turns leading and following, building up anticipation and connection.
Getting a Guy to Fall in Love: Mistakes and Pitfalls
Love is a beautiful thing, but it’s also a minefield of potential pitfalls.
While everyone makes mistakes in relationships, some can have more serious consequences and may push him away instead of drawing him closer. Here’s a list of common mistakes and pitfalls to avoid.
- Comparing your relationship to others: Constantly comparing your relationship to friends, family, or social media can create unrealistic expectations and dissatisfaction.
- Playing hard to get too long: While a little mystery can be alluring, being too elusive can make him lose interest or pursue other options.
- Being too available: Constantly being at his beck and call can come across as desperate and leave little room for him to miss you.
- Neglecting your own life: Making him the center of your world can create an imbalance and make you seem less interesting. It can also lead to codependency and neglect of your own needs and interests.
- Jealousy or insecurity: constantly questioning your partner’s loyalty or accusing them of infidelity can damage trust and drive them away.
- Trying to change him: Accept your partner for who they are or risk resentment and failure. Change comes from within, not from external pressure.
- Lack of communication: Poor or infrequent communication can lead to misunderstandings, unmet expectations, and emotional distance.
- Oversharing too soon: Revealing too much too quickly can overwhelm him and remove the intrigue.
- Lack of intimacy: Neglecting physical or emotional intimacy can lead to a lack of connection and dissatisfaction in the relationship.
- Lack of boundaries: Allowing your partner to overstep your boundaries, or disrespecting his, can lead to feelings of disrespect and unhappiness.
- Ignoring red flags: Overlooking serious issues in the hopes that they’ll resolve themselves can lead to bigger problems down the line.
- Manipulating or guilt-tripping: Using manipulation tactics or guilt trips to control your partner’s behavior can erode trust and damage your relationship.
Avoiding conflict: Ignoring or avoiding important issues can lead to pent-up resentment and eventual blow-ups. Address concerns openly and respectfully.
Every individual and relationship is unique, shaped by personal experiences, cultural backgrounds, and individual preferences.
What Makes a Man Fall in Love: The Psychology of Romance
So, what makes a guy go from “She’s cool” to “I can’t live without her”? While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, certain factors can significantly influence a man’s feelings of love.
At the core of romantic love is emotional intimacy. Men fall in love when they feel a deep, genuine connection with their partner, built through shared experiences, vulnerability, and open communication, allowing both partners to understand and appreciate each other on a deeper level.
A study published in the Handbook of Personal Relationships found that men, like women, place high value on emotional intimacy in romantic relationships. This involves feeling understood, appreciated, and supported by their partner.[8]
Trust and vulnerability play important roles in the development of emotional intimacy.
When a man feels safe enough to open up and be vulnerable, it can significantly deepen his emotional connection. This ties into “attachment theory,” which suggests that secure attachment in adulthood is linked to the ability to form deep, lasting romantic bonds.[9]
Physical attraction also plays a significant role, particularly in the initial stages of romance. However, it’s not just about appearance — though that’s certainly important for some people.
A man is more likely to fall in love with someone who makes him feel good about himself. This phenomenon, known as the “reflection of appraisal,” suggests that we’re drawn to those who see us as we wish to be seen.[10]
Kindness and support are powerful aphrodisiacs. Men are drawn to women who are caring, empathetic, and willing to lend a helping hand. Show genuine concern for his well-being and offer support during challenging times. This not only makes you more attractive but also strengthens your bond.
Men also fall in love with women they admire and respect. This admiration can stem from a partner’s intelligence, kindness, confidence, or other qualities they value in a relationship. When a man feels respected and valued in return, you give him space to develop strong romantic feelings.
Lastly, timing and readiness are often overlooked factors. A man is more likely to fall in love when he’s at a stage in life where he’s open to and ready for a committed relationship.
Keep in mind that while these factors can influence romantic attraction, love is a complex emotion that can’t be reduced to a simple formula. Every individual and relationship is unique, shaped by personal experiences, cultural backgrounds, and individual preferences.
Conclusion
Knowing how to make him fall in love with you isn’t about following a strict set of rules. It’s about being genuine, confident, and mindful of the connection you’re building together.
From embracing your true self and actively listening, to showing appreciation and maintaining a playful, supportive relationship, every tip shared here is designed to help you create a strong, lasting bond.
Avoid common pitfalls, stay true to your values, and remember that love grows best in an environment of trust, respect, and mutual support.
Need tips on how to start a relationship? We’ve got a dedicated page just for that—check out the link.
FAQs
What is the secret to a man’s heart?
The secret to a man’s heart is ensuring he feels valued. Show genuine interest in his life, be kind, and share happy moments together. When he feels appreciated and loved, his heart will open up to you.
How do you make a man chase you?
You make a man chase you by being confident and having your own life outside the relationship. Show interest in him but don’t give everything away too soon. Let him discover you slowly and he’ll be more eager to pursue you.
How do I keep him always interested?
You keep him interested by being playful, trying new things together, and maintaining a little mystery. Continue to show love and appreciation, and don’t forget to keep communication open. When he feels valued and enjoys being with you, his interest will stay strong.
References
1. Katz, J., & Beach, S. R. (2000). Looking for love? Self-verification and self-enhancement effects on initial romantic attraction. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 26(12), 1526–1539.
https://doi.org/10.1177/01461672002612007
2. Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. Harmony.
http://dspace.vnbrims.org:13000/xmlui/bitstream/handle/123456789/4566/The%20Seven%20Principles%20for%20Making%20Marriage%20Work.pdf?sequence=1
3. Hall, J. A. (2017). Humor in romantic relationships: A meta‐analysis. Personal Relationships, 24(2), 306–322.
https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12183
4. Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self‐compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28–44.
https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.21923
5. Algoe, S. B. (2012). Find, remind, and bind: The functions of gratitude in everyday relationships. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 6(6), 455–469.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2012.00439.x
6. Murphy, S. C., von Hippel, W., Dubbs, S. L., Angilletta Jr, M. J., Wilson, R. S., Trivers, R., & Barlow, F. K. (2015). The role of overconfidence in romantic desirability and competition. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 41(8), 1036–1052.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167215588754
7. Hall, J. A., Carter, S., Cody, M. J., & Albright, J. M. (2010). Individual differences in the communication of romantic interest: Development of the flirting styles inventory. Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 365–393.
https://doi.org/10.1080/01463373.2010.524874
8. Reis, H. T. (2018). Intimacy as an interpersonal process. In Relationships, well-being and behaviour (pp. 113-143). Routledge.
https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Phillip-Shaver/publication/232445951_Intimacy_as_an_interpersonal_process/links/60b3fb6c299bf1f6d587ff43/Intimacy-as-an-interpersonal-process.pdf
9. Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (2017). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. In Interpersonal development (pp. 283-296). Routledge.
https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Phillip-Shaver/publication/19588648_Romantic_Love_Conceptualized_as_an_Attachment_Process/links/63d191c7e922c50e99c2b3fa/Romantic-Love-Conceptualized-as-an-Attachment-Process.pdf
10. Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (2000). Self-esteem and the quest for felt security: how perceived regard regulates attachment processes. Journal of personality and social psychology, 78(3), 478.