How to Get Over a Breakup and Move On With Your Life

Ending a Relationship

Healing takes time, but neglecting yourself only delays the process. Prioritize self-care, nurture your passions, and remember, even flowers need a little rain to bloom again.

By: Edwin Mania

Let’s be real. Breakups stink. Especially when you’re in your 20s, juggling adulting and a fresh career, and suddenly your perfectly curated Instagram coupledom is tragically démodé. 

But hey, chin up! 

While breakups sting like a sunburn fresh out of Coachella, there are ways to heal, move on from us, and rediscover the awesome you that was there all along.

Key takeaways:

  • Feel it to heal it. Don’t bottle up your emotions! Embrace the sucky feelings, then healthily process them through self-reflection and expression.
  • Hit the pause button. Social media can be a breakup minefield. Give yourself a temporary digital detox to focus on healing and rediscovering yourself.
  • Activate your self-care superpowers. Prioritize activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. Self-care isn’t selfish — it’s the foundation for a strong emotional recovery.
  • Lean on your crew. You’ve got this, but you don’t have to go it alone. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family (or a therapist) who will understand and uplift you.
  • Breakups aren’t breakdowns. This experience, while painful, can be a catalyst for growth. Embrace the lessons you learned and move forward with a stronger, wiser you.

Table of Contents

How to Deal With a Breakup

Breakups can be brutal. But before you resign yourself to a lifetime of takeout and sad playlists (although, hey, there’s definitely a time and place for that), let’s talk about how to actually move through the pain and start feeling like yourself again. 

Here are some actionable steps you can take to navigate the emotional rollercoaster, reconnect with your inner rockstar, and emerge stronger than ever.

1. Feel Your Feelings

Dealing with a breakup is no walk in the park. In fact, it’s more like an obstacle course with emotional landmines at every turn. 

But you know what they say: The only way out is through. And that means fully embracing the wide range of feelings that come with the end of a relationship.

Normalizing the pain

Feeling heartbroken is totally normal. We’re constantly bombarded with nauseating images of happy couples on social media, making it seem as if breakups are rare, isolated failures.

But that’s not the case. Painful breakups are happening all around us every day.

You know what I’m talking about. That high school acquaintance who went from posting family Disney World pics to sharing empowered woman affirmations?


Normalizing the pain of a breakup isn’t about wallowing forever. It’s about giving yourself permission to feel the full spectrum of emotions — sadness, anger, confusion, maybe even a little relief (because let’s be real, not all breakups are created equal). 

As Dr. Evita Rocha, a physician with Kaiser Permanente in Riverside, California, wisely advises,

“Breakups are so challenging. They can signify a change in roles and routine, and even cause one to question their values or who they are, acknowledging your feelings is key in allowing yourself to heal.”[1]

So, give yourself permission to grieve, seek support, and know that healing will come with time.

Pushing those emotions down might later result in an embarrassing eruption, like a Kanye rant on Twitter. So cringe.

Processing your emotions

To truly feel your feelings, you have to process them. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Identifying and managing your emotions unleashes the secret code to self-awareness and inner peace. 

In fact, studies show more positive results when cognitive therapy is combined with process-oriented management of emotions.[2] 

Emotional processing is a hot topic among mental-health professionals, and research is ongoing. But we can narrow emotional management down to three essential steps: 

Step 1: Explore what happened

It’s important to understand what led to the breakup. 

Was it a lack of trust? Incompatible politics? Was she one of those women who collect Stanley Cups? (She had to go, my dude.)

In as much as you can, approach this objectively, as if you were simply describing an event to someone else, removing emotion from the equation — easier said than done.

Step 2: Explore your feelings about the event

In this stage, you’ll work through your emotions by approaching events from an emotional standpoint.[3] Play detective — what you’re essentially doing is mapping out your emotions. Identify feelings of shame, grief, hurt, anger, and, ultimately, self-compassion.

Try identifying your emotions on this scale of famous works of art. I’m a solid 6 most days. An 8 for about 45 minutes on a Friday night. A rabid 7 of simmering rage at Trader Joe’s. Is that shelf of lettuce telling you the lottery numbers or would you like to GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY LADY?!

Step 3: Acceptance through expression

It’s time to embrace the feels. That’s right — allow yourself to fully experience your emotions without reservation. This can be messy but liberating. 

Whether you express your emotions through journaling, talking it out with a friend, or simply sitting with them in silence, honoring your feelings is the key to healthy emotional processing.

Avoid coping with drugs and alcohol, as fun as that sounds. These coping mechanisms don’t address the root cause of your emotions and can exacerbate feelings of sadness, anger, or confusion. Alcohol and drugs can have severe health consequences, including addiction, liver damage, mental health issues, skin that looks ghoulish — and they’re expensive. 

Remember that healing takes time, and it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions. As you process them, you’ll gradually find clarity and resilience.

Expressing your emotions

We’ve talked about identifying and describing those big, messy feelings. But now it’s time to dive into the equally important next step: actually expressing yourself in a healthy, productive way.

Bottling up emotions is dangerous. By giving our inner worlds somewhere to go, we’re making space for healing, growth, and just generally being happier humans.

Remember what Einstein said. No, not “the hardest thing to understand in the world is income tax.” The other one. “Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.”

Change your energy, or it changes you.

The University of New Hampshire’s Psychological and Counseling Services encourages nurturing yourself: “Plan to do something calming and soothing EVERY DAY. Some things to try: meditation, yoga, journaling, music, progressive muscle relaxation, take a walk, or anything else that you find soothing.”[4]

So let’s talk game plans. If you’re someone who vibes with the written word, journaling can be an amazing emotional release. Prefer something more artistic? Get those paints and brushes out, pick up that dusty guitar, or sign up for a dance class. Ugly cry to your favorite Adele song.

And hey, if all else fails, there’s always the classic punch-a-pillow method. Sometimes we just need to get physically expressive, you know? Invest in a punching bag, hit up a kickboxing class, or simply take yourself on an angsty power-walk while screaming the latest Rina Sawayama hit into the void. 

Whatever allows you to get that pent-up energy out of your system in a relatively harmless way.

2. Cut Contact

While navigating this emotional rollercoaster, consider taking a break from direct contact with your ex. This “no contact” period allows you space to heal and avoid getting pulled back into the relationship or whatever cycle of conflict led to the breakup in the first place. 

It’s not about being mean but about prioritizing your well-being and giving yourself the chance to move forward. In fact, research also says that ungainful contact with your ex can be a significant setback for healing.[5]

The dangers of staying connected

You know that saying, “out of sight, out of mind”? Well, when it comes to getting over an ex, it couldn’t be truer. In fact, staying connected — whether it’s through social media, texts, or even mutual friends — can be the kiss of death for your healing process.

Seeing their face pop up on your feed or getting a text from them can open that emotional wound all over again. Analysis of data provided by 464 participants revealed that Facebook surveillance was associated with greater current distress over the breakup, more negative feelings, sexual desire and longing for the ex-partner, and lower personal growth.[6] 

While over 50% of people stay friends with an ex after a “non-marital romantic breakup,” this entirely depends on a wide variety of factors.[7] A study of post-breakup participants revealed a host of reasons people choose to stay friends with an ex. They found that these reasons vary widely based on both sex and personality.[8] 

So, while it’s true that staying connected with an ex will be different for each individual, the liminal space between what was and what is yet to be can be fraught with fear, loneliness, guilt, and confusion. Looking backward instead of forward during this vulnerable period may not provide clarity or healing.

Temporary “unfollow,” “delete,” or “block”

Make no mistake — social media can be a brutal battleground during a breakup. Seeing your ex’s seemingly perfect life plastered across your feed can feel like a gut punch, and the temptation to check their profile for updates is oh-so real. 

But here’s the truth: A temporary digital detox from your ex can be your secret weapon to winning the breakup. 

Here are some ways to encourage a digital detox:

  • Unfollow (or hide!): This might feel drastic, but trust me, it’s a game-changer. Out of sight, out of mind (at least on your feed).
  • Mute their stories: The last thing you need is your recent ex knowing you’re still watching their stories, even by accident.
  • Delete their number: If you find yourself constantly tempted to text or call your ex, deleting their number can be a helpful step. This way, you’ll have to put more thought into reaching out to them, rather than doing it impulsively.
  • Take a social media break: Feeling overwhelmed by the whole online world? Give yourself permission to disconnect for a while. Focus on real-life connections and activities that make you feel good.

If the thought of a complete digital detox gives you anxiety, start small. Maybe just take a social media break for a day or two and see how it goes. Or use your phone’s settings to set a time limit for your socials.

The key is being intentional about creating the space and time you need to process your emotions without constant reminders of the relationship.

3. Practice Self-Care

Breakups can leave you feeling drained and depleted. That’s why self-care becomes your ultimate superpower during this time. Prioritizing activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul is key to emotional recovery. 

Let’s explore how you can recharge your inner battery and emerge from this experience feeling stronger and more radiant than ever:

Nourishing your mind and body

When you’re getting over a breakup, taking care of your physical health should be priority numero uno. It’s cathartic to just binge Netflix while scarfing down a pint of ice cream, but trust me, that’s not going to do your mind or body any favors. (Well, maybe just this once.)

Instead, focus on nourishing yourself from the inside out. Start with your sleep — getting seven to nine hours a night is crucial for regulating your mood and helping your brain process all the emotions you’re feeling. 

Stop your 3 a.m. Wikipedia investigation into the Roman Empire. Yes, it’s cool the ancient Romans had heated floors. Who knew they were so bougie? Acquiring this knowledge in the middle of the night does you no favors. You’re still going to wake up to your toga-less wardrobe and cold rental linoleum. Just go to sleep.

Sleep deprivation can exacerbate feelings of sadness and anxiety after a breakup. Maintaining a consistent sleep routine is one of the best things you can do for your overall well-being.

Here are some tips to help you get the best sleep of your life:

Exercise during the day: Even just a simple daily walk can encourage deeper, more restorative sleep. 

Exercise also releases feel-good endorphins and helps you process all the emotions you’re feeling. Remember what Elle Woods taught us in Legally Blonde: “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands.” (Or, you know, exes.)

Set a consistent sleep schedule: This means going to bed and waking up at the same time every day — even on weekends. 

Create a relaxing bedtime routine: This can include things like taking a warm bath or shower, reading a book (not electronically), or practicing some relaxation exercises like deep breathing or meditation. The goal is to signal to your body that it’s time to wind down and get ready for sleep.

Make your bedroom a sleep sanctuary: This means keeping it dark, quiet, and cool. Invest in some blackout curtains or a sleep mask, use earplugs if necessary, and turn down the thermostat to create a comfortable sleeping environment.

Limit exposure to screens before bedtime: This one is tough, but the blue light emitted from our phones, tablets, and laptops can disrupt our natural sleep-wake cycle. Try to unplug at least an hour before bed and opt for a real book or some relaxing music instead.

Watch what you eat and drink: Avoid caffeine and alcohol close to bedtime because they can interfere with sleep. Also, try not to eat heavy meals or snacks too close to bedtime, which can lead to discomfort and disrupted sleep. 

And let’s talk about that pint of ice cream. A study published in the Journal of Loss and Trauma found that “focusing on maintaining a healthy diet and engaging in physical activity can be beneficial for individuals going through a breakup.”[9] 

That’s right, what you eat can actually impact your emotional state!

Try to stock up on wholesome, nutrient-dense options that will give you lasting energy. Think lean proteins, fresh fruits and veggies, whole grains — the kind of stuff that’s going to nourish your body and your mind.

Reconnecting with hobbies/passions

Remember that incredible, passionate person you were before the relationship? The one with a list of hobbies a mile long and a contagious zest for life? Yep, they’re still in there! 

Unhappy relationships and the breakups that follow have a way of dimming your inner light, but here’s the good news: You absolutely have the power to reignite it.

One of the best ways to move on from a relationship is to reconnect with the things that brought you joy before you got together.

Maybe it was painting, rock climbing, volunteering at an animal shelter, gaming, or devouring historical fiction novels. 

Whatever it was, dust off those forgotten interests and dive back in!

Engaging in activities you genuinely enjoy boosts your mood, fosters a sense of accomplishment, and reminds you of who you are outside of a relationship. As Psychologist Dr. Guy Winch says, “Engaging in activities you used to enjoy, even if you can’t fully enjoy them yet, will help reconnect you to your core self and the person you were before the breakup.”[10] 

So go ahead, sign up for that pottery class, buy a mountain bike, or finally plan that solo trip you’ve always dreamed of.

Rediscovering your passions isn’t about replacing your ex; it’s about reclaiming the parts of yourself that might have been pushed aside.

4. Remember You’re Not Alone

Leaning on your loved ones is crucial during a breakup, just like any other major life event. Surround yourself with friends and family who understand you, uplift you, and maybe even drag you out for a night of bad karaoke (is there good karaoke?).

It’s okay to lean on the people in your life. Talking things out with others can be therapeutic. Now, this doesn’t mean subjecting your barista to a soliloquy about your latest heartbreak — boundaries, people! 

But booking a vent session with your BFF or trusted family member, joining a support group, or even seeing a therapist can be invaluable. 

The Power of Support Systems

When you’re getting over a breakup, the absolute worst thing you can do is try to go it alone. It might feel easier to just curl up in a ball and shut out the world, but trust me, that’s a one-way ticket to Misery Town

Instead, you’ve got to lean on your support system, whether that’s your closest friends, your ride-or-die family members, or even a breakup support group. Personally, I vote for the dog, but they don’t talk back — usually.

Your friends and family know the real you — the one who existed long before that ex came into the picture. And they’re the ones who will be there to lift you up, remind you of your worth, and make sure you don’t do anything too crazy (like drunk texting at 2 am). 

And let’s not forget about the power of community. Joining a support group, whether it’s in person or online, can connect you with others going through the same thing. 

So start reaching out, my friend.

Seeking Professional Help

Now, the idea of opening up to a stranger about your most intimate struggles might sound terrifying, but working with a licensed therapist or counselor is a major step toward reclaiming your life.

Therapy is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. It’s about taking charge of your emotional well-being and investing in your future happiness. 

A therapist can provide a safe space to vent, guide you through difficult emotions, and equip you with tools to build healthier relationships in the future. They can also help you identify any underlying patterns that might have contributed to the breakup, so you can break the cycle and create the love life you deserve.

Remember, you wouldn’t hesitate to go to the doctor for a physical injury; there’s no shame in seeking help for your emotional well-being too.

And thanks to the internet, it’s never been easier to find a therapist

5. Find the Silver Lining

It might feel impossible to see anything good coming out of such a crappy situation. This experience, while painful, can be a catalyst for growth, self-discovery, and learning valuable lessons about yourself and relationships. 

Lessons learned

The key to getting over a breakup and moving on with your life is all about gaining some serious self-awareness and taking a long, hard look in the mirror and really reflecting on what went down in that relationship.

Now, it might be tempting to shove all those messy emotions down and try to move on as quickly as possible. But trust me, that’s only going to delay the healing process. Instead, carve out some time to sit with those feelings and really dig into what lessons you can take away. 

Ask yourself some honest questions:

  • What were my needs in the relationship, and were they being met?
  • Did I communicate my feelings effectively?
  • Did I give as much as (or more than) I received in the relationship?
  • Were there any red flags that I ignored? Beige flags? Did they like pineapple on pizza?
  • Did I prioritize my own needs and wants over my partner’s?
  • What boundaries did I let get steamrolled?
  • Where did I compromise my own needs and values just to keep the peace?

Reflecting on these questions can help you gain a better understanding of yourself and what you want in a future relationship. It’s important to approach this process with an open mind and a willingness to be honest with yourself.

Reflect on the good, the bad, and the ugly — what worked, what didn’t, and most importantly, how you can use this experience to become your best, most authentic self.

Growth mindset

Breakups can be a major blow to your self-esteem and confidence, leaving you feeling like you’re not good enough or that you’ll never find love again. However, it’s important to reframe the breakup as an opportunity for personal development and growth. 

Adopting a growth mindset can help you see the breakup as a chance to learn, improve, and become the best version of yourself.

One way to adopt a growth mindset after a breakup is to reframe negative thoughts and beliefs. Instead of telling yourself that you’ll never find love again or that you’re not good enough, challenge these thoughts and replace them with empowering beliefs.

For example, raise your expectations, and tell yourself that you deserve someone who treats you with love and respect, and that you have the power to create the life and relationships you want.

Another way to adopt a growth mindset is to focus on self-improvement. By focusing on your own growth and development, you can shift your attention away from the pain of the breakup and toward something positive.

6. Move Forward With Care

Moving on after a breakup is an essential step to healing and finding happiness again. It’s important to focus on the present and future rather than dwelling on the past. New adventures, amazing connections, and maybe even that dream relationship are all waiting for you.

Letting time heal your wounds

It’s natural to want to heal quickly after a breakup, but it’s important to remember that healing takes time and everyone’s process is different. Don’t rush it. Give yourself the space and time to grieve, process your emotions, and work through any lingering feelings. 

If the relationship was brief and somewhat casual, you’ll obviously get over it faster. But if you’re suffering the loss of a deep connection and attachment, the prognosis for your recovery may not be so simple.[11]

Rushing through the healing process can lead to unresolved emotions and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Breakup healing is like a roller coaster ride: thrilling highs, stomach-churning lows, and maybe even the occasional rogue seagull attack. 

You might be tempted to speed through the process, wishing you could just skip to the happy ending. But here’s the reality check:

Healing isn’t linear. There will be days when you feel amazing and others when sweatpants and reruns are your only companions.

The key is to focus on progress, not perfection. Did you manage to drag yourself out of bed and face the day, even if it was just for coffee? Win! Did you put on hard pants and have a “bones day”? (RIP Noodle) Go you! Did you resist the urge to text your ex (again)? Another victory lap for you! 

Celebrate the small wins because those tiny steps add up to a giant leap forward.

Going it alone for a while

I know breakups can leave you feeling like you will never find love again. But can I let you in on a little secret? The best way to attract an amazing partner is by dating yourself first.

Dating yourself means taking the time to do things that bring you joy and make you feel fulfilled. This could be anything from trying a new hobby, going on a solo trip, or simply taking yourself out to dinner. That last one is not as pathetic as it sounds — you don’t have to attempt captivating conversation when all you want to do is devour a full plate of nachos. 

By learning to enjoy yourself, you’ll not only learn more about yourself and what makes you happy, but you’ll also become more confident and self-sufficient.

You don’t need to sleep outside and beg for food like Jane Eyre did when she left Mr. Rochester, but some solitary soul-searching couldn’t hurt.

In fact, research studies find that embracing your most authentic self is an honest signal of high value as a long-term partner.[12] 

This kind of radical self-love can feel cringeworthy at first. But the more you lean into it, the more you’ll start to appreciate all the little quirks and qualities that make you so beautifully unique. 

Self-assured energy is like a magnet for the right partner.

By prioritizing your own well-being and happiness, you can attract genuine connections that enrich your life in unexpected ways. So, pour all that love you have to give into yourself first, and watch as amazing things unfold.

Getting ready to date again

So, you’ve conquered Heartbreak Mountain, and you’re ready to dip your toes back into the dating pool. But before you swipe right on everyone with a pulse (we’ve all been there), let’s talk about dating with intention. This means approaching dating with a clear idea of what you want in a partner and a relationship.

Here are some tips to get you started:

Know your worth: Breakups can leave a dent in your confidence, but remember, you’re a total catch! Reflect on your strengths, values, and what makes you an amazing partner. Write it down if you have to! Dating someone who appreciates the incredible you is key.

Deal-breakers: We all have them! Maybe it’s someone who hates dogs (unforgivable) or someone who still uses a flip phone (questionable taste). Identify your nonnegotiables and stick to them. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.

Communication is key: Honest and open communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Be honest and open about your intentions, feelings, and expectations from the get-go. Whether you’re looking for something casual or long-term, being up-front about your desires will ensure that everyone’s on the same page and can avoid any misunderstandings down the road.

Practice self-care: Remember to prioritize your own needs and well-being. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Take it slow: Don’t rush into a new relationship just because you’re feeling lonely or want to fill the void left by your ex. Take the time to get to know someone and build a genuine connection.

Remember, dating should be fun! Don’t put too much pressure on every swipe or coffee date. Enjoy getting to know new people, but also trust your gut and don’t be afraid to walk away if something doesn’t feel right. 

With a little intention and self-awareness, you’ll be well on your way to building a happy and healthy relationship that deserves its own epic rom-com.


A breakup is a plot twist, a chance to rewrite the narrative and emerge as the strong, independent protagonist you were always meant to be. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

With time, you’ll learn what you truly value in a partner, discover hidden strengths you never knew you had, and maybe even rediscover the passions that set your soul on fire. So, embrace the journey. Grieve, heal, and pamper yourself rotten. You’ll be a stronger, wiser, and even more fabulous version of yourself. 

And who knows, that perfect partner you deserve might just be waiting around the corner, ready to be swept off their feet!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What are the 5 stages of heartbreak?

The 5 stages of heartbreak are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages were originally identified by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross as part of the grief process, and they can also apply to breakups.

What to do immediately after a breakup?

Immediately after a breakup, it’s important to prioritize self-care and allow yourself to feel your emotions, but don’t dwell on them. Reach out to trusted friends and family for support and consider limiting contact with your ex. Focus on healthy habits like eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising. If you’re struggling to cope, don’t hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist.

Why am I still crying over my ex?

You’re still crying over your ex because breakups trigger a grief response, just like the loss of a loved one. Feeling sadness, anger, and confusion is a normal part of the healing process — don’t beat yourself up for those lingering emotions.

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

Getting over a breakup takes as long as you need it to. There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline for how long it takes to get over a breakup. Be patient with yourself, lean on your support system, and focus on self-care.


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3. Pascual-Leone, A. (2018). How clients “change emotion with emotion”: A programme of research on emotional processing. Psychotherapy Research, 28(2), 165–182.

4. University of New Hampshire. (n.d.). Break ups: How to help yourself move on. University of New Hampshire.

5. Fife, S. T., Theobald, A. C., Gossner, J. D., Yakum, B. N., & White, K. L. (2022). Individual healing from infidelity and breakup for emerging adults: a grounded theory. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 39(6), 1814–1838.

6. Marshall, T. C. (2012). Facebook surveillance of former romantic partners: Associations with postbreakup recovery and personal growth. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 15(10).

7. Mason, A. E., Sbarra, D. A., Bryan, A. E., & Lee, L. A. (2012). Staying connected when coming apart: The psychological correlates of contact and sex with an ex-partner. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 31(5), 488–507.

8. Mogilski, J. K., Welling, L. L. M. (2017). Staying friends with an ex: Sex and dark personality traits predict motivations for post-relationship friendship. Personality and Individual Differences, 115, 114–119.

9. McKiernan, A., Ryan, P., McMahon, E., Bradley, S., & Butler, E. (2018). Understanding young people’s relationship breakups using the dual processing model of coping and bereavement. Journal of Loss and Trauma, 23(3), 192–210.

10. Winch, G. (2015). 7 mistakes you need to avoid after a breakup. Psychology Today.

11. Moller, N. P., Fouladi, R. T., McCarthy, C. J., Hatch, K. D. (2003). Relationship of attachment and social support to college students’ adjustment following a relationship breakup. Journal of Counseling & Development, 81(3), 354–369.

12. Josephs, L., Warach, B., Goldin, K. L., Jonason, P. K., Gorman, B. S., Masroor, S., Lebron, N. (2019). Be yourself: Authenticity as a long-term mating strategy. Personality and Individual Differences, 143, 118–127.


  • Milena J. Wisniewska

    Milena might not be a relationship professor, but she's definitely been through it all, learned her lessons, and is here to spill the tea. She combines the wisdom of renowned relationship specialists with her own romantic adventures to offer relatable and practical advice.

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