Let’s make one thing perfectly clear: Every woman is a high-value woman.
Yet many don’t know it.
Table of Contents
Conditioned to strive for an unrealistic ideal, many women face feelings of inadequacy. The traits of a high-value woman have nothing to do with appearance, weight, income, romance, or the ability to tolerate Earth’s pervasive absurdities.
So, what is a high-value woman?
Key Takeaways
- Every woman is a person of high value. Your value does not depend on ticking society’s stupid boxes.
- Success is about self-worth and setting healthy boundaries, not external validation.
- You can embrace daily habits and mind-set shifts that build unshakeable confidence.
- Attracting amazing relationships starts with attracting the most incredible version of yourself. Or the “just ok” version of yourself. Perfection is not the goal.
- Quit the people-pleasing and embrace your authentic self. Because when you shine brightly, the right people take notice.
What Is a High-Value Woman?
A high-value woman isn’t some mythical creature with a Kardashian body and a Mother Teresa heart (although those are great too). She’s real, she’s flawed, and she’s probably spilled coffee on herself at least once this week.
It’s hard to pin down when all this “high value” nonsense started, but according to Refinery29, it may have originated on TikTok circa 2022. It’s not limited to women, thankfully. Indeed, the concept of a high-value man is making the rounds as well.
So what exactly, according to this asinine axiom, makes a woman high value? Eve Upton-Clark with Refinery29 explains what she calls a “problematic concept” (she’s right) as women who “position themselves in a way that attracts the interest of high value (read: usually high-earning and successful) men.”[1]
This, of course, suggests that women who do not strive for the chaddiest Chad who ever chadded are not high-value women. If you’re looking for a man determined to date a high-value woman, good luck.
We at Break the Cycle would like to break this cycle and define high value in the eyes of oneself. In other words, you.
To help you recognize your own value, not to attract a so-called high-value man but rather to live your best life. The high-value woman doesn’t define her worth based on arbitrary traits that others deem important.
Rather, she lives her life according to her own code, and develops traits that will strengthen her personal relationships, nourish a healthy social life, and exclude those who don’t trust and respect her.
“I am woman phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.” – Maya Angelou
Traits of a High-Value Woman
So, what exactly makes a high-value woman tick? These high-value woman traits are not just about looking the part. They’re about a powerful combination of inner strength, ambition, and mind-set.
Self-Confidence
A high-value woman is someone secure in herself who knows her worth and doesn’t seek validation from others.
This doesn’t mean she never experiences self-doubt or insecurity. Instead, her high self-esteem means she’s able to acknowledge these feelings without letting them define her or dictate her actions.
A high-value woman sets clear and healthy boundaries in her relationships, ensuring that her needs and limits are respected. Setting and maintaining firm boundaries helps her remember where her family, friends, and partner end and she begins.
When making decisions, she relies on her own judgment and values rather than bending to external pressures or opinions. This manifests in her ability to walk away from toxic situations, whether in her personal or professional life, without second-guessing herself.
Her confidence helps her to pursue her goals with grace and determination.
Emotional Intelligence and Effective Communication
A woman of value is someone who knows and reads the room. She keeps an open mind and helps others to feel seen.
This is crucial to maintaining healthy relationships. Research published in the American Journal of Family Therapy shows that high emotional intelligence correlates with better relationship satisfaction and overall well-being.[2]
A high-value woman embraces her emotions. She’s acutely aware of her feelings, understands their impact, and can regulate them effectively. This emotional intelligence is the bedrock of her strong relationships.
She handles conflicts with maturity and empathy. This woman tends to listen actively, seek to understand the other person’s perspective, and express her own feelings and needs clearly and respectfully.
She doesn’t resort to blame, criticism, or manipulation. Instead, she focuses on finding solutions and preserving the relationship. She also knows how to express her needs effectively. She doesn’t expect others to guess or read her mind.
High-value people like her focus on self-improvement rather than assigning blame. When she does misstep, and she knows she’s in the wrong, she apologizes with grace and humility because owning up doesn’t lessen her.
She knows her value.
She’s not afraid to ask for what she wants, whether it’s a raise at work, help with domestic responsibilities, or emotional support.
Independence and Personal Growth
The high-value woman understands that she controls her place in the world. She has her own goals, interests, and life outside of her relationships, and doesn’t depend on others for happiness.
Focusing on setting goals and reaching them instead of doing what everyone wants her to doesn’t mean she’s self-centered. Instead, it means she values her autonomy and individuality, and understands that her happiness is her own responsibility.
This type of woman is not afraid to speak her mind and she’ll never settle for less than she deserves. Not asking but demanding respect from others in both her personal and professional life.
This woman is constantly evolving, seeking knowledge, and pursuing her dreams. Whether it’s perfecting a new skill, traveling the world, or simply investing in personal development, she’s committed to becoming the best version of herself.
This ongoing growth not only enriches her life but also makes her an incredibly captivating and inspiring individual.
Integrity and Authenticity
A high-value woman carries herself with integrity and authenticity. She lives by her values, whether we’re talking personal, professional, or relationship values. She is honest and follows through on her commitments.
This doesn’t mean she never makes mistakes or struggles with difficult decisions. It means she’s guided by a strong moral compass and strives to do the right thing, even when it’s difficult.
She strives to keep her promises, meet her deadlines, and take responsibility for her actions. She’s transparent, trustworthy, and reliable. She doesn’t play games, and she won’t let anyone play games with her. Instead, she communicates honestly and directly, even when it’s uncomfortable.
According to the Journal of Counseling Psychology, such “authentic living” means “behaving and expressing emotions in ways that are consistent with one’s conscious awareness of physiological states, emotions, beliefs, and cognitions. This means being true to oneself in most situations and living in accordance with one’s values and beliefs.”[3]
This same study also shows that people who live authentically report higher self-esteem, lower anxiety and stress, and overall better subjective well-being.
Energy Awareness
A person’s energy refers to the nonphysical space they take up and the subtle vibes they emit. Self-awareness is key to managing one’s energy.
A high-value woman taps into her energy, whether you call it her femininity or something else, to foster a warm and positive presence. This shouldn’t be confused with weak, submissive, or overly emotional.
Instead, it means she’s in tune with her emotions, intuition, and sensuality, and applies them to connect with others and create a positive impact. For instance, she can be a supportive friend or partner while also pursuing her personal goals with determination.
She’s not afraid to express her feelings, show empathy, or be vulnerable. She’s also not afraid to be playful, flirtatious, or seductive. She knows that what’s within her, commonly associated with the antiquated “feminine energy,” is a source of power, and she uses it to attract the right people and opportunities.
By managing her energy, a high-value woman can improve the quality of her surroundings and hope to inspire others, helping women around her also develop a strong sense of self.
How to Be a Woman of High Value
Now that we’ve explored the traits of a high-value woman, you might be wondering how to highlight these qualities in yourself.
Embracing yourself as a high-value woman is a journey of self-discovery, personal growth, and intentional living.
Cultivate Self-Love and Self-Respect
The cornerstone of being a high-value woman is a profound love and respect for yourself. It’s the foundation upon which confidence, independence, and strong relationships are built. When you truly value yourself, you set high standards for how others treat you.
To nurture self-love:
- Practice positive self-talk: Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations.
- Set boundaries: Protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being.
- Prioritize self-care: Make time for activities that nourish your body and soul.
- Celebrate your achievements: Recognize your accomplishments, no matter how small.
- Forgive yourself: Let go of past mistakes and focus on growth.
Develop a Growth Mind-Set
Carol Dweck, professor of psychology at Stanford University, identifies two mind-sets that people should have about their talents and abilities: A fixed mind-set and a growth mind-set. She differentiates these two as follows:
Those with a fixed mindset believe that their talents and abilities are simply fixed. They have a certain amount and that’s that. In this mindset, athletes may become so concerned with being and looking talented that they never fulfill their potential.[4]
She adds that “people with a growth mindset, on the other hand, think of talents and abilities as things they can develop — as potentials that come to fruition through effort, practice, and instruction.”
Dweck points out that this doesn’t mean everyone’s potential is the same but that hard work is key no matter what. After all, even Simone Biles wouldn’t be Simone Biles without “years of passionate and dedicated practice.”
Embracing this mind-set allows you to step outside your comfort zone, learn from failures, and continually evolve. Tips to developing a growth mind-set:
- Embrace challenges: View obstacles as stepping-stones to success.
- Learn from failures: See setbacks as valuable lessons.
- Seek feedback: Use constructive criticism as a tool for improvement.
- Celebrate progress: Recognize and appreciate your growth.
Focus on the process: Enjoy the journey, not just the destination.
“When we give ourselves permission to fail, we, at the same time, give ourselves permission to excel.” – Eloise Ristad
Practice Effective Communication
Effective communication is a crucial skill for supporting your inner high-value woman. It allows you to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and confidently.
This skill will help you build stronger and more fulfilling relationships, both personally and professionally.
To master this skill, try the following:
- Practice active listening: Give your full attention to the speaker and try to understand their perspective without interrupting or judging. Show empathy and validate their feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree with their viewpoint.
- Develop assertiveness: Learn to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear, direct, and respectful manner. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself, but also be mindful of others’ feelings and perspectives.
- Practice conflict resolution: Approach disagreements with empathy and a desire to find common ground.
- Improve body language: Your nonverbal cues can enhance your message. Let your stance scream confidence louder than your outfit!
- Seek feedback: Ask others for constructive criticism.
Develop Your Independence and Resilience
Independence allows you to stand on your own, pursue your passions, and make decisions that align with your values.
Set clear goals for yourself, whether in your career, personal life, or hobbies, and take proactive steps to achieve them. Make decisions independently, trusting your judgment and intuition. This builds confidence and reinforces your self-reliance.
Resilience, on the other hand, is your ability to bounce back from setbacks and challenges. Embrace failures as learning opportunities and develop a mind-set that views obstacles as temporary hurdles rather than insurmountable barriers.
For example, if a project at work doesn’t go as planned, analyze what went wrong, learn from the experience, and apply those lessons moving forward.
Nurture Meaningful Relationships
Building and maintaining healthy relationships enriches your life and provides a strong support system.
Whether you’re dealing with friends, loved ones, or even coworkers, genuinely listen to them, understand their perspectives, and respond with compassion. Provide support by being there for them in times of need, offering a helping hand or a listening ear.
However, that doesn’t mean letting people use you like a doormat. Maintaining appropriate boundaries is equally important.
et and communicate your limits clearly to ensure that your relationships are based on mutual respect. For instance, let others know your availability for social activities or emotional support, and don’t be afraid to say “no” when necessary to protect your well-being.
Conclusion
Society’s obsession with “high value” is doing no one any favors — well, except maybe the Chads. Let’s shift the paradigm.
Being a high-value woman really means celebrating your worth, embracing your unique qualities, and building a life that reflects your values.
It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress.
By nurturing self-love, developing a growth mind-set, communicating effectively, and cultivating independence, you’re laying the foundation for a fulfilling and empowered life.
Above all, remember that you are a high-value woman, worthy of love, respect, and happiness. Embrace your journey and live a life that reflects your high value.
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FAQ
What makes a person high value?
What makes a person high value is the embodiment of qualities such as integrity, self-respect, emotional intelligence, and a growth mind-set. They live by their values, maintain honesty, and follow through on commitments. They understand and regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, and view challenges as opportunities for growth.
What is a high-value mind-set?
A high-value mind-set is a way of thinking that prioritizes personal growth, self-worth, and making positive contributions. It means believing in your potential, embracing self-love and self-respect, and developing emotional intelligence. High-value individuals with this mind-set are committed to continuous learning, improvement, and self-discovery.
How do you know your value as a woman?
You know your value as a woman by recognizing and embracing your unique strengths, talents, and qualities that make you valuable and worthy of respect. Reflect on your achievements, the positive impact you have on others, and the qualities that define who you are. By doing this, you affirm that your value comes from within, not from others’ opinions or societal standards.
References
1. Upton-Clark, E. (2022, April 20). High value dating is a highly problematic concept. Refinery29.
https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2022/04/10935439/high-value-dating-tiktok
2. Malouff, J. M., Schutte, N. S., & Thorsteinsson, E. B. (2014). Trait emotional intelligence and romantic relationship satisfaction: A meta-analysis. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 42(1), 53-66.
https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Einar-Thorsteinsson/publication/259782950_Trait_Emotional_Intelligence_and_Romantic_Relationship_Satisfaction_A_Meta-Analysis/links/0f31752e72a590efd0000000/Trait-Emotional-Intelligence-and-Romantic-Relationship-Satisfaction-A-Meta-Analysis.pdf
3. Wood, A. M., Linley, P. A., Maltby, J., Baliousis, M., & Joseph, S. (2008). The authentic personality: A theoretical and empirical conceptualization and the development of the Authenticity Scale. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 55(3), 385.
https://www.academia.edu/download/49565502/Authenticity_20Scale.pdf
4. Dweck, C. S. (2009). Mindsets: Developing talent through a growth mindset. Olympic Coach, 21(1), 4–7.
https://www.fizzixfun.com/s/USOC-MINDSETS-by-Carol-Dweck-209-1-1.pdf
