Whether you’re apart for work, family, or other commitments, the physical distance can sometimes feel emotionally overwhelming. But many couples have figured out how to deal with long-distance relationships, and so can you!
With these nine tips for making it work, you can keep the love alive despite the distance.
Table of Contents
Key Takeaways
- Long-distance relationships are more common than ever and can work if you’re committed to making them succeed.
- Embrace technology and prioritize mindful, regular communication through daily check-ins to create a routine and strengthen the emotional connection.
- Plan both short-term and long-term goals to stay connected and build a shared future to look forward to.
- Seeing the positives in a long-distance relationship, along with focusing on personal growth, can make the challenges easier to manage.
1. Embrace technology
When you’re in a long-distance relationship, technology becomes your best friend.
Virtual dates, video calls, and shared activities, like watching a show together or reading the same book, go a long way toward keeping the connection alive.
A study published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking found that social networks help long-distance couples maintain closeness.
The research showed that couples in long-distance relationships frequently used social media to gauge involvement and commitment, which contributed to maintaining emotional connection.[1]
When I think about long-distance relationships, I can’t help but think of how Alexis and Ted from Schitt’s Creek maintained their relationship when Ted was away. They set an adorable example of how to use technology creatively, like their adorable virtual dinner date. ❤️
So, find what works for you — whether it’s a simple “I love you” text or a full-on virtual date night, don’t be afraid to experiment with what keeps your relationship exciting while you’re apart.
2. Check-in daily
Maintaining regular and open communication, like a dedicated time to talk at the beginning or end of each day, or even something as small as a “good morning” message or a “goodnight” text, can make a long-distance relationship feel more connected.
These consistent check-ins create a sense of normalcy and involvement, helping to bridge the physical distance.
Think of it as your romantic version of a daily stand-up meeting. But instead of giving updates on deadlines or work tasks, you’re sharing the progress of your day-to-day life — what’s made you smile, what challenges you’ve faced, and what you’re looking forward to.
It doesn’t have to be a marathon conversation, but creating a deliberate and consistent connection ensures you’re both on the same page, even when hundreds of miles away. Dr. William J. Doherty, in his book The Intentional Family, calls these moments “rituals of connection.”[2]
3. Listen and communicate mindfully
Without the physical presence of your partner, it’s easy for misunderstandings to crop up. Mindful communication helps bridge this gap.
As Celeste Headlee highlights in her TED Talk “10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation,” being present and avoiding multitasking are crucial to effective communication. She emphasizes that listening without planning your next response leads to more meaningful and connected conversations, which is essential when physical proximity is lacking.
This resonates with the principles of active listening — giving your partner your full attention and genuinely engaging with what they’re saying.
Even if it’s only 15 minutes, that time should be fully devoted to one another, with both partners being 100% present. Use those minutes to be mindful, intentional, and focused on connecting.
4. No detail is too small
Long-distance relationships often thrive on sharing updates about the minutiae of your day-to-day life.
Whether it’s a quick update on what you’re having for dinner or a funny story from work, these seemingly mundane details you share with your partner help maintain emotional closeness, even when you’re physically apart.
This concept is known as self-disclosure — sharing personal information about yourself with someone else. This could be things like your thoughts, feelings, dreams, or past experiences.
Research published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology shows that self-disclosure plays a huge role in building trust and intimacy in relationships. Couples who openly share their feelings and daily details report greater levels of love, trust, and commitment.[3]
Essentially, the more you open up, the more you share, the closer you feel.
5. Plan for the future
Long-distance relationships require effort and a shared vision of the future. Planning both short-term and long-term goals is crucial for maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship.
In his book Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide, Dr. Gregory Guldner emphasizes the importance of setting mutual goals and making both short-term and long-term plans in long-distance relationships.
He explains that creating realistic expectations, such as scheduling visits or working toward future milestones, like moving closer, helps couples stay emotionally connected and reduces the strain of physical separation.[4]
Balancing these long-term goals with short-term check-ins, like regular virtual dates, ensures that both partners remain invested in the relationship on a day-to-day basis, even while working toward bigger milestones.
6. Focus on the positives
Navigating a long-distance relationship can be challenging, but finding the silver linings is key to making it work.
Distance often provides the space for personal growth — whether it’s focusing on your career, taking up a new hobby, or pursuing goals independently. These opportunities allow you to bring fresh energy and perspectives back into the relationship, ensuring it grows alongside you.
Success in long-distance relationships also mirrors the Buddhist principle of “not too tight, not too loose.” It’s important to hold onto each other in ways that foster closeness and emotional intimacy, but you also need to give one another the space to grow independently. This balance helps the relationship go the distance without overwhelming either partner.
Many assume that living together is the ultimate test of a relationship’s success, but long-distance relationships prove you can live apart and still remain deeply committed.
So, while the distance can feel tough, focusing on the positives and maintaining that balance will help you make the relationship work.
7. Stay in tune with your feelings
Emotional self-awareness is crucial when you’re apart from your partner.
Without the physical presence of your partner, emotions can easily fester and manifest in negative ways if left unchecked. It’s normal to feel moments of loneliness, frustration, or insecurity, but recognizing these feelings early on can prevent them from becoming larger problems within the relationship.
Using tools like journaling, mindfulness practices, or even therapy can help you stay connected to your own feelings. Regularly engaging in self-reflection allows you to process your emotions and ensures you’re aware of how the distance may be affecting you.
It’s also important to talk with your partner openly about how you’re feeling. Open, honest communication helps both of you feel connected, even when you’re apart.
8. Establish clear boundaries
Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship, but it’s especially important when you’re in a long-distance relationship. Without regular physical presence, small misunderstandings can quickly escalate into bigger issues.
To make a long-distance relationship work, one of the best tips is to set clear boundaries that both partners can follow. This helps build trust and ensures that both of you are on the same page.
Here are the types of boundaries you may want to discuss:
- Communication: Agree on how often and through which channels you’ll communicate (e.g., daily texts, weekly video calls, etc.) to ensure you’re both on the same page.
- Emotional: Decide how you’ll handle difficult emotions, like jealousy or insecurity. Openly sharing feelings helps prevent small issues from growing.
- Personal space: Respect each other’s need for alone time versus relationship time. For example, one partner might want daily check-ins, while the other may need more independence.
- Sexual: Discuss comfort levels around virtual intimacy, whether through sexting or waiting for in-person meetings.
- Exclusivity: Clarify whether the relationship will be exclusive, ensuring both partners understand and agree.
- Social media: Set clear boundaries about social media interactions, such as liking or commenting on others’ posts, to avoid jealousy or misunderstandings.
Remember, what works for one couple might not work for another, so tailor the boundaries to fit your unique relationship.
9. Utilize the mail
A fun way to make a long-distance relationship feel less daunting is by incorporating tangible gestures into your communication.
For example, sending handwritten letters, care packages, or even a small gift can bring warmth to the relationship, even when you’re apart. In many long-distance dating relationships, creative gestures like these help keep the relationship exciting despite the lack of physical presence.
According to Dr. Gary Chapman in The 5 Love Languages, people express and receive love in five distinct ways: physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and receiving gifts.[5]
When you are in a long-distance relationship, sending gifts can serve as a substitute for physical touch. Thoughtful gestures like a small gift or a handwritten letter can act as tangible reminders of your affection, making it easier for your partner to feel connected.
Finding ways to show love through different love languages helps ensure that both you and your partner feel valued and appreciated, keeping the relationship strong.
Conclusion
More couples than ever are figuring out how to deal with long-distance relationships in today’s mobile, globalized world. Fortunately, technology helps maintain regular communication. Plan for the future, stay mindful, and set boundaries. And when in doubt, listen to Buddha’s words on attachment, “not too tight, not too loose” — life is all about balance.
Looking for tips on how to handle being in a relationship? We’ve got you covered.
References
1. Billedo, C. J., Kerkhof, P., & Finkenauer, C. (2015). The use of social networking sites for relationship maintenance in long-distance and geographically close romantic relationships. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 18(3), 152–157.
https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2014.0469
2. Doherty, W. J. (1999). The intentional family: How to build family ties in our modern world. HarperCollins.
3. Sprecher, S., & Hendrick, S. S. (2004). Self-disclosure in intimate relationships: Associations with individual and relationship characteristics over time. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 23(6), 857–877.
https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.23.6.857.54803
4. Guldner, G. T. (2003). Long distance relationships: The complete guide. JF Milne Publications.
5. Chapman, G. (2015). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing.
6. Stafford, L. (2005). Maintaining long-distance and cross-residential relationships. Routledge.
7. Jiang, L. C., & Hancock, J. T. (2013). Absence makes the communication grow fonder: Geographic separation, interpersonal media, and intimacy in dating relationships. Journal of Communication, 63(3), 556–577.
https://doi.org/10.1111/jcom.12029
