Starting a Relationship

How to Make Yourself More Attractive and Build Your Confidence

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RBF is great and all, but it won’t get you far. If you’re used to slouching and scowling, it’s time to level up your attitude. You need to learn how to make yourself more attractive. 

And I don’t just mean visually. Being attractive is more than just a pretty face.

Table of Contents

How to Be More Attractive

First things first, let’s talk about what it means to be attractive. And no, I’m not talking about contouring your face until you look like you belong on Mount Rushmore.

Being attractive means you attract people. Attracting people is all about the vibes you put out. So here’s how you can maximize your vibes to be a woman everyone wants to be around.

Embrace your quirks

Remember how Zooey Deschanel made adorkable a thing in New Girl? That’s your new vibe. If you snort when you laugh, don’t muffle it — amplify it. Own it like it’s your signature move.

Make a list of five quirky things about yourself. Now, challenge yourself to showcase at least one of these in your next social interaction. Watch how people react — you’ll be surprised how these little oddities can spark conversations and connections.

Wear confidence 

Channel your inner Lizzo every damn day with good posture and a zest for life. Stand tall, shoulders back, chin up — imagine there’s a string pulling you up from the crown of your head. Practice power poses in the mirror every morning — hands on hips, Wonder-Woman style, for at least two minutes. 

According to psychologists Cuddy et al., participants who engage in high-power poses report feeling more powerful and confident, which positively influences their self-perception.[1]

When you walk into a room, pause for a moment at the entrance. Scan the room slowly, smile slightly, then stride in like you own the place. This entrance technique, used by celebrities and politicians, immediately commands attention and respect.

Be passionate 

Passion makes boring things exciting — and it makes you more interesting, too. When you talk about something you love, don’t just use words. Let your eyes light up, wave your hands around, and let your voice show you care. This makes people want to listen to you.

Say you’re into cybersecurity or obsessed with trying every Ben & Jerry’s flavor. Start a blog about it, join Facebook groups, or go to events where people care about the same stuff. When you show that much excitement, people can’t help but be drawn to you — it’s like when one person yawns and everyone else does, too — except sociopaths.

Be kind, but set boundaries

Kindness is attractive, but being a pushover is about as appealing as gas station sushi. Show compassion like Michelle Obama but stand up for yourself like . . . Michelle Obama. 

Practice saying “no” without explaining yourself. “No, that doesn’t work for me” is a completely acceptable thing to say to someone. When someone asks you to do something you don’t want to, take a deep breath, smile, and politely decline. 

Remember, every time you say yes to something you don’t want, you’re saying no to something you do want. When you set clear and consistent boundaries, you ensure you’re behind the steering wheel of your life, instead of someone else.

Cultivate a sense of humor

A good sense of humor is like good Wi-Fi — it’s essential, and everyone’s looking for a strong connection. In fact, “a good sense of humor is believed to be predictive of other very positive social qualities,” according to an article published in the journal Humor.[2]

According to an article from the Journal of Psychology, individuals with a good sense of humor are rated as more attractive and suitable for long-term relationships compared to those with average or no humor. 

This may be why men often list a good sense of humor as one of the qualities they want in a woman. Psychologists McGee and Shevlin report that 90% of college males polled “considered having a sense of humor to be critical in a potential mate.”[3

Don’t be afraid to be silly. Tell that cheesy dad joke. Do that ridiculous TikTok dance in the grocery store. 

Practice your storytelling skills. Next time something funny happens to you, write it down. Refine it, add pauses for dramatic effect, and practice your timing. Then share it with friends. Your laughter should be so contagious that the CDC wants to study it.

How to Make Yourself Prettier

You don’t need expensive products or drastic changes to enhance your beauty. Here’s a guide to bringing out your best self:

Take care of your skin and hair

Taking care of your skin is crucial to a pretty face. A study published in the Journal of Cosmetic Science revealed that “faces with radiant skin are more positively received than faces with oily and shiny, or matte skin.”[4

In the morning, wash your face with a gentle cleanser, use a vitamin C serum to brighten up, apply a hyaluronic acid moisturizer for hydration, and don’t forget SPF 30 or higher — even if you’re indoors. Sun damage can make you look old and sad.

At night, wash your face twice (first with an oil cleanser, then your regular one), use a toner with glycolic or salicylic acid, and finish with retinol and a rich night cream. Never sleep with your makeup on! It clogs your pores and leads to breakouts. If you take care of your skin, you’ll look better and feel more confident.

It’s just as important to take good care of your hair. Get a haircut regularly to avoid split ends, don’t fall asleep with your hair wet, and make sure you’re using the right shampoo for your kind of hair.

Your skin and hair are two of the first things a person sees about you, so use them to your advantage, not your detriment.

Choose a signature scent

A great fragrance is your calling card. Skip overpowering scents and find one that suits you — fresh and citrusy for the vibrant, vanilla or sandalwood for something more mysterious. 

According to Zoe Draelos, a certified clinical dermatologist, a well-chosen scent can create “perceptions of beauty, well-being, and a positive image.”[5]

Sample perfumes and let them settle on your skin to see how they evolve. Apply sparingly on pulse points (wrists, behind ears, the base of the throat) so it’s noticeable but never overwhelming.

Dress for yourself

Instead of following every trend, focus on what flatters your body. Know your shape and find clothes that fit well. For pear-shaped figures, A-line dresses work wonders; apple shapes benefit from empire waists, and hourglass bodies look great in wrap dresses. 

Build a wardrobe with basics like a well-fitting tee, perfect jeans, and a tailored blazer. When in doubt, get your clothes tailored — it’s the secret to looking polished.

Embrace natural makeup

The goal is to enhance, not hide. Master a simple “no-makeup” makeup look by using a tinted moisturizer or lightweight foundation, lightly filling in your brows, adding a bit of mascara, and using cream blush for a natural flush. 

A tinted lip balm keeps it fresh and effortless. This routine takes five minutes and leaves you looking radiant but not overdone.

Smile and care for your teeth

A smile is one of your most attractive features, so take care of it. Dale Carnegie emphasized the power of a smile in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People. He argued that smiling not only makes us appear more attractive but also enhances our interpersonal connections.[6]

Brush twice a day, floss regularly, and invest in an electric toothbrush for a deep clean.

I know that telling a woman to “smile more” is a guaranteed way to receive an eye roll in return, but it really does make a difference in how people perceive you.

Perfect your eye contact

Eye contact is a powerful tool. A study in Human Communication Research pointed out that “high eye contact conveys greater intimacy, attraction, and trust in conversations.”[7]

Practice holding someone’s gaze for about three seconds, then smile softly and look away. This shows confidence and charm without coming across as too intense. Try this technique in everyday interactions — it makes conversations more engaging and leaves a lasting impression.

How to Appear More Attractive

Now, let’s dive into the art of appearing more attractive. It’s all about small, intentional actions that leave a lasting impression.

Use body language

Body language is crucial for making yourself more attractive, and it communicates before you say a word. First, face the person you’re talking to; this shows genuine interest. Lean in slightly while they speak to convey that their words are more captivating than anything else. 

Mirroring their movements can also enhance attraction — if they take a sip of their drink, do it shortly after; if they lean on the counter, adopt a similar posture. This creates a subconscious connection.

Lastly, use light touches, like a quick touch on the arm while making a point or a gentle tap on the shoulder during a laugh. These small gestures foster a bond that makes you more memorable and appealing.

Speak with passion

When you discuss your passions, your excitement can be magnetic. Use vivid language to create a picture for your audience. Instead of saying, “I love traveling,” try, “Traveling is so inspiring and opens up a world of new possibilities.” 

Vary your tone and pace to maintain interest. Lower your voice for emphasis and use pauses to let key points resonate. Master the art of storytelling, and you’ll keep your audience engaged and wanting more.

Be fully present

In a world where distractions are everywhere, being fully present sets you apart. When you’re with someone, put your phone away — not on the table or in your lap but completely out of sight.

Practice active listening. Focus on their words, and ask follow-up questions that show you’re truly engaged. Reference things they mentioned earlier in the conversation to make them feel valued and heard.

Cultivate mystery

To make yourself more attractive, don’t spill all your secrets right away. Instead, keep some parts of your life a little mysterious. 

For example, if someone asks how your weekend went, don’t give them a treatise on the events of your weekend. Instead, say less and listen more. Say just enough to sound interesting but not so interesting that they wish you would shut up. Dropping a tidbit about yourself and following up with a question is a good way to try this. 

If they ask what you did over the weekend, tell them you started a new book. Instead of telling them what book, ask if they’ve read anything good lately.

By not revealing everything, you create a sense of intrigue that makes people want to know more about you. A little mystery can go a long way in making you more interesting and attractive!

Radiate positivity

Embracing contagious positivity not only enhances your own outlook but also makes you more attractive to others. Your cheerful energy creates an inviting atmosphere, drawing people in and making them feel comfortable and uplifted in your presence.

Start a nightly gratitude practice by jotting down three specific things you appreciate, like a compliment you received or a delicious meal you enjoyed. This habit trains your mind to focus on the positive, which radiates confidence and warmth.

When faced with challenges, such as being stuck in traffic, reframe it positively: “Perfect! I can finally dive into that new podcast.” This ability to find joy in any situation boosts your charm and allure, making you irresistible to those around you and encouraging every man within a one-mile radius to fall in love with you

How to Be More Confident (and Thus, Attractive)

Ready to elevate your confidence? Here are some effective tips to help you shine brighter than ever!

Fake it till you make it

When self-doubt creeps in, channel your inner star. Even if you feel like a turkey on Thanksgiving, act like Beyoncé. Try the power pose I mentioned above before social and professional interactions.

In addition to body language, practice positive self-talk. Swap out “I hope this goes well” for “I’ve got this” and replace “What if I mess up?” with “I’m prepared and I’m going to rock this.” Your brain absorbs what you tell it, so give it a steady diet of confidence.

Celebrate your achievements

Celebrate even the smallest victories! Whether you learned to change a tire or survived a Zoom call without someone having to tell you you’re on mute, celebrate it! 

Create a “win jar” to document your achievements. Write down every success, big or small, and place it in the jar. At the end of each month, revisit these wins. You’ll be surprised at how much you’ve accomplished.

Stop comparing yourself to others

Your journey is unique, so stop measuring it against others. Comparisons can be detrimental to your confidence. Consider taking a break from social media; unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate, and instead fill your feed with inspirational content. 

Remember, social media often showcases curated highlights, not the behind-the-scenes struggles. Focus on being the best version of yourself and compete only with who you were yesterday. Are you progressing? That’s the only benchmark that truly matters.

Prioritize your mental health

Just as you care for your physical health, prioritize your mental well-being. Engage in daily meditation, even if it’s just for five minutes. Apps like Headspace or Calm can guide you through the process. Journaling is another effective way to clear your mind and reflect on your thoughts.

Consider therapy, even if you think you’re doing fine. Much like a gym for your mind, a therapist can equip you with tools to manage stress, enhance relationships, and boost self-esteem. When you’re at peace with yourself, that inner glow will radiate outward.

Step out of your comfort zone

Embrace challenges that push your limits. Whether it’s signing up for a salsa class or voicing your opinion in a meeting, each step you take outside your comfort zone will gradually increase your confidence. 

Make a “comfort-zone challenge” jar filled with small, manageable tasks, like striking up a conversation with a stranger or trying a new food. Pull one out each week and take action. Not only will you impress others with your bravery, but you’ll also have exciting stories to share on your next first date.

Surround yourself with positivity

Your vibe attracts your tribe, so choose your companions wisely. Conduct a friendship audit: Assess the five people you spend the most time with. After each interaction, ask yourself: Do I feel energized or drained? Do they support my dreams or criticize them? Can I be myself around them?

If someone brings you down, it may be time to distance yourself. Instead, seek out uplifting influences by joining clubs or volunteering for causes you care about. Create a personal board of directors — a small group of trusted mentors who can offer guidance and support. 

Conclusion

To make yourself more attractive, you must embrace your uniqueness. Focus on skin care, wear empowering outfits, and cultivate confidence to enhance your attractiveness. 

Remember, true beauty shines from within!

If you’re looking for advice about getting into a relationship, follow the link!

FAQs

How do I know if I’m attractive?

Knowing if you’re attractive isn’t just about looks; it’s also about your confidence and energy. If people often compliment you, look at you, or want to be around you, these are good signs that you attract people.

What makes a girl really attractive?

What makes a girl really attractive is a combination of confidence, kindness, authenticity, and passion. Being comfortable in your own skin and pursuing your interests with enthusiasm are key. But a quality skin-care routine can’t hurt.

How can a girl become attractive naturally?

A girl can become attractive naturally by focusing on self-care, maintaining a positive attitude, building confidence, and finding a personal style that reflects who she is. Embracing unique qualities and practicing gratitude also enhance natural attractiveness.

References 

1. Cuddy, A. J., Wilmuth, C. A., & Carney, D. R. (2012). The benefit of power posing before a high-stakes social evaluation. Harvard Business School Working Paper Series #13–027.
http://nrs.harvard.edu/urn-3:HUL.InstRepos:9547823

2. Cann, A., Davis, H. B., & Zapata, C. L. (2011). Humor styles and relationship satisfaction in dating couples: Perceived versus self-reported humor styles as predictors of satisfaction. Humor, 24(1).
https://doi.org/10.1515/humr.2011.001

3. McGee, E., Shevlin, M. (2009). Effect of humor on interpersonal attraction and mate selection. Journal of Psychology, 143(1), 67–77.
https://doi.org/10.3200/JRLP.143.1.67-77

4. Ikeda, H., Saheki, Y., Sakano, Y., Sakano, Y., Wada, A., Wada, A., Ando, H., Ando, H., & Tagai, K. (2021). Facial radiance influences facial attractiveness and affective impressions of faces. International Journal of Cosmetic Science, 43(2), 144–157.
https://doi.org/10.1111/ics.12673

5. Draelos, Z. D. (2013). To smell or not to smell? That is the question! Journal of Cosmetic Dermatology, 12(1), 1–2.
https://doi.org/10.1111/jocd.12028

6. Carnegie, D. (1998). How to win friends and influence people. Pocket Books.

7. Burgoon, J., Buller, D., Hale, J., & Turck, M. (1984). Relational messages associated with nonverbal behaviors. Human Communication Research, 10, 351–378.
https://doi.org/10.1111/J.1468-2958.1984.TB00023


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  • Patrick Okoi is a writer with a passion for spirituality, love, romance, and the like. He also loves playing chess and dancing when no one is watching.

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