To be clear, relationships aren’t something to be “fixed.” If you’re looking for the magic recipe to fix a relationship, manage your expectations right now.
What you can do is heal a relationship. Like a teacup you’ve glued back together, the breaks will still be visible, but you may come out even stronger.
Table of Contents
How to Fix a Broken Relationship: A Guide to Saving Your Love Story
“Fixing” a relationship implies the hurt and the painful memories will disappear, like poof! It doesn’t work that way, sadly.
Mending a relationship requires hard work, commitment, and partnership. With these tips, if you work together, you can get started.
1. Confront the hard truths
If you’re expecting your partner to read your mind, guess what — this isn’t Hogwarts. We’re Muggles here, and communication isn’t a magical skill. Ask those tough questions, and confront your fears and frustrations without holding back. If work makes you feel abandoned or if their dismissive tone cuts deep, tell them.
Love doesn’t crumble in one fell swoop; it fades with every unkind word and every evening spent apart. Like a crumbling Jenga tower, each piece of neglect, unspoken resentment, every little argument you brushed aside, is a block slowly pulling your tower of love apart.
If you avoid these hard truths, repressed thoughts will resurface and block healing. Confronting these uncomfortable realities is the only way to rebuild trust and intimacy. Take a deep breath, be brave, and start those tough conversations.
2. Let go of the blame game
Except in some cases of relationship abuse, no one is blameless in a broken relationship. It takes two to tango.
“We blame others with the aim of getting them to see the error of their ways and change their behavior in the future,” according to research published in the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy.
Authors Tognazzini et al. continue, “One sure way to fail at this is to be guilty of the very same (or a relevantly similar) transgression as the one you are condemning.”[1]
Maybe you think you’re the wounded party, but your passive-aggressive sighs, dismissive side-eyes, and sarcastic comments are part of the problem too.
The truth is, you’ve probably acted like your partner was the villain of this story, but they’re just as human as you — full of flaws, dreams, and insecurities. Instead of passing the buck, try looking in the mirror.
Admitting that you’re not a perfect romantic lead might just be the first step to healing a broken relationship.
3. Sort out your own baggage
Every relationship brings emotional baggage — past heartbreaks, insecurities, and disappointments that can stir up issues.
According to psychologists Fletcher and Clark, our emotional baggage can “influence . . . how we represent our own emotional experiences in our minds, what causes our own experiences of emotion . . . how our temperaments contribute to our emotional experiences in our minds, and how our emotions drive our . . . behavior towards others.”[2]
To move forward, identify specific triggers, like feeling anxious if your partner forgets plans because of past neglect or being quick to anger due to past betrayals.
If it feels overwhelming, a therapist can help you unpack these patterns and give you tools to manage them. Then, openly share these realizations with your partner, like saying, “I get anxious when plans change because it brings back old memories.”
Let them share, too. Acknowledging these details together strengthens trust, lightens the emotional load, and helps create a fresh start.
4. Rebuild trust in small, measurable ways
We’ve all seen those grand reality TV gestures — the limo arrivals, the 12 dozen roses, the dramatic apologies. But here’s the real deal: Trust isn’t rebuilt with flashy stunts; it’s the quiet, steady work of showing up every day.
Consistency, not charisma, is what matters. Do what you say you’ll do. Show up when you’re supposed to. Stick to your word, even in the smallest promises.
Being there, reliably and wholeheartedly, will rebuild that shattered trust piece by piece. This is the stuff that gets edited out of romantic comedies but makes all the difference in real life.
5. Adjust your expectations
If you’re comparing your love life to fairy tales, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Real-life love isn’t a Disney movie — there’s no enchanted castle, no glass slipper. Your partner is a flawed, complex human, not Prince Charming. And you? Not exactly Cinderella, either.
So, let go of those “ideal” standards set by Hollywood and Instagram. Real love is about accepting imperfections and celebrating the messy, unscripted moments. Embrace your partner for who they are, quirks and all, and let go of the notion that they should fit into some dream mold.
6. Distance from social media
Social media has become the third wheel in too many relationships. A study in Inquiries Journal found that “partners who find themselves feeling uncertain and insecure in their relationships often use Facebook and other social networking sites” to manage their relationships, including surveillance.[3]
The constant checking, the vague sad posts meant to trigger guilt — it’s time to log out. Stop scrolling through your partner’s likes and comments, looking for hidden meaning.
Comparison is the thief of joy and it has no business in your relationship. Your love story doesn’t need an audience or online validation. This isn’t about likes or shares; it’s about finding your way back to each other in private, where the only opinions that matter are your own.
7. Reignite the physical spark
They say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” but sometimes distance becomes the wall that keeps you apart. Physical touch is a language all its own — one that says “I’m here” without a single word.
Don’t underestimate the power of holding hands, hugging, or just sitting close. The next time you’re together, reach out — not for grand gestures but for small touches that remind each other you’re still connected.
How we treat our partners plays a big role in how they perceive the relationship, and something as simple as a hand on a knee, a backrub, or a caress as you walk by can help them see the relationship in a positive light.
8. Learn their love language, and practice it daily
Love languages aren’t just pop psychology — they’re real and they matter.
As noted in a study conducted at the State University of New York, “Learning how your partner wants to be loved through experiences overtime [sic] is extremely important for a healthy relationship.”[4] If your partner craves words of affirmation, whisper those sweet nothings. If they light up over acts of service, do something thoughtful for them.
Dismissing your partner’s love language because it feels silly or doesn’t come naturally to you is like skipping a wedding because you didn’t get a say in the guest list. So, learn to speak it fluently and watch how it reopens doors to their heart.
9. Address your relationship’s toughest issues
True love means facing your relationship’s biggest challenges, not sweeping them under the rug. Maybe it’s broken trust, lingering resentment, or financial stress. Whatever it is, bring it into the open.
These conversations might get raw, there might even be tears or anger. But without confronting the root of your issues, you’re just patching cracks on the surface. Dive deep, work through the pain, and start fresh, together.
10. Create new patterns
Forget your old routines. They got you here, right? So toss them out. Start by creating completely new habits that bring you closer.
One way to do this is to set aside one night every week for a date — no excuses, no phones.
Seriously, put the phones away. Look at each other, talk, connect. And don’t stop there. Show up for each other every day in small ways. Leave a note on their pillow saying, “Thinking of you.”
Pick up their favorite snack on the way home. These tiny actions seem like nothing, but doing them regularly builds up the relationship piece by piece. When you stick to these new habits, you’re showing that you’re in this for the long haul.
11. Practice deep listening
Listening isn’t just standing there while they talk. You need to take in what they’re saying if you’re going to become a better communicator.
According to Kuhn et al, “Encouraging couples to listen more attentively in daily life might create positive changes in the experience of support, with long-lasting effects on the relationship satisfaction.”[5]
Stop focusing on how you’re going to respond or what you’re going to say next. Just listen.
Pay attention to their tone, their expressions, and even their pauses. When they share something — anything — don’t jump in with your point of view. Let them finish. Repeat what you heard to make sure you got it right. It’s not about being right; it’s about making them feel heard.
For example, if they say, “I feel ignored,” don’t reply with, “Well, you ignore me too.” Instead, say, “I hear you. I’ll work on that.” This way, they feel valued, and you’re building trust.
12. Revive romance and excitement
Before the date, leave little surprises for them, like a note in their bag that says, “Can’t wait to see you tonight.” Or plan something different, like a surprise movie night or a picnic, even if it’s just in the living room.
Stop thinking that romance will just magically happen — it won’t. Make an effort to bring back that spark. The energy you put into this is what keeps the romance alive, and yes, it’s worth it.
13. Set healthy boundaries
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re attached at the hip. You both need space, privacy, and time to do your own thing.
Krystal Wood, licensed marriage and family therapist reveals that “Healthy boundaries can teach you that you’re the best, and only person capable of directing your life in a way that is authentically fulfilling.”[6] Figure out what boundaries work for each of you.
For instance, if one of you needs some quiet time after work to unwind, respect that. Or if your partner doesn’t like you looking through their phone, don’t do it. Boundaries aren’t about shutting each other out; they’re about creating a safe zone where you both feel comfortable.
When you respect your partner’s needs, it shows that you value them as an individual, not just as an extension of yourself. It’s a way of saying, “I trust you and respect you.” Likewise, you need to expect them not to cross your boundaries either. Draw a line in the sand.
14. Face financial issues head-on
Money fights can tear apart even the strongest relationships. Don’t pretend these issues will fix themselves. Sit down and talk about your finances. Be honest about your spending habits, debts, and future goals.
If you tend to buy things impulsively, maybe agree to limit those purchases or discuss big expenses beforehand. Set up a budget together, one you both stick to.
Maybe every month, sit down, check your progress, and adjust as needed. This kind of open, honest communication about money builds trust and ensures you’re both on the same page. It’s not just about the dollars; it’s about unity and working towards the same future.
15. Transform quality time into real connection
Sitting next to each other and scrolling on your phones doesn’t count as quality time. Real quality time means undivided attention — talking, sharing, laughing. Find activities you both enjoy that make you feel close.
Try cooking a meal together or going for a walk after dinner. Use that time to share what’s on your mind, to laugh about a funny memory, or to dream about the future.
Quality time should leave you both feeling more connected, not just like you’re going through the motions. Every time you spend real, meaningful time together, you strengthen your relationship in a way that lasts.
16. Nurture your own identity
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean losing who you are. Don’t expect your partner to be your entire world — it’s too much pressure on them and it’s unfair to you. Keep up with your hobbies, hang out with friends, and pursue personal interests.
For example, if you love reading but haven’t picked up a book in ages, set aside time every week just for that. Or if you’ve always wanted to learn to paint, sign up for a class.
When you’re passionate about your own life, you bring that energy back into the relationship. This keeps things fresh, prevents the relationship from feeling smothering, and helps both of you continue to grow as individuals.
Conclusion
Fixing a broken relationship isn’t easy, but if the love is worth fighting for, you’ll find that every painful step is a step toward deeper connection and understanding. It takes time, effort, and a willingness to change. But at the end of this difficult journey, you may find yourselves closer, stronger, and more in love than ever.
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FAQ
How do I make my relationship work?
You can make your relationship work by communicating openly and listening actively. Build trust through honesty and reliability. Spend quality time together regularly and resolve conflicts early while being willing to compromise. Support each other’s growth and be there during tough times.
Should I fix my relationship or leave?
Whether you fix your relationship or leave depends on the core issues you struggle with and you and your partner’s commitment to changing them. Consider seeking couples therapy for guidance and reflect on your overall happiness in the relationship.
Can I fix my broken relationship?
Can fix your broken relationship by acknowledging the issues honestly and communicating without blame, then working together to overcome them. But the term “fix” is misleading because you can’t undo the damage like a magic wand. Instead, you can heal a troubled relationship by focusing on rebuilding trust and intimacy over time.
References
1. Tognazzini, N., Coates, D. J., Zalta, E. N., & Nodelman, U. (2024). Blame. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy.
https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/blame/
2. Fletcher, G. J., & Clark, M. S. (Eds.). (2008). Blackwell handbook of social psychology: Interpersonal processes. John Wiley & Sons.
3. Wilkerson, K. (2017). Social networking sites and romantic relationships: effects on development, maintenance, and dissolution of relationships. Inquiries Journal, 9(3), 1.
http://www.inquiriesjournal.com/articles/1576/social-networking-sites-and-romantic-relationships-effects-on-development-maintenance-and-dissolution-of-relationships
4. Adams, A. (2020). Exploring love languages: The key to building and maintaining healthy relationships [Bachelor’s thesis, State University of New York]. SUNY Open Access Repository.
https://soar.suny.edu/bitstream/handle/20.500.12648/1622/Adams_Honors.pdf?sequence=1
5. Kuhn, R., Nussbeck, F., Bradbury, T. & Bodenmann, G. (2018). The power of listening: Lending an ear to the partner during dyadic coping conversations. Journal of Family Psychology, 6(S), 762–772.
https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/fam0000421
6. Wood, K. (2003). Setting boundaries: 100 ways to protect yourself, strengthen your relationships, and build the life you want…starting now! Adams Media.
