New romance is all about the thrill: fancy date nights, flowers at work, getting swept off your feet.
However, it’s important that you don’t shy away from the tough stuff. Asking tough relationship questions can help deepen your relationship and set a solid foundation for the future.
Table of Contents
Tough Questions to Ask Your Partner
- What are your favorite memories from our time together?
- What small things do I do that make you feel loved and appreciated?
- How can we make our daily routine more enjoyable for both of us?
- What activities or hobbies would you wish we did together?
- How do you envision our future together?
- What are your biggest fears about our relationship?
- Are there any habits or behaviors of mine that bother you but you haven’t mentioned?
- How do you feel we handle conflicts, and what could we do better?
- Is there anything you miss about how our relationship used to be?
- What are your dreams and goals for our future together?
These questions may be tough for your partner to answer — and the answers hard for you to hear — but these questions are necessary for growth.
But before you jump head first off the deep end, it’s okay to start with some lighter, more approachable questions to ease into the conversation and build a comfortable atmosphere.
Comfortable space activated? Great! It’s time to peel off that Band-Aid and move on to deeper questions that are designed to help you and your partner connect on a more profound level.
Important Hard Questions to Ask Your Partner
- Do you feel like we spend enough quality time together?
- How do you really feel about our sex life?
- Are you truly happy with the way we share responsibilities?
- Have you ever felt tempted to cheat on me?
- Do you feel supported in your personal goals and ambitions?
- What are your expectations for our relationship in the next five years?
- Do you feel emotionally fulfilled in our relationship?
- Is there anything you've been hesitant to discuss with me?
- How do you feel about our financial situation and how we handle money?
- What do you think is the biggest source of tension in our relationship?
As relationships age — much like your favorite bottle of red — maintaining a fulfilling bond requires effort, and a whole lot of open and honest communication as the cherry on top. You’ve got multiple shoes to fill — maybe you’re a modern-day boss babe advancing your career, maintaining friendships, and taking care of your well-being.
Effective communication early on may save you from additional heartache later. Consider these tough questions to ensure transparency and build a stronger connection. As these questions get harder, remember this is not about creating a divide. It’s about building intimacy.
A 2012 study published in the International Journal of Psychological Studies argues that intimacy is “an imperative means by which to create meaningful and satisfactory bonds between individuals” that lead “to an array of positive outcomes.”
In fact, the study’s authors, Dandurand and Lafontaine, report an “established link between romantic intimacy and couple satisfaction.”[1]
So buckle up and uncover hidden feelings, resolve any underlying issues, and hopefully come to a meeting place where you and your partner both feel the effects of an intimate emotional connection.
Hard-Hitting Questions to Ask Your Partner
- What are some things you think we don't talk about enough?
- Have you ever felt like giving up on our relationship?
- What do you think is the biggest obstacle in our relationship right now?
- Is there something you're not being completely honest about with me?
- How do you feel about the balance of power in our relationship?
- What is the most difficult thing you've had to forgive me for?
- Do you feel that I listen to you when you express your concerns?
- How do you cope with the stresses that our relationship brings?
- What boundaries do you think we need to establish or reinforce?
- Do you feel respected in our relationship, and how can we improve in that area?
The start of a new romance is often filled with excitement and joy, but this initial thrill is just the beginning. Sometimes, asking the hardest questions is necessary to uncover truths and foster deeper understanding.
These questions can be pivotal in addressing underlying issues and reinforcing your relationship.
Questions to Ask Your Partner That Expose Vulnerabilities
- What are some of your deepest insecurities?
- How do you feel when we’re apart for a long time?
- What’s something you’ve always wanted to tell me but never have?
- How do you feel about the way we handle each other's emotions?
- What do you need from me to feel more secure in our relationship?
- What fears do you have about our relationship or our future?
- How do you feel about the way we communicate during tough times?
- Are there past experiences that still affect how you view our relationship?
- What are the biggest sacrifices you feel you've made for our relationship?
- What do you worry about the most when it comes to us?
To maintain a deep connection, it’s essential to embrace honesty and vulnerability. These questions can help both you and your partner open up, resolve issues, and grow together. Don’t shy away from vulnerability, no matter how scary.
In 2022, the Cyprus Turkish Journal of Psychiatry & Psychology published an article exploring the role of vulnerability in romantic relationships.
It reported that allowing yourself and your partner to be vulnerable helps you both channel your “emotions constructively and have either difficult or easy conversations . . . without the fear of being judged or influencing the relationship in any negative form.”[2]
Such conversations are key to building a lasting relationship, and asking questions is a simple, straightforward way to get there.
Questions to Ask Your Partner During Hard Times
- What do you think is the root cause of our current struggles?
- How can we better support each other during tough times?
- What changes would you like to see in our relationship?
- How can we improve our communication when we’re both stressed?
- What are some ways we can reconnect and strengthen our bond?
- Do you feel like we're growing together or apart?
- What are some of the things you're most grateful for in our relationship, despite the hard times?
- How do you think we can avoid repeating past mistakes?
- What can I do to help ease the burdens you're feeling right now?
- How can we rebuild trust and intimacy after a difficult period?
Effective communication is vital to overcoming struggles and reconnecting during times of conflict. The worst thing you can do is avoid the problems.
Bodenmann et al. describe in Personal Relationships[3] the worst two communication styles for managing relationship conflict as avoidance and demand/withdrawal (in which one partner makes demands and the other withdraws). They report, “both interaction styles were found to be dysfunctional and were correlated with lower relationship satisfaction.”
The solution is to meet challenges head-on. These questions can guide you through such periods, helping you rebuild trust and strengthen your bond.
Conclusion
Sometimes in life the toughest moments reap the most rewards, and these tough relationship questions are no different. In fact, these tough relationship questions are a powerful tool in improving understanding and resolving issues embedded in your relationship.
Remember, this is all about building balance in your relationship, not conflict. So, take a leap. Grab your partner and a bottle of wine and see where the process takes you.
Looking for advice and tips about being in a relationship? Check out the link!
References
- Dandurand, C., & Lafontaine, M. F. (2013). Intimacy and couple satisfaction: The moderating role of romantic attachment. International Journal of Psychological Studies, 5(1), 74. https://doi.org/10.5539/ijps.v5n1p74 ↩︎
- Bakshi, A., & Ansari, S. A. (2022). The key role of vulnerability in developing authentic connections in romantic relationships. Cyprus Turkish Journal of Psychiatry & Psychology, 4(1), 103f–109. https://doi.org/10.35365/ctjpp.22.1.11 ↩︎
- Bodenmann, G., Kaiser, A., Hahlweg, K., & Fehm‐Wolfsdorf, G. (1998). Communication patterns during marital conflict: A cross‐cultural replication. Personal Relationships, 5(3), 343–356.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.1998.tb00176.x ↩︎
