Dating after 30 often means juggling more roles than a Shakespearean actor. We’ve got advanced careers and we’ve also got to keep ourselves healthy, maintain a social life, stay hydrated . . . Who’s got time for a partner?
The juggle is real. The key is to recognize when to give and when to take. It’s a delicate dance — without sequins and choreography, sadly.
Table of Contents
You can maintain equilibrium without losing your sanity (or your sense of humor). Keep reading to learn how to balance relationship and work.
1. Set clear boundaries between work and personal life
Boundary setting can be very challenging, but it’s critical to establish boundaries early on in both work and life. Communicate your boundaries clearly and kindly. Your boss isn’t a mind reader and neither is your partner.
It could be as simple as declining to read a late-night work email or passing on date night because you need to wind down from a stressful workweek with the latest Golden Bachelor episode and a pint of your favorite flavor.
Research by Matthews et al., published in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, stresses that strong boundaries between work and personal life lead to better work-life balance and reduced stress.[1]
Whether you lean toward segmentation (keeping work and life separate) or integration (blending them), the key is to find what works best for you and stick to it.
2. Prioritize time with your partner
Putting regular date nights on the calendar is essential, but here’s the more challenging part — sticking to them. Trust me, your relationship will thank you.
Especially among working couples, a lack of quality time and an emphasis on productivity can make you feel lonely in your relationship. Quality time is the antidote.
Quality time is about being fully present and engaged. Plan activities that both you and your partner enjoy, whether it’s a fancy dinner out, a cozy movie night in, or a fun new hobby you can explore together. The key is to create moments where you can connect and recharge.
These dedicated times for each other help keep your relationship strong and resilient. In fact, research published in Contemporary Family Therapy indicates that spending time talking and engaging in shared activities significantly enhances relationship satisfaction and closeness.[2]
Date nights don’t have to be extravagant. A simple evening walk, a home-cooked meal, or even a shared activity like a dance class can work wonders. The goal is to ensure that you feel valued and connected.
3. Spend your time wisely
To balance work and personal life, you must allow adequate time and energy for both. Your professional responsibilities and personal pursuits, relationships and self-care activities are all equally important to your well-being.
Time management is the key to this give-and-take. However, to effectively manage your time requires a paradigm shift away from squeezing it all in until you’re dead. Rather, rank your priorities. Stop trying to do everything.
In the book The Time Trap, authors Mackenzie and Nickerson report, “The habit of ‘attempting too much’ may escape our notice because expectations have grown so unreasonable.”[3]
What are the expectations you have for yourself at work? What are your relationship expectations? Anything that doesn’t make the list isn’t a priority. You’ve got to find harmony amidst the chaos.
If cutting things out isn’t for you, try time-blocking your schedule. Allocate specific periods for work tasks, personal activities, and relaxation. This method helps ensure you dedicate focused time to each aspect of your life without overlap, reducing stress and increasing productivity.
4. Communicate openly and honestly with your partner
Communication is the cornerstone of balancing work and relationships. Instead of expecting your partner to just intuit that you’re stressed at work and can’t fit in another mind-numbing dinner with their boomer parents, tell them. Don’t get mad at the invitation.
Be open about your needs and listen to your partner’s as well.
Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, states, “All criticism, attack, insults, and judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message.”[4]
This goes for your boss and colleagues too. Clear, honest communication can prevent misunderstandings and ensure everyone’s on the same page. Remember, your boss isn’t a mind reader, and neither is your partner.
5. Make time for self-care and stress management
If you’ve ever flown, you know you’ve got to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. Make sure you’re carving out time for self-care amidst the chaos.
Whether it’s a yoga class, a good book, or a night out with friends, taking care of yourself is essential for maintaining balance.
According to Jeff and André Shinabarger, authors of Love or Work: Is It Possible to Change the World, Stay in Love, and Raise a Healthy Family? maintaining personal well-being is crucial for sustaining healthy relationships and achieving work-life balance, as emphasized in their research on working couples.[5]
Research shows that couples who prioritize self-care and personal growth are happier. The Journal of Happiness Studies reports that when each partner’s well-being is at its highest, they can thrive together.[6]
6. Support each other’s goals and aspirations
Be each other’s biggest cheerleader! Emotional and practical support are both crucial for a thriving relationship. Cheer them on, lend an ear, and reassure them during tough times.
Practical support can involve giving advice, helping with chores, providing tangible assistance, or just being a listening and empathetic ear.
If you’ve got a big project at work, your time is going to be stretched more in that direction. Let your partner know your lack of attention is not on them, that you’re just in the middle of crunch time.
And if there’s an important relationship milestone, don’t be afraid to ask for a little slack at work.
It’s important to avoid negative support, such as being pushy or controlling, which can undermine your partner’s self-confidence. Instead, focus on fostering autonomy and mutual respect to help each other achieve personal and shared goals effectively.
Shinabarger and Shinabarger suggest creating a bucket list with your partner.[7]
By creating a list of goals and dreams, you can communicate toward something together and give yourself things to look forward to, and this can even work interchangeably with those work goals you hope to crush, too!
7. Be fully present and engaged when together
Multitasking is not the goddess-like skill popular culture would have you believe. In fact, multitasking can lead to deficiencies in more than one area.
Time Magazine reports, “When people try to perform two or more . . . tasks either at the same time or alternating rapidly between them, errors go way up, and it takes far longer — often double the time or more — to get the jobs done than if they were done sequentially.”[8]
So, when you’re with your partner, focus on being truly present. This means putting away distractions, such as your phone or work-related thoughts, and giving your full attention to the moment.
Engage in meaningful conversations, listen actively, and show that you value the time you’re spending together. This undivided attention fosters a deeper connection and helps you both feel more fulfilled and appreciated in the relationship.
The same goes for your job — when you’re working, focus fully on the task at hand. This not only boosts your productivity but also allows you to enjoy your personal time without the lingering stress of unfinished work.
So, whether it’s enjoying a meal together, watching a favorite show, or just having a heartfelt conversation, make those moments count. A more present and less frazzled you will bring out the best in both your professional and personal life.
8. Regularly assess and adjust your work-life balance
Sometimes the craziness of work or relationships will sweep us up in a whirlwind that has us on autopilot until the whole thing comes crashing down.
That’s why it’s important to take a step back occasionally and assess how it’s going. Recalibration is okay, normal, a fact of life. But how can you identify if this step is necessary?
Here are a few signs you might need to recalibrate:
- You’re constantly stressed and overwhelmed
- Your partner feels neglected
- Your work performance is slipping
- You can’t remember the last time you did something just for fun
- You’re not sleeping well
Conclusion
You’re doing an amazing job, Boss Babe. Balancing work and a relationship is no small feat, but with a little effort and a lot of heart, you’ve got this!
Acknowledge the hard work you put into both your career and your personal life. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, and be kind to yourself when things don’t go perfectly.
Interested in knowing more topics about starting a relationship? Check out our page here.
FAQ’s
Can career and relationships go together?
Yes, a career and relationships go together like champagne and orange juice. By setting clear boundaries, managing time effectively, and ensuring open and honest dialogue with your partner, you can thrive in both aspects of life.
Does being in a relationship impact your career?
Being in a relationship can impact your career in various ways. A supportive partner can provide encouragement and help you manage stress, positively influencing your career. Conversely, relationship challenges can create distractions and stress, potentially affecting job performance.
How do you balance a busy schedule and a relationship?
Balancing a busy schedule and a relationship requires practical strategies. Communicating openly with your partner, setting expectations, and understanding each other’s needs are crucial. Establish clear boundaries between work and personal time, be realistic about your commitments, and plan regular check-ins to maintain a healthy balance.
References
1. Matthews, R. A., Barnes-Farrell, J. L., & Bulger, C. A. (2010). Work and personal life boundary management: Boundary strength, work/personal life balance, and the segmentation-integration continuum. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 15(4), 448–458.
https://doi.org/10.1037/1076-8998.12.4.365
2. Hogan, J. N., Crenshaw, A. O., Baucom, K. J. W., & Baucom, B. R. W. (2022). Time spent together in intimate relationships: Implications for relationship functioning. Journal of Family Psychology, 36(1), 122–134.
https://doi.org/10.1007%2Fs10591-020-09562-6
3. Mackenzie, A, & Nickerson, P. (2009). The time trap (4th ed.). Amacom.
https://eefam.gr/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/The-Time-Trap25032015.pdf
4. Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Nonviolent communication: A language of life. PuddleDancer Press.
5. Shinabarger, A., & Shinabarger, J. (2020). Love or work: Is it possible to change the world, stay in love, and raise a healthy family? HarperCollins.
6. Anderson, B. K., Meyer, J. P., Vaters, C., & Espinoza, J. A. (2020). Measuring Personal Growth and Development in Context: Evidence of Validity in Educational and Work Settings. Journal of Happiness Studies 21, 2141–2167.
https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-019-00176-w
7. Shinabarger, A., & Shinabarger, J. (2020). Love or work: Is it possible to change the world, stay in love, and raise a healthy family? HarperCollins.
8. Wallis, C. (2006). The multitasking generation. Time Magazine, 167(13), 48–55.
9. Cohen, S., Janicki-Deverts, D., & Miller, G. E. (2007). Psychological stress and disease. Jama, 298(14), 1685–1687.
https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.298.14.1685
10. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLOS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316
11. Davoudi, S., Shaw, K., Haider, L. J., Quinlan, A. E., Peterson, G. D., Wilkinson, C., … & Davoudi, S. (2012). Resilience: A bridging concept or a dead end? Planning Theory & Practice, 13(2), 299–333.
https://doi.org/10.1080/14649357.2012.677124