Some guys are long-term material and some guys are destined to be one-night stands only.
Which are which will depend on not only what you want out of a relationship but also his intentions.
Table of Contents
Here are 11 signs he just wants to sleep with you.
1. He Only Sends Late-Night Texts
Ah, the fling, the hookup, the one-night stand. Whatever you want to call it, if he’s only texting you late at night, what I like to call the “booty hour,” it’s clear where his head is.
If he only invites you out at night . . .
To his place . . .
Just the two of you . . .
That’s a sure sign he just wants to sleep with you.
It’s one thing to have a casual night or two of hanging out and hooking up, but if that’s the same song and dance every time you get together, he’s only looking for something casual.
If you want more and you think he’ll come around, suggest something different.
Recommend that new wine-tasting bar or bowling alley you’ve been meaning to check out. If he’s not open to doing anything outside of the bedroom with you, you might want to reevaluate whether this is the right guy for you.
2. He Dodges the “Commitment” Talk
If you’re not into casual and you’ve even tried to define the relationship, you’ll notice that a guy who’s only interested in your body will definitely not want to define the relationship.
It may not have anything to do with you necessarily.
Guys often have a hard time committing because of painful relationships in the past, uncertainty of their feelings, or even their upbringing. However, the good news is that this reluctance to commit tends to decrease with age.
In fact, a study by the Journal of Scientific Exploration sampled 36,592 daters to determine their “commitment readiness.”[1] Commitment readiness was described as “an individual’s desire and readiness to commit exclusively to one romantic partner.”
The study revealed that people felt more ready for committed, long-term relationships with age. How much time have you got?
3. He Comes and Goes
A guy who only wants sex will flit in and out of your life like a preworkout-shooting Tinkerbell.
In fact, he’ll find “convenient” reasons to bail when things get serious and — as if by some kind of weird womanizer magic — reappear just when you’re feeling needy and frisky. Then disappear again.
Congrats. You’re stuck in a hookup cycle. To exit this roller coaster, consider seriously what it is you’re looking for in a relationship. If your plans don’t match his vibe, don’t be so quick to jump back into bed with him.
4. He Doesn’t Want to Meet Your People
Meeting each other’s friends and family is a huge part of any relationship, signaling a major level up.
In fact, one study published in the Journal of the International Association for Relationship Research showed that when couples’ friends and family approve of their partners, the odds of a relationship ending reduce dramatically.[2]
So, if he’s dodging opportunities to meet your friends and loved ones, let’s just say he’s not off to a good start.
Meeting each other’s inner circles is a chance to deepen your connection. People who are serious about giving their relationship the best shot possible understand how big of a deal it is to meet each other’s friends and family.
If he’s not up for Sunday brunch with your parents the seventh weekend in a row, it’s a sign he only wants to sleep with you.
5. He Has a History of Fast-Burnout Relationships
A person’s relationship history is like a movie preview. You can get a good sense of the type of person you’re dealing with by learning about their previous relationships. This is not to say you need to pry into every facet of his personal life up to this point. However, a little digging can go a long way.
His past relationship history can reveal whether or not he’s a good candidate for a go at a long-term relationship.
An article from the American Psychological Association has a lot to say about this, revealing that previous relationship behavior indicates future relationship behavior.[3] Authors Lewandowski and Sahner explain, “Former relationships may influence subsequent relationships due to the impact of former relationships on the self.”
So, if he has a history of fast-burnout relationships, proceed with caution.
6. He Never Opens Up to You or Gets to Know You
Granted, there are some emotionally distant dudes out there, and maybe you’ve found one of them. They’re not always a dead end. Then again, maybe he only cares about hooking up and doesn’t want to be vulnerable with you because of it.
According to research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, vulnerability and intimacy are essential to a healthy relationship.[4] If he’s not trying to get to know you, find out what makes you tick, and he can’t be open and vulnerable with you, there’s no chance for intimacy.
A relationship devoid of intimacy and a loving connection is not much of a relationship at all. If this guy is emotionally unavailable, it may be why he only has superficial, casual relationships. He may end up being a bit of a project if you’re not careful.
7. He Always Disappears After Hooking Up
Okay, this is a biggie.
If you find he always has an “early morning meeting” or always needs to feed a dog (who suspiciously is sometimes a cat), chances are high he just wanted to help you break in your new bed.
Taking off like that after being intimate is just rude and a clear display of poor manners.
Now, maybe he does have an early morning meeting. Who knows. But if it becomes a pattern where he never stays to bask in the “afterglow” with you, he’s not in it for the connection.
Researchers with the University of Michigan suggest that falling asleep together after sex reflects a desire for deeper emotional bonding.[5] Study authors Kruger and Hughes explain, “The more one’s partner was likely to fall asleep after . . . the stronger the desire for bonding.”
So, if you feel like he’s trying to “escape” the minute he gets a happy finish, he is only interested in hooking up with you.
8. He Openly Flirts With Other People
If the two of you are just casually dating, he’s a free agent who can do what he wants. However, a dude who’s interested in a future with you won’t pull this kind of stunt — even if your romance is still in that vague, casual, non-committal stage.
He’ll have a basic respect for you and your feelings.
If you see that he’s openly flirting with other women in front of you — especially if you’ve already been intimate together — that’s a sign that you’re not valuable to him beyond the physical.
9. He’s Selfish
Relationships are all about the little things. Good one, anyway.
A random text. A spontaneous back massage after a long workday. Random gifts and favors. These small acts show appreciation. If he doesn’t seem interested in showing you thoughtful gestures or acts of kindness, it’s a pretty good sign he’s only interested in the bedroom rodeo.
This is especially true for gestures of affection, such as nonsexual physical touch. Even the most mundane acts, like a gentle forehead kiss or a surprise hug from the back can communicate a lot in terms of love and affection.
A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships revealed that physical touch is the main way people communicate love, affection, and intimacy in the context of romantic relationships.[6]
The study authors explain that “intimacy — a sense of closeness between individuals — is a fundamental component of healthy relationships and promotes mental and physical health.”
If he’s not engaging with you this way, or he seems to only care about his own pleasure and happiness and never yours, he’s only in it for the sex.
10. He Uses Charm to Manipulate
It’s hard to believe how far a smooth joke or a well-timed compliment can go. Charm can be dangerous when it’s accompanied by a strong jaw.
Manipulative people often use flattery to avoid taking responsibility, “playfully” teasing you to undermine your concerns, or being warm and loving only when he wants to get something from you.
In one study from the American Psychological Association, 12 manipulation tactics were uncovered through different analyses based on separate data sources, and charm was the manipulation tactic of choice used most often for “behavioral elicitation,” or getting people to do what you want them to do.[7]
So, if the guy uses that smooth, suave, dulcet tone of voice or lays it on thick with insincere declarations of love, he may be trying to manipulate the relationship for sex. There’s a fine line between being charmingly convincing and being sexually coercive, so be cautious with this kind of guy.
Even if you’re fine with a casual relationship, this sort of behavior is a red flag and can lead to gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse. Maybe get your kicks from a less toxic guy.
11. He’s Always Shooting Down Your Date Ideas
It doesn’t take long to see patterns emerge in relationships.
If you notice he’s always busy when you bring up new date ideas but the stars seem to “magically” align when you send a late-night invitation, the message is clear: He only wants sex from you.
Now, it is possible that he is genuinely busy (we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt).
However, a guy who turns down every date idea that doesn’t involve doing the horizontal mambo has made his intentions obvious.
What to Do When a Guy Just Wants to Sleep With You
If he’s displayed all the signs of only wanting to sleep with you, well, let’s call a spade a spade.
If you want an intimate relationship, this guy may not be it. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t have any fun in the meantime, until Mr. Right comes along. Here are some simple suggestions on how to maneuver this situation.
Have a candid conversation
If you really like the dude, it’s worth it to sit down with him and have a chat about your relationship.
Find out what he’s actually after and if it’s something you’d be open to.
This has a twofold advantage. . . .
First, you can express what it is that you want (whether it’s an intimate relationship or a casual hookup).
Second, it’s a test to see how he responds. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know about how he feels about you. If he is open to communicating and working with you so that both of you come to an agreement in your relationship, you may have a keeper.
Manage expectations and set boundaries
It’s perfectly fine if you’re down to just keep things casual.
But if that’s a route you’re going to take, both of you should set the proper boundaries regarding how you will conduct each other. Decide at the outset what the relationship is and isn’t.
These terms and conditions will ensure nobody’s caught in the crossfire of unmet expectations.
Be true to yourself
While there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a casual fling, you also need to be honest with yourself if that’s not what you’re looking for.
If you want an intimate relationship with someone special, and he’s not willing to give that to you, you have to walk away to find a guy who is.
Period.
Sometimes you have to let go of the mediocre in order to find the great.
See where it goes
And lastly, if you’re into the setup, go for it. There’s a lot to be said about the liberation that comes from fully embracing your sexuality. In fact, this caution in wind attitude can actually have a major impact on your sexual well-being.
An article in Psychology of Women Quarterly explains how feminism and owning your sexuality is connected to positive and empowering sexual self-concept.[8]
So, if you want to explore this new boy toy, go all in. But go in with your eyes wide open. Sure, maybe he’ll fall in love with you. But maybe he won’t.
Conclusion
Unfortunately, there are dudes out there who, no matter how amazing you are, aren’t going to want the same things as you. But if you can recognize the signs he just wants to sleep with you, you can easily manage their expectations — and yours.
To read more about being in a relationship, follow the link.
FAQs
How do you know if a guy likes you after you have slept with him?
The best way to know if a guy likes you after you’ve slept with him is to watch what happens next. If he hangs back, takes time to connect, and wants to be with you for a while before he leaves, it’s a good sign he’s into you.
How can you tell if he likes you or just wants a fling?
You can tell if he likes you or if he just wants a fling by how much effort he puts into you. A guy who sees a future with you will communicate regularly and make regular plans, as well as integrating you into his daily life.
How do you know if he has no interest in you?
You know he has no interest in you if he doesn’t text you back right away or attempt to make plans with you. Watch for his attention and affection to wane, if it ever existed in the first place, because this indicates he’s not interested in you.
References
1. Lange, R., Jerabek, I., Dagnall, N. (2023). Testing the popular belief that men have commitment issues. Journal of Scientific Exploration, 36(4), 677–681.
https://doi.org/10.31275/20222469
2. Sprecher, S., & Felmlee, D. (2000). Romantic partners’ perceptions of social network attributes with the passage of time and relationship transitions. Personal Relationships, 7(4), 325–340.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2000.tb00020.x
3. Lewandowski, G. W., Jr., & Sahner, D. F. (2005). The influence of past relationships on subsequent relationships: The role of the self. Individual Differences Research, 3(4), 269–275.
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-00691-005
4. Khalifian, C. E., & Barry, R. A. (2020). Expanding intimacy theory: Vulnerable disclosures and partner responding. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(1), 58–76.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407519853047
5. Kruger, D. J., & Hughes, S. M. (2011). Tendencies to fall asleep first after sex are associated with greater partner desires for bonding and affection. Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and Cultural Psychology, 5(4), 239–247.
https://doi.org/10.1037/h0099259
6. Sorokowska, A., Kowal, M., Saluja, S. et al. (2023). Love and affectionate touch toward romantic partners all over the world. Scientific Reports, 13, 5497.
https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-023-31502-1
7. Buss D. M., Gomes, M., Higgins, D. S., Lauterbach. K. (1987). Tactics of manipulation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(6), 1219–29.
https://doi.org/10.1037//0022-3514.52.6.1219.
8. Schick, V. R., Zucker, A. N., & Bay-Cheng, L. Y. (2008). Safer, better sex through feminism: The role of feminist ideology in women’s sexual well-being. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 32(3), 225–232.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1471-6402.2008.00431.x