Breakups leave emotional echoes. Sudden texts, strategic social media interactions, and calculated “coincidences” reveal unspoken desires. These behaviors suggest your ex is mapping a return route to your heart.
1. He consistently reaches out to you.
Would you prefer a needy ex or a hostile one?
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Don’t answer that. It’s a Morton’s fork.
Messages from a needy ex drip with familiarity, laced with just enough warmth to (attempt to) stir the ache of nostalgia. Each word feels like a carefully crafted manipulation, unraveling the progress you’ve made as he draws you into his restless need for connection.
You don’t want to send the wrong message, so keep your emotions in check and focus on clarity.
- Be clear about how much contact you’re comfortable with. Do this by setting boundaries right away.
- Introduce a little empathy into the equation. Read Signs He Is Hurting After the Breakup to understand your ex’s perspective.
- If he’s trying to guilt-trip or otherwise manipulate you, forget empathy. That’s a sign of a toxic person and you’re lucky to have escaped.
- Don’t assume anything. The answer could honestly just be he’s bored. If he texts you out of the blue, the reason isn’t a guaranteed “I can’t live without you.”
Did you know? Using mobile phones often in close relationships increases partners’ expectations of also conducting relationship maintenance through mobile phones.[1] To some, this might seem avoidant or passive aggressive, but for others, it’s just how relationships are managed these days.
2. Every interaction with him feels like venturing down memory lane.
Your ex as a Marvel post-credit scene, always hinting at a sequel you’re not sure you want.
He’s always bringing up old memories, like that trip to the coast or your favorite late-night spot, and weaving them into comments about the future. Even casual remarks like, “Your mom always said we made a great team,” feel loaded with innuendo — as if he’s pitching a romantic reboot.
Nostalgia is one hell of a drug, so arm yourself:
- Politely redirect conversations that steer into the past or shared future.
- Stay grounded in your present and what you want right now.
- Ask yourself if his words spark interest or just reignite old habits.
- If you’re not interested, say so. Explain that you’re looking for closure instead of round two.
- If you are interested, make sure he’s not toying with you. Read How to Know if a Guy Is Playing You or Really Likes You to avoid being played.
Did you know? People understand nostalgia as “sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past,” but it’s also a defense mechanism against adversity — negative emotions actually activate nostalgia. In romantic nostalgia, “partners focus on positive relationship experiences or frame relationship experiences in a redemptive trajectory.” So, your ex probably only remembers the good stuff.[2]
3. His body language is working overtime.
Shakira wasn’t wrong. Words can lie, but body language rarely does.
He might not come right out and say he wants you back, but he doesn’t have to. His body language will shout it from the rooftops. Here’s what to look for:
- He tilts toward you when talking, closing the space between you.
- He turns his whole body toward yours to express his engagement.
- He mirrors your gestures, like crossing his arms when you do.
- His gaze lingers, holding yours more than usual.
- He fidgets or adjusts his clothes when you’re around.
The reason body language doesn’t lie is that it often comes with what Allan and Barbara Pease, experts in human relations and body language, call micro-signals. Open palms may signal truth-telling but micro-signals like contracted pupils or a subtly raised eyebrow will reveal the lie.[3]
4. He’s been working on self-improvement.
There’s nothing quite like a comeback.
Your ex may have been building better habits all this time not because that’s just a better way to live. It’s all for you. For example, if financial irresponsibility was an issue, he might share new budgeting strategies or mention consulting a financial advisor.
If your ex has been working to improve the aspects of himself that caused the breakup in the first place, perhaps you should consider getting back together. After all, sometimes a break can be good for a relationship in the long run.
One caveat.
Make sure the change is consistent before diving back in headfirst.
If it’s not or you prefer to move on, simply express how happy you are for him and how proud you are that he’s tackled this, but that you’d rather stay friends.
Did you know? Almost half of all Americans say they are not friends with any of their exes. But a healthy 37% say they’re friends with at least one ex. Impressively, 17% say they’re friends with every one of their exes.
5. He’s still single.
Does an empty dating roster hint at unfinished business?
Staying single is often a sign that he’s stuck in the past, unable to fully let go of what you two had. Maybe no one else measures up, or he’s replaying the moments that made your relationship special. His lack of effort may not just be about being picky. It could mean he’s still holding out hope for you.
If I were in this situation, I’d take it as a clear signal to turn my attention inward:
- Focus on self-growth. Use this time to rediscover your passions, set personal goals, and rebuild your confidence.
- Don’t overthink it. You’re broken up. If he’s single, so what? Protect yourself from too much overthinking about his healing process so you don’t complicate yours.
Did you know? Good-looking men are more likely to stay single longer than less attractive men. This is because “good looks constitute a quality which is valued considerably in casual relationships.”[4]
6. He flirts with you and compliments you.
A guy who flirts with you and compliments you wants one thing.
You!
You haven’t seen each other in weeks, maybe months. For the most part, the breakup is behind you. But then you’re at a mutual friend’s gathering and everything changes.
You lock eyes with your ex, and time freezes. He leans in and whispers, “You look better in that dress than I remember.” Flirting or compliments, like “You always had the best style,” hint at lingering feelings and nostalgia. His playful gestures suggest he might be testing the waters.
So what do you do?
You can flirt back if you like. If you’re not interested in playing that particular game, remind him of your boundaries. Then again, some people like to avoid such scenarios by going full no contact after a breakup. That means staying home from get-togethers you know he’ll be attending.
Expert insight: From Evolutionary Psychology: “Light conversations/chats, compliments, random comments, and texts, even if it’s not prolonged or intimate may signal continued (even if small) investment.”[5]
7. His jealousy is hard to hide.
Why was Ross always jealous of Rachel’s new boyfriends on Friends? It wasn’t because he didn’t want her back.
In 2015, jealousy made me act foolishly. When my ex started dating someone new, I impulsively commented on their photo, “Nice to see you’ve found someone who can tolerate your quirks!” My attempt at humor backfired, turning my private feelings into a public spectacle. Jealousy, when handled maturely, can hint at unresolved affection.
If you’re wondering if your ex might want you back based on his jealousy, here are some practical tips.
- Use journaling for clarity. Encourage journaling to help both of you process emotions. Try this article on Journaling as a Healing Tool for self-reflection and emotional healing.
- Observe his actions. Is his jealousy showing affection or possessiveness? True love involves maturity and emotional honesty.
- Check for serious intentions. Look for consistent effort, communication, and respect. According to How to Know if a Guy is Serious About You: Signs to Look For, actions are key.
- Allow space for healing. Jealousy might signal unresolved feelings. Give both of you time and space to heal before jumping to conclusions.
Dr. Mark Attridge, prolific researcher, and psychologist writes, “When one partner is strongly connected to the other in terms of that person being important . . . [they’re] prone to react to emotional jealousy when the relationship is threatened.”[6]
8. He tells you he misses you.
Ah, those “three little words.” No, not those ones.
People miss things for different reasons. Your ex could be feeling lonely, nostalgic, or simply missing the comfort of your presence, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready to rebuild the relationship. Sometimes, it’s just a way to test the water or seek validation, not a clear sign of wanting to reconnect.
First of all, you don’t owe him a reunion just because he’s nostalgic. Here’s what you do instead:
- Examine your feelings without pressure or commentary from your ex.
- Consider the possibility that it’s too soon. Why do I say that? Read Taking a Break in a Relationship: When Love Needs a Time-Out for answers.
- If you choose to explore this, set clear boundaries and communicate your expectations clearly.
- Discuss your relationship values this time around and hopefully avoid what broke you up in the first place.
Your Next Steps: Navigating Mixed Signals
Not every sign means what it seems. An ex liking your photos or sending a casual text might feel like a spark, but it could just be a flicker of curiosity. Polite messages or nostalgic memories can warm your heart, yet they might be nothing more than echoes of a shared history.
Here are some ways to navigate mixed signals:
- Focus on actions, not fleeting gestures or vague messages. You might find it helpful to explore the signs a man is in love and how to know if he is serious about you.
- Protect your boundaries and walk away if the same cracks reappear.
- Instead of speculating about whether your ex wants you back, work on achieving closure.
- Take a step back from all this noise. Meditate, hike, or take up journaling. Getting to know yourself better might make it easier to drown out your ex’s neediness.
Breakups are confusing, and sometimes it’s hard to know if it’s over over. From subtle hints to outright emotional confessions, the signs can vary widely.
Ultimately, breakups are about prioritizing your happiness and emotional well-being as you navigate this next chapter of your story.
Our guides to ending a relationship can help you make sense of this complicated time in your life.
FAQs
What are the chances of your ex wanting you back?
The chances of your ex wanting you back vary based on what led to your breakup, the strength of your connection, and whether growth and reflection have occurred on both sides. If the breakup was due to external pressures or misunderstandings rather than irreparable differences, the likelihood that your ex wants you back may be higher.
How do you know if getting back with your ex is right?
To know if getting back with your ex is right, make sure you’ve addressed the reasons for the breakup. If you’ve both grown individually and genuinely want to rebuild the relationship with healthy communication and mutual effort, getting back together might be right for you. Trust your instincts and ensure your decision aligns with your long-term happiness and shared values.
How do you know if your ex secretly misses you?
You know if your ex secretly misses you when they initiate contact, frequently engage with you on social media, reminisce about shared memories, or seek excuses to see you. However, actions speak louder than words — look for consistency and sincerity in their behavior to know for sure that they’re serious about you.
References
1. Hall, J. A., & Baym, N. K. (2012). Calling and texting (too much): Mobile maintenance expectations, (over)dependence, entrapment, and friendship satisfaction. New Media & Society, 14(2), 316–331. https://doi.org/10.1177/1461444811415047
2. Evans, N. D., Juhl, J., Hepper, E. G., Wildschut, T., Sedikides, C., & Fetterman, A. K. (2022). Romantic nostalgia as a resource for healthy relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 39(7), 2181–2206. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075221075773
3. Pease, A. & Pease, B. (2006). The definitive book of body language: The hidden meaning behind people’s gestures and expressions. Bantam. https://e-edu.nbu.bg/pluginfile.php/331752/mod_resource/content/0/Allan_and_Barbara_Pease_-_Body_Language_The_Definitive_Book.pdf
4. Apostolou, M. (2019). Why men stay single? Evidence from Reddit. Evolutionary Psychological Science, 5(1), 87–97. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-018-0163-7
5. Kennair, L. E. O., Wade, T. J., Tallaksen, M. T., Grøntvedt, T. V., Kessler, A. M., Burch, R. L., & Bendixen, M. (2022). Perceived effectiveness of flirtation tactics: The effects of sex, mating context and individual differences in US and Norwegian samples. Evolutionary Psychology, 20(1). https://doi.org/10.1177/14747049221088011
6. Attridge, M. (2013). Jealousy and relationship closeness exploring the good (reactive) and bad (suspicious) sides of romantic jealousy. SAGE Open, 3(1). https://doi.org/10.1177/2158244013476054
