From passionate love to roommate vibes? You might be falling out of love. Then again, you might just be in a rut.
Let’s explore the real signs you’re falling out of love and why recognizing them can lead you to better things — whether it’s rekindling the spark or moving on.
Table of Contents
What Does It Mean to Fall Out of Love?
To understand what it means to fall out of love, we must first understand what it means to be in love in the first place. You can explore what the poets have to say about being in love, but it boils down to this: Being in love comes with an urgent need, a sense of immediacy and intensity, for the person you’re in love with.
With time, this feeling can wane. If you’re lucky, being passionately in love is replaced with the love of companionship, commitment, and contentment, often with periods where that passionate and urgent love comes back to say, “Hi, remember me? Let’s get it on.”
If you’re unlucky, that feeling leaves and what’s left behind is dislike, resentment, contempt, or apathy. This is what happens when you fall out of love.
There’s no one way that this happens. Sometimes, people fall out of love quietly, with subtle shifts, one day waking up and wondering where the spark went. Other times, love leaves suddenly, dramatically, or tragically.
A 2013 article in Qualitative Report studied what it means to fall out of love. Study author Sailor describes the phenomenon as a “loss of trust, of intimacy, and of feeling loved; emotional pain; and negative sense of self, contribute to slow, progressive deterioration of the relationship in which over time the romantic love decreased and eventually ended.”[1]
This is obviously an extreme description of falling out of love, but it captures the grave sadness that falling out of love can inspire. One loves to be in love.
However it happens, falling out of love doesn’t necessarily mean the end — it’s an opportunity to examine the relationship, understand the reasons behind the change, and explore ways to reconnect or, in some cases, gracefully let go.
10 Signs You’re Falling Out of Love
Sometimes, even the strongest relationships go through tough times, but there’s a difference between a rough patch and drifting apart. If you notice certain changes that feel deeper and more persistent, it may be time to reflect on where your feelings stand.
1. Communication feels like a chore
When it feels simpler to flick on the TV than talk about your highs and lows that day, it may be a sign of emotional distance. Avoiding deeper conversations and keeping your interactions to surface-level topics, like what’s for dinner and who cleans the litter box, can indicate that opening up isn’t as appealing as it once was.
Instead of excitement, sharing may start to feel like a chore, and you might notice a lack of enthusiasm for those once-meaningful deep conversations.
When soul-searching discussions late into the night fade into brief text messages, it’s often a sign that the emotional connection may be slipping away.
2. Physical affection is fading
If “me time” is suddenly winning over cuddle time, it could be a signal that things have shifted.
Physical affection doesn’t just feel nice — it’s also a strong indicator of emotional closeness. Studies show that partners who regularly share physical affection tend to feel happier and more connected.[2]
So, if you’re feeling a little too relieved to claim your own side of the couch or skipping regularly scheduled hanky-panky feels easier than leaning in, it might mean the spark isn’t just dimming; it’s dozing off.
When personal space takes priority, it may be a sign that love’s cozy glow has cooled a bit.
3. Solo time is your favorite time
If solo time has begun to feel like a mini vacation, it might be worth a closer look. Loving time alone is totally healthy, but when it’s all you crave, it could be a sign that together time is starting to feel more like a task than a treat.
If you’re finding excuses to sneak off for a solo binge session, it may be that those cozy nights in aren’t as fulfilling as they once were.
When “me time” starts taking over “we time,” it might just be a hint that the relationship’s spark is fizzling out.
4. You shut down emotionally
Closing yourself off to connection and vulnerability, it might be a sign of emotional distance. People in love usually have no problem with emotional availability. After all, love itself is an emotion of availability.
In a study of intimacy published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, authors Laurenceau et al. propose that open communication and vulnerability are key to maintaining intimacy in relationships, while avoiding meaningful conversations can lead to emotional disconnection.[3]
If sharing feelings or tackling important topics starts feeling uncomfortable or irrelevant, it may mean you’re emotionally pulling away from the relationship. When those deep dives turn into shallow waters, it often signals that the emotional bond may be fading.
5. You become annoyed by habits you used to find charming
Those small quirks that once made you smile — like humming in the shower or reciting the lines to their favorite movies aloud — might suddenly be giving you the “ick.” In fact, research conducted by Huston et al. suggests that as emotional connection fades, tolerance for a partner’s habits can decrease, making once-charming traits feel irritating or even frustrating.[4]
If everyday behaviors are getting under your skin more than usual, it might signal a shift in your feelings. When affection starts to wane, those cute quirks can quickly become deal-breakers.
6. Your future doesn’t include them
Instead of planning the next adventure or setting shared goals, you may find yourself fantasizing about solo plans or contemplating a life where your partner isn’t central.
When you’re in love, your partner is there in every dream, every plan, every goal. They’re the one you want to take on this grand adventure called life. Looking into the future and seeing an empty space next to you doesn’t give off the greatest “wildly in love” vibes.
If it feels harder to see a future together, if you’d rather travel through Europe on your own than with him, it could be a sign that love may be slipping away.
7. Your interests diverge
Having separate interests is healthy, but if you find yourself fully investing in hobbies, friendships, or activities that exclude your partner — and feel indifferent about sharing these experiences — it may signal emotional separation.
When solo pursuits start to replace couple activities, it can be a sign that priorities are shifting.
8. You’re easily distracted when you’re together
When quality time no longer feels truly engaging, you might find yourself reaching for your phone or daydreaming even while you’re together.
When you’re in love, your focus remains on your person and you find it hard to pay attention to anything else. Your friendships take a back burner, your mom is leaving voicemails that she hasn’t heard from you in weeks — sometimes you even forget to eat.
Sure, that feeling settles as being passionately in love levels up into commitment and companionship, but they’re still the first person you want to tell your news to.
If you’re more focused on external distractions than each other, it could indicate that the emotional pull of the relationship isn’t as strong as it once was.
9. Your eyes wander
A person in the throes of love sees no other besides their beloved. Idris Elba himself could ask you to go home with him and you’d barely register the invitation.
If you’re not only admiring the physique of someone who is not your partner but inviting them back to yours for drinks, it’s time to reevaluate the level of love in your relationship. Rokach and Chan write that “when people feel emotional shortfalls in their primary relationships, they may search for a deeper quality of romantic connection” with someone else.[5]
Infidelity or thoughts of infidelity are pretty clear signs that you’re not in love with your partner anymore.
What to Do When You Fall Out of Love
First, don’t assume it’s over. In Ethical Theory and Moral Practice, Lopez-Cantro et al. suggest, “Falling out of love does not necessarily mean that one ‘falls out of caring’ for the beloved.”[6] You can still care deeply for someone but that look of love changes over time.
Second, take thoughtful steps to analyze your feelings, decide what you want, then, simply, get it. And yes, this might mean the love is gone and the relationship has run its course.
Open up about your feelings
Keeping everything bottled up rarely leads to positive change. Start with an honest, open conversation, letting your partner know how you’re really feeling — even if it feels uncomfortable. Open communication fosters trust and understanding, creating space for empathy and connection.[7]
By sharing your doubts and worries, you might discover a path toward a deeper understanding or even rekindle the connection. Taking the step to be vulnerable can often pave the way for meaningful growth in the relationship, one way or another.
Either rediscover the person you fell for or end things
Sometimes, the key to rekindling the magic is to rewind to where it all started. Think about it, what drew you two together in the first place? Try bringing back the classics — go on dates, hit up your favorite hangouts, or cook a meal you both used to obsess over but stopped eating because it had 60 grams of fat per serving.
Revisiting those early moments can feel like hitting the refresh button on the relationship. You might just find that the spark was there all along, waiting for a little throwback to reignite it.
Then again, after assessing your feelings, you might decide there’s no change for rekindling. If that’s the case, acknowledge the beautiful time you gained from loving this person while you need and try to move on amicably, perhaps even stay friends.
There’s a secret third option you may not have considered. Instead of powering through or breaking up, take a break from the relationship. Not the Ross and Rachel style of break, but a well-thought-out and mutual break to give you both a fresh perspective. Sometimes, a break can even reignite your affection and passion for someone.
Invest in yourself for new energy
Sometimes, the best way to recharge your relationship or move on from a relationship with dignity is to invest in yourself. Rediscover a hobby you haven’t touched in ages, set some personal goals, or spend quality time with friends who always make you laugh till you snort.
When Aron and Aron conducted research on the social psychology of personal relationships, they discovered that personal growth within a relationship can increase satisfaction and resilience, helping partners feel fulfilled individually and together.[8]
Bringing your happiest, most fulfilled self back to the table can bring a fresh vibe to the relationship — and sometimes, that’s exactly the spark you both need. If you decide to break up, investing in yourself will give you the energy and motivation to build a new normal.
How to Fall Back in Love
Falling out of love doesn’t have to mean it’s over. Relationships evolve, and sometimes, those early butterflies get lost in the shuffle of daily life.
In their book Rekindling the Romance: Loving the Love of Your Life, relationship experts Dennis and Barbara Rainey discuss how most modern fairy tales end at the beginning — the marriage scene — and “they live happily ever after.”
However, love stories don’t end at the wedding. Instead, they’re actually seasonal, with three major seasons that “most couples experience as the years go by: new love, disappointed love, and cherishing committed love.”[9]
The book Marriage in Motion calls this natural ebb and flow tidal drift. Authors Schwartz and Olds write that “people are almost always moving closer together and further apart.”[10]
If you’re stuck in the midst of an ebb and want to get back into flow and reignite that connection, here are some steps to bring warmth and connection back into the relationship.
Acknowledge where you are
The first step to fixing anything is recognizing there’s a shift. Ignoring or denying it can build up unspoken resentment that only creates distance. Accepting that your feelings have changed allows you to tackle the issue openly. When you’re ready, sit down with your partner and share what you’re experiencing — without pointing fingers or placing blame.
Honest, blame-free communication fosters better outcomes in relationships and reduces defensive reactions. Starting with honesty creates a foundation for positive change, making it easier to explore ways to reconnect or redefine the relationship together. Only with raw honesty can you save your relationship and fix what’s broken.
Revisit the reasons you fell in love
Think back to the early days of your romance. Conjure memories of why you fell in love in the first place. Does your partner still embody these qualities? Do you still embody the same qualities your partner fell in love with? Perhaps they’re buried beneath years of to-do lists, carpools, and new wrinkles. You just need to uncover them.
What was it about each other that made you feel that initial spark? Revisit the qualities and moments that drew you together in the first place. Take time to reflect on these memories together — whether it’s reminiscing about your favorite trips, laughing over old inside jokes, or reliving the big moments that made you feel close.
Spending time on these memories can reignite a sense of appreciation, reminding you of the foundation you’ve built and why you chose each other to begin with.
Break the routine with intentional quality time
Life’s daily grind can turn relationships into predictable routines, potentially dulling the connection between partners. To reignite that spark, it’s essential to make intentional plans for quality time together. Engaging in new and exciting activities as a couple can enhance relationship satisfaction and intimacy.
Research by Aron et al. found that couples who participated in novel and challenging activities reported higher levels of relationship quality.[11]
Ideas to reconnect:
- Plan regular date nights: Set aside specific evenings to enjoy each other’s company without distractions.
- Explore new hobbies together: Whether it’s cooking a new cuisine, hiking a different trail, or taking a dance class, shared experiences can strengthen your bond.
- Weekend getaways: A change of scenery, even for a short time, can provide a refreshing break from routine and offer opportunities to create new memories.
By intentionally creating fresh experiences, you can bring excitement and closeness back into your relationship, moving beyond the usual patterns and rediscovering each other in new ways.
If you want to get really sparky, try these dirty pickup lines on your partner and watch their surprise turn into seduction.
Improve communication
Falling out of love often begins with a communication breakdown. To rebuild the connection, focus on creating open, honest, and empathetic dialogue. Go beyond the usual “How was your day?” and dive into topics that connect you on a deeper level, like your hopes, fears, and dreams.
Ask questions that show genuine interest, allowing your partner to feel seen and valued. Practicing active listening — where you truly hear them out without distractions — can be a game changer.
When you’re both invested in open communication, you create a foundation for emotional intimacy that strengthens the bond.
Express gratitude and appreciation
When we’re around someone constantly, it’s easy to overlook the little things they do. Start making it a habit to express appreciation for your partner’s efforts, unique qualities, and the small ways they make your life better.
Expressing gratitude in relationships can increase feelings of closeness and positivity, helping partners feel valued.[12] A simple “thank you” or heartfelt compliment can go a long way in shifting your perspective and bringing more warmth into your interactions.
When gratitude becomes part of your daily routine, it can transform the way you see each other, helping to rebuild affection and connection.
Focus on physical intimacy
Physical closeness is a major component of emotional connection, and sometimes, reigniting small acts of affection can rekindle feelings of love. Start with simple gestures — hold hands, give each other a warm hug, or cozy up on the couch.
Physical touch boost oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” which helps to strengthen bonds and promote feelings of closeness.[13]
If both of you are comfortable, have an open conversation about your physical needs and explore ways to reconnect in a way that feels natural and enjoyable. Small, consistent gestures can make a big difference in restoring affection and deepening your bond.
Work on individual growth
Sometimes, feeling disconnected from a partner starts with losing touch with yourself. Pursue personal interests, spend time journaling, set new goals, and focus on your well-being.
Research suggests that when partners are fulfilled individually, they bring a more balanced, positive energy into the relationship, fostering mutual growth and connection.[14] Rediscovering your own passions can also renew the way you see each other, making your partner’s unique qualities feel fresh and exciting.
Seeing each other as whole individuals with distinct goals and interests can breathe new life into your relationship, helping to rekindle attraction and curiosity.
Be patient in the process of rebuilding love
Rekindling love isn’t something that happens overnight; it requires patience and understanding. Emotions naturally ebb and flow, so don’t feel discouraged if the progress seems slow.
Lasting relationship improvements often come from small, consistent efforts rather than quick fixes. Embrace the gradual journey and trust that the steady, mindful steps you take together can make the biggest difference.
Have I Fallen Out of Love or Am I Depressed?
Falling out of love and depression can feel eerily similar. However, once you analyze your feelings a bit closer, you’ll see there’s one big difference.
If it’s about the relationship, your feelings of apathy or dread will only stretch to your relationship. You’ll maintain hope and enthusiasm for your career, hobbies, friends, and family.
But if feeling disengaged spreads to all parts of life and you feel hopeless, worthless, or uninspired, it might be worth talking to a mental health professional about depression. Depression often presents as a lack of energy or interest in activities that once brought joy, extending beyond just your relationship.
Daily tasks may feel overwhelming, accompanied by a persistent sense of heaviness that makes focus challenging. Unlike falling out of love, depression’s sadness or emptiness usually feels constant and isn’t tied specifically to your partner or relationship.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you don’t have to face it alone. In the US, you can call the National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP(4357) for free, confidential support and resources.
Conclusion
Whether you’re falling out of love or just stuck in a rut, this phase can be a chance for growth — either together or on your own. Love is complex, filled with layers and changes, and recognizing where you stand is a powerful step forward. Embrace the opportunity to reflect on what you want, what you need, and whether this relationship aligns with those desires.
No matter the outcome, taking time to understand your feelings can lead to a stronger, more authentic path ahead, whether that means rebuilding together or finding fulfillment independently.
FAQs
Is it normal to fall out of love in a relationship?
Yes, it’s completely normal to fall out of love at times in a relationship. Long-term relationships naturally ebb and flow, especially with life’s challenges and mundanities, and these phases can often lead to opportunities for reconnection and growth together.
How do you fix falling out of love?
Fixing falling out of love starts with identifying what caused the distance. Honest conversations, intentional quality time, and gestures of appreciation can help rekindle the connection. Couples counseling can also be a supportive option.
Should I tell my partner I’m falling out of love?
Before telling your partner you’ve fallen out of love, confirm that you’re not just experiencing a temporary low. Emotions fluctuate due to relationship highs and lows or even personal factors like stress or depression. If you do share your feelings, do so calmly and with compassion, keeping in mind that you can find ways to reconnect.
References
1. Sailor, J. L. (2013). A phenomenological study of falling out of romantic love. Qualitative Report, 18, 37.
https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1005514.pdf
2. Gulledge, A. K., Gulledge, M. H., & Stahmann, R. F. (2003). Romantic physical affection types and relationship satisfaction. American Journal of Family Therapy, 31(4), 233-242.
https://doi.org/10.1080/01926180390201936
3. Laurenceau, J. P., Barrett, L. F., & Pietromonaco, P. R. (1998). Intimacy as an interpersonal process: The importance of self-disclosure, partner disclosure, and perceived partner responsiveness in interpersonal exchanges. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(5), 1238–1251.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.74.5.1238
4. Huston, T. L., Caughlin, J. P., Houts, R. M., Smith, S. E., & George, L. J. (2001). The connubial crucible: Newlywed years as predictors of marital delight, distress, and divorce. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 80(2), 237–252.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.80.2.237
5. Rokach, A., & Chan, S. H. (2023). Love and infidelity: Causes and consequences. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 20(5), 3904.
https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph20053904
6. Lopez-Cantero, P., & Archer, A. (2020). Lost without you: the Value of Falling out of Love. Ethical Theory and Moral Practice, 23(3), 515–529.
7. Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. Harmony Books.
8. Aron, A., & Aron, E. N. (2000). Self-expansion motivation and including other in the self. In W. Ickes & S. Duck (Eds.), The social psychology of personal relationships (pp. 109–128).
9. Rainey, D., Rainey, B., & DeMoss, B. (2006). Rekindling the romance: loving the love of your life. Thomas Nelson.
10. Schwarts, R., & Olds, J. (2002). Marriage in motion: The natural ebb & flow of lasting relationships. De Capo Press.
11. Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. E. (2000). Couples’ shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 273–284.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.78.2.273
12. Algoe, S. B., Gable, S. L., & Maisel, N. C. (2010). It’s the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 17(2), 217–233.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01273.x
13. Sekulić, A. (2024). Neuroendocrinology of romantic love [Doctoral dissertation, University of Rijeka].
https://zir.nsk.hr/islandora/object/medri:8757/datastream/PDF/download
14. La Guardia, J. G., & Patrick, H. (2008). Self-determination theory as a fundamental theory of close relationships. Canadian Psychology, 49(3), 201.
https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/a0012760
