If you’re looking to breathe new life into your relationship, couples therapy exercises can help you and your partner improve communication, deepen your bond, and reignite the fading spark.
While no online activity can replace in-person, transformative work with a licensed professional, these fun activities and thoughtful discussions might help you connect better.
Table of Contents
Communication Exercises for Couples
Communication is the heart of any relationship. When you and your partner express feelings, listen actively, and truly understand each other, you lay the foundation for a lasting bond. These communication exercises are designed to do just that, even if you feel like you’ve hit a wall.
1. Active listening exercise
There are times you feel like you and your partner are just taking turns waiting to speak instead of actually listening. Active listening can fix that.
Here’s how it works. One of you shares a thought or feeling while the other listens — no interrupting, no eye-rolling, you focus on the other person instead of yourself. When the speaker’s done, the listener repeats back what they heard to confirm they got it right. It’s a lot like the mirroring exercise that I’ll touch on later in the section.
It sounds easy, but it takes focus! This exercise helps build empathy and shows you both that your feelings are valid. It keeps you both tuned in instead of tuning each other out. Give it a shot; you might be surprised by what you learn!
2. Daily check-in
Daily check-ins are an easy way to keep the connection strong, even on those “I have zero time” days. Just set aside five to ten minutes to share your highs and lows with each other. What made you smile? What made you want to fake a migraine and hide under your desk at work?
This quick habit lets you both open up honestly and get a snapshot of each other’s day-to-day lives. Plus, it beats mindlessly scrolling through Instagram while sitting next to each other on the couch.
3. Expressing appreciation
Once a week, hit pause on your busy schedules and take turns sharing what you appreciate about each other.
Maybe they remembered your coffee order (two pumps vanilla, oat milk, no foam — you’re not high maintenance; you just know what you want), or perhaps they held your hair back during a questionable sushi incident.
Couples who regularly show admiration and appreciation for each other build what psychologist and relationship guru Dr. John Gottman terms an “emotional bank account,” which is a metaphor for the “emotional reserves that couples build through expressions of appreciation within their relationship.”[1]
He explains that “by engaging in small, positive moments and consistently expressing fondness, admiration, and appreciation for each other, couples can accumulate a surplus in their emotional bank account. This surplus serves as a source of support during challenging times and helps to sustain the relationship through various life changes and difficulties.”
Turns out, a little “thank you” goes a long way — who knew?
4. Mirroring exercise
Mirroring is a powerful communication exercise that makes sure both partners feel heard. One person speaks at a time, saying exactly what they’re feeling and why.
The listener then repeats, “So, what I heard you say was . . .” If they understood correctly, they ask, “Tell me more.” This back-and-forth continues until the speaker feels fully heard. Mirroring works because it actually calms the brain, making you feel less defensive and more connected.
This exercise reduces misunderstandings and helps both of you feel validated — so no more “I swear I said that!” moments or passive-aggressive Post-it notes on the fridge about whose turn it is to buy more milk.
Try it! Your brain (and relationship) will thank you!
5. “State of the union” meeting
Once a month, grab your favorite takeout and chat about where you’re headed as a couple. Maybe you want to start a weekly game night (because Monopoly arguments are apparently healthy), save for a dream trip to Italy, or finally decide whose turn it is to clean the coffee maker.
Whatever your goals, setting them together builds teamwork and a clear sense of where you’re headed.
In his book, Fighting for Your Marriage, author and psychologist Dr. Howard Markman mentions that “couples who engage in structured, regular discussions about their relationship goals tend to report higher relationship satisfaction and better conflict management.”[2]
Getting on the same page beats wondering why your partner bought a unicycle instead of contributing to the vacation fund. Plus, these regular sessions also create a safe space to discuss what’s working and what’s not.
6. “I” statements exercise
Using “I” statements is a simple yet powerful exercise for couples, especially when you’re upset or frustrated.
Instead of kicking off with “You always . . .” or “You never . . .” — which can make anyone defensive — start with “I feel . . .” For example, “I feel unappreciated when plans change at the last minute,” instead of “You’re always so inconsiderate.”
This little switch helps you take responsibility for your own feelings and gives your partner a chance to listen without feeling blamed. It’s effective in romantic relationships, and bonus: it works in friendships and family situations too!
7. Eye contact exercise
Before you roll your eyes (pun intended), hear me out about this eye contact exercise. Sit facing your partner — yes, like an awkward first date, but this time you actually like each other — and hold eye contact for five whole minutes.
No talking, no checking your phone, just pure eye-to-eye connection. Yes, it might feel a bit weird at first, but that’s kind of the point!
A study published in Biological Psychiatry revealed that extended eye contact actually releases oxytocin (the same hormone that makes you go “aww” at puppy videos). Guastella et al. write that oxytocin “plays a role in enhancing emotion recognition, interpersonal communication, and social approach behavior in humans.”[3]
When the timer dings, talk about how it felt. Did any unexpected emotions or thoughts surface? Noticing and sharing these can help you understand each other more deeply, and trust me, it’s a surprisingly powerful way to build closeness and trust.
8. Journaling together
Try a “couples journal” to shake things up! Set aside a few minutes daily or weekly to jot down what you appreciate (or don’t appreciate) about each other. Be totally honest — this is your chance to communicate your feelings.
Once you’ve each written, swap journals and read each other’s entries. Make sure you’re in a calm, neutral space, and try to stay open-minded when reading, especially the parts that might not be all praise. Rather than seeing any criticism as a deal-breaker, think of it as a chance to grow together.
Journaling is a powerful tool for couples to express feelings, work through conflicts, and celebrate positive moments together. By writing down emotions and thoughts, each partner gains clarity on their own experiences and patterns.
9. Love Language quiz
The Five Love Languages quiz is a tool based on the book also called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.[4] It helps people understand their primary love language, or the way they prefer to give and receive love:
- Words of affirmation: Expressing love through words of encouragement, compliments, and positive reinforcement
- Acts of service: Showing love through actions, like cooking, cleaning, or running errands
- Receiving gifts: Feeling loved through thoughtful gifts, big or small
- Quality time: Prioritizing quality time together, such as having meaningful conversations or engaging in shared activities
- Physical touch: Expressing love through physical touch, like hugs, kisses, and holding hands
You can find the 5 Love Languages Quiz online. It’s quick and easy — just answer a few questions about what makes you feel loved. Once you both have your results, sit down and discuss them. Talk about how you can incorporate each other’s love languages into your daily interactions.
Your love language can change over time, so it’s worth retaking the quiz occasionally.
10. Conflict role reversal
The conflict role reversal exercise is like putting on each other’s “shoes” for a bit. When you’re in the middle of a disagreement, each partner switches sides and argues from the other’s point of view.
This little twist can help you see the situation through your partner’s eyes, giving you both some much-needed empathy. Suddenly, you’re the one explaining why loading the dishwasher “your way” is clearly superior, while they defend your stance on why their method is causing a kitchen crisis.
A study by the professor emeritus of family studies at Central Michigan University, Dr. Edgar Long, specifically examined how empathy training programs, including perspective-taking exercises like role reversal, can improve couples’ relationships.[5]
The study found that “couples who participated in these exercises showed increased understanding of their partner’s perspective and improved communication patterns.”
Plus, it often takes the edge off the argument when you realize their perspective isn’t as “crazy” as it might have seemed.
11. Dialectical behavior therapy
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is all about learning how to communicate and set boundaries in a healthy way. It helps couples understand each other’s needs while keeping respect front and center. One popular DBT exercise is DEAR MAN.
Here’s what DEAR MAN stands for:
- Describe: Clearly state the situation.
- Express: Share your feelings about it.
- Assert: Clearly ask for what you need.
- Reinforce: Explain why it’s important.
- Mindful: Stay calm, focused and avoid getting sidetracked.
- Appear: Stay calm and confident.
- Negotiate: Be open to compromise.
There are plenty of online resources that explain DBT techniques, but the best way is to book a session with a couples therapist. A therapist will guide you through the entire process and help point out issues in a neutral way.
Therapy works best when both partners are willing to put in the work. Just like everything worthwhile in life — you’ve got to sweat a bit to see results.
12. 40-20-40 exercises
The 40-20-40 exercise is a conflict-resolution tool that helps couples see each other’s perspectives more compassionately.
Here’s how it works: Both partners get 40% of the conversation to share their side, while the remaining 20% is a neutral space to find common ground. During your 40%, focus on explaining your feelings and experiences calmly — no interrupting, no blaming.
When it’s your partner’s turn, try to listen without planning your comeback. Then, in the 20% zone, both of you work together to find a solution. This exercise keeps things fair, encourages listening, and helps you both feel heard.
Couples Therapy Activities
When it comes to maintaining a healthy, thriving relationship, a little effort goes a long way. These fun relationship exercises for couples are designed to help you and your partner build trust, deepen intimacy, and develop the skills to navigate conflict in a constructive way:
1. Outdoor adventure activities
Getting out of your comfort zone together can breathe new life into your relationship. Going on an adventurous activity, like hiking or kayaking, allows you and your partner to work as a team and create shared values and memories.
The adrenaline rush of trying something new builds trust and excitement. Instead of falling into the same old routines, an adventure activity forces you to solve problems, communicate, and rely on each other in unfamiliar situations.
Nothing bonds a couple like conquering a challenge side-by-side. So ditch date night at the movie theater and go explore the great outdoors — your relationship just might thank you for it.
2. Art therapy
Art therapy is a fun, creative way for couples to connect without needing to “talk things out.” It doesn’t matter if it’s painting class, pottery, or even doodling together on your walls at home; art brings out feelings you might struggle to say in words.
We’ve all seen the social media clips of couples painting each other and then exchanging canvases, usually to a chorus of laughter and good-natured teasing over one picture’s giant forehead or the other’s yellow teeth. I wonder if these couples know that this hilarious activity is also couples therapy.
Doing this together helps you unwind and share something creative and expressive. You don’t have to be Picasso — just enjoy the process and let it open up new ways to understand each other — and laugh together. You’ll also end up with a one-of-a-kind memento to remind you of the experience (even if it’s a little “abstract”).
3. Guided meditation for couples
Raise your hand if you and your partner have ever had a fight that escalated wayyy more than the dirty dish in the sink warranted. What if I told you there’s a mindfulness-based solution that could short-circuit those blowups before they even start?
Enter guided meditations for couples. When you and your partner practice being present and attuned to each other, you build the patience and empathy to tackle conflicts with a clear head.
You don’t even have to leave your home. Apps like Headspace and Insight Timer offer couples-specific meditations that help you sync your breathing, tune into each other’s presence, and let go of daily stress. It’s a simple way to reconnect that doesn’t require long conversations or grand gestures — just a few minutes to breathe and be together.
4. “Time capsule” exercise
Remember those time capsules you made as a kid, full of your most prized possessions and dreams for the future? And a Tiger Beat issue with a teenage Leonardo DiCaprio on the cover?
Well, turns out that’s not just a nostalgic childhood thing — it can actually be a great couples therapy exercise — minus Leo. Take an afternoon, gather up meaningful mementos, and write each other heartfelt letters about where you hope your relationship will be 5, 10, even 20 years down the line. Seal it all up in a box and set a date to crack it open together.
When you do, the rush of emotions (and probably a few ugly-crying moments) will remind you why you chose to take this journey together in the first place.
5. Couples retreats
A couples retreat is the best vacation idea. These structured getaways give you and your partner the chance to work on your connection in a supportive, distraction-free environment.
With some guidance from experts, you’ll dive into exercises and activities designed to improve communication, reignite intimacy, and give your partnership an all-around glow-up.
Activities include couples’ therapy, yoga, hiking, boating excursions, workshops, dancing, and meditation. You even get to choose which activities you want just in case boating triggers your thalassophobia.
What’s better, you get to escape the daily grind and focus on each other for a change — no chores, no in-laws, no pretending to care about your neighbor’s new herb garden. Just you, your person, and a commitment to becoming better for one another.
6. Date nights
Just as important as retreats are date nights. Setting aside quality time to enjoy each other’s company — whether it’s dressing up for a night out or cozying up with a movie at home — keeps the spark alive and reminds you why you’re together.
These moments help you step away from life’s chaos and focus on just being a couple again. It doesn’t have to be fancy; the point is to make it intentional. Date nights build emotional intimacy and keep you connected, which is important for keeping the relationship strong and happy long-term.
7. Shared hobbies
When you and your partner first started dating, you could talk for hours about your shared love of hiking, painting, or karaoke (delete as appropriate). Somewhere between the bill payments and whose turn it is to walk the dog, that passion can start to fade.
Picking up a shared hobby can be an amazing way to bond and create new, positive memories together. Whether it’s dance classes, cooking lessons, or even just a weekly board game night, these hobbies build fun, memorable experiences that you both look forward to, especially during a rough week or day.
A study by Aaron et al., who conducted door-to-door questionnaires and laboratory experiments to explore the link between shared participation in stimulating activities and relationship quality, suggests that “shared participation in stimulating activities can positively influence relationship quality, providing a potential avenue for enhancing couples’ experiences.”[6]
Couples Therapy Questions
One of the most important steps in couples therapy is knowing the right questions to ask. Whether you’re working through issues with your partner or exploring areas for growth on your own, thoughtful questions can uncover insights that lead to meaningful change.
The following questions can help you dive deeper into your relationship. You can use them with your partner, reflect on them alone, or try asking them in your next therapy session.
Relationship questions:
What do you love most about our relationship?What do you wish you could change about our relationship?How do you feel about our current level of intimacy?What are our biggest relationship goals?How can we improve our communication skills?What are your biggest relationship fears or insecurities?
Self-reflection questions:
What are my biggest strengths and weaknesses in our relationship?What are my expectations for a healthy relationship?How do I handle conflict and stress?What are my love languages and how can I express them more effectively?What is my attachment style and how does it impact my relationships?
Partner-focused questions:
What are your needs and desires in this relationship?How can I better support you emotionally?What are your biggest frustrations with me?What can I do to make you feel more loved and appreciated?How can we work together to overcome challenges?
Conclusion
These couples therapy exercises are here to help you and your partner connect on a deeper level, boost communication, and tackle tough issues with more empathy.
They’re meant to supplement, not replace, therapy with a licensed professional.
Trying even a few of these can make a huge difference, whether you’re maximizing strengths or working through rough patches. Remember, there’s no “perfect relationship” — just two people putting in the effort to grow together.
For more advice about being in a relationship, follow the link!
FAQs
What is the 40-40-20 rule explanation?
The 40-20-40 rule is a communication exercise for couples. One person talks for 40 seconds, then both stay silent for 20 seconds, and finally, the other person talks for 40 seconds. This helps both partners listen and process without interruptions, promoting better understanding.
How often is couples therapy successful?
Couples therapy is often successful when both partners are committed to the process. Research shows that about 70% of couples who engage in therapy report significant improvements in their relationship. Success depends on open communication and a willingness to change.
When should couples therapy be stopped?
Couples therapy should be stopped if both partners feel they’ve achieved their goals or are no longer making progress. If the sessions lead to more harm than good, it may be time to stop. Ultimately, stopping therapy is a decision made by the couple and therapist together. It’s also important to trust your instincts and seek support from other sources, such as friends, family, or other mental health professionals.
References
1. Gottman, J. (2018). The seven principles for making marriage work. Hachette UK.
http://tantor-site-assets.s3.amazonaws.com/bonus-content/M2485_SevenPrinciples/M2485_SevenPrinciples_BonusPDF.pdf
2. Markman, H. J., Stanley, S. M., & Blumberg, S. L. (2010). Fighting for your marriage: A deluxe revised edition of the classic best-seller for enhancing marriage and preventing divorce. John Wiley & Sons.
3. Guastella, A. J., Mitchell, P. B., & Dadds, M. R. (2008). Oxytocin increases gaze to the eye region of human faces. Biological Psychiatry, 63(1), 3–5.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2007.06.026
4. Chapman, G. (2024). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing.
5. Long, E. C., Angera, J. J., Carter, S. J., Nakamoto, M., & Kalso, M. (1999). Understanding the one you love: A longitudinal assessment of an empathy training program for couples in romantic relationships. Family Relations, 48(3), 235–242.
https://doi.org/10.2307/585632
6. Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. E. (2000). Couples’ shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 273.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.78.2.273
