By breaking down The Office’s Michael Scott’s most cringeworthy moments, we can learn how self-centered people operate, how not to be a Michael, and — most importantly — how to keep our sanity intact when we’re dealing with one.
Signs of a Self-Centered Person
1. They have “main character syndrome”
Michael’s behavior is the quintessence of the “main character syndrome (MSC).” People with this unfortunate condition think, ney believe, that the world revolves around their story arc, relegating everyone else to a non-player character.
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While MCS is yet to be declared an official psychological syndrome, it shares similarities with concepts like narcissism and egocentrism (quelle surprise).
Research shows that self-centered individuals often operate under an “egocentric bias,” which makes them view events primarily through their own perspective, often overestimating the importance of their role and contributions compared to others.[1]
Michael’s not only the main character of The Office — he’s got himself convinced he’s the main character of . . . well, life itself.
2. They dominate conversations
Michael Scott has a special talent for hijacking discussions. He repeatedly interrupts to inject his own misguided takes on subjects he has little knowledge of (like diversity), often veering the conversation toward his personal experiences and opinions.
But why do self-centered types turn every conversation into their story? Research shows it’s more than just bad manners.
A study at the University of Shenzhen found that the thalamus, a part of the brain that sorts sensory information, plays a big role in self-centered behavior. For self-focused people, the thalamus filters in anything that seems personally relevant.[2] And filters out anything that isn’t, like your opinions.
In Michael’s mind, his tales are superlative in every sense of the word. And whoever’s listening is just along for the ride in The Michael Scott Show.
3. They don’t reciprocate effort
Self-centered people are the ultimate “all take, no give” specialists.
You know, the person who calls you up only when they need something — like you’re their personal friend-for-hire. They’re planning a big move and suddenly, you’re their favorite person, because guess who has a truck: You do.
They lure you in with flattery and promises of “I owe you one,” but once the heavy lifting is done and the last box is dropped off, they vanish faster than free snacks at a work meeting.
Studies on entitlement show that highly self-centered people often view relationships as transactional. They see others as resources for attention and admiration rather than as equals, which leads to a tendency to expect perks without putting in the same level of care.[3]
So the minute you’re not serving their purpose, you’re out of the script.
4. They lack empathy
Empathy is a foreign territory for self-centered people. Michael’s insensitivity peaks when the team is mourning the death of Ed Truck, a former Dunder Mifflin manager.
While the employees are trying to process the loss respectfully, Michael derails the moment by comparing Ed’s passing to the death of his pet goldfish.
Author Dr. Ramani Durvasula notes that narcissistic individuals “don’t see others as full, complex people,” making it hard for them to genuinely empathize. They focus on their own narratives, often missing social cues that would prompt a more compassionate response.[4]
In a self-centered person’s world, empathy is optional — unless it’s direct towards them, then there’s never enough of it.
5. They think rules don’t apply to them
Michael Scott is a perfect example of the “VIP mentality,” where rules seem to bend just for him.
In one episode, Michael creates an environment that blatantly ignores company policies when he decides to hold an unethical seminar. He disregards HR guidelines, thinking his approach is justified simply because he’s the boss.
This “above the rules” attitude stems again from “entitlement bias,” leading self-centered individuals to feel they deserve special treatment, viewing boundaries as obstacles rather than guidelines. To them, rules exist for others — those who aren’t quite as special.
6. They see relationships as fan clubs
Michael isn’t interested in making friends; he wants adoring fans — illustrated by his orchestration of a whole awards show to earn cheers and applause from his employees.
Self-centered people like Michael crave validation, but they rarely give it back. In their minds, they’re the star attraction, and everyone else is the audience.
This brings us to the villain’s origin story: Self-centeredness is a coping mechanism for low self-esteem. Beneath the self-absorbed exterior lies a fragile ego that requires constant affirmation. Without it, do they even exist?
So, the next time you encounter a self-absorbed jerk, take a moment to feel a little sorry for them. Their grandiosity and self-importance are often a thin veil for the belief that they are somehow deficient.
7. They can’t handle criticism
Self-centered people might claim they’re “open to growth,” but the reality is far from it. Instead of taking honest feedback to heart, they shift the blame to others, showcasing their deep-seated inability to accept constructive criticism.
For self-centered people, feedback feels like a direct assault on their identity. Research highlights that these individuals often react with defensiveness or denial, steering clear of any hint that they could improve.[5]
This fragile ego keeps them from genuine self-reflection since they’d rather play the blame game than face their shortcomings.
8. They feel entitled to special treatment
Michael Scott doesn’t just expect special treatment — he practically assumes it’s written into his job description. This mindset is fueled by entitlement, where one’s needs are seen as inherently more important than everyone else’s.
A study in the Journal of Personality Assessment shows that entitled individuals view their comfort, needs, and validation as nonnegotiable, expecting others to fall in line or cater to them.[6]
With Michael, you see it everywhere. It’s not just that he wants to be admired; it’s that everyone should applaud him — even if it means clapping for his questionable taste in décor.
9. They’re perpetually competing with everyone
Self-centered people have a knack for turning even the most casual hangouts into an Olympic event — with themselves as the reigning champion, of course.
Remember when what was supposed to be a fun day by the water quickly spiraled into Michael’s own version of the Hunger Games, all for the coveted “Most Inspirational Boss” trophy.
People like him, who constantly compare themselves to others, often do it to prop up their own self-esteem. They need to one-up everyone to maintain a self-created status where they’re always the best — or, even better, the only one who truly “gets it right.”
10. They’re only interested if it benefits them
Ever notice how some people seem totally tuned out until the spotlight swings in their direction? Michael Scott has mastered this art. Take his total indifference toward people’s personal lives — until they’re suddenly his ticket to corporate glory.
Michael barely registers Meredith’s hit-and-run until it dawns on him that her hospital visit could be his “race for a cure” moment.
Cue “Michael Scott’s Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for the Cure.” The concern? Minimal. But an excuse to plaster his face on a charity race? Now that’s worth his attention.
At its core, this behavior is usually about a fragile sense of self-worth. Self-centered people constantly search for validation from the outside, needing reassurance that they’re important, admired, or even just noticed.
But instead of forming genuine connections, they see interactions as a means to boost their ego or solidify their “specialness.”
11. They’re excessively proud or arrogant
Self-centered individuals thrive on showcasing their own achievements, often sidelining everyone else. Michael Scott is the poster child for this trait — obviously.
Psychologically, this stems from a fragile self-esteem that craves constant validation. Excessive pride serves as armor against insecurity, making humility feel like an alien concept.
12. They hold grudges over minor issues
Self-centered people have a real talent for turning the smallest slights into lifelong grievances. Just look at Michael and Toby — Michael’s vendetta against HR is practically a defining feature of his time at Dunder Mifflin.
Every little perceived insult gets tucked away into a grudge, ready to be unleashed the next time Toby so much as breathes near him. This kind of “grudge-keeping” doesn’t just wear people out; it sets up a toxic environment where others feel they’re always on thin ice.
Michael’s scorekeeping might be played for laughs, but dealing with self-centered people who do this daily can make the workplace feel like a minefield.
13. They rarely show gratitude
Gratitude is as foreign a concept to self-centered people as Oscar’s patience for Michael’s finance “wisdom” — basically nonexistent. In a Christmas episode, while Phyllis puts in the effort to organize a heartfelt celebration, Michael hijacks the event to focus on his cringeworthy attempts to help Meredith.
Psychologically, a lack of gratitude stems from a self-focused mindset where others’ contributions are only valued if they serve personal agendas.
Working with someone like Michael means your “thank you” often gets overshadowed by his latest self-promotion. It’s like expecting a warm handshake and getting a self-congratulatory speech instead — frustrating and one-sided.
Selfish vs Self-centered People
We throw around “selfish” and “self-centered” like they’re the same thing, but there’s a real difference.
Picture someone taking the last slice of cake at a party when they’d already had one and others hadn’t. A selfish person grabs it because, hey, they’re hungry and that cake is delicious. But a self-centered person? They assume that slice is practically meant for them, disregarding the idea of sharing altogether.
Erich Fromm, in Man for Himself, distinguishes between healthy self-love and self-centeredness, emphasizing that while self-care is essential for personal growth, an obsessive focus on oneself can lead to isolation and societal decay.[7]
Selfish moments happen in the heat of the moment, but self-centeredness? It’s a way of moving through life, expecting everyone else to orbit around them.
When someone shows a flash of selfishness in a moment of weakness, maybe let it slide. But if you’re constantly feeling like an extra in their movie, you’re probably dealing with full-blown self-centeredness — a trait that goes far beyond cake.
Is Being Self-Centered a Personality Disorder?
Not officially, but it sure dances right up to the border. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) doesn’t slap a label on self-centeredness itself, but it does highlight traits that smell suspiciously like narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
NPD comes with all the flashy hallmarks: entitlement, a blatant lack of empathy, and an insatiable hunger for admiration — think Michael’s constant need for that “World’s Best Boss” mug. For someone with NPD, being self-centered is their entire lifestyle, affecting everything from friendships to their ability to keep a plant alive.
But hey, let’s not throw the psychiatric manual at every person who hogs the spotlight. Not everyone who’s a tad too into themselves is wrestling with a diagnosable condition. Sometimes, people just have bigger egos or never learn that sharing is caring.
Understanding the fine line between a self-centered personality quirk and an actual disorder helps us figure out if we’re dealing with a harmless diva or someone who might need a reality check.
How to Stop Being Self-Centered
If you’re reading this because you’re worried you’re self-centered, well, you’re probably not. Self-centered people don’t worry about others long enough to consider they might be self-centered. Still, there’s always room for improvement.
Address the underlying issues
Before you learn to stop hogging the spotlight, you need to understand why you crave it so much.
Dive deep into your psyche with a good therapist or grab a self-help book like LePera’s How to Do the Work or Maté’s The Myth of Normal. These reads aren’t just pages to flip through — they’re keys to unlocking why you feel the need to be the center of attention.
Understanding the “why” is the first step to changing the “what.”
Practice active listening
Genuine listening isn’t just nodding like Stanley during one of Michael’s marathon meetings. It’s about actually tuning in to what someone is saying.
Active listening relies on paraphrasing and asking thoughtful questions.
Next time you’re chatting, try not to turn the convo into your latest Michael Scott-worthy story. Let others share their tales without making it your personal sitcom episode.
What works for me (yes, yes, I am very much guilty of making every conversation about me) is using a token, like a stick or a pillow, that you can’t speak without holding.
Learn how to become an active listener with these steps from relationship expert Esther Perel.
Cultivate empathy
Empathy is truly understanding and feeling what someone else is going through. Instead of just nodding, try putting yourself in their shoes without turning it into your own story. When a friend shares something, imagine how you’d feel in their place and say things like, “That must be really tough” or “I can see why you’re upset.”
My recommendation is saving a wheel of emotions on your phone to help identify both their feelings and your own. This might seem patronizing, but if you have a history of emotional unavailability, a guide can’t hurt.
Empathy bridges the gap between “me” and “we,” making every interaction richer and more meaningful.
Seek constructive feedback
Embrace feedback like it’s your new favorite Pilates routine. Ask a trusted friend or mentor for honest insights about your behavior. When it starts to sting, and it will, take a deep breath and remind yourself they care about you and are offering feedback out of love, not as a rejection of who you are.
Constructive feedback broadens your self-awareness and keeps your ego in check.
Reflect regularly on your actions
Self-reflection is like holding a mirror to your interactions, helping you understand how your actions affect others. Donald Schön’s The Reflective Practitioner emphasizes how taking time to assess our behavior allows for healthier relationships.[8]
Set aside a few minutes each day to think about how you treat others and how they may feel (use the wheel of emotions above to help you with that). It’s a habit that promotes accountability and growth, allowing for a more thoughtful approach to your connections.
Practice altruism through volunteering
Volunteering is a powerful way to shift focus from self to others. Acts of altruism not only help others but also curb self-centered behaviors by boosting your empathy. When you lend a hand without expecting anything in return, you see life through a fresh lens. It’s unbelievably rewarding and gives you those awesome feel-good vibes.
Plus, it’s a great reminder that the world is bigger than your own bubble.
(It is, David. It is.)
How to Deal With Self-Centered People
Set and communicate boundaries
When it comes to self-centered people, boundaries are your best friends. Think of them as invisible fences that say, “Here’s where you stop, and I start.”
A self-centered person will push, but if you’ve defined your boundaries, you’ll be far less affected by their endless demands.
So, set your limits and don’t apologize for them. Boundaries are there for your sanity, not their approval, so don’t hesitate to reinforce them when needed.
Use assertive communication
Self-centered people have a knack for ignoring subtle cues, so this isn’t the time for passive hints. Nonviolent Communication author Marshall Rosenberg recommends a calm, direct approach to stating your needs without aggression.[9]
Expressing yourself clearly and assertively doesn’t make you the “bad guy” — it makes you a champion of your own well-being. You’ll avoid frustration and keep things respectful by telling them directly what you’re willing to tolerate.
Use “I” statements, like “I feel overwhelmed when . . .” to keep things firm but calm. It lets them know your needs aren’t up for negotiation, no matter how much they push.
Adjust your expectations
Newsflash: Self-centered people don’t often change. So, expecting them to suddenly become empathetic is a fast track to frustration.
As hard as it sounds, adjusting your expectations can help preserve your peace. Lowering expectations doesn’t mean you’re giving up; it means you’re choosing not to waste energy hoping they’ll magically grow out of their self-centered ways. Sometimes, it’s all about protecting your emotional balance.
When you stop hoping they’ll change, you free yourself from constant disappointment.
Prioritize yourself
Self-centered people can hog all the attention, so it’s crucial to keep some of that spotlight for yourself. Putting your emotional health first isn’t selfish — it’s essential for survival.
Make self-care a nonnegotiable part of your routine, even if others aren’t thrilled about your boundaries. Your mental health matters, and no one has the right to sap it away.
Try scheduling regular “me time” or using apps like Headspace to ensure you stay centered. Remember, a happier you creates a stronger shield against their self-centered vibes.
Conclusion
Living with self-centered people can feel like working at Dunder Mifflin under Michael Scott: exhausting, sometimes absurd, and full of boundary-testing moments.
The trick is to keep your limits firm and your expectations realistic — and remember that sometimes, the best way to handle a “Michael” is knowing when to step back.
Looking for more info about being in a relationship? Check out the link!
FAQs
What is the root cause of self-centeredness?
The root cause of self-centeredness often relates to a complex mix of psychological and environmental factors. Self-centered traits can emerge from trauma, neglect, or lack of healthy attachment in childhood, leading to self-absorbed people who find it difficult to consider others’ needs.
Are people with ADHD self-centered?
No, though people with ADHD may seem self-centered due to difficulties with impulsivity and maintaining focus, which can unintentionally cross boundaries in conversations or show limited consideration for others. While they may appear overly self-focused, ADHD does not inherently create self-centered traits.
Can a self-centered person love you?
Yes, a self-centered person can feel love, but they may struggle with the responsibility and consideration required in a balanced relationship. Self-focused individuals often face challenges in forming deep emotional connections due to their desire for self-gratification and repeated focus on their own needs.
Are self-centered people immature?
Self-centered people often display immature behavior rooted in a desire to prioritize their needs, similar to a childlike response to the world. This self-absorbed focus may stem from unresolved childhood dynamics or anxiety disorders, contributing to difficulty empathizing with others.
References
1. Gilovich, T., Medvec, V. H., & Savitsky, K. (2000). The spotlight effect in social judgment: An egocentric bias in estimates of the salience of one’s own actions and appearance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 211–222.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.78.2.211
2. Feng, C., Feng, X., Wang, L., Wang, L., Gu, R., Ni, A., Deshpande, G., Li, Z., & Luo, Y. J. (2019). The neural signatures of egocentric bias in normative decision-making. Brain Imaging and Behavior, 13(3), 685–698.
https://doi.org/10.1007/s11682-018-9893-1
3. Campbell, W. K., Bonacci, A. M., Shelton, J., Exline, J. J., & Bushman, B. J. (2004). Psychological entitlement: Interpersonal consequences and validation of a self-report measure. Journal of Personality Assessment, 83(1), 29–45.
https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327752jpa8301_04
4. Durvasula, R. S. (2019). “Don’t you know who I am?”: How to stay sane in an era of narcissism, entitlement, and incivility. Post Hill Press.
5. Sedikides, C., & Gregg, A. P. (2001). Narcissists and feedback: Motivational surfeits and motivational deficits. Psychological Inquiry, 12(4), 237–239.
http://www.jstor.org/stable/1449482
6. Campbell, W. K., Bonacci, A. M., Shelton, J., Exline, J. J., & Bushman, B. J. (2004). Psychological entitlement: Interpersonal consequences and validation of a self-report measure. Journal of Personality Assessment, 83(1), 29–45.
7. Fromm, E. (2003). Man for himself: An inquiry into the psychology of ethics (M. R. Katz, Trans.). Harper Perennial Modern Classics. (Original work published 1947).
8. Schön, D. A. (1983). The reflective practitioner: How professionals think in action. Basic Books.
9. Rosenberg, M. B. (2015). Nonviolent communication: A language of life (3rd ed.). PuddleDancer Press.
