Ah, unrequited love — like a high five left hanging, only with your heart.
By exploring the signs of unrequited love, you can heal and, eventually, find someone who will high-five you back with the enthusiasm you deserve.
Table of Contents
What Is Unrequited Love?
Unrequited love — the classic emotional gut-punch — means you’re head over heels but the object of your affection is . . . not. You might find yourself daydreaming about a future together, analyzing every “Hey” text you get like it’s a Shakespeare sonnet, only to find out they’ve been going about their day, blissfully unaware.
This one-sided longing can sometimes shift into limerence, a term coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe an almost obsessive passion.[1] You know, that mix of daydreams, emotional highs and lows, and sleepless nights as you cling to an idealized image of the object of your affections.
Research by Bringle et al. reveals that unrequited love comes in many flavors, from the faraway crush on someone unavailable (like my crush on Ryan Gosling) to secret admiration for someone nearby, or even lingering feelings for a past lover.[2]
No matter the flavor of the torch you carry, unrequited love can cause frustration and heartache, making you question why your mind can’t just get the memo and move on.
Signs of Unrequited Love
These are just clues to consider, not the full verdict. Don’t jump to conclusions the way I dive into a bowl of chili con carne just because one or two of these signs seem familiar.
1. You’re always the one reaching out
A one-sided love will usually end up with you always being the text sender, never the receiver. And yet you’re constantly anticipating the day you’ll finally get an out-of-the-blue text from your reluctant Romeo.
Sad to say, you’re in a real-life rerun of Sex and the City, except instead of glamorous brunches, you’re left staring at your phone, waiting for a reply that feels as overdue as one of Carrie’s last-minute column submissions.
When you’re dealing with unrequited interest, it often feels like you’re doing all the work — initiating every text, planning every hangout, and then waiting around, wondering if you’ll ever get a response.
2. You make excuses for their distance
“They’re just busy with work,” you say when they leave you on read, but you know deep down they’re probably catching up on Succession.
Cognitive dissonance — a psychological tension from holding two contradictory beliefs — often kicks in during one-sided love, as you try to reconcile their lack of interest with your hopeful expectations.[3]
If you find yourself denying reality as a way to maintain hope, you may find that prioritizing people who have time for you will make you happier in the long run.
3. You obsessively replay your interactions
You can’t help but look for “hidden meanings” in every smiley face or period. That endless overthinking? It’s more a sign of a one-sided connection than a hidden romance.
When love is mutual, you’ll feel secure enough not to decode every emoji as if it’s a cryptic message from an exiled prince.
4. You feel euphoria and heartache in equal measure
If every text feels like a mini victory and every delayed response feels like a massive failure, chances are you are suffering from unrequited love. This emotional roller coaster is a hallmark of one-sided love.
As we talked about before, one-sided love often leads you to an obsessive passion, aka limerence, which causes you to experience emotions more intensely. The comedown is exhausting and what’s left when the dust settles is the pain of rejection.
These highs and lows can feel like you’re trapped inside an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.
5. You fantasize more than you interact
If you’ve found yourself mentally crafting entire conversations or perfect little movie scenes starring the two of you, you’re not alone. It’s all too easy to fall in love with the fantasy version of someone — a version that only exists in your head.
This dreamy behavior is a strong sign you’re in a one-sided love relationship. According to a study by Hu et al., “More idealized romantic beliefs were associated with stronger unrequited love.”[4]
The wilder and more wonderful your fantasies, the more likely your affections are not reciprocated.
6. They’re uninterested in your life
When someone cares, they want to know the details — the boring stuff, the mundane, the embarrassing story about how you were 32 before you realized people could hear it when you burp with your mouth closed.
If they’re more interested in talking about themselves than learning about you, they’re probably not invested. This lack of curiosity is a major red flag for unrequited love; when they’re not reaching back emotionally, it’s often because their heart simply isn’t in it.
7. You change yourself for them
Changing your opinions, values, or style to align with theirs? While growth is great, contorting yourself to fit someone else’s mold is not.
In healthy, reciprocal relationships, your partner celebrates you for being authentically you. If you’re constantly shifting yourself just to catch their attention, you can lose your identity for the sake of someone else.
Before you know it, you’re living in a Black Mirror episode — and not one of the few without a disastrous end.
8. Friends point out the imbalance
Sometimes, it takes an outside perspective to see what we can’t. Your friends might throw subtle (or not-so-subtle) hints like, “Why do you always text first?” or “Are they even that into you?”
Friends notice things we miss, like how everyone watching The Office knew Jim and Pam were end game long before Jim got down on one knee.
9. You’re constantly waiting for change
Ah, the “maybe one day” mentality. If you’re holding onto hope that one day they’ll wake up and realize you’re the one, you may be setting yourself up for heartbreak.
One-sided love often involves hope-driven waiting, with the unrequited lover imagining a future that simply isn’t in the cards.
This sort of thing is great on TV but exhausting in real life. Do you really want to wait as long as Ross did?
How to Get Over Unrequited Love
Struggling to move on from unrequited love? Recovering from one-sided feelings can feel like escaping quicksand, but letting go doesn’t have to be endless. With a few intentional steps, you can reclaim your well-being, heal, and open yourself to healthier connections.
Accept the reality
Time for a reality check. As tempting as it is to hold on to the hope that the lucky recipient of your love will come around, the truth is, your feelings aren’t being returned. It’s like watering a plastic IKEA plant — you’re putting in the work but there’s nothing there to nurture back.
Accepting that your feelings aren’t mutual is tough, no doubt. But the upside? This step frees you up to focus on what you actually deserve: real, two-way connection. So instead of spending energy on a connection that’s only alive in your mind, let it go.
Create some distance
Trying to move on while staying constantly in touch with your crush is like trying to heal a paper cut while dipping your hand in lemon juice. Painful, right?
Distance doesn’t just mean resisting the urge to text; it’s about giving your mind a break from their presence altogether. Unfollow them if you have to, mute their stories, or maybe start skipping those spots you know they’ll be hanging out.
This isn’t about running away or being dramatic; it’s about giving yourself the space you need to let go, bit by bit. Now is the time to put those social distancing skills you learned during COVID-19 to good use.
Redirect your energy
One of the best moves you can make right now? Pour all that energy you’ve been sending their way right back into yourself.
Think of this as a golden opportunity to reconnect with what brings you joy and makes you feel amazing. Whether it’s dusting off your paints, picking up a new gym routine, or finally starting the book that’s been sitting on your shelf for ages, these aren’t just distractions.
According to a study published in Psychosomatic Medicine, “individuals who engaged in more frequent enjoyable leisure activities had better psychological and physical functioning.”[5] Doing activities you enjoy will put you on track to feeling grounded, happy, and confident.
Reinvesting in yourself not only fills the gap but also rebuilds your sense of self-worth. By doing things that make you feel alive, you remind yourself of all the wonderful, quirky, and bold parts of you that deserve love and appreciation — from you, first and foremost.
Seek a support system
Unrequited love can feel like wandering in a fog, and sometimes we’re just too deep in our own feelings to see things clearly. That’s where friends, family, or even a therapist comes in. Let your people remind you of your worth and keep you grounded. Call them up for a late-night vent session, a coffee catch-up, or just some good laughs to take your mind off things.
And if you’re still feeling stuck, talking it out with someone who’s trained to help might just be the boost you need. Therapy isn’t about “fixing” anything wrong with you; it’s about finding tools to break free from the loop of self-doubt or obsession that keeps you tied to something unfulfilling and looking for love in all the wrong places.
Sometimes, a fresh perspective is all it takes to get a little clarity and finally start moving toward healthier, happier connections.
Practice self-compassion
Unrequited love has a sneaky way of making us question our own worth, doesn’t it? You might catch yourself wondering, “Was I just not enough?” But romance, or the lack of it, isn’t a measure of your value. It’s a connection that either clicks for both people or it doesn’t — and that doesn’t reflect on you.
Instead of spiraling into self-doubt, try practicing a little self-compassion. Speak to yourself the way you would to a dear friend: with kindness, understanding, and patience. Self-compassion is a powerful way to remind yourself that you’re human, you’re valuable, and you’re capable of moving forward.
Embrace this kindness toward yourself, and you’ll find that it opens up space for resilience and growth, even through the toughest moments.
As Kristin Neff’s states in Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, “Every one of us has the capacity for resilience, growth, and happiness, simply by relating to our ever-arising experience with both compassion and appreciation.”[6]
Reflect on the experience
Now’s the time to pause and look back on everything with fresh eyes. What did this experience show you about your emotional needs? Were there signs you might notice next time?
Taking a few minutes to journal about these questions can be surprisingly helpful. Writing it all out can clear your head, give you insight into what you need in a relationship, and help you recognize patterns you don’t want to repeat.
This isn’t about blaming yourself or anyone else — it’s about growth. Reflection lets you step into future relationships feeling more prepared and confident, knowing what you truly deserve: love that’s mutual, warm, and committed.
Effects of Unrequited Love
Unrequited love doesn’t just hurt. It’s the emotional equivalent of binge-watching a show that gets canceled right after the season finale cliffhanger. You’re invested, you’ve made sacrifices, and now you’re left with nothing. Nada. Zilch.
Here’s what this kind of heartbreak really does to you, according to experts:[7]
Low self-esteem
There’s no sugar-coating it: Being rejected can feel like a big flashing sign that says, “You’re not good enough.” For the would-be lover (aka, you), every unreturned text, every missed hint, feels like another reminder that maybe you’re not what they’re looking for.
Suddenly, you’re questioning everything — what you wore, what you said, even what you binge-watched to feel “relatable.” It’s a one-way ticket to Doubt City.
Anxiety on overdrive
Anyone living in the year 2024 knows about anxiety — at least, anyone who’s paying attention. Nursing a one-sided love can take that base level of anxiety from the constant 6 that you get just from being human all the way up to a solid 9.
Unrequited love has you checking your phone more often than TikTok addicts hit “refresh.” Each tiny interaction is magnified into a Big Deal, and you’re constantly waiting for that next moment of validation. It’s exhausting.
This back-and-forth can make you feel like you’re trapped in a suspense movie where nothing happens but you’re still sweating anyway, waiting for the next “scene.”
Humiliation
When you’re deep in unrequited love, every attempt at closeness feels a little embarrassing. Maybe you’re reading into things, seeing signs that aren’t there. When reality finally hits at the “Oh no, they’re really not into me” moment, it can feel downright humiliating.
Suddenly, you’re wondering if everyone else saw the rejection coming from miles away while you were just wearing your rose-colored glasses. The result is you delete all your socials, change your hair color, and become one of those people who wears sunglasses indoors.
Emotional whiplash
Love is supposed to be magical, right? Well, unrequited love is like the evil twin of that magic. You’re sad, you’re frustrated, you’re angry at yourself for not letting go — and then, just when you think you’re over it, you fall right back into the loop.
It’s emotional whiplash, and it keeps you feeling like you’re on a treadmill of feelings that go nowhere. No amount of Adele on repeat seems to fix it.
Unrequited love can mess with your head, your heart, and your life. And if you’re feeling any of this, it’s a sign to take a step back and focus on yourself. Because trust me, no one’s worth putting yourself through this kind of soap opera-level drama.
Songs About Unrequited Love
You know that moment when a song comes on, and suddenly, it’s like the artist is singing the story of your life?
According to a study by Juslin et al., it’s not all in your head — listeners actually feel the emotions in music.[8] Their research shows that music triggers real physical reactions, like changes in facial expressions and even skin conductance (yep, your skin reacts!), meaning we don’t just hear sadness, love, or longing in a song; we genuinely feel it.
So when we play a song about unrequited love on repeat, we get to relive our own experiences through someone else’s words. Music gets us because it’s right there with us, amplifying those raw emotions we’re sometimes too afraid to admit.
“I Can’t Make You Love Me” – Bonnie Raitt
Cause I can’t make you love me if you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.
“Teardrops on My Guitar” – Taylor Swift
I wonder if he knows he’s all I think about at night
He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
“Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” – The Police
Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on.
One-Sided Love Quotes
Sarah Cross, Kill Me Softly
Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back . . . then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.
Julia Roberts in My Best Friend’s Wedding
I love you. I really love you. I probably always will. But I can’t live like this anymore.
Elle Newmark, The Book of Unholy Mischief
. . . unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before.
Louisa May Alcott, Little Women
Love Jo all your days, if you choose, but don't let it spoil you, for it's wicked to throw away so many good gifts because you can't have the one you want.
K. Towne. Jr.
The right person, the wrong time. The right script, the wrong line. The right poem, the wrong rhyme. And a piece of you, that was never mine.
Conclusion
Unrequited love may feel like a one-way journey, but remember, it’s also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.
Recognizing these signs, understanding the impact, and taking steps to heal can help you find peace — and, eventually, open up to love that’s mutual and fulfilling.
Give yourself grace, let go with compassion, and know that love worth having will come to meet you halfway.
Looking for more information on getting into a relationship? Click the link!
FAQs
Can unrequited love ever become requited?
Unrequited love can sometimes become requited, but it’s essential to check in with yourself. If you’re constantly feeling hurt or compromising your self-worth, it may be time to move on. Love that’s truly worth it won’t make you question your value.
How long does one-sided love last?
One-sided love can last for years in some cases, especially when fueled by hope and emotional investment. People with anxious attachment styles might have a harder time moving on from a one-sided love.[10]
Is one-sided love healthy?
One-sided love is not healthy. Long-lasting unrequited love can have emotional and physical effects, even activating brain areas linked to physical pain.[9] Recognizing when to let go can help prevent symptoms like insomnia and stress and support your well-being.
Can one-sided love be true love?
One-sided love can absolutely be true love. Just because love isn’t returned doesn’t make it any less real or meaningful for the person feeling it. What’s important is that you recognize unrequited love from what it is so that you can move on and find meaningful, reciprocated relationships.
References
1. Tennov, D. (1998). Love and limerence: The Experience of Being in Love. Scarborough House.
2. Bringle, R. G., Winnick, T., & Rydell, R. J. (2013). The prevalence and nature of unrequited love. SAGE Open, 3(2).
https://doi.org/10.1177/2158244013492160
3. American Psychology Association. (n.d.). Cognitive dissonance. APA Dictionary of Psychology.
https://dictionary.apa.org/cognitive-dissonance
4. Hu, M., Zhang, B., Shen, Y., Guo, J., & Wang, S. (2022). The roles of romantic beliefs and imagined interaction in unrequited love. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 42(2), 145–166.
https://doi.org/10.1177/02762366221093921
5. Pressman, S. D., Matthews, K. A., Cohen, S., Martire, L. M., Scheier, M., Baum, A., & Schulz, R. (2009). Association of enjoyable leisure activities with psychological and physical well-being. Psychosomatic Medicine, 71(7), 725–732.
https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0b013e3181ad7978
6. Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. Harper Collins.
7. Baumeister, R. F., Wotman, S. R., & Stillwell, A. M. (1993). Unrequited love: On heartbreak, anger, guilt, scriptlessness, and humiliation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64(3), 377–394.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.64.3.377
8. Juslin, P. N., Harmat, L., & Eerola, T. (2014). What makes music emotionally significant? Exploring the underlying mechanisms. Psychology of Music, 42(4), 599–623.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0305735613484548
9. Kross, E., Berman, M. G., Mischel, W., Smith, E. E., & Wager, T. D. (2011). Social rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(15), 6270–6275.
https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1102693108
10. Baumeister, R. F., Wotman, S. R., & Stillwell, A. M. (1993). Unrequited love: On heartbreak, anger, guilt, scriptlessness, and humiliation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64(3), 377–394.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.64.3.377
