11 Signs You’re a Hopeless Romantic

A hopeless romantic celebrates love in all its dreamy, idealistic glory, but is it always a good thing or does it bring as much challenge as joy?

Let’s explore 11 signs you’re a hopeless romantic and decide whether this mindset is as wonderful — or as tricky — as it seems.

Table of Contents

What Exactly Does Hopeless Romantic Mean?

Ah, the hopeless romantic — the one who lives for grand gestures, candlelit dinners, and swoon-worthy moments straight out of a Jane Austen novel. But what exactly is a hopeless romantic?

To define hopeless romantic in modern terms, it’s someone who views love through rose-colored glasses, believing in soulmates, love at first sight, and whirlwind romances with no effort required — just a perfectly timed kiss in the rain.

The problem with it is that this idealized view of love often forgets that real relationships come with real people — flaws, dirty laundry, and all.

Alain de Botton, in his lecture On Romanticism, points to the Romantic era for this dreamy view of love. They sold us on the idea that love should be pure emotion, driven by passion, and completely effortless — no compromise, just endless bliss.

But as anyone in a real relationship can tell you, no compromise equals disaster. De Botton argues that this idea sets us up for disappointment when reality rolls in, wearing sweatpants and asking what’s for dinner.^[1]

There’s something charming about the hopeless romantic’s devotion to love (it sounds dangerously close to love bombing when you really think about it), but the problem starts when their fantasy gets in the way of finding real love — because being in love with the idea of love means missing out on what’s right in front of you.

The image is from Brooklyn Nine-Nine featuring Terry Jeffords, played by Terry Crews. Terry is smiling warmly, and the caption reads, "Terry loves love." This captures his affectionate and expressive personality, emphasizing his love for all things related to family and affection.

Signs You’re a Hopeless Romantic

1. You’re endlessly optimistic about love

You believe, with every fiber of your being, that love is out there, waiting for you like a perfectly orchestrated scene from Pride & Prejudice. Heartbreak after heartbreak, you’re still holding out hope for your very own Darcy to walk dramatically across a field at dawn.

Sure, your last date ghosted after you’ve triple-texted him, but you’re convinced the universe is just building up to something bigger.

Every “almost” makes you think, next time will be it. It’s basically like being on the set of a Bridgerton episode, where everything is about to fall into place with one dance — except it’s real life and you’re still waiting for your Duke of Hastings.

The image is from Bridgerton featuring Simon Basset, the Duke of Hastings, and Daphne Bridgerton. They are dancing closely, looking deeply into each other's eyes in a romantic, candlelit setting. The soft lighting and intimate atmosphere emphasize the romantic tension between the characters during this pivotal scene.

2. You have one-sided relationships

Hopeless romantics have a tendency to go all in — emotionally, mentally, and maybe a little too quickly. You’re planning surprise dates, sending love notes, and thinking about couples’ Halloween costumes while they’re still figuring out how to save your number.

If you’re not careful, you can end up in a one-sided love affair, pouring all your romantic energy into someone who’s already thinking about their next exit. You’ll be starring in your own love story, only to face a world of rejection, since the other person didn’t even know they were cast in a leading role.

3. You idealize your partner

In your eyes, your partner can do no wrong — they are flawless, a living, breathing Mr. Perfect, capable of no misstep. You overlook the fact that he forgets anniversaries or constantly “misplaces” his phone when you text.

Instead, you’re busy imagining him in a grand romantic setting, complete with love confessions that lead to the altar — just like Bridget Jones fantasizing about her wedding day with Daniel Cleaver. This, of course, comes despite the fact that in her very first diary entry, she wrote that he was a “commitment-phobic, workaholic, emotional f*ckwit.”

Yet here we are, clinging to that one perfect moment and letting it define everything, conveniently editing out all the less-than-dreamy parts. But hey, in the movies, the flawed hero always comes around, right?

The image shows a wedding scene from Bridget Jones's Diary featuring Bridget Jones, played by Renée Zellweger, and Mark Darcy, played by Colin Firth. The couple is standing together, smiling as flower petals are tossed around them. Bridget is wearing a classic white wedding dress with a veil, and Mark is in a suit. Guests are celebrating in the background, adding to the joyful and festive atmosphere of the moment.

4. You believe in love at first sight

For you, there’s no such thing as gradually falling in love — it’s instant, like lightning striking. One look and you’re imagining sunset beach walks and joint Spotify Blend playlists.

You lock eyes across the room and bam! it’s Serendipity — clearly, fate has spoken. In reality, it may be just good lighting or that third glass of Chablis, but you’re not here for the details.

Neuroscientist Dr. Helen Fisher explains that when that “lightning strike” of attraction hits, your brain floods with dopamine, lighting up like a Christmas tree and making everything feel thrillingly electric.^[2]

The butterflies are great, but remember, the wedding montage doesn’t actually roll after the first kiss — despite what every rom-com has promised.

<br>The image shows a romantic moment from the movie Serendipity, where Jonathan, played by John Cusack, and Sara, played by Kate Beckinsale, are kissing passionately in an outdoor setting. Snow is gently falling around them, and they are embracing each other tightly, capturing a tender, magical moment in the film's climax.

5. You emphasize romance in everything

You’re writing love letters and seeing hearts all around you, infusing romance into every waking moment, determined to keep that spark alive.

Every date feels like it should be accompanied by a soft acoustic soundtrack and end with a dramatic kiss in the rain. A quiet evening at home? Not for you. You’d rather set up fairy lights and a pillow fort because nothing says “Wednesday night in” like transforming your living room into a scene from The Holiday.

Your ability to see romance in the little things is what makes you special, but every now and then, pizza and reruns in your sweatpants could be just as meaningful as a candlelit rooftop dinner.

6. You ignore red flags

Oh, the red flags. You see them, but are they really that red? Maybe they’re more of a soft pink if you squint — or better yet, a lovely shade of green once you convince yourself that love is just a little bit of lowering your standards and magic, right? You just know deep down that love will fix everything.

Maybe he’s a bit controlling or doesn’t communicate, but you brush it off with the reassuring voice in your head that whispers, “But he’ll change!”

He’s more likely stuck in his ways, and no amount of ball gowns, candlelit dinners, or optimistic playlists is going to make him transform.

But you, ever the starry-eyed romantic, are ready to overlook all those warning signs in the hopes that one day your beast will turn into a prince.

The image is from Disney's Beauty and the Beast, showing Belle and the Beast dancing in the grand ballroom. Belle, in her iconic yellow dress, gazes up lovingly at the Beast, who is wearing a royal blue suit. The background features tall windows with a starlit sky, creating a magical and romantic atmosphere as the two characters share a tender moment during their dance.

7. You daydream about love

When you’re not living out a romantic movie in real life, you’re busy daydreaming about one. You’ve already envisioned your wedding — complete with fireworks, horse-drawn carriages, and maybe even doves flying off into the sunset, because why not? (Animal abuse, that’s why.)

You’ve mentally scripted your first big argument and the passionate, tear-filled reconciliation where he dramatically grabs your hand and says, “I can’t live without you!”

Whether you’re plotting the perfect first date in your head or picturing a future that would make even Tara feel underwhelming, your imagination is running at full speed.

The image is from the classic movie Gone with the Wind, featuring Rhett Butler, played by Clark Gable, speaking to Scarlett O'Hara, played by Vivien Leigh. Rhett is leaning toward Scarlett, who looks up at him with a serious expression. The caption reads, "You should be kissed, and often. And by someone who knows how," capturing Rhett's bold and flirtatious demeanor in one of the film's most iconic lines. The scene is in black and white, reflecting the era of the film.

8. You’re ready for grand gestures

Grand gestures are practically your love language. Whether it’s planning an extravagant weekend getaway complete with champagne and handwritten notes or crafting love letters that could rival Lord Byron, you believe romance should always be expressed in the boldest, most dramatic fashion.

You’re the type to book surprise flights or arrange dinners under the stars, always aiming for a jaw-dropping reaction.

You’d readily channel your inner Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You, ready to stand in front of a crowd and serenade him with full musical backup. For you, love is an epic production, and every scene demands a show-stopping moment.

The image is from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You featuring Heath Ledger as Patrick Verona. He is holding a microphone, smiling slightly, and looking confident. This is from the famous scene where Patrick serenades Kat Stratford on the school bleachers, singing "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" in an effort to win her over. His charming and playful expression adds to the romantic atmosphere of the moment.

9. You’re obsessed with romantic movies

You’ve seen every romantic movie ever made, from The May Irwin Kiss to The Idea of You, and they’ve all left their mark on your love life.

Every relationship should have its airport scene, every argument should end with a heartfelt “You complete me,” and every day should feel like the over-the-top climax of Moulin Rouge! You’re hopelessly enchanted by stories of love and romance, living in a world where every moment could be straight out of a novel.

The image shows a romantic scene of a couple riding a horse along the beach at sunset. The sun casts a golden glow over the ocean waves and the sandy shore, creating a serene and picturesque atmosphere. The couple is seated close together, holding onto each other as they ride, capturing a peaceful and intimate moment by the sea.

10. You strongly believe in destiny

You believe, without question, that the universe has a grand plan for your love life. Destiny, fate, cosmic timing — you’re certain it’s all written in the stars.

You’re practically living the sequel to Serendipity, always searching for signs that the universe is conspiring to bring you and your soulmate together.

If he texts you at exactly 11:11, clearly it’s a sign!

11. You lead with your emotions

When you love, you dive headfirst into the deep end, no safety nets. You don’t just feel emotions — you live them.

Your relationships are emotional roller coasters, with passionate highs that make you feel like you’re soaring through the clouds and devastating lows that feel like your world is crashing down.

You’re not just experiencing love; you’re weaving your own personal epic tale, complete with sweeping violins and dramatic tear-filled scenes. For you, love isn’t love unless it’s felt with every fiber of your being.

The image shows a romantic silhouette of a couple standing in front of the Eiffel Tower at sunset. The pair are about to kiss, with the warm golden light of the sunset creating a soft glow around them. The Eiffel Tower in the background adds to the iconic and romantic ambiance of the scene.

Hopeless Romantic Examples

We all know a hopeless romantic when we see one, but how do these dreamy idealists show up in our favorite movies and books? Let’s dive into some classic examples from the stories we love:

Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables)

Anne’s imagination runs wild with romantic fantasies. She’s the girl who falls in love with the idea of love. Like that time she pretended to be the Lady of Shalott, floating dramatically in a boat as part of a tragic game, only for it to start sinking halfway down the river.

Gilbert had to rescue her, and instead of a romantic ending, she was embarrassed — but that’s Anne! Hopelessly romantic, always turning innocent fun into over-the-top adventures, even when they end in soaked dresses and sheepish smiles.

The image shows a scene from the movie A Room with a View featuring a young man, George Emerson (played by Julian Sands), lying on the ground in a meadow. He appears to be in a moment of emotional intensity or contemplation. His clothes are formal, matching the early 20th-century setting of the film. The greenery of the surroundings contrasts with his still and reflective pose, emphasizing a pivotal moment in the story.

Giselle (Enchanted)

Giselle is your ultimate fairy-tale princess, literally dropped into the heart of cynical New York City. At first, she believes true love and spontaneous songs will fix everything, even in the gritty real world. Remember when she tried to clean Robert’s apartment, summoning not woodland creatures, but New York rats and pigeons?

Her fairy-tale optimism clashes with reality yet somehow works its charm. While she learns that love is more than just grand gestures, she still teaches those around her that a little magic and hope never hurt. Hopelessly romantic, with a dash of reality.

The image shows a scene from the movie Enchanted, where the character Giselle (played by Amy Adams) is standing in a room surrounded by pigeons, rats, and other small animals. She is wearing a large, elegant white gown, and cheerfully says "Hello" to the creatures as they gather around her. This whimsical scene highlights her ability to charm animals, a nod to classic fairytale princess tropes.

Amélie Poulain (Amélie)

Amélie floats through life like she’s in a dream, convinced that love is something you stumble upon in the quirkiest, most serendipitous ways.

Whether she’s sending secret messages through treasure hunts or helping strangers fall in love through intricate plans, she’s always creating her own whimsical romance.

Her pursuit of love is quiet yet entirely wrapped in fantasy, like when she spends days following a man she fancies but is too shy to approach. For Amélie, love isn’t just a feeling — it’s an elaborate daydream come to life. It’s hopeless, in the most whimsical way possible.

<br>A woman is resting her head peacefully on the back of a man's shoulder as they ride together on a motorcycle or scooter through a city. The scene has a warm, golden hue, giving it a nostalgic and romantic feel, suggesting a moment of connection and happiness between the two characters.

Ross Geller (Friends)

Ross is the king of hopeless romanticism. He’s had more divorces than most people have relationships, but that doesn’t stop him from believing that love will eventually work out.

Case in point: His 10-year obsession with Rachel, including that time he made an awkward, drunken confession of love and followed it up by accidentally saying her name during his wedding to another woman.

And yet, Ross is convinced that it’s all part of his epic love story. He’s hopelessly in love with the idea of being in love, no matter how many marriages or awkward moments get in the way.

A man in a tuxedo, standing at the altar during a wedding ceremony, mistakenly says, "I, Ross, take thee Rachel," instead of the bride's name, causing a significant moment. The bride stands with her back to the camera, while a few people, including the officiant, react to the slip-up. The scene is lighthearted and awkward, highlighting a humorous and iconic wedding blunder from a famous TV show.

What to Do if You Are a Hopeless Romantic

Fall in love with reality

With great emotional depth comes great responsibility — it’s wonderful to feel deeply, but the key is balancing that with a little emotional restraint to avoid turning your life into a full-blown soap opera.

The starry-eyed approach can sometimes lead to disappointment when real-life relationships don’t measure up to the fairy tales in your head.

Alain de Botton’s book The Course of Love reminds us that love isn’t just about the initial fireworks. Real love, he argues, grows through effort — not the grand, cinematic kind, but through the daily practice of patience, communication, and compromise. As de Botton famously writes: “Love is a skill, not just an enthusiasm.”^[3]

Love is a skill, not just an enthusiasm. — Alain de Botton, The Course of Love

Investigate why you love love so much

Is your obsession with love itself or are you using it as a distraction from something deeper?

Trauma expert Pia Mellody, in her book Facing Love Addiction, explains that an obsessive focus on romantic love can sometimes be a way to avoid vulnerability and the realities of genuine relationships.

Romanticizing love often serves as a defense mechanism to keep true emotional intimacy at bay, allowing you to stay in a fantasy instead of facing the imperfections of real-life connections.^[4]

So, ask yourself if you crave the idea of romance more than the actual relationship. If the answer is yes, it might be time to give up on looking for love, shift your focus inward, and figure out what’s really driving that need for romantic perfection.

Practice mindfulness in your relationships

If you’re always daydreaming about the next grand gesture or perfect moment, you might be missing out on the beauty of what’s happening right now.

Thich Nhat Hanh, the beloved Zen master, teaches that mindfulness helps us find joy in the small, everyday moments that make life — and love — meaningful.

As he says, “People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth.”^[5] In other words, practice staying grounded in reality.

Instead of waiting for Jude Law to knock on your door while you’re healing your broken heart in a quaint English cottage, try focusing on the little things: quiet conversations, shared laughs, and simple gestures that build lasting connections.

A man and woman sit cozily on a couch, with the woman resting her head on the man's shoulder. Both appear relaxed and happy, sharing a lighthearted moment in a warm, comfortable setting, likely a café. The scene evokes a feeling of closeness and affection between the two characters.

Turn your romantic energy toward yourself

Being a hopeless romantic often means you pour a lot of love into others—sometimes forgetting to give that same love to yourself.

In Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, Dr. Kristin Neff explains that self-compassion is key to building emotional resilience and healthier relationships. By treating yourself with kindness during difficult moments, you create a sense of inner security that allows you to approach relationships from a place of confidence rather than neediness.^[6]

To practice self-compassion, start by silencing self-criticism and speaking to yourself as you would a good friend. And remember, it’s okay to have flaws; recognizing your shared humanity makes it easier to love yourself and others.

So, take yourself on a solo date, celebrate your achievements, and learn to be your own greatest love.

Redefine romance in real terms

Being a romantic doesn’t mean you have to abandon the idea of love — it just means reshaping it a little.

Love may start with passion and excitement, but true romance is built on patience, communication, and the small, everyday acts that keep relationships thriving.

It’s wonderful to be romantic — the world could use more magic, and romance is undeniably beautiful. But instead of waiting for those movie-like grand gestures, find the beauty in the simple things: sharing a morning coffee, sending a thoughtful text, or laughing at an inside joke.

Embrace your romantic heart — just leave the “hopeless” behind.

Conclusion

Well, you’ve realized you’re a hopeless romantic — now what? The key is balance. Embrace the magic, but remember, the true connection grows in everyday moments, not just in romantic fantasies.

If you’re waiting for the perfect love story, you might miss out on the real-life connection that’s right in front of you.

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FAQs

Is being a hopeless romantic bad?

Being a hopeless romantic isn’t inherently a bad thing, but it can become unhealthy if you fixate on finding the perfect relationship or idealize love to unrealistic standards. Hopeless romantics may struggle to find happiness when their expectations aren’t met. Continuing to believe in love is fine as long as it doesn’t suffocate or overwhelm potential partners.

How can you tell if a guy is a hopeless romantic?

You can tell if a guy is a hopeless romantic when his interest seems more focused on the idea of love than on genuinely getting to know you. He might shower you with romantic things like flowers and gifts early on, creating an overwhelming amount of affection. This can sometimes feel like love bombing, where the intensity isn’t about you but about his need for a fairytale romance.

What is the meaning of emophilia?

The meaning of emophilia refers to a tendency to fall in love very quickly, often without knowing the other person well. People with emophilia tend to fixate on potential partners, attaching emotionally within a short amount of time. This attachment is driven by an idealized view of romantic love, which can sometimes lead to disappointment when reality doesn’t align with expectations.

Do hopeless romantics have high standards?

Hopeless romantics do tend to have high standards in their romantic relationships, often expecting grand gestures and fairy-tale-like love. They might hold out for their perfect match and believe in finding “the one.” While this can be sweet, it may lead them to struggle with settling down, as they might feel they shouldn’t settle for anything less than perfect.

What’s the opposite of a hopeless romantic?

The opposite of a hopeless romantic would be someone who doesn’t believe in love at all. Instead of seeking one person to invest in emotionally, they might view romantic relationships as unrealistic, unnecessary, or transactional. This person might fixate on the idea that love is a fantasy, seeing it as something that doesn’t exist or as a mess that leads to disappointment rather than happiness.

References

1. de Botton, A. (2016). On Romanticism [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPOuIyEJnbE

2. Fisher, H. (2004). Why we love: The nature and chemistry of romantic love. Henry Holt and Company.

3. de Botton, A. (2016). The course of love. Penguin.

4. Mellody, P., Miller, A. W., & Miller, J. K. (1992). Facing love addiction: Giving yourself the power to change the way you love. HarperOne.

5. Hanh, T. N. (1975). The miracle of mindfulness: An introduction to the practice of meditation. Beacon Press.

6. Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. HarperCollins.

Author

Milena J. Wisniewska

Milena might not be a relationship professor, but she's definitely been through it all, learned her lessons, and is here to spill the tea. She combines the wisdom of renowned relationship specialists with her own romantic adventures to offer relatable and practical advice.
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