Starting a Relationship

8 Tips for Dating After Divorce

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Dating after divorce might seem like climbing a mountain with no feet, but it’s not. You’ve got this. Forget the panic, forget the drama.


Before you jump back on the horse, have a good hard look at where you’re at. Have you grieved? Are you lonely? Or are you still enjoying the company of pain and resentment from your divorce?

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The first whispers of wanting companionship often arrive softly: a lingering glance at couples, a sudden longing for intimacy, a recognition that you’re no longer defined by your past hurt. 

These moments signal you’re thriving, not just surviving. When the prospect of dating feels like adventure rather than dread, you’re ready to explore new romantic terrain.


1. Take it slow and don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

Want to know the real reason most post-divorce relationships fail? Hint: It has nothing to do with your dating profile pics or conversation skills.

What relationship experts want you to know: Rushing into dating dramatically lowers your chances of finding lasting love.

According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the faster you enter a relationship post-divorce, the less likely it is to last.[1]

Think of it like a broken arm — you wouldn’t try rock climbing before the bone heals, right?

That said, when you feel prepared to take that step, it’s important to ease into it. 

  • Explore your options (online) before you start. Over half of unmarried Americans use online dating to meet people.[2] Online dating is an easy and low-key way to get back into the groove and check the market around you. But it’s not the only way to date.
  • Set realistic goals. Instead of looking for the next love of your life on day one, set dating goals for yourself. For example, set a goal that within six months you will have found someone you’d like a second date with. 
  • Be prepared. If pressure is making you nervous, read our guide on what not to do on a first date.

2. Consider your boundaries and guard them well. 

After all you’ve been through, your heart needs a fortress, not a welcome mat.

Post-divorce, it can be tough to set boundaries, especially if there were none in your marriage, or they were violated frequently. Now maybe you’re worried about seeming “difficult” for not liking sushi or you’re afraid to say no to sleepovers. But weak boundaries invite manipulation, emotional exhaustion, and potential re-traumatization.

When you get back out there, keep your fortress strong and know your limits and boundaries. 

Expert insight: The groundbreaking book Set Boundaries, Find Peace describes relationships without clear boundaries as “dysfunctional, unreasonable, and hard to manage.”[3]


3. Reflect on what went wrong in your marriage — and what went right.

Your past relationship: curse or classroom?

It may be the last thing you want to do, but reflecting on your marriage is important. Many divorced individuals swing between self-blame and total denial, missing the crucial learning opportunities embedded in their marital experience. 

You need to identify your blind spots, errors in judgment, and other mistakes that you can correct so you don’t make them again in the future. 

  • Analyze your marriage with balance. When journaling, note both successes and shortcomings to gain a holistic view of what you need moving forward. Don’t just think about them; write them down so they become real.

Expert insight: Researchers at Azad University have studied acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) on divorced women. They discovered that ACT improved cognitive regulation, resilience, and self-control while reducing negative thinking and emotional reactions.[4]


4. Explore different avenues for meeting new people.

Who in your small circle are you ready to date? I’ll wait.

Obviously, if dating someone you already know were an option, you’d be reading an article about how to make the first move, not this one. 

Meeting new people is tough because anxiety, limited networks, and fear of rejection create barriers. Modern dating feels like a maze of swipes and shrinking social spaces, while remote work and digital communication make genuine connections rarer.

Look for people who have interests similar to yours. Here are a few suggestions for finding people who float your boat:

  • Don’t let dating apps intimidate you. In some ways, it’s easier than traditional dating. Thanks to dating profiles, you’ll know a ton about potential partners before you even exchange words. This makes it easy to weed out the weirdos and wankers early. 
  • But don’t rely on dating apps alone. Explore hobbies and interests. If you’re into fitness, meet someone at the gym. Pottery? Start taking weekly classes and see who shows up.
  • Volunteer. If you’re passionate about a particular cause, start showing up once a week to volunteer. You’ll quickly get connected with others who are passionate about the same.

Did you know? In a survey of introverted daters, 24% of participants reported meeting their partners through volunteering, 23% met online, and only 13% met at a party.[5


5. Apply an objective, open attitude to your new adventure.

There’s one thing that above all others will sabotage your dating life before it even starts.

The expectation that you’ll meet someone perfect can cloud your judgment, so staying objective is essential. If you go into it declaring you’ll never date a ginger-haired person, you might miss out on a guy who had to cultivate a winning personality on account of being ginger. If you insist on only dating rich guys, you might miss out on a whirlwind romance with an artist.

Here are some tips on staying open-minded:

  • Release any unrealistic expectations you have about this stage of your life. This isn’t Sex and the City. Just have a good time in the moment.
  • Stay curious. Focus on what you can discover about the person, not just their “fit” for your ideal image. 

Did you know? Nearly 70% of individuals who met someone on a dating app said it led to a romantic, exclusive relationship. This shows that online dating can be a viable way to meet potential partners.[6]


6. Set proper expectations.

What if real love looks nothing like what Hollywood sold you?

It’s tempting to dream of sweeping romance and a partner who checks every box on your list. But when reality hits—when they forget an important date or don’t share every interest—it feels like a letdown. Suddenly, they’re not the fairy-tale answer you hoped for, and every small flaw becomes a reason to doubt the relationship.

  • Create a relationship vision. Start simple by establishing some relationship values you’d like to share with a partner. This will help you focus on substance over fantasy.  
  • Embrace imperfection. Learn to love the quirks and challenges of a real partnership.  
Read next: Dating Advice for Women: 17 Dating Tips to Help You Build Love That Lasts


7. Remember that you’re under no obligation to anyone.

The Middle English definition of oblige was “bind by oath.” 

Obligation is an invisible prison trapping women in endless performative labor. An online match throws a tantrum because you won’t meet? A date expects intimacy because he “invested time”? These are calculated, toxic manipulations designed to override your boundaries. Your refusal isn’t rude — it’s survival. 

Here are practical phrases to make it clear that you know your own mind:

  • “I’m not comfortable with that.” 
  • “No is a complete sentence.” 
  • “I appreciate your interest, but I’ve decided this isn’t right for me.” 
  • “My boundaries are nonnegotiable.”
  • “I don’t owe you an explanation for my choices.” 
  • “Thank you, but I’m not interested.”

Did you know? According to Match Lab, 68% of singles are open to kissing on the first date, but only 15% consider it ideal for a first kiss, preferring the second date instead.[7]


8. Don’t be afraid to walk away.

What if being single for a while is the greatest gift you could give yourself?

Maybe you’re scared of being alone or of starting over. That fear can trap you in relationships where your needs aren’t met or where your boundaries are ignored. You tell yourself it’s better than being single, but deep down, you know it’s not. The longer you stay, the more you lose — time, energy, and the chance to find something real.

Did you know? The number of single adults in the United States has significantly increased, with approximately 110.6 million adults (45.2% of the adult population) reported as single in 2016.[8]


Conclusion

Getting back into dating after going through a divorce may feel like an impossible task, but it can also be an exciting time to meet people and have fresh experiences.

To get the most out of it, wait until the drama has passed and you’re ready to move on. Know your boundaries, keep an open mind, and have some fun. 

For more information about starting a relationship, follow the link!


Frequently Asked Questions

Why is it so hard to date after divorce?

It is so hard to date after divorce because of the grief of your marriage ending and the fact that you haven’t dated in a while. This can make dating feel foreign and awkward. But with time, you will regain your confidence in the dating world.

Do relationships after divorce last?

The relationships after divorce that last are the ones you don’t rush into. It’s best to recover from the emotional pain of losing your marriage before starting to date again. This will give your new relationship a much better chance. 

Is it better to stay single after divorce?

It is better to stay single after divorce if your emotions are still raw. Give yourself a grace period to rebuild your life, connect with friends you may have lost touch with, and pick up hobbies you may have let fall by the wayside.


References

1. Sharabi, L. L. (2024). The enduring effect of internet dating: Meeting online and the road to marriage. Communication Research, 51(3), 259–284.
https://doi.org/10.1177/00936502221127498

2. Brumbaugh, C. C., & Fraley, R. C. (2015). Too fast, too soon? An empirical investigation into rebound relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 32(1), 99–118.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407514525086

3. Glover Tawwab, N. (2021). Set boundaries, find peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself. TarcherPerigee.

4. Ghorbani Amir, H. A., Moradi, O., Arefi, M., & Ahmadian, H. (2019). The effectiveness of acceptance and commitment therapy on cognitive-emotional regulation, resilience, and self-control strategies in divorced women. Avicenna Journal of Neuro Psycho Physiology, 6(4), 195–202.
http://dx.doi.org/10.32598/ajnpp.6.4.5

5. Dembling, S. (2021, February 2021). Survey says how to meet new people. Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-introverts-corner/201202/survey-says-how-meet-new-people#:~:text=%22Introduction%20by%20friends%20and%20family, introverts%20rejected%20the%20whole%20idea

6. Booth, J. (2024, February 19). Dating statistics and facts In 2024. Forbes Health.
https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-statistics/

7. New study finds 68% of people would kiss on the first date. (2023). The Match Lab.
https://attractmorematches.com/new-study-finds-68-percent-of-people-would-kiss-on-the-first-date/

8. Five health benefits of being single. (2018, February 14). Medical News Today.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320924


Author

  • Alex Brown is a self-improvement freelance writer. He writes blog posts and articles for various companies geared toward personal growth and self-development.

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