Few things are more frustrating than when a new dude (who you really like) gives mixed signals as you try to decipher his every word and action like Sherlock Holmes.
To help you deduce his intentions, here are eleven signs he’s into you but afraid to admit it.
Signs a Man Loves You but Is Afraid
His behavior may seem confusing on the surface, but when you dig a little deeper, you can quickly reveal the truth that he’s falling in love with you.
1. He tries to play it “cool”
He wants to be the smooth, suave, and sexy guy you swoon over. As a result, he may try to mask his true thoughts and feelings behind an aloof and stoic exterior, oozing that high-value man energy.
Alas, the macho, manly caricature emerges. And while you may roll your eyes at this tired archetype, the truth is that it’s not always an ego-boosting facade. A lot of it has to do with societal pressure making him worry that too much vulnerability is a “weakness.”
In fact, a 2019 study by the Movember Foundation revealed that a third of men feel under pressure to behave more “masculine,” with close to 60% believing society wants them “emotionally strong.”[1]
For this reason, when a man has strong feelings for someone he isn’t sure reciprocates, he might embrace this trope, might barricade himself inside his Mojo Dojo Casa House, in an attempt to save face.
It may be tempting to pull away when he tries to crush a beer can on his forehead, but if you like him too, see it through. After you take him to the ER, that is.
2. He wants to make you happy
One of the major signs that a dude likes you is the effort he puts in to make you happy. If he accommodates you, listens attentively, and supports your ideas, it’s a sure sign he’s got the hots for you.
He may not be comfortable giving words of praise since he’s clearly afraid to reveal his feelings, so instead, he may go out of his way with simple acts that communicate his interest:
- Doing or saying silly things to make you laugh
- Playfully teasing you to make you smile and brighten your day
- Offering help for tasks or errands
- Taking interests in your hobbies and passions
- Showering you with little gifts, like coffee or pastries
If a guy likes you but he’s showing signs he’s scared of his feelings, focus on the nuances of his behavior. These little details may seem trivial, but they could actually reveal his true feelings and intentions.
3. He gets jealous when you talk about other guys
When a man has feelings for you, he’ll naturally feel a little threatened when other guys come up in conversation. This is not necessarily a bad thing. It just means he values having you in his life, and the thought of potentially losing you to another guy hurts him.
In fact, according to research published in the Open Psychology Journal, moderate amounts of jealousy can actually benefit a relationship. The reason is that it’s been linked to greater levels of emotional connection.[2]
But more than that, the research revealed that if jealousy is conveyed in a healthy manner, it creates stronger feelings of “falling in love.”
However, it’s important to understand that there is a fine line. If he becomes overly jealous over innocent things, that’s a red flag.
There’s a big difference between endearing jealousy and blatant insecurity. So, don’t hesitate to smash the eject button if you’re getting “stalker vibes” from any overbearing, jealous behavior. You don’t want to end up in a toxic relationship.
4. He uses “we” a lot
They say actions speak louder than words. And while it’s true, it doesn’t mean words aren’t important when it comes to how he feels about you.
If he uses first-person language such as “we,” “our,” or “us” when referring to you and him, it could be a sign that he sees the two of you as a single unit. If your man is scared, he may even be doing this without realizing it.
Research from psychologist Richard Slatcher at the University of Georgia reveals that couples in romantic relationships use “we” pronouns more often when referring to their relationships compared to ones with less or no commitment.[3]
This could be one of the telltale signs that your guy is catching feelings.
5. He gets nervous around you
Feeling nervous around someone you really like is natural — this may be the case with him. If he’s got it real bad, he’ll have those heart-pounding, knee-buckling, butterflies-in-the-stomach feels.
This can manifest as nervous jitters, which show that he’s afraid to “mess things up.”
Here are some of the nervous symptoms he may show:
- Awkward body language: A guy who likes you may have unintentionally awkward body movements or uneasy facial expressions. He may even avoid making eye contact, despite prolonged eye contact being a clear sign someone likes you.
- Talking at a fast pace: If you notice he’s speaking like an auctioneer to get his thoughts across, it could be because you’re a stone-cold fox who makes him nervous.
- Continual fidgeting: Fidgeting is another sign of nervousness he may display and could include repeatedly adjusting his hair, crossing and uncrossing his arms, biting his nails, and even cracking his knuckles.
- Sweating: Whether he’s profusely sweating or slightly glistening, perspiration is a sign of nervousness. A man who likes you may start sweating bullets mid-conversation, an indication that he’s trying to hide his feelings.
- Blushing: Another nervous signal that will reveal how he feels is blushing. Pay attention to his facial expression the next time you “accidentally” brush up against him. If his face turns redder than a Coca-Cola can, he’s into you.
These nervous quirks are always unintentional. He won’t be able to help himself, which makes it easy for you to pick up on these micro-behaviors and determine his real feelings.
6. He remembers the little things
Okay, yes . . . it’s totally possible for a guy to have the hots for you and still have entire conversations fall on deaf ears.
After all, men and women literally listen differently. Research conducted at the Indiana University School of Medicine has revealed that men and women process language in different ways. Brain images showed that men listen with only one side of their brain while women listen with both.[4]
With that in mind, it should be all the more impressive when he remembers your birthday or can refer back to a conversation you had a week ago.
It means he was actually listening — and that he’s genuinely into you.
7. He respects and values your opinion
It’s easy to tell if a man doesn’t respect you. They don’t often know how loudly even the most subtle disrespect resonates. Luckily, it’s just as easy to recognize the opposite.
A man who loves you, even if he’s afraid to admit it, values your thoughts, ideas, and opinions. Sure, he may be hesitant to confess his undying love for you, but he’s still going to show you admiration and appreciation. He’s not a monster.
He may not agree with everything you say, but he will show respect for it. He’ll acknowledge your emotions and point of view, making you feel heard and understood. He’ll even come to you with problems because he values your judgment.
Let him know you respect and value him, as well, and he may even overcome his fear of love and work up the guts to ask you out.
8. His body language gives it away
Whether he’s holding prolonged eye contact, puffing his chest out, or leaning in closer so he can “hear you better,” his body language says it all.
While his words are important, they don’t carry nearly as much weight as his actions. In 2018, the National Library of Medicine published a study that revealed the three elements of effective communication.[5]
- Verbal: This refers to your specific word choice; it accounts for only 7% of communication
- Nonverbal: This is your tone of voice; it’s the way you say things. It accounts for 38% of communication
- Nonverbal observed in a mute state: This is your body language, and it’s responsible for up to 55% of all communication
When you understand and pay attention to these components of communication, it becomes easier to get the goods on how he feels about you.
9. He always suggests group activities
The logic is simple: He’s afraid of possible rejection, so he invites you to group get-togethers to reduce the risk.
He may be afraid to ask you out on a date, but there’s no risk in dropping hints that your friend group are all going for a hike next weekend and “you should come along, if you want.” When men cloak their attraction in group activities, it helps them hide their feelings.
Don’t take it personally. Instead, try to be patient and realize he’ll come around at his own time, pace, and comfort level.
10. He upgrades his aesthetic
Part of him sweeping you off your feet means looking the part of Prince Charming. For this reason, you may notice that he has upgraded his wardrobe and overall look to impress you.
This can include a new haircut, a fresh suit, updating his footwear, or even trying a new fitness routine. All of this is him trying to communicate, “Hey girl, I dig you. Like what you see?”
On an intuitive level, most men know that looking good is a preliminary step to attracting a woman’s attention.
So, if you notice he’s putting in effort to upgrade his aesthetic, it’s one of many clear signs that a man is falling in love but hiding it.
One word of caution here: It’s a great thing that he’s upgrading his look. But just be sure he’s not becoming overly obsessive or arrogant about it. A well-groomed man is attractive; vanity is not.
11. He takes up similar interests
People who share similar interests usually share an interest in each other — and vice versa. So, if you suddenly find your guy interested in your yoga or Pilates classes, it’s one of the signs he’s falling for you but is trying to hide it.
He may see your interests as an opportunity to connect and get closer. As a result, don’t be surprised if he develops a sudden interest in your passions for wine tasting or dancing.
It may just be his way of trying to communicate interest without risking rejection in the process.
Conclusion
It’s frustrating when a man is afraid to accept his undying love for you. But since it’s so easy to decode the signs he has strong feelings for you but is scared to admit his feelings, you can coax him along until he’s no longer afraid to fall in love.
Be attentive to his other modes of communication, such as body language, gift giving, and fancying himself up, to decipher his true feelings. You never know, love may blossom.
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FAQs
How do you test if he really loves you?
To test if he really loves you, watch what he does, not what he says. His actions will reveal his feelings. If he makes time for you, values your opinion, and treats you well, these are all good signs that he loves and cares about you.
How do you know he has no feelings for you?
You know he has no feelings for you if he is disinterested and withdrawn and makes no effort to connect with you on a deeper level. If he doesn’t value your feelings or your time, it’s unlikely that he has true feelings for you.
How do you get him to admit he has feelings for you?
You can get him to admit he has feelings for you by making yourself vulnerable first and building trust. Let him know how you feel, and even if he is afraid of his feelings, he’ll feel more comfortable sharing them with you.
References
1. The Movember Foundation. (2019, October 9). Men 18–34 in North America say they feel pressure to “man up.” PR Newswire.
https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/men-18-34-in-north-america-say-they-feel-pressure-to-man-up-300936778.html
2. Sultana, S., Muhammad, F., Mamun, M. A., & Alauddin Chowdhury, A. B. M. (2023). Jealousy and love: Are they interconnected? The Open Psychology Journal, 16(1).
http://dx.doi.org/10.2174/18743501-v16-231005-2023-5
3. Slatcher, R. (2009). Language use in relationships. In Harry T. Reis & Susan Sprecher (Eds.), Encyclopedia of Human Relationships (pp.959–962). Research Gate.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/234214531_Language_use_in_relationships
4. Indiana University. (2000, November 29). Men do hear — but differently than women, brain images show. ScienceDaily.
www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2000/11/001129075326.htm
5. Park, S. G., & Park, K. H. (2018). Correlation between nonverbal communication and objective structured clinical examination score in medical students. Korean Journal of Medical Education, 30(3), 199.
https://doi.org/10.3946%2Fkjme.2018.94
