Missing someone is hard work. It’s a job without pay, there’s no time off, no benefits, and the only uniform is the well-worn sweatpants you’ve been living in.
Don’t worry, we’ll show you what to do when you miss someone and turn this full-time emotional gig into something more manageable.
Ways to Cope When You Miss Someone
1. Distract yourself
Like a toddler forgetting their tantrum when a shiny object is dangled before them, it’s time to distract yourself with all life’s glittery goodness.
Binge-watch that Netflix series everyone’s been on about. Yes, even Bridgerton. Those Regency-era scandals are enough to make you forget all about your own problems.
A study published in Brain Imaging and Behavior, in which participants reported feeling less gloomy when utilizing distraction strategies, demonstrates that distraction can effectively lessen negative sentiments in the short term.[1]
Lose yourself in a period drama or two. It’s not procrastination; it’s science-approved emotional management.
2. Get busy organizing
There is a pile of laundry that’s been sitting there for weeks, and there is also the DIY project you saved on Pinterest three years ago. Now is the perfect moment to take it on.
There’s no better way to say “I’m completely over you” than by organizing your spice rack or crafting a vision board from old magazines. Plus, the sense of accomplishment might just fill that person-shaped void in your heart. Temporarily, at least.
There’s nothing quite like getting lost in a huge organizational project to really boost your mood and distract you from the rest of your life.
3. Work out
You don’t need a significant other when you’ve rock-hard abs. Channel all that pent-up emotion into becoming the next Serena Williams.
Dust off that yoga mat, download a fitness app, or simply run around your neighborhood being chased by your feelings. By the time you’re done, you’ll exhaust yourself too much to miss anyone.
Victory!
4. Write it out
Channel your energy into writing a heartfelt letter to the person you miss. Pour your heart out. Use ALL CAPS. Throw in some emojis for good measure. Then, in a moment of pure catharsis, set it on fire (safely, please).
Dr. Lene Holm Larsen has extensively researched the benefits of expressive writing. Larsen’s 2022 article in the Journal of Death and Dying notes that writing letters promotes emotional release by enabling people to communicate feelings they might not otherwise be able to in face-to-face interactions.[2]
Writing helps people organize their thoughts and give meaning to a traumatic experience. If you’re missing someone you’ve recently ended a relationship with, you don’t even have to send it for it to be cathartic. Then again, if you’re writing to a long-distance lover, sending them a letter will have the added benefit of comforting them.
So grab that pen and paper. Your emotional health is calling.
5. Adopt a plant or a pet
Nothing says “I’m a responsible adult who doesn’t need human companionship” like keeping another living thing alive. Start small with a succulent (they’re the Nokia 3310 of the plant world — nearly indestructible).
If you’re feeling particularly brave, adopt a pet. Just remember, a dog won’t ghost you, but it might eat your shoes. Interestingly, research supports the therapeutic benefits of plant care.
Research published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health concludes that spending time with plants can improve mental health and mindfulness. Those who take care of their houseplants report better mental health than those who don’t.[3]
Go ahead and talk to your Ficus. It’s not crazy; it’s horticultural therapy.
6. Become a master chef
Channel your inner Gordon Ramsay and whip up a culinary storm. Be courageous and attempt the complicated recipe you’ve always been too scared to try. I don’t care if your soufflé falls flat, and I don’t think anyone else does.
Cooking can be surprisingly therapeutic. Researchers at the National Institutes of Health state that cooking can be a form of mindfulness practice. It engages all our senses and requires us to be present in the moment, which can be very grounding when we’re dealing with difficult emotions.[4]
So, preheat that oven and get chopping. Your taste buds and your emotional well-being will thank you.
7. Forget him and move on
Practice convenient forgetfulness. “Accidentally” delete their contact info. Feign confusion at their name. Transform memories; that Paris trip becomes your solo culinary adventure. Combat nostalgia by visualizing them yodeling in neon spandex.
Rewrite history; your meeting place is now where you discovered artisanal coffee. Their favorite is now nothing but elevator music. Paint over the last with bold independence. Turn that relationship into a faded polaroid, lost in the vibrant collage of your thriving single life.
How to Stop Missing Someone
1. Out of sight, out of mind
If missing someone is becoming too difficult, try to avoid reminders of them. Invoke your inner Marie Kondo and start purging any reminders of your lost or missing love. Except instead of asking if these things spark joy, ask if they spark memories of the person you miss.
Donate the shirt they left at your place. Archive those selfies on your phone. Rename their number on your phone to “Do Not Call Unless Apocalypse.” Out of sight, out of mind — it’s not just a saying, it’s a lifestyle.
2. Become a new you
They say the best revenge is living well, but I say the best way to cope with missing someone is to become someone new.
If you always wanted to learn French, Oui, s’il vous plaît! If you’ve dreamed of dying your hair pink, go for it!
The goal is to become so different that if you ran into the person you miss, they’d do a double-take and wonder, “Who’s that fabulous creature?”
Psychologist Dr. Tara Well from Barnard College explains that engaging in new activities and developing new aspects of yourself can boost self-esteem and provide a sense of growth and progress.[5]
This can be particularly helpful when moving on from a relationship, coping with loss, or even braving a long-distance relationship. So, reinvent yourself. You’re not having an identity crisis — you’re just growing.
3. Fill your calendar
Busy people don’t have time to miss anyone. Fill your calendar with so many activities that you barely have time to breathe, let alone miss someone.
Join a book club, volunteer at an animal shelter, and take up underwater basket weaving. The possibilities are endless, and so is your suddenly very busy schedule.
However, while keeping busy can be a helpful coping strategy, it’s important not to use it as a form of avoidance. For example, if you’re still hurting after a breakup, be sure that you find closure so that you can move on with your life.
It’s important that you give yourself time to process your emotions. By all means, fill that calendar, but don’t forget to pencil in some “feeling my feelings” time too.
4. Focus on their flaws
Rose-colored glasses are totally last season. It’s time to put on your “reality check” spectacles. Make a list of all the annoying habits and quirks of the person you miss.
Note if they chew with their mouth open. Note if they leave wet towels on the bed. Note if they have an unhealthy obsession with Crocs.
Focus on these flaws until you wonder why you ever missed them in the first place.
If your ex hated Taylor Swift, play TTPD on repeat until your speakers give in. If they were allergic to cats, get a cat!
Acknowledging the flaws of the person you miss and the drawbacks of having a relationship with them can help you embrace the present and stop missing them altogether.
5. Practice self-love
It’s time to become your own biggest fan. Start a gratitude journal, practice positive affirmations, or simply strut around your house like you’re on a catwalk. Personally, I like the idea of wearing a tiara around the house when it’s just me.
Also consider investing in yourself. Treat yourself to a spa day or a new kitchen gadget. I hear those air fryers are something else.
The goal is to love yourself so deeply that missing someone else seems like a waste of your precious time and fabulous energy.
What Does It Mean to Miss Someone?
Missing someone is irritating, distracting, and sometimes downright painful. It’s that nagging feeling that something (or someone) is missing from your life, leaving a void that not even the entire Netflix catalog can fill.
It’s wanting to share a funny meme with someone who’s no longer just a text away or smelling their favorite perfume and feeling like a nostalgic fist has punched you in the gut.
In the age of social media and instant connectivity, missing someone has taken on new dimensions. It’s no longer just about physical absence; it’s about the digital void too.
No more likes on your Instagram posts, no more late-night Snapchat streaks, no more “thinking of you” texts that make your heart skip a beat. Missing someone in the 21st century is a multi-platform experience.
If You Miss Someone, Can They Feel It?
Put down that Ouija board, because the answer is . . . probably not in the way you’re hoping. Unless you’ve developed some Marvel-worthy superpowers or have a secret telepathic connection, your intense feelings of missing someone don’t automatically beam into their consciousness.
However, and this is a BIG HOWEVER, humans are surprisingly intuitive creatures. We pick up on subtle cues and energies more than we realize. While your crush isn’t likely to bolt upright in bed at 3 a.m., suddenly overcome with the realization that you’re missing them and sending you clues that they’re thinking about you, your changed behavior might send some signals.
Maybe you’re posting more melancholy song lyrics on social media. Perhaps you’re interacting with their online content more than usual. Or possibly, through the grapevine of mutual friends, they hear that you’ve been asking about them. These are all ways that your feelings might directly reach them.
But here’s the kicker — even if they do somehow sense that you’re missing them, it doesn’t guarantee they’ll act on it. They might experience feelings of flattery, confusion, or complete oblivion. Human emotions are complex, and relationships are even more so.
Instead of hoping for some cosmic connection to alert them to your feelings, take a more direct approach. Send a text, make a call, or if you’re feeling particularly brave, tell them in person. It’s not as mystical as telepathy, but it’s a whole lot more effective.
Why Do I Miss Someone So Much?
You miss someone so much because your brain has essentially become addicted to them. Thanks to a cocktail of chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin — the holy trinity of feel-good hormones — your brain associates this person with pleasure and reward.
Researchers Renati et al. state that emotional connection can result in cravings that are similar to those brought on by substance abuse, in which external cues elicit powerful emotional reactions.[6]
Our evolutionary history plays a role too. Back in the cavemen days, being part of a group meant survival. So, when we’re separated from someone important to us, our primitive brain goes into panic mode, thinking, “Oh no, I’m alone, and a saber-toothed tiger might eat me!
So, while you might think you’re missing them because they made a mean pasta carbonara, it’s also about biology.
Physical Symptoms of Missing Someone You Love
Missing someone you love isn’t just an emotional roller coaster; it’s a full-body experience. Here’s a rundown of the delightful physical symptoms you might experience:
- You feel your heart break: Cardiologists call it “stress-induced cardiomyopathy,” but we’ll stick with “my heart hurts because I miss you so much it’s stupid.”
- You can’t stop eating: Your stomach becomes a war zone. One day you’re inhaling a whole pizza, the next you’re subsisting on air and memories.
- You are restless: Your bed suddenly feels too big and too empty. You toss and turn more than a rotisserie chicken, and when you do sleep, you dream of them.
- You lack concentration: Focusing becomes as challenging as solving a Rubik’s cube blindfolded. Your mind wanders more than a tourist without Google Maps.
- You can’t stop crying: Your tear ducts seem to have a mind of their own. You cry at commercials, at cute puppies, at the way your toast is slightly too brown.
Remember, these symptoms are your body’s way of saying, “Hey, I’m going through something here!” It’s not just you being dramatic (well, maybe a little). But knowledge is power, and understanding these symptoms is the first step in managing them. Pat yourself on the back — you’re not losing it, you’re just human.
Conclusion
You’re not alone. From your neighbor Karen to Beyoncé, everyone has felt it.
Your method for what to do when you miss someone lies in how you cope. Whether you pick up a new hobby, hit the gym, or dive into ice cream and rom-coms, know this feeling will pass.
Looking for advice about being in a relationship? We have a whole page for that — check out the link.
FAQs
Can missing someone make you sick?
Missing someone can make you sick from a number of ailments, such as loss of appetite, insomnia, and even heart palpitations. This is referred to as lovesickness.
Should you tell someone you miss them?
You should tell someone you miss them if it will help clarify your emotions and strengthen connections. However, consider the context and potential outcomes. In some cases, missing someone is the precursor to letting them go.
What can you do when you miss someone but can’t talk to them?
When you miss someone but can’t talk to them, engage in distractions like hobbies or exercise, write letters to express your feelings even if you can’t send them, or connect with friends for support.
References
1. Andrea, H., Laura, K., Rudolf, S. (2017). Neural correlates of immediate and prolonged effects of cognitive reappraisal and distraction on emotional experience. Brain Imaging and Behavior, 11(5):1227–1237.
https://doi.org/10.1007/S11682-016-9603-9
2. Larsen, L. H. (2022). Letter writing as a clinical tool in grief psychotherapy. Journal of Death and Dying, 89(1).
https://doi.org/10.1177/00302228211070155
3. Ma, J. (2022). Interaction with nature indoor: Psychological impacts of houseplants care behaviour on mental well-being and mindfulness in Chinese adults. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(23), 15810.
https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph192315810
4. Farmer, N., & Cotter, E. W. (2021). Well-being and cooking behavior: using the positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment (PERMA) model as a theoretical framework. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 560578.
https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.560578
5. Well, T. (2022). Mirror meditation: The power of neuroscience and self-reflection to overcome self-criticism, gain confidence, and see yourself with compassion. New Harbinger Publications.
6. Renati, R., Bonfiglio, N.S., Penna, M.P. (2024). Mechanisms underlines brain processes in addiction: A spiking neural network analysis from the EEG. In: G. Minati & M. Pietronilla Penna (Eds), Multiple Systems. AIRSNC 2023, Contributions to Management Science. Springer, Cham.
https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-44685-6_9
