Starting a Relationship

How to Make the First Move and Leave Him Begging for More

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Table of Contents

Once you pluck up the courage, how you make the first move depends on your style. It could be a sexy text, subtle flirting, or straight-up asking him out. The key is to be confident and genuine. Seize the moment.

Table of Contents

How to Make a Move on a Guy

1. Make eye contact

Ah, the eyes — the windows to the soul. Although, if your plan is to shoot your shot, maybe looking deep into his soul isn’t a good place to start. I dunno, seems a bit intense. 

For some reason, though, eye contact works. In a reaction known as “autonomic arousal,” people’s brains are stimulated when they know they are the object of someone’s attention. This effect is even stronger when one party is aware “of being the target of another individual’s attention.”[1]

That makes it a good way to make the first move, just to let someone know — subtly — that you’re into them. If you want to approach someone but you’re too nervous, meet their eyes and hold their gaze for a long second. If you’re feeling bold, maybe even give them a little smile or a nod.  

2. Flirt your socks off

If you have your eye on a man and want to move in, overt flirting might let him know you’re into him. Some people are oblivious to flirtation, so you might need to lay it on a bit thick if the subtle approach isn’t working. 

You can flirt through text, on a call, or in person. Playful teasing and compliments will make him feel good and let him know that you find him attractive. 

Just keep in mind, how you flirt should reflect your goal. A study published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology found that “flirtation tactics that included cues to sexual availability such as displaying the body, dressing sexy, and sexualized physical contact were judged as more effective when they are employed by women in a short-term mating context.”[2

Meaning you’re not looking for something long-term, you’re just looking for some “horizontal refreshment,” as they would say in the 1800s. So, if that’s not all you’re looking for, don’t make him think it is.

3. Laugh at his jokes

I don’t mean you should laugh at his jokes whether they’re funny or not. If he’s not funny, do us all a favor and please don’t encourage him. But if he is funny and you want to laugh, then laugh. Don’t be shy about it. Make some jokes of your own, too. Hopefully, he’ll laugh back! 

Laughing together is an effective way for two people to interact, helping people feel more at ease with each other. Bored people are rarely amused. So, if you laugh with him, you demonstrate you’re enjoying his company.[3]

Laughter will also clue him in to the fact that you like him. According to researchers with Stanford University, people of all genders “convey intended flirtation by laughing more.”[4] In fact, in the study I mentioned above from Evolutionary Psychology, authors Kennair et al. found that “responding to humor through laughing or giggling was considered an equally effective flirtation tactic for both men and women.”

By laughing at his jokes, you’re not just humoring him, you’re conveying your interest — you’re making your move.

4. Use your body language

You want him to know you’re interested, so lean toward him when he speaks. Don’t fold your arms in front of your body, no matter how anxious you’re feeling. That can make you seem uninterested.

Instead, keep your body open and facing him to show that you are genuinely interested in him. Touch him when you laugh at his jokes or get excited about something he says. Also touch your own face, hair, or other visible body part to draw his attention to you. Look at his mouth when he talks, raise your eyebrows, lower and soften your voice ever so slightly.

Pay attention to his body language at the same time to see if he is mirroring you. If he is, it may mean he is attracted to you as well. You may naturally feel yourself mirroring his behavior. Licking your lips when he licks his. Laying your hands on the table next to his. Keep it up. Mirroring his body language is a great way to make your move. 

A study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology calls this the chameleon effect, which is when we mimic the actions of the person we are interacting with. This subconscious mirroring shows that we feel allied with the other person and can help us to bond.[5]

The study’s authors, Chartrand and Bargh, argue that “if an individual’s movements and postures are purposefully mirrored by an interaction partner, that individual should report that the interaction went more smoothly and that the partner was more likable compared with individuals whose movements were not mirrored.”

Your body is one of the most powerful tools at your disposal when you want to show someone you’re interested.

5. Text him

If you’re too shy to approach him in person, send him a text or a message on his socials. Of course, this will only work if you have his phone number or are in touch with him on social media.  

Initiating romance in person can be intimidating, but writing a message, an email, or even a handwritten letter (I don’t know — maybe he’s old school) is a less scary way to tell someone how you feel. The advantage of the written word is that you can write draft after draft until you get it right.

With a message, you don’t need to be nervous that you’ll get tongue-tied or forget half of what you want to say. You can pour your heart out, ask him out, or just offer a simple “Hi!” and see where things go. Whatever it is, just write it down, press send, and then wait for a reply. 

6. Invite him over

If you’re already friendly with one another, invite him over to watch a movie and have a glass of wine. Netflix and chill is still a thing . . . I think. If food is your love language, you could even make a romantic candlelit dinner for two (or get a takeaway).

If he’s interested in you, he’ll jump at the chance to come over. Snuggling on the couch with the lights off, the warm glow of the TV bathing the room with a romantic ambiance . . . can only lead to one thing. 

7. Just ask him out

If you’re brave enough, just take the chance. Ask him out. Ask him to get a drink or go for dinner sometime. 

He’ll say yes, or he’ll say no. 

At least you’ll have your answer. The direct approach works. Whatever answer you get, you’ll know where you stand and you can take it from there. 

What to Consider Before Making Your First Move

Men are human, just like us. As much as we like to joke about how they’re from another planet, we are in fact all earthlings, and most of us have the same insecurities and doubts. 

So here are a few things to consider before you move in:

What’s his vibe?

If you’re not getting strong green-light signals from him when you flirt or gaze deeply into his eyes, he might be introverted, afraid of commitment, or not ready for a relationship. 

Or he may just be completely unaware of your romantic overtures because he’s thinking about trucks or football most of the time. 

On the other hand, maybe he is responsive to you. He might be reciprocating your flirting, touching, and laughing, maybe giving you green lights at every stop all the way to Lovetown.

Use empathy and your emotional intelligence to figure out if he’s giving off the right vibes. Women tend to have good instincts about people, so what is your gut telling you?

Will you put the relationship at risk?

Making a move is a big risk if you are close friends already. There are three ways that could go.

  • Awkward
  • Disaster
  • Happily ever after 

If he’s worth the risk, put yourself out there.

Are you prepared for potential rejection?

Things don’t always work out the way we want them to. If you’re the kind of person who can handle things not going their way, great! But if you are not emotionally stoic enough to deal with rejection, maybe think twice before you make your move. 

Rejection is a part of life, and no one can avoid it forever. Let’s not forget that the Harry Potter series was rejected by several publishers before becoming a massive success. Of course, that doesn’t mean you should keep trying if he’s not up for it. Congratulate yourself for trying and move on with dignity.

Will you regret it forever if you don’t make a move?

Some say you only regret the things you don’t do. I disagree. 

I regret a lot of my choices in men and I know I’m not the only one. On the other hand, I often see guys from my past now that I was too scared to ask out then — and I have zero regrets. What did I lose? Not much, I’m guessing. Besides, you can’t miss something you never had. 

If you’re really into this guy, and you think he might be the one, then maybe you will regret it if you don’t make your move. If you’re the type to look back and wish you had done things differently, then maybe it’s time you start doing things differently. 

I’m all about living in the moment these days, so I say put yourself out there and get your man if he’s what you want. Only time will tell whether you’ll regret your choice.

How to Know When to Make Your Move

If you’ve answered the above questions and decided that you should make a move, now you have to decide when. First, be smart about it. If his grandma just died, now’s not the time to bat your eyelashes at him. If you or he have just gone through a breakup, also not a good idea.

Second, look for signs that he’s ready. You’ll know them when you see them because you’ll be exhibiting the same behavior towards him. 

Watch to see if his body language is open when you’re near, if he touches you and smiles. If you catch him looking at you, and if he makes an effort to talk to you. These are all subtle tells that he is interested

If you get the feeling that he’s into you, and nothing is going on in his life — or yours — that would make a move inappropriate, go for it.

Do Guys Like It When Girls Make the First Move?

If I have learned anything from my husband telling me this over and over again for the past 18 years, it’s that men WANT women to make the first move. 

He says they love it. They like to feel wanted and attractive, just like we do. 

But men are not a monolith. And it’s hard to know in the moment if he’ll be put off, especially if the stakes are high — if you really like him a lot

The fact that we’re even answering this question reveals the double standard between the sexes regarding forwardness in dating. Men don’t ask if making the first move is too forward, or if women like it when men take the initiative. The thought is laughable.

In a study of young Scottish women, they “were acutely conscious of the dilemma

they face when trying to attract men without ‘going too far.’ ”[6

And yet at the same time, these same women reported that “knowing how to flirt, look sexy, play along with men’s sexual comments or ‘get a man to notice you’ . . . were all seen as a necessary, ‘fair enough,’ part of being a woman.” 

What a winding road to navigate. 

You have to trust your instincts. Go after what you want and to hell with what people think. If you wait for him to make the first move, you may be waiting a long time. 

Conclusion

There is no right or wrong way to make a move on a guy, it really depends on what you are comfortable with and what you think he wants. The important thing is to have confidence in your approach. 

Now that you know how to make the first move, just go for it. The worst that can happen is he says no, and that’s ok. There are billions more men out there.

For more advice about getting into a relationship, check out the link!

FAQs

How do you know if a guy likes you?

To know if a guy likes you, pay attention to how he treats you. If he likes you, he will compliment you, make eye contact with you, ask you questions about yourself, and remember the answers you give him. He may also mirror your body language and laugh a lot when you are around.

How do you make the first move without looking desperate?

To make the first move without looking desperate, just do it with confidence. Ask him out, flirt, buy him a drink, all with as much confidence as you can muster. And if he says no, leave it at that and don’t ask again. 

How should a girl make the first move in bed?

When a girl wants to make the first move in bed, it can be a little nerve-racking, especially if she is out of practice. But the good thing is that men don’t usually need much encouragement. Start with a passionate kiss to get things moving along nicely. Offer to give him a massage, and pop on some sexy underwear and some sexy music. 

References

1. Myllyneva, A., & Hietanen, J. K. (2015). There is more to eye contact than meets the eye. Cognition, 134, 100–109.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cognition.2014.09.011

2. Kennair, L. E. O., Wade, T. J., Tallaksen, M. T., Grøntvedt, T. V., Kessler, A. M., Burch, R. L., & Bendixen, M. (2022). Perceived effectiveness of flirtation tactics: The effects of sex, mating context and individual differences in US and Norwegian samples. Evolutionary Psychology, 20(1), 14747049221088011.
https://doi.org/10.1177/14747049221088011

3. Ginzburg, J., Breitholtz, E., Cooper, R., Hough, J., & Tian, Y. (2015, December 16–18). Understanding laughter [Paper presentation]. 20th Amsterdam Colloquium, Amsterdam, NE.
https://u-paris.hal.science/hal-01371396/document

4. Ranganath, R., Jurafsky, D., & McFarland, D. (2009, August). It’s not you, it’s me: Detecting flirting and its misperception in speed-dates. In Proceedings of the 2009 conference on empirical methods in natural language processing (pp. 334–342).
https://aclanthology.org/D09-1035.pdf

5. Chartrand, T.L., & Bargh, J.A. (1999). The chameleon effect: The perception-behavior link and social interaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(6), 893–910.
https://doi.org/10.1037//0022-3514.76.6.893 

6. Kitzinger, J. (1995). “I’m sexually attractive but I’m powerful”: Young women negotiating sexual reputation. Women’s Studies International Forum, 18(2), 187–196).
https://doi.org/10.1016/0277-5395(95)80054-S


Author

  • Sarah is a freelance writer living in the Irish countryside with her family. She is currently studying creative writing and digital marketing after what seems like an eternity working in retail. She loves to draw but is a terrible artist, and she reads at least one book a week.

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