Breaking up might feel like hitting the relationship self-destruct button, but can a breakup be good for a relationship?
Sometimes, yes!
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It’s not always about the end — it could be the reset your relationship desperately needs. Let’s dive into why breaking up might just save your love life.
Does Taking a Break in a Relationship Work?
Taking a break can work, but it depends entirely on what the break is for and how you both handle it. If you’re both using the time apart to reflect on your issues, work on personal growth, and actually plan on reconnecting, then, sure, a break can give you the space to gain perspective. Think of it as pressing “pause” instead of “stop.”
However, if one person is using the break as an excuse to avoid tough conversations or test the waters with someone else — yeah, that’s not a break. It’s just prolonging the inevitable.
And if you’re both secretly hoping taking a break will magically solve all your problems, spoiler alert: It won’t. Successful breaks require clear communication, boundaries, and the intent to come back stronger.
A study by Dailey et al. found that “couples who took breaks with the intention of getting back together were more likely to have positive outcomes than those who used breaks as a stepping stone to a full breakup.”[1]
So, if you’re going to break up for a while, make sure you’re both on the same page about why you’re doing it and what you hope to achieve. Otherwise, you might find yourself in an endless cycle of on-again, off-again drama — and trust me, that’s not a rollercoaster anyone wants to ride.
6 Types of Breakups That Get Back Together
Certain types of splits have a better shot at reconciliation than others, especially when both people still want the same things. Let’s break down the types of breakups that can lead to getting back together.
But keep in mind that these are general categories, and the reasons people break up can be complex and varied.
1. The timing is off
Life has a funny way of throwing curveballs when you least expect it. Maybe one of you landed that dream job in Singapore or suddenly had to become a full-time caregiver for a family member.
Whatever the case, sometimes the universe just doesn’t get the memo that you two are trying to make it work. It’s not that you stopped caring about each other, but things just weren’t aligning. Both of you had too much going on individually and the relationship took a backseat.
If that sounds familiar, don’t write it off just yet. Once those external pressures ease up, there’s a good chance things could fall back into place.
When life calms down, you might find that the love you had is still there, ready to pick back up where you left off — only this time, the timing might be just right.
2. We just need space
There’s this saying, “Can’t see the forest for the trees.” Well, sometimes you can’t see yourself for the relationship.
This breakup is like when you’ve binged so much Netflix that you forgot what sunlight, or grass, looks like. You and your partner got so tangled up in each other that you lost track of who you are as individuals.
Some time apart, under these circumstances, can actually be a healthy thing.
Taking a break can give you both the opportunity to rediscover your individual identities and interests, reinvest in your other relationships, or focus on a career goal.
Just remember, the idea isn’t to become strangers but to come back as better, more well-rounded versions of yourselves. Who knows? You might just fall in love all over again.
3. We fight about everything
Constant bickering, sniping over everything from how to load the dishwasher to which way the toilet paper should hang.
If the arguments are mostly about surface-level issues or fueled by external factors (such as jealousy stemming from social media use or issues with in-laws or extended family), it’s possible to overcome them.
The key is to use the time to work on your communication skills. In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, relationship guru Dr. John Gottman highlights that “it’s not the presence of conflict that predicts relationship success, but how couples handle it.”[2]
If you can learn to express your feelings calmly and respectfully, and if you can listen actively to your partner’s perspective, you’ll be better equipped to handle conflicts in the future.
As long as the fights weren’t about fundamental differences in values or deep-seated incompatibilities, there’s a good chance that the relationship can be revived.
Remember: Physical abuse or any form of dating violence is never acceptable. If you are experiencing abuse from your partner, it’s important to seek help immediately. Here are some resources that can provide support and assistance:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
- National Dating Abuse Helpline: Call 1-866-331-9474 or text “loveis” to 22522
- National Sexual Violence Resource Center
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: Create your personal safety plan
**Important: Don’t forget to clear your browser history after visiting these websites.**
4. We need to grow
This happens when one or both of you realize you need to work on yourselves before committing to the relationship fully.
It might be that one partner is struggling with personal issues, or perhaps you both realize that you’re not ready for the level of commitment required for a long-term relationship. In these cases, taking a break can be a healthy way to focus on personal growth.
When you work on yourself, you’re not only becoming a better person, but you’re also setting yourself up for a healthier and more fulfilling relationship in the future.
If you both evolve during your time apart and still want to be together, a reunion can develop a stronger, more mature foundation.
5. Our beliefs are incompatible
Maybe your idea of Sunday morning is shakshuka and tea, while they’re all about hymns and sermons. Or your family’s big on Ramadan and theirs is decking the halls for Christmas.
Breakups that stem from cultural or religious differences can be particularly tough because they often involve deeply held beliefs and values.
But these differences don’t have to be deal-breakers. If you both still have the hots for each other and are willing to put in the work, there’s hope. It’s all about finding that sweet spot between “This is who I am” and “I hear you.”
You don’t need to change your entire belief system, but being open to learning about each other’s world can be a game-changer.
Think of it as cultural cross-training. Who knows? You might end up with twice the holidays to celebrate and a relationship that’s richer and stronger than ever.
6. We lack intimacy
Relationships can drift apart due to a lack of emotional or physical intimacy. It can feel like you’re living with a roommate instead of a partner, and it often leads to separation.
The good news is this doesn’t have to be a death sentence for your relationship. If you’re both committed to fixing it under all that emotional ice cover, there’s hope. It’s all about defrosting the connection, one conversation at a time.
Start by getting real with each other. What’s missing? What do you need? Sometimes, it’s as simple as scheduling some good old-fashioned make-out sessions or deep talks without phones in sight.
And if you’re feeling stuck, don’t be shy about calling in the big guns. A joint session with a licensed couple’s therapist can also be super helpful. They provide tools for improving emotional closeness, addressing issues like mismatched desires, and fostering deeper connection.
10 Signs You Should Not Break Up
Sometimes, the urge to break up can feel overwhelming. But before you make that decision, it’s important to consider whether your relationship is truly worth ending.
Here are some signs that you might want to reconsider giving this thing another shot.
1. You’re still in love
If you’re both still in love, that’s a huge sign you might want to hit pause on your plans to break up.
Love isn’t something that comes around every day, and if you can’t imagine life without them, it’s worth fighting for. Sure, relationships can be messy, but love has a way of helping us push through temporary challenges.
Sometimes, it’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day frustrations, but if the core feelings are still there, it might just mean you’re going through a rough patch. On the other hand, it’s important to remember that love alone can’t save a relationship, especially a toxic or abusive relationship.
2. You’re both willing to work on it
If you’re both willing to put in the effort to work on things, that’s a major reason to rethink the breakup.
Relationships are hard work, and no one gets it right 100% of the time. But if you and your partner are both committed to making changes and are willing to communicate, compromise, and make adjustments, there’s still potential.
3. You’ve overcome challenges before
Every relationship faces challenges, but if you’ve already overcome big ones — whether it’s long-distance, personal struggles, or tough disagreements — that’s proof you’ve got what it takes to work things out.
Your history together shows you both have the resilience to push through. So, before you call it quits, look back at how far you’ve come. If you’ve weathered storms before, who’s to say you can’t get through this one too?
Research by Karney et al. shows that “couples who effectively adapt to stressful events are more likely to maintain satisfying and stable relationships.”[3]
Use those past victories as motivation to keep moving forward. Relationships aren’t about being perfect — they’re about learning, growing, and sticking together through the rough patches.
4. There’s no abuse or toxicity
We all have struggles — whether it’s arguments, misunderstandings, or stressful moments — and those are normal in any relationship. Abuse, however, is a hard line.
If your partner respects you, treats you with kindness, and your issues are more about everyday disagreements than any form of emotional, verbal, or physical abuse, then it’s worth asking if these problems are fixable.
Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day drama and forget that real love means sticking it out through the rough patches.
But toxic behavior isn’t something you fix — it’s something you leave.
5. You have a shared vision of the future
Having similar goals — whether it’s building a life together, starting a family, or traveling the world — gives your relationship a solid foundation to push through challenges.
When you both want the same things, it’s easier to navigate the bumps in the road because you’re working toward a common goal. Sure, you might hit some detours along the way, but if the destination is the same, it’s worth staying on the journey together.
Having a shared future in mind shows that you’re aligned in the big picture, which can make all the difference when things get tough.
6. You’re willing to seek professional help
Sometimes, no matter how much we talk things through, we just can’t find the right solutions on our own. That’s where a therapist can make all the difference.
Whether it’s couples counseling or individual therapy, hearing an unbiased, professional perspective can help you both communicate better, understand each other’s needs, and figure out what’s really going on beneath the surface.
Being open to professional help shows that you’re both serious about working through your issues instead of giving up at the first sign of trouble.
7. You have a supportive network
Having people who believe in your relationship can be a game changer when things get tough. Family and friends provide encouragement, remind you why you’re together, and can offer perspective when emotions are running high.
Of course, it’s your relationship, not theirs, but when the people closest to you see potential and support your bond, it’s worth considering their input. They can help you navigate challenges, whether it’s offering advice or just being there to listen.
A supportive network can make the tough times feel more manageable, so don’t underestimate the strength they bring to your relationship.
8. You have shared responsibilities
If you and your partner share responsibilities and support each other in the day-to-day grind, that’s a strong sign your relationship has a solid foundation.
Whether it’s splitting the bills, handling chores, or being there for each other during stressful times, having a balance of responsibilities shows that you’re functioning as a team.
Relationships are about more than just love — they’re also about partnership. If you both pull your weight and work together to make life run smoothly, that’s not something to give up on easily.
Sure, you might have disagreements, but if you’re handling life’s responsibilities together, it shows you’ve got a strong base to build on and work through any issues.
9. You laugh together often
Shared humor is one of the strongest ways to bond — it’s like a secret language only the two of you speak.
Marijuán and Navarro call this the “bonds of laughter,” arguing that it’s about “a shared cortical memory about positive interactions between specific individuals.” They also report that these bonds grow “more robust as more laughter episodes accumulate.”[4] Translation: The more you laugh together, the closer you grow.
Laughter can cut through tension, lighten serious moments, and remind you why you fell for each other in the first place. If you still find yourselves laughing at inside jokes or goofing around, that’s not something to take lightly.
10. He has a positive influence on you
When someone genuinely encourages you — whether it’s supporting your goals, helping you break bad habits, or just making you feel more confident — it’s a sign your relationship is adding real value to your life.
Positive influence isn’t just about big changes either; sometimes it’s the little ways they motivate you to step up. If your partner is the kind of person who brings out the best in you, helps you thrive, and makes you feel like a better version of yourself, that’s worth fighting for.
Relationships that help you grow are rare, so before you consider ending it, think about the long-term benefits of having that kind of support.
Getting Back Together After a Breakup
Getting back together after a break can be a daunting task, but it’s not impossible. If you and your ex have both reflected on the relationship and are committed to making things work, here are steps you can take to increase your chances of reconciliation.
- Communicate openly and honestly: The first step to reconciliation is to have an open dialogue. Address what went wrong in the relationship, listen to each other’s concerns, and be honest about your expectations moving forward.
- Take responsibility for your part: If you want to move forward, both of you need to own up to your mistakes. Apologizing for your actions and genuinely working on improving your behavior shows you’re serious about making the relationship work.
- Establish clear boundaries: Define what you need to feel secure in the relationship this time around. Boundaries ensure you both understand each other’s limits and expectations, preventing the same issues from repeating.
- Give the relationship time to heal: Don’t rush back into old habits. Take it slow, giving yourselves time to rebuild trust and connection before jumping back to where you left off.
- Seek professional help: Sometimes, an outside perspective can make all the difference. Counseling can help you both learn new communication techniques and tackle deeper issues.
- Focus on self-growth: You used the break to work on yourself, so keep it up. Whether it’s emotionally, mentally, or professionally, self-growth can help you handle the challenges of a relationship.
- Reignite the romance: Don’t forget to nurture the love between you. Reconnect through shared experiences, date nights, and affection to rebuild the emotional and physical intimacy.
Conclusion
So, can a breakup be good for a relationship? Survey says: It depends.
Sometimes, breaking up can provide the space and perspective needed for personal growth and relationship improvement. But it’s important to remember that not all breakups are created equal.
If you’re considering breaking up, take some time to reflect on your relationship and the reasons for your unhappiness. If you’re both committed to working through the issues and building a stronger relationship, it might be worth giving it another try. Just don’t sleep with the copy girl while you’re on a break.
But if the problems are deep-rooted or if there’s a toxic element in the relationship, it might be better to move on.
For more help with ending a relationship, click the link.
FAQs
Do relationships ever work after a breakup?
Yes, relationships can work after a breakup. If both partners are willing to communicate, address issues, and work on their relationship, it can come back stronger than before. It takes effort and commitment, but it’s definitely possible.
Can you break up and still love each other?
Yes, you can break up and still love each other. Sometimes, love isn’t enough to overcome certain challenges or differences. It’s possible to care deeply for someone but realize that the relationship isn’t working.
Will I regret breaking up with someone I love?
You might regret breaking up if you still have strong feelings and believe the relationship can be saved. It’s important to consider all factors and communicate openly before making a decision. Regret often comes from not trying to resolve issues first.
How do I know if it’s time to break up?
You might know it’s time to break up if you constantly feel unhappy, unfulfilled, or if the relationship is causing more harm than good. If communication and efforts to resolve issues aren’t working, it could be a sign that it’s time to move on. Trust your instincts and do what feels right for you.
References
1. Dailey, R. M., Rossetto, K. R., Pfiester, A., & Surra, C. A. (2009). A qualitative analysis of on-again/off-again romantic relationships: “It’s up and down, all around.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 26(4), 443–466.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407509351035
2. Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. Harmony.
3. Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (1995). The longitudinal course of marital quality and stability: A review of theory, methods, and research. Psychological Bulletin, 118(1), 3.
https://www.healthymarriageinfo.org/wp-content/uploads/19.pdf
4. Marijuán, P. C., & Navarro, J. (2010). The bonds of laughter: A multidisciplinary inquiry into the information processes of human laughter. arXiv preprint arXiv:1010.5602.
https://doi.org/10.48550/arXiv.1010.5602