Being in a Relationship

What Is a Beta Male?

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From TikTok trends to Reddit threads, everyone’s talking about the beta male like he’s Taylor Swift’s new boyfriend.

Wait — is Travis Kelce a beta male? The facts will speak for themselves.

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Source: Getty Images

What Is a Beta Male? 

A beta male isn’t just some loser who can’t get a date (major eye roll at that stereotype). These men are rewriting the whole rulebook on “masculinity.” The beta man exists in this fascinating space between traditional masculinity and modern emotional intelligence. 

A study published by the Jane Austen Society of North America discusses the concept of the beta male (Mr. Charles Bingley, anyone?), explaining, “The term ‘beta male’ might indicate the second most prestigious member of a group, the understudy or backup to the alpha.”[1] 

If toxic masculinity is that hot guy at the bar who can’t stop flexing his muscles and talking about crypto, beta males are the ones having meaningful conversations and respecting boundaries. Revolutionary!

It’s no surprise that beta males are thriving in today’s world. While those old-school alpha types are still trying to dominate every room they walk into (exhausting much?), beta males are building successful careers, maintaining healthy relationships, and contributing to emotional and domestic labor. Where do I sign up?

Beta meaning: slang or legit?

This whole beta man concept didn’t just pop up from some random TikTok trend (though Gen Z sure loves to act like they invented it). The term comes from studying wolf packs back in the day. 

Scientists were all like, “Look at these hierarchies!” and people started applying them to human behavior. Plot twist: They later found out they were wrong about wolf packs, but the terms stuck around.

Social media has taken this concept and turned it into something else entirely. We’ve got alpha males, beta males, sigma males, omega males — it’s like the Greek alphabet threw up all over dating culture. 

But unlike your latest juice cleanse or that Mercury retrograde explanation for your bad decisions, there’s some interesting psychology behind all this.

Beta Male Characteristics: What Is a Beta Male Personality?

Exploring the beta male personality reveals a focus on teamwork and loyalty, distinguishing them from their alpha counterparts. Let’s take a look: 

1. People-pleasing tendencies

Beta males are not just your everyday “nice guys.” Their people-pleasing tendencies go above and beyond. According to mental health researcher Haddi Browne, “A people pleaser is someone who consistently prioritizes the needs and wants of others over their own, often at the expense of their own well-being and happiness.”[2]

They’re often hyper-aware of others’ needs, driven by an internal compass that seems tuned to serving everyone around them. This goes deeper than just being polite or friendly; it’s a fundamental part of how they operate. 

People pleasers are likely to say “yes” when they should say “no” and agree with people before considering their own opinion. Sounds like a great dude, right? Well, being constantly agreeable isn’t always a good thing. 

According to an article from the American Research Journal of Humanities & Social Science, people pleasers “can be easily manipulated and used as they don’t stand up enough for themselves as well as for those they care.”[3] 

Author Skenteri concludes that without careful crafting of the self, this lack of “boundaries causes a disconnection from the authentic self and has consequences to their bodies and brains. People pleasers become angry, and then bitter, and then stressed and tense, until they drain and explode. . . .”

That is not to say that all beta males achieve a dysfunctional level of people-pleasing, but they do try to maintain homeostasis in their relationships and interactions, sometimes at the expense of themselves.

2. Passive decision-making

When it comes to decision-making, beta males tend to avoid it completely. As opposed to active decision-making, which involves careful research, weighing pros and cons. In passive decision-making, the beta male chooses the path of least resistance. 

They’ll defer to your opinion on everything — what to wear to dinner, what movie to watch, and even minor choices like which shirt to sleep in. Major decisions, like whether to change jobs or move to a new city, tend to be crippling for passive decision-makers.

Rather than make a bold move or risk conflict, they’d rather play a supporting role and let others steer the ship, even if it means things take longer or decisions are delayed.

3. Emotional availability

If there’s one area where beta males shine, it’s their emotional intelligence and availability. Unlike those who bottle up feelings, beta males are open about their feelings and are comfortable discussing emotions. They’re often the ones who encourage deeper conversations. 

They can easily express their feelings without needing a few drinks to loosen up. They’ll tell you when they’re stressed, excited, or upset — and they’ll expect the same openness in return.

All men are capable of feeling emotion, but they’re not all capable of embracing and expressing that emotion. Indeed, emotional unavailability stems from “an inability to understand, express or communicate, rather than an inherent inability to develop emotions,” say researchers de Boise and Hearn.”[4] 

But beta males keep their emotions available, not tucked away. Beta males are the ones with tears in their eyes during the tender movie scenes that stoic, tough, “macho” men try to brush off.

4. Supportive nature

Beta males are the ultimate supporters, always there to lend a hand or cheer you on from the sidelines. They take the idea of being a partner or friend seriously and will go to great lengths to be there for you.

The beta male will attend your poetry reading, even if he’s not particularly into spoken word, just to show his support. If you’re preparing for a big work presentation, he’ll help you rehearse, offering thoughtful feedback even if it means staying up late. 

Hell, the beta male will attend a dozen of your concerts even though he’s completely memorized the show front to back—he’ll even guest star.
0
Be honest. How many times did you watch that clip?x
In a town where all your ex-boyfriends live.

If you’re lucky enough to snag a beta male, he’ll be your biggest cheerleader, always there on the sidelines, offering to help you make it all happen.

5. Risk-averse behavior

One peculiar beta male trait is that they are naturally cautious, especially when it comes to taking risks. Research published in Professional Safety argues that a propensity toward risk-taking comes down to whether or not one is disposed more to succeeding or simply not failing.[5] 

Beta males tend to approach risky situations with an overabundance of caution, preferring to minimize potential losses rather than maximize potential reward.

They always have insurance — not just the basics like health and car, but even extras like renters, life, and even pet insurance. Their investment portfolio is methodically researched and diversified, designed to grow steadily over time without taking on unnecessary risk.

They often pursue passion projects on the side but are hesitant to quit their stable job, preferring the security of a consistent income while slowly growing their side hustle — sort of like Travis Kelce all the sudden hosting a game show in the NFL off season. What’s that about?

Backup plans are the beta male’s specialty. He’ll have a contingency for everything — from travel plans to job moves — and even backups for those plans. If something can go wrong, they’ll be prepared for it.

6. Cooperative over competitive

Beta males value cooperation far more than competition, and they genuinely prefer building people up over winning or showing dominance.

At work, they share credit freely, making sure everyone’s contributions are acknowledged. In meetings, they’ll defer to others, allowing people to speak and share ideas, sometimes to the point of being overlooked themselves. They gravitate toward team sports or collaborative activities rather than those where individual performance is emphasized.

Team sports? I know of someone who’s great at team sports.

7. Intellectual pursuits

Beta males are more likely to flex their intellectual muscles than their physical ones, though some certainly manage to balance both. They don’t neglect mental and cultural pursuits.

In addition to hitting the gym for Instagram-worthy workouts, you’ll also find them reading books on philosophy, history, or self-improvement. They’re curious and open to learning new things, constantly feeding their mind through podcasts, documentaries, or attending lectures.

Conversations with the beta male can span a wide array of topics — from the latest novel he’s reading to deep discussions on climate change or social issues. He’s not limited to small talk.

The beta male might just know how to ball and Aristotle.

8. Conflict avoidance

Beta males tend to shy away from confrontation, preferring harmony over arguments. Research shows that “avoidance of conflict may result from fear of experiencing even worse outcomes, such as losing in a competition or being rejected.”[6]

This conflict-avoidant behavior can sometimes be a double-edged sword. They’ll agree to watch your favorite show even if it’s something they have zero interest in, just to avoid any potential friction.

In restaurants, they’ll tip extra even if the service isn’t great, simply to avoid any awkwardness or uncomfortable confrontation.

Unfortunately, this can sometimes mean they allow others to walk all over them, particularly if they think confrontation will hurt the relationship. In group dynamics, however, they’re often the mediator, finding ways to diffuse tension or redirect the conversation when things get heated.

Hey, I never said every beta male has to embody all these traits.

Beta Male Examples

Here are some real-life beta male examples that might fit the description better than Taylor’s boyfriend: 

The tech genius: Mark Zuckerberg

Mark Zuckerberg is serving beta male realness 24/7. Let’s analyze:

  • Awkward public speaking style? ✅
  • Prefer coding to socializing? ✅
  • Married to his college sweetheart? ✅
  • Makes billion-dollar decisions but can’t pick a casual outfit? ✅
  • Would rather create a whole metaverse than deal with real-world social interaction? ✅

Zuckerberg may be a tech billionaire, but his beta male traits keep him grounded.

The sensitive artist: Edward Norton

Edward Norton’s entire filmography is a masterclass in beta male energy:

  • Fight Club: Beta male creating an alpha male alter ego
  • Birdman: Beta male trying to prove himself in theater
  • The Incredible Hulk: A beta male who only gets aggressive when pushed too far

He’s giving major beta energy in real life as well:

  • Known for his intellectual approach to acting
  • Involved in environmental causes
  • More likely to be found at a charity event than a club

Norton’s beta male vibes show in both his artistic choices and real-life passion for intellectual causes.

The supportive partner: Prince Harry

Prince Harry took beta male energy to royal heights:

  • Stepped back from royal duties to support his wife
  • Openly discusses mental health and therapy
  • Chose love over tradition
  • Prioritizes family over status
  • Shows emotion in public (gasp!)

Prince Harry’s decision to step back from royal life in favor of love and mental well-being shows that beta males can redefine what strength looks like. 

The humble innovator: Jack Dorsey

Jack Dorsey, co-founder of Twitter and Square, exudes quiet beta male energy:

  • Prefers meditation retreats and silent reflection over flashy public appearances? Definitely.
  • Keeps a low profile despite his massive influence in tech? For sure.
  • Known for his minimalist style and thoughtful approach to business rather than big bold statements? Absolutely.
  • More interested in solving societal issues through digital platforms than being a celebrity? 100%.

Dorsey’s subtle approach to leadership and innovation is all about low-key brilliance.

The thoughtful creator: Charlie Brooker

Charlie Brooker, creator of Black Mirror, radiates beta male vibes in the entertainment world:

  • Often seen as the quiet genius behind the scenes? ✅
  • More comfortable writing dystopian scripts than attending Hollywood parties? ✅
  • Known for his sharp intellect and witty social commentary rather than a dominant public persona? ✅
  • Focused on thought-provoking work rather than chasing fame? ✅

Brooker’s beta energy lies in his introspective creativity and intellectual depth.

Alpha Male vs Beta Male: Key Differences

Alpha males are the world’s dominant leaders, while beta males are more cooperative and supportive, leaders sure, but behind the scenes, the tight end deferring to his quarterback, if you will. These traits influence their confidence, social interactions, and emotional resilience.

TraitAlpha MaleBeta Male
LeadershipNatural leaders, often take charge in situationsTend to follow or support others
ConfidenceHighly confident and assertiveMore passive and easygoing
Social interactionDominant in social settings, often the center of attentionCooperative and supportive, prefer harmony
Emotional resilience Emotionally resilient and less affected by criticismMore sensitive and introspective
Approach to relationshipsTakes a masculine approach, often seen as protectorsFocuses on building strong emotional connections

Both types contribute uniquely to relationships and group settings, offering a balance of leadership and support.

Conclusion

The jury’s still out on whether Travis is a beta male, but at least now we know what a beta male is.

Being a beta male isn’t some consolation prize in the masculinity Olympics. Many of these “beta” traits are exactly what make for healthy relationships, successful careers, and genuine connections in today’s world.

Here’s hoping there’s a beta male to watch American Pie with on a Saturday night.

Looking for more information about being in a relationship? Click the link!

References 

1. Graham, P. W. (2010). Henry Tilney: Portrait of the hero as beta male. Persuasions On-Line, 31, 1.
https://www.jasna.org/persuasions/on-line/vol31no1/graham.html?

2. Browne, H. (2024). How to stop being a people pleaser. Simply Psychology.
https://www.simplypsychology.org/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser.html

3. Skenteri, C. (2024). Crafting the authentic self: The exploration of our mind and soul is what fuels our work and life. American Research Journal of Humanities & Social Science, 7(6), 46–55.
https://www.arjhss.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/G764655.pdf

4. de Boise, S., & Hearn, J. (2017). Are men getting more emotional? Critical sociological perspectives on men, masculinities and emotions. The Sociological Review, 65(4), 779–796.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0038026116686500

5. Cooper, D. (2003). Psychology, risk, and safety. Professional Safety, 48, 39–46.
https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Dominic-Cooper-3/publication/285258014_Psychology_risk_and_safety/links/58860d824585150dde4a83bb/Psychology-risk-and-safety.pdf

6. Tjosvold, D., Yan, X., Johnson, D. W., & Johnson, R. T. (2008). Is the way you resolve conflicts related to your psychological health? An empirical investigation. Peace and Conflict, 14, 395–428.
https://doi.org/10.1080/10781910802457485


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  • Patrick Okoi is a writer with a passion for spirituality, love, romance, and the like. He also loves playing chess and dancing when no one is watching.

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