Navigating the dating jungle in your 30s can be tricky, especially when everyone’s either married or not looking for anything serious. If you’re wondering how to know if a man is serious about you, these signs will help you figure out if he’s the real deal or just passing time.
11 Signs He Sees You Long-Term
1. He talks about a future together
A guy who’s getting serious doesn’t just talk about his next career move or solo vacation. No, he’s dropping hints (or flat-out making plans) for your joint future. Whether it’s taking a road trip next month or spending a holiday dinner with your family, he’s mentally putting you in his calendar for the long haul.
Couples who make future plans together experience stronger relationship satisfaction and feel more secure. So, if he’s talking about summer vacations and you’re invited, girl, he’s thinking long-term.
2. He’s met — and gets along with — your friends and family
If he’s not running for the hills when you suggest brunch with your bestie or meeting your family, that’s a major green flag. When a guy is serious, he wants to integrate into your world.
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A study from Social Neuroscience found that men who engage with their partner’s social circle are more likely to commit.[1] He’s not just showing up for you — he’s making an effort with your people, and that says a lot.
3. He makes you a priority
This one might seem obvious, but people’s schedules are packed these days. Between work, the gym, and squeezing in “me time,” if he’s making regular, quality time with you, it means you’re important to him.
In a study published in the journal Contemporary Family Therapy, research suggests that couples who make intentional time for each other have higher relationship satisfaction.[2] Whether it’s a chill night in or a weekend getaway, he’s not just fitting you into his life; he’s planning around you.
4. He’s open about his feelings and goals
Gone are the days when men bottled up their emotions (well, mostly). If he’s being vulnerable, talking about his feelings, or even discussing his career goals with you, that’s a good sign. He’s not afraid to show you who he really is.
According to Dr. John Gottman in his book The Relationship Cure, “Open communication is one of the cornerstones of a strong relationship.”[3] If he’s letting you in on his dreams, his fears, or his quirky obsession with Dungeons and Dragons — congratulations, you’re in.
5. He respects your boundaries
Ladies, if he’s serious about you, he’ll respect your space and boundaries. He’s not going to push you to cancel girls’ night or demand that you spend every weekend with him.
Dr. Alexandra Solomon, author and relationship expert, notes in her book Loving Bravely that healthy boundaries are essential for a thriving partnership.[4] If he’s giving you the freedom to maintain your own life while still wanting to be a big part of it, he’s a keeper.
6. He makes sacrifices for the relationship
Whether it’s skipping game night with the boys to help you move or offering to pick up your favorite takeout after a long day, a guy who’s really serious will make compromises.
In a study of relationship psychology and sacrifice published by the Stanford Journal of Science, Technology, and Society, research indicates that men who make sacrifices for their partners are more likely to be committed to the relationship.[5] So, when he ditches his weekend plans to nurse you back to health when you’re sick, it’s a good sign he’s not going anywhere.
7. He shows up for the big (and little) moments
A guy who’s serious about you will be there for both your big wins and the everyday moments. He’s not just showing up for milestone birthdays or major events — he’s there to support you when you’re stressed about work, excited about a new hobby, or just need someone to binge-watch The Office with for the 100th time.
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, notes that consistent presence and support are key indicators of emotional investment.[6] If he’s making time for the mundane, not just the grand gestures, he’s in it for more than just the highlights reel.
8. He values your opinion and input
A guy who’s serious about you isn’t just interested in sharing his opinions and input — he’s genuinely interested in yours. He asks for your advice on decisions, whether big (career choices) or small (what to order for dinner), because he respects your thoughts and values your perspective.
Couples who value each other’s opinions tend to have more long-lasting, committed relationships. If he’s regularly seeking your perspective, it’s a sign he sees you as an equal partner in his life.
9. He’s consistent and reliable
Talk is cheap. A guy who’s serious will back up his words with actions. If he says he’s going to call, he calls. If he makes plans, he sticks to them. Consistent behavior shows he respects your time and is committed to building trust.
Gottman’s research on relationships emphasizes that reliability is one of the key pillars of trust in any partnership. If he’s dependable, that’s a solid sign he’s serious about making things work with you.[7]
10. He talks about “we” instead of “me”
When he’s serious about the relationship, you’ll notice a shift in his language — suddenly, it’s all about “we” instead of just “me.” Whether he’s talking about weekend plans, future vacations, or even household decisions, he starts viewing the two of you as a team.
In a meta-analysis study conducted by top relationship experts, “partner use of we-talk was generally more strongly related to relationship functioning than own use.”[8]
So, if his sentences are filled with “we should” and “when we,” it’s a good sign he’s thinking of you as a long-term partner.
11. He calls you his girlfriend
One of the clearest signs a man is serious about you is when he openly calls you his girlfriend. It’s more than just a label — it’s a public declaration that he’s committed and ready to level up. When he’s comfortable using this term, he’s showing that he’s not just dating casually, he’s primed for something more.
According to a study from Bucknell University, using relationship labels like “girlfriend” influences perceptions of commitment and partner treatment, especially in public settings. This label signals a clear intention to build a lasting partnership.[9]
So, if he’s introducing you as his girlfriend to friends, family, or colleagues, it’s a solid indication he’s invested in making the relationship official
Signs He Wants a Serious Relationship With You
A man can be serious about you without necessarily wanting a serious relationship just yet. Maybe he’s still working through his career goals or emotional readiness, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t see a relationship with you as long-term potential. Here are some signs to look for when he’s ready to lock it down:
- He talks openly about building a future together.
- He wants to have a define the relationship (DTR) talk.
- He’s consistently reliable and supportive.
- He’s emotionally available and communicative.
- He includes you in his five-year plan and beyond.
Recognizing when someone is truly serious about you requires patience and paying attention to both words and actions. If he’s consistently showing up, communicating openly, and making you a priority, chances are he’s thinking long-term.
Remember, every relationship moves at its own pace, so trust your instincts and don’t rush the process. The key is to ensure that you’re both on the same page and building something meaningful together.
How to Handle When He’s Really Serious About You but Not Ready for a Relationship
Sometimes, he’s totally serious about you, but he’s just not there yet when it comes to commitment. Maybe it’s career, maybe it’s timing, but it’s important to have an honest conversation about where you both stand.
Psychotherapist Esther Perel emphasizes that while you can’t force someone into a relationship, understanding where they’re coming from is key.[10] Ask him about his timeline and decide if it aligns with your own goals.
If not? Well, it might be time for some tough love.
A guy who says he’s serious about you but isn’t ready to commit might have some of his own issues to work through. If he’s refusing to level up the relationship and that doesn’t match your five-year plan, you may have to evaluate where you stand with him.
Conclusion
If you’re wondering how to know if a man is serious about you, watch his actions. When he consistently shows up, includes you in his life, and respects your boundaries, he’s likely committed for the long term. Trust your instincts, communicate clearly, and look for genuine emotional investment.
If you’re looking for more advice about getting into a relationship, just follow the link.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can you tell if a guy is falling in love?
You can tell a guy is falling in love when he’s eager to spend quality time with you, show vulnerability, and share his serious, deep feelings. He’s emotionally present, discussing the future and including you in his plans, signaling he’s serious about the relationship and sees a future with you.
Is he into me or just being nice?
A man who is into you and not just being nice will prioritize you and include you in his plans. He’ll consistently show signs of emotional investment, while a guy who’s just being nice might engage casually without deeper commitment. Look for signs of his long-term relationship intentions.
How can you ask a guy if he’s serious about you?
To ask if a guy is serious about you, approach the topic with open and honest communication. Say something like, “I’m looking for something serious. Where do you see this relationship going?” A man who’s serious will appreciate your transparency and discuss his feelings and future plans openly.
References
- Hsu, D. T., Sankar, A., Malik, M. A., Langenecker, S. A., Mickey, B. J., & Love, T. M. (2020). Common neural responses to romantic rejection and acceptance in healthy adults. Social Neuroscience, 15(5), 571–583.
https://doi.org/10.1080/17470919.2020.1801502 ↩︎ - Hogan, J. N., Crenshaw, A. O., Baucom, K. J. W., & Baucom, B. R. W. (2021). Time spent together in intimate relationships: Implications for relationship functioning. Contemporary Family Therapy, 43(3), 226–233.
https://doi.org/10.1007/s10591-020-09562-6 ↩︎ - Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (2017). The relationship cure: A 5 step guide to strengthening your marriage, family, and friendships. Harmony. ↩︎
- Solomon, A. (2017). Loving bravely: Twenty lessons of self-discovery to help you get the love you want. New Harbinger Publications. ↩︎
- Barrocas, G. (2023). The psychological impact of sacrifice in romantic relationships and partner wellbeing. The Stanford Journal of Science, Technology, and Society, 17(1).
https://ojs.stanford.edu/ojs/index.php/intersect/article/view/2972 ↩︎ - Chapman, G. D. (1992). The five love languages. Northfield Publishing. ↩︎
- Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (2017). The relationship cure: A 5 step guide to strengthening your marriage, family, and friendships. Harmony. ↩︎
- Karan, A., Rosenthal, R., & Robbins, M. L. (2019). Meta-analytic evidence that we-talk predicts relationship and personal functioning in romantic couples. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(9), 2624–2651.
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407518795336 ↩︎ - Golub, K. (2013). How do relationship labels affect partner treatment and relationship status perceptions? [Bachelor’s thesis, Bucknell University]. Bucknell Digital Commons.
https://digitalcommons.bucknell.edu/honors_theses/133 ↩︎ - Perel, E., & Miller, M. A. (2021). Letters from Esther #31: Inviting vulnerability. Esther Perel.
https://www.estherperel.com/blog/letters-from-esther-31-inviting-vulnerability ↩︎
