In the case of dating vs relationship, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important statuses: casual, meaning no strings attached, and serious, meaning exclusive and committed.
This is the breakdown.
Table of Contents
Key Takeaways:
- The dating phase is about exploring compatibility and getting to know someone.
- Relationships involve commitment, exclusivity, and deeper emotional connection.
- The transition from dating to a relationship varies for each couple.
- Clear communication and shared expectations are key to navigating these stages.
Difference Between Dating and Being in a Relationship
The dating stage is for exploring your options. People love to say, “There are plenty of fish in the sea,” and it’s true. Dating is for figuring out what kinds of fish you want to swim with.
Are you partial to parrot fish? lionfish? blue tang? Or perhaps you’ve been burned by one too many barracudas.
Dating is life’s aquarium, and hopefully you are destined to meet your lifelong seahorse.
Casual dating is fun, noncommittal, and carries an essence of freedom, whereas relationships go deeper than surface level.
Even though they represent different levels of relationship, what happens in the dating stage is crucial to progressing to the next stage — starting with the first impression.
Authors Niehuis and Weiser of Texas Tech University find that early impressions can dictate where the relationship may eventually lead.
They say it’s “likely these very earliest stages have implications for subsequent relationship progression, quality, infidelity, and dissolution.”[1]
So basically, dating and relationships are not synonymous. Here’s some specifics:
Level of commitment
Level of commitment is a key difference between dating and relationships. According to Edward P. Lemay Jr. of the National Science Foundation, “Commitment represents a long-term orientation to the relationship, including feelings of attachment to a partner and desire to maintain the relationship.”
Dating means a casual relationship. It involves varying levels of commitment that can be hard to predict.
For example, you may end up vibing with someone online only to have a one-night stand. Or your one-night stand might turn into something bigger. The point is, with dating there’s little expectation.
A relationship means a higher level of commitment. Lemay argues that “commitment motivates people to promote the welfare of their relationships. Relative to people with low commitment, highly committed individuals are willing to sacrifice their personal goals to maintain the relationship.”
When couples commit, they’re in it for the long haul.
Emotional investment and intimacy
When dating, it’s easier to keep things superficial. You can have a fun time with someone before they even know your middle name. There’s very little risk because there’s very little investment.
Relationships require a higher level of emotional intimacy and vulnerability (which can be scary).
A committed relationship means deeper connection, intimacy, and greater understanding of each other. Investing emotionally in your relationship does involve a greater deal of vulnerability, which ultimately leads to intimacy.
You can’t have one without the other.
Dr. Robert Sternberg states in his book A Triangular Theory of Love, that there are three components of love: passion, commitment, and intimacy. He says intimacy comes from emotional investment.
Sternberg provides a thorough analysis of what intimacy looks like in a relationship:
. . . feelings of (a) desire to promote the welfare of the loved one, (b) experienced happiness with the loved one, (c) high regard for the loved one, (d) being able to count on the loved one in times of need, (e) mutual understanding with the loved one, (f) sharing of one’s self and one’s possessions with the loved one, (g) receipt of emotional support from the loved one, (h) giving of emotional support to the loved one, (i) intimate communication with the loved one, and (j) valuing the loved one in one’s life.[2]
While you may have one or a few of these in a dating relationship, the full monty of intimacy is more likely to be found only in a committed, serious relationship.
Expectations and future planning
Dating is the here and now, but a relationship includes your future.
Committed couples make plans, building foundations for intertwining individual goals and a shared future.
When dating, you might have fun, even consistent, plans, but it’s pretty rare to have future goals, such as buying a home or getting a pet together, without a deeper connection.
There’s also little expectation involved in dating.
For example, you get stood up on a date — disappointing yes, but not life changing. Anyway, you probably dodged a bullet. Maybe they’re just a clown fish. But in a relationship, you have expectations that your person will be there through thick and thin.
Social recognition and integration
Whether it’s the soft launch or the hard launch, elevating someone you’re dating casually to the level of social recognition is a clear sign of the makings of a relationship.
It can be a bit nerve-wracking the first time you even drop their name into a conversation. This feels like a new level. This social recognition is pretty important.
The next stage after this is meeting your friends and family — integration. In fact, it’s a rite of passage. There’s something so profoundly important about meeting friends and family in a relationship context.
When dating, it’s pretty common to keep your prospects on the downlow for a while. But you bring someone you’re in a relationship with to Sunday dinner.
Communication and problem-solving
Communication is the foundation of a solid relationship — dating or serious. And naturally, any human-to-human connection can have conflict. It’s never completely smooth sailing 100% of the time.
Working through issues is important in any kind of healthy relationship.
In fact, in a 2021 article in Frontiers in Psychology, authors De Netto et al. state that the way we react to conflict in our relationships is a reflection of relationship satisfaction.[3]
Maybe your date takes the banter too far. You need to speak up, let them know you’re not cool with that. How they respond lets you know if you want a second date.
In a relationship, the stakes are even higher. Being honest and not afraid to broach awkward topics is important. If you don’t want to go to Sunday dinner because his parents are bird people and you have an irrational fear of feathered things, tell him. If he’s serious about you, he’ll understand.
Does Dating Mean Boyfriend and Girlfriend?
No, dating does not necessarily mean “boyfriend and girlfriend,” though this may differ from one relationship to the next.
When you start dating someone, it doesn’t mean you immediately change your relationship status. Some people jump right into the deep end, and others prefer to dip a toe in at the shallow end.
This pool party of amorous entanglement comprises a menagerie of different styles.
Let’s break it down.
Dating is the process of figuring out whether you click with a person. First, you meet, or you match. Then, you go to the movies, or to dinner. You do this a few times. It’s not usually exclusive — you wouldn’t go to the shops and buy the first shoes you try on.
Some go on dates to get to know people with the end goal of a relationship, others date just for fun, something to do. But for whatever reason, there’s not a whole lot of commitment going on.
Sure, you might get to know someone romantically, and you might have a connection, but you’re still free to date when and whomever you choose. That’s the beauty (and the semi-exhausting part) of dating.
It’s the lack of rules that creates the fun.
“A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.” – Cher
Navigating the Transition: From Dating to Relationship
The transition from dating to relationship — leveling up, if you will — can be tricky. It’s important to make sure you both enter a relationship with the same expectations or you risk problems down the road.
Luckily, there are a few ways to ensure you’re both on the same page.
Initiating the conversation about exclusivity
Let’s talk “the chat,” or what’s become known as defining the relationship. Although it can be scary to talk about being exclusive with someone you’re dating, it’s crucial to establish a mutual agreement and know where you stand.
If you’re on different pages, you may end up in completely different stories.
Start by being honest and telling them how you feel about being exclusive, and make sure you leave space for them to speak. Open, honest communication and voicing your expectations are crucial, but if there’s no space for someone to voice theirs, honesty gets compromised.
This is NOT the time you want to be told what you want to hear.
In saying this, be prepared for anything; there’s a chance this may not go the way you expect. Try to keep an open mind.
There could be reasons that the person you’re seeing isn’t ready to be exclusive or “official.” Maybe their last relationship was rocky and they’re apprehensive, even though they like you. Maybe they don’t think they can give you what you expect yet.
Try not to take it personally and be grateful for the honesty.
Remember, this goes both ways. Maybe you’re not ready to be in an exclusive relationship and have been blindsided with “the chat.”
Don’t stress.
Whatever happens, you’ll figure out if the relationship is right for you — if you’ve found your seahorse or if you’re messing around with a clown fish.
Establishing shared goals and values
Although it’s easy to get caught up in the love bubble at the start of the relationship, it’s important to talk about logistics. These important discussions can help you determine if you’re compatible in the long term.
For example: What if you want to get married, your partner doesn’t, and you’re three years in and you haven’t talked about it? Perhaps your partner doesn’t want to have kids yet, but they do eventually. Or maybe never.
Or maybe they want to buy a ranch but you’re content to rent a place in the city forever. Maybe you want to raise kids to be religious but religion to them means watching the Premier League on Sundays.
These are the things you’ll need to know before you give them “all that youth for free.”
Your values and goals don’t have to match identically, but it’s important they align.
Navigating changes in communication and emotional intimacy
Changing the dynamics of a relationship can be tricky. There’s not really a wrong or right way to navigate the transition from dating to relationship, but there are ways to make the different stages easier. And it’s much easier when solid communication is established. De Netto et al. say communication is the heart of the relationship.[4] When your relationship changes or moves to the next level, so does your style of communication. This might feel a bit strange. But it’s all part of the process. The most important thing is to make sure you’re a constant safe space for your partner.
“Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you.” — Megan Mullally, Greatest Love Story Ever Told
Integrating your partner into your social and family life
One of the most important stages of a relationship is introducing your new partner to your family and friends.
It’s daunting, but exciting!
The best part is that you both have to go through it — no one can escape the pain of awkward introductions and remembering new names. The best thing to remember is that this is something completely self-paced. You don’t have to rush it.
Try to introduce them to the most open and inviting connections first — the people you also feel the least nervous around.
Another important tip: Don’t forget they’re at the party! This might seem super obvious, but nerves or excitement may mean you get caught up chatting and leave them awkwardly stirring their drink or being cornered by Uncle Tony.
Whatever you do, don’t leave them alone with your Uncle Tony.
Addressing challenges and maintaining individuality
Relationships naturally come with challenges. In fact, if your relationship doesn’t have at least a few small hiccups, you may not even be doing it right.
When you enter a new relationship with all its excitement and giddy lovefests, it’s easy to leave yourself behind.
It’s nice to be an entity, but you need a degree of individualism.
Don’t forget your hobbies and who you were before you met them — make sure to reserve some you time each week to do the things you love.
Making sure you each have time to pursue your individual passions and friendships will help you avoid the more serious challenges. Sure, there will always be challenges.
Some people can seamlessly adjust to commitment, navigating differences in opinion and balancing their own needs with the needs of the partnership. But most have some speed bumps along the way.
Approach challenges with mutual respect, empathy, and understanding, and you won’t find yourself in a war of roses.
Conclusion
Dating is fun. And so are relationships. But every relationship’s journey is unique.
Dating usually means less commitment and emotional investment than are required of a relationship. And you’ll probably find yourself meeting the parents if the road leads to a serious relationship.
Whether you’re meeting new people to explore your options or opening yourself up to a deeper commitment, your journey is yours. But if you’ve found someone you enjoy your time with, try not to overthink it — enjoy the ride!
Interested in learning the essentials of beginning a relationship? Visit our page here.
FAQs: Your Dating and Relationship Questions Answered
What’s the difference between dating and seeing someone?
The difference between dating and seeing someone can be a bit vague. Seeing someone might mean a more casual connection, whereas dating can imply more depth or consistency. Or vice versa. At the end of the day, it’s all down to personal interpretation.
Is dating the same as being in a relationship?
Dating is not the same as being in a relationship per se, but there is overlap. While dating is a type of relationship, it’s casual and nonexclusive. An exclusive relationship, on the other hand, requires a level of intention and commitment.
How long is the relationship between dating and a relationship?
The length between dating and a relationship varies with each couple. For some, a relationship blossoms after only a few days. Others may need a fair bit of time before putting a label on it. It’s you and your partner’s discretion to make a choice.
References
1. Weiser, D. A., & Niehuis, S. (2014). Relationship initiation and early dating. Family Relations, 59, F3–F4. https://www.ncfr.org/sites/default/files/focus_winter_2014_final.pdf#page=3
2. Sternberg, R. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119–135. https://pzacad.pitzer.edu/~dmoore/1986_sternberg_trianglelove_psyrev.pdf
3. De Netto, P. M., Quek, K. F., & Golden, K. J. (2021). Communication, the heart of a relationship: Examining capitalization, accommodation, and self-construal on relationship satisfaction. Frontiers in Psychology, 12(12), 13. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.767908
4. De Netto, P. M., Quek, K. F., & Golden, K. J. (2021). Communication, the heart of a relationship: Examining capitalization, accommodation, and self-construal on relationship satisfaction. Frontiers in Psychology, 12(12), 13. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.767908