We often ignore the little things because, well, they’re little. Who cares, right? Wrong.
Little things in your relationship can quickly snowball into bigger issues if left unchecked. For this reason, you need to make sure you’re logged in to these signs he’s losing interest.
Table of Contents
Telltale Signs He Is Losing Interest
Here are 11 revealing signs he’s losing interest.
1. He becomes distant
One of the most blatant signs your partner is losing interest is that he’ll slowly distance himself from you and your relationship.
It might start with him “innocently forgetting” to invite you to participate in his hobbies or interests. Or, if you don’t live together, your nights spent together grow fewer and farther between.
However, these baby steps of distance can quickly evolve into leaping bounds of estrangement. He may start leaving you out of more important events and future plans, such as family outings, road trips with friends, or even holiday celebrations.
If you notice this divide occurring, it may be one of the signs he’s losing interest.
2. He stops putting in effort
Building a relationship is not a solo act like gardening or crocheting — it takes two to tango.
For this reason, if you notice he’s stopped putting effort into your relationship, it’s one of the most glaringly obvious signs he’s losing interest.
Here are a few examples of what that might look like:
- He starts canceling plans with you
- He declines invitations
- He stops initiating plans
- He stops trying to resolve issues
- He’ll stop participating in shared interests
- He stops initiating sex or shows no interest in it
Lack of effort is one of the major signs someone is no longer interested in you or, at the very least, is beginning to lose interest.
3. He avoids intimacy
You know something is up if he checks this box.
According to a study published in the Journal of Sex Research, the average man thinks about sex 19 times a day.[1] So, if intimacy is an aspect of your relationship that he’s avoiding, it may be because he’s losing interest.
But “intimacy” encompasses more than what happens between the sheets.
If you find that he avoids eye contact, prefers surface-level conversations, distracts himself with social media, or he keeps his thoughts and feelings to himself, these are all clear signs he’s losing interest.
4. He starts breaking promises
Relationships are built on trust, so if he begins repeatedly breaking promises to you, that is a clear sign that his interest is fading. This could be anything from not showing up when you make plans to forgetting to water your plants while you’re out of town.
Breaking promises is not limited to larger aspects of your relationship. In fact, broken promises in regard to more “innocent” everyday responsibilities can be just as upsetting.
For example, if he promises to take out the trash, clean the house, or cook for you but goes back on his word, that goes over like a lead balloon. But more than that, it’s a clear signal of his lack of investment in the relationship.
5. He refuses to compromise
Relationships are all about meeting each other’s needs — that’s the whole point: to give to and love one another. However, both people need to compromise to some degree in order to do that.
As a result, one of the clear signs your partner is losing interest is when he refuses to compromise. If things ever reach a point where everything seems to revolve around him, that’s a red flag signalling your relationship is heading in the wrong direction.
This kind of one-sided romance is referred to as an asymmetrically committed relationship (ACR), according to a 2017 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.[2] And if it’s not kept in check, the relationship is put in a very precarious position.
In fact, Scott Stanley (who spearheaded the study) said, “ACR relationships … were more likely to break up within 2 years than non-ACRs.
6. He starts ignoring your needs
Another one of the signs he’s no longer interested in you is ignoring your needs, which can be extremely harmful to the relationship, leading to issues like resentment and emotional neglect.
According to a study conducted by researchers at Utrecht University in the Netherlands, ensuring your needs are met in an intimate relationship is essential for its maintenance.[3] So, if it seems like he’s failing to care about your emotional needs, it could be a sign that his interest in you is taking a nosedive.
Here are a few examples of your man ignoring your relational needs:
- Dismissing your feelings and emotions
- Not prioritizing time with you
- Not respecting your opinions
- Brushing off your concerns and complaints
- Skipping date nights or canceling plans
These are glaring signs your partner is losing interest. If these behaviors are seeping through in how he treats you, you’re pretty much on relationship life support. However, before you decide to pull the plug (and only if you really want to salvage things), it could be worth one last-ditch effort.
Try to communicate your frustrations to him in a loving, nonjudgmental way.
A study by researchers with Monash University in Malaysia revealed that using clear communication to manage conflict was the key to protecting relationships.[4] However, the crux of the issue is whether he will be open to change.
You can be as diplomatic as a celebrity publicist in the midst of a scandal, but if he’s unwilling to acknowledge his faults and work to improve them, you may have to call it quits — for your own sanity and mental health.
7. He stops showing an interest in your life
When you were getting to know each other, he was fascinated by you.
He loved hearing about your hobbies, interests, hopes, and dreams. Granted, that level of enthusiasm will naturally fade over time. However, even in long-term relationships, couples who care keep up-to-date and show an interest in each other’s lives.
Whether it’s about a new project you’re undertaking at work, melodramatic family antics, or even how your day has been, asking about you is a signal that he cares.
And if that signal disappears, it’s probably because of his fading interest in you.
So, if you notice he’s no longer inquisitive about your life, goals, or passions, it’s one of the telltale signs he’s losing interest.
8. He stops apologizing
A simple apology goes a long way.
For this reason, if he can’t muster up the humility to admit when he’s wrong, that’s a pretty clear sign he’s not feeling the relationship anymore.
A man who cares will want to fix the things he’s broken and mend the feelings he’s hurt. So, if you find he lacks empathy toward unresolved issues that he’s created in your relationship, you can label that as a clear sign of low interest.
Failing to apologize for wrongdoing can be detrimental to your emotional connection and sense of safety.
The journal Scientific Reports published a 2021 study revealing that apologies are critical for forgiveness and forward movement within the context of an intimate relationship.[5]
As a result, it’s a deal-breaker if he continues with this behavior. Too much drama, no thanks.
9. He shows interest in other women
Expressing interest in other women is one of the major signs your boyfriend is losing interest.
Of course, many guys will notice other women regardless of their relationship status, and talking to or being friends with other women is not a sign of his lack of commitment. But when you begin feeling like his interest in other women goes beyond the friendly, pay attention.
It may mean his devotion to you has fallen off a cliff.
This could be eyeing another girl, sweet-talking them, or even talking a lot about or speaking suspiciously positive of other women at work, in his social circle, and so on.
The writing is on the wall with this kind of behavior. . . .
10. He texts, calls, and messages you less
If you’re looking for signs he’s not into you anymore, any departure from the norm could be cause for concern. Receiving fewer texts, calls, and messages may be an indicator of a fading attraction level. You can be texting every day and then suddenly it’s crickets. Such a volte-face can come as quite a shock.
That said, a change in texting and calling is a rather subtle indicator, so it’s important not to jump to conclusions. He could be under pressure at work or having problems with family, so wait a bit to see if his behavior changes.
This is another reason why communication is so important in your relationship.
11. His mood and energy have shifted
While this sign can quickly become a glaring red flag of his disinterest, it often starts with subtle emotional undertones within your relationship.
If you find him becoming more irritable, impatient, or even passive toward you, these are clear signs your boyfriend is losing interest.
However, it’s important to distinguish between his feelings for you disappearing and him having a bad day. We all have days when we just want to be left alone. Look for a consistent pattern where his emotions seem to have shifted toward you rather than freaking out at one grumpy evening.
What to Do About It
While a man losing interest is hard, reigniting the spark isn’t impossible — if there’s anything left to save.
Try to communicate your concerns
Sometimes, he may just not know how his behavior is affecting you. Sitting down with him to communicate your feelings in a mature and loving way can be the right step. It’s important to ensure he doesn’t feel “attacked” in this context, but a conversation about your mutual commitment to the relationship will reveal his intentions.
A simple way to prevent his feeling ambushed is through the strategic use of your language.
Psychologists Dr. Pepper Schwartz (author of Snap Strategies for Couples and Places for Passion) and Dr. Jessica Griffin suggest using language that frames the situation with the two of you on the same side. Schwartz says, “It’s not you versus me. It’s us versus this problem.”[6]
This way of framing the conversation will encourage him to drop his guard and make him more open to suggestions for improvement.
Give him space
Familiarity has a way of reducing the mystery and suspense in a relationship. For this reason, it’s critical that you give him space, so he can miss and wonder about you. It may seem counterintuitive, but backing off for a period of time can be an effective tool to reignite that spark.
In fact, spending time apart is one of the best ways to make a guy want you.
Hollywood got it wrong: Chasing your partner the way you see in romantic comedies is head-in-the-clouds, idealist thinking. It may look romantic on the screen, but it doesn’t translate well into real life with real people.
Instead, let him go.
If he pushes you away, give him the space he’s asking for. Hopefully, he’ll be back. It’s easy to take a good thing for granted. If he’s doing that to you, give him the gift of missing you.
And if he doesn’t realize what he’s missing, well, there’s someone out there who will.
Focus on yourself
If you pull back to give him space, the last thing you should do is wait around for his elusive text.
Instead, focus on all the activities you were too busy to do because you were hanging out with him.
Take that hot yoga class you’ve been curious about or try your hand at a DIY home decor project. Don’t let a man keep you from living your best life! Focus on yourself and do the things that you love or would like to explore.
The irony is that by focusing less on him and more on you . . . you become an instant baddie.
Conclusion
Pay attention to the signs he’s losing interest but remember that he could just be busy. Nonetheless, it’s important to always pay attention to how your man is treating you.
How he shows up in your relationships is a reflection of how he feels. So, ensure that you’re patient with the process and be willing to take a step back if he has trouble opening up and communicating with you.
If you’re looking for more information about being in a relationship, click the link!
FAQs
How do you get a man’s interest back?
You can get a man’s interest back by simply giving him space. The more you try to “win him back,” the more you’ll push him away. However, if this strategy doesn’t work, your next step should be to move on with dignity.
How do you know he’s not into you?
The best way to know he’s not into you is to simply observe his actions. If he pulls away, grows distant, reduces communication, or otherwise withdraws from the relationship, it’s a clear sign that he’s not into you.
Can a man suddenly lose interest?
Yes, a man can suddenly lose interest. Everyone has different reasons for pursuing a relationship or moving on, even suddenly. However, this is the exception rather than the rule. Attraction will fade slowly over time.
Can a guy come back after losing interest?
Yes, a guy can come back after losing interest. Attraction is not an all or nothing thing. It rises and falls with life’s circumstances, and by focusing on being the best partner you can possibly be, you’ll create the conditions for his interest to return.
References
1. Fisher, T. D., Moore, Z. T., & Pittenger, M. J. (2012). Sex on the brain? An examination of frequency of sexual cognitions as a function of gender, erotophilia, and social desirability. Journal of Sex Research, 49(1), 69–77.
https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2011.565429
2. Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., Scott, S. B., Kelmer, G., Markman, H. J., & Fincham, F. D. (2017). Asymmetrically committed relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 34(8), 1241–1259.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407516672013
3. Kluwer, E. S., Karremans, J. C., Riedijk, L., & Knee, C. R. (2020). Autonomy in relatedness: How need fulfillment interacts in close relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 46(4), 603–616.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219867964
4. De Netto, P. M., Quek, K. F., & Golden, K. J. (2021). Communication, the heart of a relationship: Examining capitalization, accommodation, and self-construal on relationship satisfaction. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 767908.
https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.767908
5. Forster, D. E., Billingsley, J., Burnette, J. L., Lieberman, D., Ohtsubo, Y., & McCullough, M. E. (2021). Experimental evidence that apologies promote forgiveness by communicating relationship value. Scientific Reports, 11(1), 13107.
https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-021-92373-y
6. Schwartz, P., & Griffin, J. (2023, July 13). Psychology experts: The No. 1 tool we teach to save “any relationship” from disaster. CNBC.
https://www.cnbc.com/2023/07/13/how-to-avoid-a-relationship-disaster-according-to-psychology-experts-who-studied-couples-for-50-years.html
