If the attention of a married man is giving you the ick but you need confirmation that it’s inappropriate, you’ve come to the right place.
Pull up a chair and pour a stiff drink because we’re about to dive into nine signs a married man is sexually attracted to you.
Table of Contents
Key Takeaways
- Married men who are sexually attracted to you often exhibit signs ranging from subtle body language cues to blatant attempts at physical attraction.
- These signs can be elusive, so you must sharpen your observation skills.
- While it might stroke your ego, pursuing a relationship with a married man is about as wise as brewing in a chocolate teapot.
- If you find yourself in this situation, it’s crucial to establish boundaries ASAP.
The Signs That a Married Man Is Sexually Attracted to You
Determining if a married man is attracted to you is a lot like telling if any man is attracted to you — but with an unmistakable air of shadiness.
Here are some signs a married man is flirting with infidelity and he’s got you in mind for the job:
1. He’s your satellite
You’re at the office water cooler, discussing last night’s Golden Bachelor episode with Janet from accounting, when suddenly, there he is. Again. For the seventh time today.
This is a lot like a single man being attracted to you, but with this guy, he’s way more strategic about it. Slinking around the office or the neighborhood like the Hamburglar at lunchtime.
If this married man has developed an uncanny ability to materialize wherever you are with the precision of a GPS-guided missile, congratulations! You’ve got yourself a grade-A, USDA-certified orbiter.
When a wanna-be cheater has a crush on you, he’ll find more excuses to be in your presence than a kid finds excuses to avoid bedtime. He’ll suddenly need to use the copier next to your desk, even though there’s a perfect one by his office. Or he’ll need to borrow your lawn mower, suspiciously as soon as his wife leaves for the shops.
2. His eye contact is unrelenting
Ah, the eyes — windows to the soul and, apparently, to barely concealed lust. If this married man’s gaze lingers on you longer than a sloth’s morning yoga routine, you might be dealing with some serious attraction. We’re talking about the kind of stare that could melt butter faster than a blowtorch in a creamery.
According to Jodi Schulz, co-director of Children & Youth Institute at the Michigan State University Extension, eye contact is a significant nonverbal cue that can signal interest.[1] If his eyes perform an elaborate dance routine, darting from your eyes to your lips and back again, you’ve hit the jackpot of inappropriate attraction.
And let’s not forget the lingering once-over. If his gaze travels down your body, taking in every curve and contour like he’s memorizing a map, well, honey, you’ve just been visually devoured.
3. He wants to help you (and impress you!)
If this married man jumps at every opportunity to help you, even with tasks that are clearly outside his realm of expertise, you might have a smitten kitten on your hands. This behavior stems from a primal desire to prove his worth as a potential mate.
According to Karlijn Massar, professor of Applied Social Psychology at Maastricht University, the presence of an opposite-sex audience can amplify competitive behaviors in males, leading them to engage in more conspicuous displays or public good contributions to impress potential mates.[2]
He’ll offer to change your oil, even if he can’t tell a dipstick from a broomstick. He’ll volunteer to set up your Wi-Fi, despite being so technologically challenged he thinks “router” euphemism for GPS.
His pathetic attempts to impress you won’t stop there.
If Mr. Married suddenly starts showing up all kitted and fancy, it might not be a coincidence. A dramatic change in appearance could be a sign that he’s trying to attract attention.
Maybe he’s wearing a new cologne or suddenly has a sleek new watch, it could be a sign he’s trying to convey a certain image or lifestyle to appeal to you. Also, if his wardrobe choices have shifted from casual to more sophisticated ensembles, it may suggest he’s seeking validation from you instead of the person he should be seeking it from — his wife.
4. His wife is MIA
You’re having a conversation with this married man, and he talks about everything under the sun — his job, his hobbies, his childhood pet iguana named Spike — but his wife might as well be living on Mars for all the mention she gets.
If his spouse has mysteriously vanished from all his anecdotes faster than a magician’s assistant — and his life, you never see her anymore — you might be dealing with a case of the “Invisible Wife Syndrome.” This phenomenon is often accompanied by a sudden allergy to his wedding ring.
A study by researchers Urs and Franziska found that married men often disguise their dishonesty to prevent negative perceptions of themselves, suggesting that the desire to appear honest and non-greedy influences their behavior in romantic contexts.[3]
You might notice him fidgeting with it, taking it off to “wash his hands” more often than Lady Macbeth, or claiming it shrunk in the wash. Well, sorry Romeo, gold doesn’t shrink, but apparently, neither does your audacity.
5. He’s your biggest fan
Suddenly, this married man has transformed into your cheerleader, minus the pom-poms (though who knows what he does in private). He laughs at all your jokes, even the ones that are about as funny as a root canal performed by a clown.
He remembers every detail you’ve ever shared, from your favorite color to your cat’s dietary preferences, with the precision of a supercomputer. And let’s not forget all the compliments.
When a married man showers you with compliments, it’s not just flattery; it’s flirtation. Compliments serve as a way for someone to express admiration and interest. If he mentions how great you look in that new dress or how your laughter lights up the room, he’s likely trying to signal that he sees you as more than just a friend.
Word to the wise: If you can recognize that he’s a shameless flirt, so can everyone else, including his wife. Tread carefully.
6. He touches you subtly but not when others can see
Beware the lingering hand. If this married man finds more excuses to touch you, your alarm bells should be ringing.
We’re talking about the “accidental” brush of hands when passing documents, the “friendly” pat on the back that lingers, or the way he always seems to be guiding you through doorways with a hand on the small of your back, like you’re suddenly incapable of walking through an opening without assistance.
Increased physical contact is a clear indicator of sexual attraction. According to Michael Argyle, nonverbal cues, including body language and physical touch, are critical in mate selection, often conveying more than verbal communication.[4]
He becomes a moth drawn to a flame, except the moth is married and the flame is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
7. He treats you differently
Pay attention to how he interacts with other women compared to how he treats you. If there’s a noticeable difference, if he’s particularly attentive or affectionate with only you, it suggests you’re receiving special treatment because he sees potential beyond friendship itself!
The tendency of married men to treat other women better than their wives can be attributed to various psychological reasons. Research by Sahar Nazemian et al. found that men may prioritize self-interest, leading to a lack of moral awareness regarding their treatment of wives versus other women.[5]
This behavior is a clear sign that he’s far more interested in you than he is his wife.
8. He initiates private conversations
If this married man constantly seeks opportunities for private conversations about the meaning of life or the latest Netflix series, it’s a strong indicator of his interest. For instance, he may approach you during lunch breaks or after meetings steering towards more personal topics like your hobbies, aspirations or even views on relationships.
Pay attention to the setting. If he prefers quieter, less crowded places to chat, like a secluded corner of the office or a less frequented café, it suggests he doesn’t want to be caught out. Additionally, if he lowers his voice as if sharing secrets, it’s a clear sign that he’s trying to establish a deeper, but clandestine, connection.
9. He does none of these things when his wife is around
The funny thing is, he would show you all the signs mentioned above but the moment his wife is present, it’s like someone hit the mute button on your existence. One moment he’s charming and flirty; the next he’s a deer in headlights, avoiding eye contact with you.
You could be sharing a laugh about a hilarious cat meme, and bam — his wife walks in. He freezes in mid-laugh, suddenly fascinated by his coffee cup, while proceeding to discuss the weather with all the enthusiasm of a slot.
This behavior reveals that while he may flirt with you in private, he hides behind his wedding ring when faced with reality.
Dangers of Dating a Married Man
Before you get swept away by all this attention, just know that dating a married man is a bad idea.
First off, you’re setting yourself up for more drama than a Shakespeare festival during a mercury retrograde. You’ll be sneaking around more than a teenager past curfew and lying more than a politician during election season.
And let’s not forget the emotional toll — you’ll be riding a roller coaster of emotions that makes the Cyclone at Coney Island look like a kiddie ride. Sneaking around with someone else’s husband often leads to feelings of guilt, particularly concerning the impact on his family and the moral implications of the affair.
Such guilt can escalate into depression and anxiety. In one 2019 study, authors Adriana and Alexandra indicate that infidelity can significantly affect emotional well-being, resulting in increased depressive symptoms and lower self-esteem among those involved.[6]
Moreover, karma has a way of coming back to bite you in the posterior with the force of a thousand chihuahuas. I don’t think you want to be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life, wondering when the universe is going to cash that check.
What to Do If a Married Man Is Attracted to You
So, you’ve identified that this married man is indeed giving you the googly eyes. Well, here’s a radical idea: Don’t do anything. Revolutionary, I know. Set boundaries. Be clear, be firm, and if necessary, be as cold as a penguin’s pedicure.
After all, the odds are that none of this behavior is happening subconsciously. He knows what he’s doing.
When attention crosses the line into workplace harassment, it’s crucial to act. The #MeToo movement has empowered women — and men should be doing it too! — to speak out against harassment and demand accountability. Women are no longer expected to hush up and accept inappropriate behavior at work.
“No” is a complete sentence, and you have the right to use it more liberally than Americans use Ranch dressing to flavor their food.
If you have a moment of weakness and encourage his behavior, you’re only human. But don’t take it any further than flirtation. Don’t give in to temptation and believe him if he says he’s going to leave his wife. Learn from Carrie Fisher’s character in When Harry Met Sally. How long did she wait for that guy to leave his wife?
There are plenty of fish in the sea, and unlike this one, most of them aren’t already caught, fileted, and served up with a side of wedding woe.
Conclusion
The next time you find yourself on the receiving end of a married man’s longing looks, don’t forget these signs a married man is sexually attracted to you. Just remember: You’re a whole meal, not a side dish.
Don’t settle for being someone’s secret snack. You’re the main course, the dessert, and the cherry on top, and you deserve someone who can appreciate you in broad daylight, not just in the shadows of a forbidden attraction.
Visit our page and learn all there is to know about getting into a relationship.
FAQs
How do you tell if a married man is pursuing you?
If a married man is pursuing you, he’ll likely exhibit behaviors such as frequent communication, finding excuses to be alone with you, and showering you with compliments, all away from the suspicious eyes of his unfortunate wife.
How do you know if a married man has feelings for you?
If a married man has feelings for you, he’ll confide in you more than his spouse, seek your advice on personal matters, and show signs of jealousy when you interact with other men.
What makes a married man attractive to a woman?
What makes a married man attractive to a woman is the perceived stability, maturity, or the thrill of the forbidden. Some women have insecure attachment styles that lead them to see men who are unavailable, including married men.
How can you tell if a man is attracted to you but hiding it?
If a man is attracted to you but hiding it, he’ll exhibit nervous behavior around you, go out of his way to do favors for you, or find excuses to make physical contact. He’ll want to be around you without making it obvious that he wants to be around you.
References
1. Schulz, J. (2012). Eye contact: An introduction to its role in communication. Michigan State University.
https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_an_introduction_to_its_role_in_communication
2. Massar, J. (2022, June 30). Men’s intrasexual competition. Cambridge University Press.
https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/abs/cambridge-handbook-of-evolutionary-perspectives-on-sexual-psychology/mens-intrasexual-competition/871A1DD2346E23602B64501C05B78548
3. Fischbacher, U. & Föllmi-Heusi, F. (2013). Lies in disguise—An experimental study on cheating. Journal of the European Economic Association, 11(3): 525–547,
https://doi.org/10.1111/jeea.12014
4. Argyle, A. (1973). The syntaxes of bodily communication. Linguistics, 11(112):71–92.
https://doi.org/10.1515/LING.1973.11.112.71
5. Nazemian, S., Balash, F., Balash, F. (2017). Psychological factors underlying unethical research. The Eurasia Proceedings of Educational and Social Sciences, 7, 211–215.
https://epess.net/index.php/epess/article/download/362/362
6. Adriana, K., & Alexander, G. (2019). Guilt- and shame-proneness and their relation to perceptions of dating infidelity. Studia Psychologica, 61, 145–158.
https://doi.org/10.21909/sp.2019.03.779