If a guy is sending you mixed signals, adjust the dial. A few carefully crafted tricks can put a stop to all that static.
If you’re wondering how to make a guy want you, here are seven easy ways to get (and keep) his interest.
7 Scientifically Proven Ways to Make a Man Want You
Learning how to make a man want you is easier than you think. The best part is that you can use proven scientific tactics to speed up this process. Here are seven for you to try out.
1. Be available
Making him text you three or four times before texting him back will only drive him away. Don’t leave the poor guy hanging when he contacts you — be responsive.
I’m not saying you should be at his beck and call. Being too available is no winning strategy, either.
But responding to texts in a timely manner and showing enthusiasm when he reaches out are basic rules in the dating 101 playbook.
A 2010 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology concludes that a partner’s perceived responsiveness is a defining feature of a satisfying, intimate relationship.
Authors Canevello and Crocker explain, “People who perceive others as responsive become responsive themselves and perceive their partners as more responsive, leading to high quality relationships for both the partner and the self.”[1] It’s a cycle, and you want to perpetuate this cycle to make him want you.
So, the next time he reaches out, be responsive to his advances — help the guy out.
Give him multiple dates you’re available and let him know you’re looking forward to it. You don’t need to gush like a simpering schoolgirl but don’t be aloof either.
If his response isn’t what you’re looking for, pull back until he adjusts his behavior. This is not “manipulative” or “playing games.” It’s just you being sure that he’s putting in an effort, too.
2. Smile and make eye contact
Smiling, eye contact, and other types of compelling body language are surefire ways to help a man fall in love with you — or at least like you enough to get to know you better, after which he will of course fall madly in love with you. Because you’re awesome.
According to a study published in the American Communication Journal, “Nonverbal behaviors such as touching, smiling, and making eye contact imply psychological closeness and are associated with liking.”
In their study on the topic of flirting, the study’s authors, Tisdale and Sheldon, reported that “men respond the most favorably to women that use smiling as a flirting cue followed by a
close second with eye contact.”[2]
If you’re curious — and I know you are — here are the top seven female flirting cues reported by Tisdale and Sheldon:
- smiling
- making eye contact
- laughing
- batting eyelashes
- dancing
- initiating a kiss
- touching
So start practicing your flirting techniques now, ladies, and you’ll get a guy to like you in no time.
3. Ask follow-up questions
When you ask your guy questions about himself, it shows interest, curiosity, and that you’re not a conversation hog.
However, the real way to get a man’s attention is through your follow-up questions. Additional inquisitiveness shows that you genuinely want to learn more about him and aren’t just trying to be polite.
A 2019 study, also published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, revealed that people who ask follow-up questions come off as more likable and engaging from the other person’s viewpoint.[3]
So, if your goal is to be his next girlfriend, you better ask him what eventually came of that pet tortoise he had as a child — those things live decades.
4. Give him a pet name
The names we assign to things that are important to us, including our special someone, play a massive role in how we perceive them. I never quite understood why Almanzo called Laura Ingalls “Beth” when that wasn’t her name. Turns out he knew what he was doing.
A study published in Human Communication Research proved how potent pet names and terms of endearment can be in a relationship, especially when connected to an inside joke or idiom specific to the couple.
The study revealed that relationship quality was strongly connected to idioms couples used to express love and affection. “For both sexes, loving, commitment, and closeness were correlated with the number of reported idioms that expressed affection, initiated sexual encounters, and referred to sexual matters.”[4]
So, if you want to make a guy want you more, give him an affectionate pet name, and if it’s related to an inside joke or idiom, even better. It’s science.
Disclaimer: Make sure it’s a name he actually likes. Giving him a nickname you think is cute but that he finds annoying may have the opposite effect. Play around with a couple of silly names until you find one he appreciates and likes hearing when you refer to him.
5. Touch him
Take every opportunity you can to close the distance between you and him. A brush of the shoulder, a touch of the thigh, a caress of the forearm. These simple gestures will make him feel wanted and desired. As a result, he’ll chase after you to get more of your affection.
A 2024 study conducted by the Netherlands Institute for Neuroscience revealed that touch drastically improves mental and physical well-being by releasing oxytocin (the “love hormone”).[5]
In fact, according to the European Journal of Pharmacology, “oxytocin contributes to ‘sexual desire’ and expectancy of future reward,” so I can’t imagine a better way to make him want you than by stimulating the release of oxytocin.[6]
So, if you want to really improve your love life, try closing the distance through physical contact. Brush your fingers against his when he hands you something, sit too closely at the restaurant, pull an imaginary fuzzy out of his hair, or “accidentally” fall into his lap. All textbook plays.
6. Wear perfume
Perfumes and fragrances are your BFFs when it comes to getting him to want you more. And science agrees!
A study published in PLOS ONE explored body perfume treatment and found that women who applied fragrances were rated more attractive, pleasant, and intense compared to those who didn’t.[7]
The seductive aroma of a good perfume is intoxicating to men. So, if you want to know how to make him desire you, put on some of your best fragrances to capture his attention.
7. Speak in a higher pitch
Your vocal tone and pitch are massive assets! Guys love hearing a soft, sensual, and high-pitched voice. It’s soothing and relaxing to them and communicates a sense of safety — it’s figurative music to their ears.
I’m not kidding — your voice can emit a nurturing quality with the right expressive tone. In fact, a study published in the Journal of Evolutionary Psychology explains that men prefer women with higher-pitched voices.
The study revealed that speaking to your guy with a higher pitch could increase his attraction to you.[8]
And the best part is that — like a singer or public speaker — you can fluctuate your voice based on context. So, the next time you’re with your man, kick up your vocal pitch a few octaves to make him weak in the knees.
How to Make Him Want You More
Things get more serious (in a good way) once you’ve crossed that threshold from just talking to dating in a committed relationship. Here are a few suggestions to maintain his interest once you’ve snagged him.
Keep up the good work
To make him want you more, keep doing the things that attracted him to you in the first place. We all know that relationships naturally fall into a routine once the “honeymoon” phase passes. Screen time replaces quality time, irritability overtakes patience, and boring conversations stamp out spontaneity.
So, to keep (and continue growing) his interest, avoid falling into the complacency trap. You can do this by continuing to be the fun, feisty, and spontaneous woman he fell for.
Don’t go to sleep on those tips above. If he’s a high-value man worth all that work getting him to chase you, he’s worth keeping it up for.
Spend time apart
One of the best things you can do to keep his interest (and your relationship) is to spend time apart. Be sure to keep your ties with friends and family intact. Maintain your hobbies. Be content to do some activities alone.
Intimate relationships are no excuse to neglect other connections and passions. You should enjoy a full life outside of your relationship.
Go on a weekend getaway with the girls or finish reading that dirty novel. Time apart makes him think and wonder about you. He’ll become curious about what you’re doing and if you’re thinking about him.
Once the sexual tension has hit its pique, you’ll receive the classic “Hey, what are you up to?” text. Yup. He still wants you.
Make him feel needed
Your man has an instinctive desire to feel needed. He may not always show or verbalize this desire, but it’s there.
So, try your best to make him feel like his presence is important. Ask for his help (yes, even if you don’t really need it), express gratitude for the little things he does, and be a place of comfort for him.
You’re tapping into a primal need by making him feel like he matters. As a result, he’ll appreciate you and keep coming back for more again and again.
Compliment him
Everyone likes to hear nice things about themselves, and men are half of everyone. A 2011 study of compliments revealed that men receive far fewer than women. The study, published in the Journal of Pragmatics, found that
the majority of compliments were given by women to women, and fewest compliments were exchanged between two male interlocutors. In fact, women both gave and received far more compliments than men: women gave 67.6% of compliments and received 74.3%, while men gave 32.3% of compliments and received 25.7%.[9]
Poor things. Don’t waste another minute on masculine stereotypes about the male ego. Tell him he looks nice in that shade of blue, how excellently and artfully disheveled his hair is today, and how his chicken marsala is the best you’ve ever had. He’ll fall head over heels for you.
How NOT to Make a Guy Want You
While there are plenty of things you can do to pull him in, there are limitless things that could push him away. Here are a few of the worst things you absolutely should not do if you want to snag — and keep — the right guy.
Try to force things
It can feel like pulling teeth trying to get certainty about where you stand with a guy. But before you do anything . . . stop. Breathe. Yes, he’s charming, loves animals, and has an impeccable credit score.
But pushing things along faster than he’s ready for could do more harm than good. Instead, let the relationship unfold naturally.
There is no need to ask about meeting his parents, his thoughts on marriage, or what kind of wallpaper you think looks great in the family room (at least not yet). All of these things will happen on their own at the right time.
Play hard to get
I’m not sure where the idea of playing hard to get in order to attract someone comes from, but it’s bad advice.
Think about it if the roles were reversed: Would you keep chasing a guy who takes days to respond to your texts, cancels dates at the last minute with stupid excuses, and otherwise shows he doesn’t really care to get to know you?
Not a chance.
But yet, this is a lot of the advice you see out there: Ignore him when he reaches out, don’t be the first to initiate contact, never show your real interest, blah, blah, blah.
These immature mind games will only turn a good man away.
Share too much information too soon
It can be tempting to lay all your cards on the table. After all, you like this guy, and you want him to know everything about you. But pump your brakes, girl.
While you do need to be transparent, you also have to be tactful. Telling him you’ve grown and learned a lot from your previous relationships is good. Complaining about everything your exes have done in the past is not.
If there is something significant about your past that you feel the need to share, wait until the relationship has developed and matured before doing so.
Sharing too much information too early on could scare him away.
Talk about other guys
Whether you’re talking about your ex or the new guy at work, the dude you’re into will not respond well to (or appreciate) you talking about other men.
I don’t mean telling a funny story about a coworker or making plans with your male cousin. I mean waxing poetic about Brad from marketing’s chinos or complaining about what went wrong in your last relationship.
As much as he may feel a need to display a macho exterior, the truth is that he — like you — wants to feel special. He wants to feel like your eyes and attention are only on him, especially in the beginning of a relationship when you’re still feeling each other out.
Conclusion
Discovering how to make a guy want you is about turning on your feminine allure (whatever the hell that is) to reveal your sexy, seductive, and sensual self.
Men are simple. All they want is to feel your natural magnetism. So, give it to them by being the femme fatale that you are.
FAQs
How do you make a guy obsessed with you?
The best way to make a guy obsessed with you is to stop trying to get him obsessed with you. It’s counterintuitive, but the more you can let go, have fun, and enjoy being with him, the more he’ll feel drawn to you.
How do you get him to chase you?
To get a guy to chase you, focus on having a good time and being yourself. If you’re authentic and easygoing, he’ll want to be around you, so he’ll feel compelled to chase you more and more.
How do you make a man miss you?
To make a man miss you, maintain a brief distance. It’s impossible for him to miss you if you’re always spending time together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
How do you tell if a guy likes you?
To tell if a guy likes you, pay attention to how he treats you. A guy who likes you will make room for you in his schedule. A guy who doesn’t like you will make excuses, cancel at the last minute, and otherwise make it difficult to get together in person.
References
- Canevello, A., & Crocker, J. (2010). Creating good relationships: Responsiveness, relationship quality, and interpersonal goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 99(1), 78–106.
https://doi.org/10.1037/a0018186 ↩︎ - Tisdale, L., & Sheldon, P. (2018). Female flirting cues and male perception. American Communication Journal, 19(2), 1–11.
https://www.academia.edu/download/58144832/Female_Flirting_Cues_and_Male_Perception.pdf ↩︎ - Kluger, A. N., & Malloy, T. E. (2019). Question asking as a dyadic behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 117(6), 1127–1138.
https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000156 ↩︎ - Bell, R. A., Buerkel-Rothfuss, N. L., & Gore, K. E. (1987). “Did you bring the yarmulke for the cabbage patch kid?” The idiomatic communication of young lovers. Human Communication Research, 14(1), 47–67.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2958.1987.tb00121.x ↩︎ - Netherlands Institute for Neuroscience. (2024, April 8). The benefit of touch on mental and physical health. Science Daily.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2024/04/240408130610.htm ↩︎ - Veening, J. G., De Jong, T. R., Waldinger, M. D., Korte, S. M., & Olivier, B. (2015). The role of oxytocin in male and female reproductive behavior. European Journal of Pharmacology, 753, 209–228.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ejphar.2014.07.045 ↩︎ - Lenochová, P., Vohnoutova, P., Roberts, S. C., Oberzaucher, E., Grammer, K., & Havlíček, J. (2012). Psychology of fragrance use: Perception of individual odor and perfume blends reveals a mechanism for idiosyncratic effects on fragrance choice. PLOS ONE, 7(3), e33810.
https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0033810 ↩︎ - Fraccaro, P. J., Jones, B. C., Vukovic, J., Smith, F. G., Watkins, C. D., Feinberg, D. R., … & Debruine, L. M. (2011). Experimental evidence that women speak in a higher voice pitch to men they find attractive. Journal of Evolutionary Psychology, 9(1), 57–67.
https://doi.org/10.1556/jep.9.2011.33.1 ↩︎ - Rees-Miller, J. (2011). Compliments revisited: Contemporary compliments and gender. Journal of Pragmatics, 43(11), 2673–2688.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pragma.2011.04.014 ↩︎
