By: Karoki Githure
I was chased by a dog once. It was really scary. Being chased by a man sounds even scarier. I think I’d choose the bear.
However, if you’re into games, here are some tips for how to get a guy to chase you.
Table of Contents
How to Make a Guy Chase You Using Male Psychology
I know, I know. What exactly is “male psychology”? Who knows. But there are certain ways a woman can appeal to a man’s psyche.
1. Be authentic
The idea of being “authentic” on a date when you’re nervous, sweating through the polyester dress you got on sale at TJ Maxx, and wondering if this one’s going to be threatened by your two PhDs like the last one was may not always fit into your evening like a leather glove.
But that’s why you shouldn’t dwell on how you talk, breathe, or eat. When you’re paying more attention to those things, you’re bound to be weird. Instead, just be real. You certainly don’t want to act like someone you’re not and then have to put on that affectation every time you’re together.
Plus, he’ll notice, and he won’t want to come back for a second date.
To be authentic, you don’t have to fit the traditional ideology of “femininity” or look like an Instagram model. Instead, focus on having fun and being comfortable. Sure, you don’t want to show up in wrinkly pants and a top covered in Cheetos cheese, but be comfortable. If short skirts and leopard print aren’t you, don’t wear them.
If short skirts and leopard print ARE you, girl, work it.
The key is to carry yourself with confidence, which is way easier if you’re not trying to pretend to like Marvel movies even though you think they’re all derivative and insipid. Confidence is hot, like a mystery that a man will want to find the secret to. He’ll want to keep coming back for more to learn what it is that makes you tick.
If you think authenticity will be hard for you because of your nerves, choose an activity that’s more engaging, such as an arcade, an art class, or a farmers market. That way it’s not up to just you to be the entertainment.
2. Create intrigue
As scholar and Oxford alum Theodore Zeldin opined, “Each person is an enigma.” If you want him to keep coming back for more, don’t give up all your secrets on the first date.
Keep him guessing to reinforce the chase as he yearns to know more about you. While you can still allow yourself to be vulnerable, you must keep certain aspects of your life and personality to yourself. You might laugh about it with your girls, but don’t reveal that you drool while you’re sleeping.
Let him discover it gently.
Drop hints about yourself but remain mysterious and unpredictable to keep him guessing; this will keep the spark alive. An aura of mystery creates curiosity about you and adds a thrill to the chase.
3. Have a good time
If you really want a guy to woo you, show him a good time. In no way am I implying you should invoke the “cool girl” trope.
You know the cool girl. She “likes beer, junk food, and sports, usually described as typically male interests. She acts like a guy, but she still looks super hot.”[1]
If you feel at any time like you need to invoke the cool girl, reread #1 on this list. But what you should try to do is let go of your inhibitions, your worries, your to-do list, and live in the moment.
If your dating end game is to find THE ONE and settle down, well, not every guy you date is gonna be that guy. But you might as well have a good time while you’re finding him. If you’re having fun, odds are he is too.
If he has fun with you once, he’ll want to again.
4. Play hard to get
Playing “hard to get” is an age-old tactic that may have been overplayed — and the phrase overused — but the other extreme is throwing yourself at him. Also not a good look. It might be cliche, but “hard to get” might actually work.
A study from the University of Leicester found that men are more highly motivated by setting goals. The research showed that male participants with goals scored higher on arithmetic tests than those without goals.[2]
Playing hard to get doesn’t mean being rude, of course. Don’t leave him on read or cancel dates willy-nilly. Just be busy sometimes. Have a life. Don’t let your entire world revolve around this guy.
The key is to balance interest with a touch of challenge to keep him eager to chase after you. And to forget that while researching this topic, I learned that most of the academic works were about men convicted of stalking who claimed the women they stalked were “playing hard to get.”
5. Maintain your independence
As if you need me to tell you to cling to your hard-won independence like Kanye West clings to his relevance. But this is actually key to keeping a man interested.
Don’t drop everything for him. He’ll notice and run the opposite direction. Even worse, doing so will endanger your self-identity and set you up for codependency.
Continue pursuing your dreams and hobbies, and don’t put them aside for him. You might feel like you finally found the yin to your yang, but don’t forget that your yang is already pretty fantastic.
6. Give him space
Remember: You want him to chase you, not the other way around. So, make him miss you.
Avoid blowing up his phone while you’re apart — unless it’s an emergency of course. Give him time to miss you. Use this opportunity to do the things you’ve grown behind on because he recently made you watch a Survivor marathon.
If it’s killing you not to be with him, focus on something you can do for him. Plan his birthday party, learn to cook his favorite meal, go shopping for him and get him one of those flat caps that make him look like David Beckham.
If you feel like he’s taking more time alone than normal, respect his boundaries and take that time to reevaluate your own. When he sees that, he’ll value you and realize you’re worth the chase.
7. Get your sexy on
To get him to chase you, you need to make him want you. Yeah, that way. Let him know you’re into him by turning on your sexy. Of course, sexy means different things to different people.
Sexiness can mean being comfortable in your skin regardless of size, body shape, or those bags under your eyes that you suspect you inherited from your mom’s side of the family. It also means accepting your flaws and uniqueness, unless that includes keeping a tarantula as a pet. (J/K, you do you!)
Sexy also means demonstrating your intelligence and sense of humor. Encourage him to have thoughtful conversations that foster intimacy. Your willingness to listen actively, respond thoughtfully, and show genuine care makes him yearn to spend more time with you.
And if all that doesn’t tip him over the edge as fast as you’d like, girl, flaunt what you got. You didn’t work out so hard just to hide those sculpted arms in a loose-fitting shirt; show them off.
Yes, it’s true. Being sexy can also mean batting your eyelashes, crossing and uncrossing your legs, leaning over in that way that pushes your cleavage up just perfectly. You know the move.
Sexiness is a choose-your-own-adventure tactic to get a man to chase you. Sometimes it’s knowing the best Metallica albums, sometimes it’s a tramp stamp. What can I say, sexiness is in the eye of the beholder.
8. Make him jealous
Jealousy is a double-edged sword. Depending on the dynamics of a relationship, it can be either good or bad.
In fact, according to research published in SAGE Open, jealousy may have “several relationship-sustaining qualities. More specifically, jealousy is associated with greater love for the relationship partner, with feelings of being more ‘in-love’ with the partner, and with greater relationship stability.[3]
In that respect, making him jealous might just lead him to acknowledge that you’re worthy of pursuit. Inspiring a moderate amount of jealousy can prove how emotionally invested he is in the relationship.
When you go out with his friends, enjoy their company and don’t miss a good chance to laugh at their jokes. This is a totally normal and harmless thing to do, but it’s likely to spark some jealousy, however subconscious.
Jealousy can evoke strong emotions, prompting him to confront his feelings and desires. This emotional activation can lead to a renewed passion and pursuit as he seeks to reaffirm his commitment.
9. Avoid contacting him
You can easily make a man chase you by going radio silent. You have probably heard about no-contact, one of the best reverse psychology techniques. When you suddenly stop contacting him, it creates curiosity. He may wonder why you’re no longer reaching out and start to miss your attention.
Every minute you don’t contact him may drive him crazy, as he views your lack of contact as a challenge. It will portray you as a high-value woman, and he will feel compelled to “win” your attention back by pursuing you more actively.
Use the no-contact time to focus on growing, becoming more confident and self-assured, qualities that make you even more attractive to him. It’s a win-win.
But don’t forget this is risky. A man who likes you but doesn’t want to play games may not take the bait. Play at your own risk.
10. Establish and enforce boundaries
Setting boundaries is one thing, but you need to enforce them to be irresistible. Whenever you feel he crosses any of your boundaries, make sure he knows. If you let everything slide, you might find yourself in the midst of a toxic relationship.
Setting boundaries is about self-respect. And self-respect is sexy AF. Respecting yourself makes you more attractive, prompting him to pursue you to demonstrate his respect and commitment.
Men love to chase a woman who knows her worth.
How to Keep Him Chasing You
When the tips above bear fruit and he can’t get enough of you, it’s not over yet. You must keep him engaged. First, make quality time together a priority. Put away your devices and give each other your full attention when catching up. Avoid keeping phones at the dinner table to promote meaningful conversations and connection.
Schedule regular dates, even if it’s a home-cooked meal together. Continuing courtship keeps things feeling fresh. But at the same time, “absence makes the heart grow fonder” and all that. Don’t develop a relationship that lets you smother each other.
When you do hang out, try new activities together, like a cooking class, paint night, or new hiking trail. Shared experiences strengthen bonding. Remember to stay spontaneous with a dash of surprises constantly up your sleeves.
Speaking of sleeves, if you feel inspired to dress to kill and turn heads wherever you go, it can’t hurt. He’ll never want to keep his eyes off of you.
What Drives Men to Pursue Women
What drives men to pursue women can seem like a mystery. After all, men aren’t a monolith. They each have their preferences, likes, and dislikes.
You might go around the world looking for what motivates men to chase a woman while stumbling over stereotypes and myths, all the while oblivious that it’s inside you.
There it is; it’s embedded in your personality. Simple. So you don’t have to stay up all night trying to figure out how to make him chase you.
Physical attraction
We’re about to do it how they do on the Discovery Channel. An initial physical attraction, why perhaps not the first thing that makes a man interested, is key to keeping him interested.
In fact, a study published in Sex Roles found that “males placed greater emphasis than females on physical attractiveness, and females placed greater emphasis than males on earning potential and expressiveness.”[4]
Of course, what makes a man physically attracted to a woman could come down to anything from pheromones to eye color.
To tell if a man is attracted to you, look for dilated pupils, leaning in, angling his body toward yours, and laughing at your jokes. He might be fidgety or display other signs of nervousness. If he shows any of these signs, reciprocate and see what happens.
You never know, it might be fireworks.
Emotional connection
An emotional connection is the building block for relationships. Men seek women who can foster that emotional connection and create a safe environment for them to be vulnerable and open up. Emotional intimacy helps to establish trust, which is essential to romantic connection.
Men will want more from a woman who seems to understand his emotions with empathy. If you show a willingness to be vulnerable yourself and open yourself up to this connection, he won’t be able to get enough of you.
No, men are not emotionless robots programmed solely for physical pursuits. Beneath that rugged exterior (or the cozy sweatpants they wear at home) lies a deep yearning for connection. They’re gentle creatures deep down, occasionally prone to tripping over their feelings.
Respect and admiration
Men appreciate gestures of respect and admiration, and showing this will cause them to chase their woman to the end of the world.
Compliment his taste in ties, admire his skill at grilling the perfect steak, or simply acknowledge his ability to change a tire in under five minutes. Trust me, he’ll be putty in your hands.
Of course, respect and admiration aren’t all about shallow platitudes. It’s also a way of life.
Respect means giving agency to your partner’s values, both his relationship values and his life values. Don’t belittle what’s important to him. Make sure you listen actively when he talks about that dude from work he hates, even if you’ve heard it a thousand times.
When you respect your partner, you give them a safe space, and everyone loves that.
Affection and intimacy
When I talk about affection and intimacy, I don’t mean just sex, even if that’s part of it. I mean, anyone who’s seen Sex and the City knows you can have sex without affection, and vice versa.
But whether sex is included in the relationship or not, physical displays of affection are actually a crucial element to shooting Cupid’s arrow firmly into a man’s heart.
A study across 37 countries found that affectionate touch, such as hugging and kissing, is closely associated with feelings of love and relationship satisfaction. The research indicates that frequent gestures of affectionate touch enhance emotional bonds.
Whether you’re pressing your thigh against his under the table or holding hands as you walk through the park, these little physical gestures add up to a big wallop of affection.
Conclusion
Oh, the thrill of the chase. Knowing that he can’t wait to see you or that he’s begging for the next hangout makes you feel valuable. As he invests more in the relationship, the deeper your connection becomes.
The best thing is that you don’t have to do anything extra to have him chase you. The chase is in his biology. All you have to do is stay confident, independent, and intriguing, all the while making it clear you’re interested too, and allow him space to do his thing. Then, rinse and repeat.
Interested in learning more topics about starting a relationship? Check our page here.
FAQs
What do guys think of girls who chase them?
What guys think of girls who chase them depends on the guy. They may think you’re bold and confident, and they may be flattered by your interest, with a boosted ego. However, it’s important to strike a balance so you don’t put him off. A little bit of subtlety goes a long way.
What text will make him chase you?
The text that will make him chase you has to be intriguing and mysterious or playful and flirty, with subtle hints to make him curious. Texts that encourage, compliment, or show appreciation are a sure way to pique his interest.
Do men prefer to chase?
Some men prefer to chase because it’s in their nature to chase and accomplish. They like how it makes them feel in control and often feel a sense of accomplishment when they win over a woman.
References
- Larsson Säberg, O. J. (2022). She’s not like other girls; she is a cool girl: A qualitative study on the portrayal of female characters as the cool girl in films [Bachelor’s thesis]. Karlstad University.
https://www.diva-portal.org/smash/record.jsf?pid=diva2%3A1678352&dswid=8667 ↩︎ - Smithers, S. (2015, July 8). Men more likely to achieve targets if they are set goals. ScienceDaily.
www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/07/150708072822.htm ↩︎ - Attridge, M. (2013). Jealousy and relationship closeness: Exploring the good (reactive) and bad (suspicious) sides of romantic jealousy. SAGE Open, 3(1), 2158244013476054.
https://doi.org/10.1177/2158244013476054 ↩︎ - Sorokowska, A., Kowal, M., et al. (2023). Love and affectionate touch toward romantic partners all over the world. Scientific Reports, 13, 5497.
https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-023-31502-1 ↩︎
