{"id":593,"date":"2022-06-21T11:25:24","date_gmt":"2022-06-21T11:25:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/breakthecycle.org\/whyistayed-shows-why-dating-abuse-complicated\/"},"modified":"2024-04-13T21:53:02","modified_gmt":"2024-04-13T21:53:02","slug":"whyistayed-shows-why-dating-abuse-complicated","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/blog\/whyistayed-shows-why-dating-abuse-complicated\/","title":{"rendered":"#WhyIStayed Shows Why Dating Abuse is Complicated"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Please note: Entries within this blog may contain references to instances of domestic abuse, dating abuse, sexual assault, abuse or harassment. At all times, Break the Cycle encourages readers to take whatever precautions necessary to protect themselves emotionally and psychologically.\u00a0 If you would like to speak with an advocate, please contact a 24\/7 peer advocate at\u00a0<\/span>866-331-9474<\/a>\u00a0 or text “loveis” to 22522.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

#WhyIStayed Shows Why Dating Abuse is Complicated<\/div>\n
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One of the biggest misunderstandings about dating abuse is why a victim would remain victimized. Why don\u2019t they leave? Can\u2019t they just break up with their partner? What\u2019s holding them back?<\/span><\/p>\n

This line of questioning leads to further misconceptions: they must be weak, they must like the abuse or want it, they\u2018re stupid for staying, and so on. The subtext can become \u201cthey\u2019re not <\/span>really being abused,\u201d which not only fails to support the victim, but also dismisses the abuse.<\/p>\n

In response to a video released this week showing former Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice striking his then-fiancee, author Beverly Gooden began using the hashtag <\/span>#WhyIStayed<\/a> on Twitter to illustrate how her own experience in an abusive relationship was far more complex than just leaving.<\/a><\/p>\n

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There are many reasons people stay in abusive relationships, even as they\u2019re trying to escape them. They could be living in fear of what will happen if they leave, especially if their partner has threatened them before, or fear they will retribute another way, like spreading lies or outing them (if it\u2019s a lGBT relationship). They may believe the abuse is normal or not understand what a healthy relationship looks like. Perhaps they\u2019re embarrassed and feel they\u2019ve done something wrong, or have low self-esteem and think they deserve the abuse. It\u2019s also not uncommon for people in relationships that were once happy to hold on, no matter the abuse, because they hope they can change their partner or are still madly in love with them.<\/span><\/p>\n

For some, cultural or religious pressures keep them in abusive relationships. Many are told that marriage is for life, and divorce is a sin, or that real men have to show their partners \u201cwho\u2019s boss.\u201d At school, there may be peer pressure — if they\u2019re dating someone popular, they may feel no one will believe them or that everyone will hate them if they expose their partner as an abuser. What if they\u2019re pregnant or have children? Or their abuser controls their finances, leaving them with nowhere to go? What if they\u2019re an illegal immigrant, or have a disability?<\/span><\/p>\n

If you know someone in an abusive relationship, the best thing to do is not ask why they\u2019re still in it, but to be supportive and listen. Your judgment can\u2019t help them, but you being there for them can. What you say during these moments has a huge affect on what they\u2019ll do moving forward. And you can always refer them to one of our trained peer advocates — call 1-866-331-9474 or text \u201cloveis\u201d to 22522 — we\u2019re here for them, too.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Please note: Entries within this blog may contain references to instances of domestic abuse, dating … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":600,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/593"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=593"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/593\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4854,"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/593\/revisions\/4854"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/600"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=593"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}