{"id":473,"date":"2022-06-21T11:24:45","date_gmt":"2022-06-21T11:24:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/breakthecycle.org\/real-stories-having-healthy-hookup\/"},"modified":"2024-04-13T21:50:30","modified_gmt":"2024-04-13T21:50:30","slug":"real-stories-having-healthy-hookup","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/blog\/real-stories-having-healthy-hookup\/","title":{"rendered":"Real Stories: Having a Healthy Hookup"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Please note: Entries within this blog may contain references to instances of domestic abuse, dating abuse, sexual assault, abuse or harassment. At all times, Break the Cycle encourages readers to take whatever precautions necessary to protect themselves emotionally and psychologically.\u00a0 If you would like to speak with an advocate, please contact a 24\/7 peer advocate at\u00a0<\/span>866-331-9474<\/a>\u00a0 or text “loveis” to 22522.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Real Stories: Having a Healthy Hookup<\/div>\n
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This is Real Stories – a blog by\u00a0Let’s Be Real<\/a>\u00a0members about their experiences with relationships, dating, and more. LBR is a movement by young people for young people about relationships.<\/h2>\n

It’s Real Week<\/a> for Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month<\/a> and today’s theme is “Freaky Friday<\/a>.” That’s right! Today, we’re here to get real about sex, consent, boundaries, and all that awkwardness that happens when you’re dating…but maybe not really. Today, I want to talk about hookups: \u00a0the young millennial’s alternative to dating. Hookups have a bad rep with adults sometimes, but let’s be real, we’re choosing hookups over serious dating for a reason. What could that reason be? To start, relationships can be difficult to manage at our age (I’m 19). When the film industry, romance novels, and magazines project unrealistic, perfect relationships that are rooted in a foundation of showy, expensive dates, it can be a LOT of pressure for the normal young person.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Whether you’re a student, or you’re in the work force, we have a lot going on…and we\u2019re young! 18-25 is a critical age for finding yourself. We\u2019re in the middle of discovering who we are as individuals, and what we want. It can be hard to know what you want in a partner, when you don\u2019t know who <\/span>you<\/span> are yet. So whether it\u2019s because of our hectic schedules from school and work, or because we are trying to find out what we want and don’t want in a partner, hookups make a pretty popular choice for people our age. Sometimes we just want to have good, safe fun without the pressure and responsibility of a serious long-term relationship..and guess what? That is <\/span>fine<\/span>, <\/span>normal<\/span>, and when done the right way, HEALTHY.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Like I said, hookups can have a bad reputation – but they can be done in a healthy way that’s fun for everyone. In campus life, a common hookup situation is the <\/span>Friends With Benefits <\/span>or FWB<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>arrangement. In a \u2018friends with benefits\u2019 situation, by definition, you are friends that have sex (or other sexual activities) occasionally, without a romantic relationship or commitment. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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  1. So, when you find a great person that you are friends with and physically attracted to…first things first: set boundaries. <\/span>COMMUNICATION IS KEY <\/span>when it comes to boundaries! If you are confident enough to want to initiate a fling or a hookup with someone, you are confident enough to communicate<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>and set boundaries! In order to maintain the friendship and spare each other the potential of hurt feelings or confusion about the situation, have an open and honest dialogue about what you each want and don\u2019t want. <\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Even if you think it’s clear that you two are just FWB, <\/span>CLARIFY<\/span>! For example, talk about what will happen if someone starts to develop emotions for the other person, if the arrangement is \u00a0only being physical with each other, the priority of having safe sex, or how often you want to see each other. \u00a0There\u2019s a lot to clarify beforehand, and once you are in a well communicated, healthy FWB situation, you will be SO happy you did clarify! Keeping open communication sets the tone for a great and healthy hookup. <\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Also very important, <\/span>Don\u2019t Assume Anything! <\/span>Even though you two are friends and comfortable\u00a0together, consent needs to be clear before starting anything physical. If your friend isn’t on the same page physically, that has to be established before anything happens. It\u2019s not awkward to have an honest conversation about that…but if you feel like you aren\u2019t able to have an honest conversation about it, then they aren\u2019t the right person to be hooking up with in the first place. It\u2019s always important to feel safe with the person you\u2019re hanging out with.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Hookups shouldn’t be stressful. As long as you are being <\/span>Safe, Open and Honest,<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>you should feel free and comfortable enough with your choice to initiate a hookup without any regret. There should be no shame or judgment associated with making the educated decision. As an adult over the age of 18, as long as you think it through, consent is given and you are being healthy and safe, go for it! That being said, there is nothing wrong with relationships or waiting to be in a relationship rather than hookup. However, there are far more articles and writing available about relationships, and hardly ANY positive writing out there about hook-ups. Society associates \u2018hookups\u2019 with reckless casual sexual encounters and promiscuity, but as I’ve said before, it doesn’t have to be that way. Let\u2019s change that connotation! Let\u2019s take control of the term \u2018Hookup\u2019, and let\u2019s TALK about it! Let’s be real, <\/span>YOU <\/span>define what a hookup means to you, <\/span>NOT <\/span>society.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

    Scarlet is a contributing member to <\/span>Let\u2019s Be Real<\/a> – Break the Cycle\u2019s movement for young people by young people about relationships. She is a London-Born Writer and Singer\/Songwriter from Boston, Massachusetts who uses her music and writing to empower others and raise awareness about relationship abuse. She recently released a single called “That’s Not Love” to raise awareness about dating abuse. Scarlet is a college student, fitness and cooking lover, and advocate of healthy living. You can follow her music page on Facebook <\/span>@Scarletdelemenymusic<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Please note: Entries within this blog may contain references to instances of domestic abuse, dating … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":600,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/473"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=473"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/473\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4729,"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/473\/revisions\/4729"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/600"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=473"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}