{"id":163,"date":"2022-06-21T11:23:07","date_gmt":"2022-06-21T11:23:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/breakthecycle.org\/dv_faq\/"},"modified":"2023-12-15T19:27:45","modified_gmt":"2023-12-15T19:27:45","slug":"dv_faq","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/dv_faq\/","title":{"rendered":"What do I do if I am worried about someone?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"content\">\n<h2>About Abuse<\/h2>\n<div id=\"topnav\">\n<ul>\n<li class=\"first\"><a href=\"\/about_abuse\/cycle_of_violence\/\">The Cycle of Violence<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"\/about_abuse\/types_abuse\/\">Types of Abuse<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"\/about_abuse\/about_dv\/\"> About Domestic Violence<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"\/about_abuse\/about_teendv\/\">About Teen Dating Violence<\/a><\/li>\n<li>Domestic Violence FAQ<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<h2>Frequently Asked Questions about Domestic Violence<\/h2>\n<h3>What do I do if I am worried about someone?<\/h3>\n<p class=\"o877gxqusjkh4ofpr\">If you or someone else is in <strong>immediate danger, call 911<\/strong>. If you are worried<br \/>\nbecause you think someone you know may be a victim of dating or domestic violence,<br \/>\ndon&#8217;t be afraid to let them know you are concerned for them. Educating yourself<br \/>\nabout dating and domestic violence, and what you can do to help, is a good<br \/>\nfirst step.<\/p>\n<p class=\"o877gxqusjkh4ofpr\">Here are a few specific suggestions for helping a friend in need:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Bring up the subject without being judgmental. Let her know<br \/>\nyou are concerned and that you are there to help. Share with her the information<br \/>\nyou learned about abusive relationships. Acknowledge that she is in a very<br \/>\ndifficult and scary situation. Encourage her to express her feelings.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Respect her right to make her own decisions<\/strong>. If you lecture her and<br \/>\ntell her what to do, you are treating her no differently than she is treated by the abuser<br \/>\nand so she is likely to ignore your advice. Also, she will not feel comfortable<br \/>\ncoming back to you later when she is ready to leave the relationship.<\/li>\n<li>Help her find available resources.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Help her create a safety<br \/>\nplan<\/strong>.<\/li>\n<li>Learn more about <a href=\"\/get_involved\/help_friend\/\">how to help someone<br \/>\nyou care about<\/a> if they are in an abusive relationship.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>I know someone who is abusive. How can I help?<\/h3>\n<p class=\"o877gxqusjkh4ofpr\">Talk to your friend about the dynamics of domestic violence. Tell them that<br \/>\nyou are worried about the way they treat the person they are with. Offer to<br \/>\nhelp them find anger management classes, counseling or other resources that<br \/>\ncan help them if they want to change.<\/p>\n<h3>How can I get information and\/or statistics about domestic and dating violence?<\/h3>\n<p class=\"o877gxqusjkh4ofpr\">This website has a wealth of information about dating and domestic violence.<br \/>\nCheck out some of our resources:<!--After card sort, deal with this list --><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"\/about_abuse\/about_teendv\/\">About Teen Domestic Violence<\/a><\/li>\n<li>How can I Tell if I&#8217;m in an<br \/>\nAbusive Relationship?<\/li>\n<li>Creating a Safety Plan<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"\/about_abuse\/cycle_of_violence\/\">The Cycle of Violence<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"\/about_abuse\/dv_faq\/\">Frequently Asked Questions on Domestic Violence<\/a><\/li>\n<li>The Healthy Relationship<br \/>\nQuiz<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Will the abuse ever stop?<\/h3>\n<p class=\"o877gxqusjkh4ofpr\">Abuse can be stopped. However, as the <a href=\"\/about_abuse\/cycle_of_violence\/\">cycle<br \/>\nof violence<\/a> shows, the abuser is likely to abuse again unless s\/he gets<br \/>\nhelp or someone intervenes (for example, abuser takes responsibility for<br \/>\nthe abuse and goes to anger management classes; the victim leaves the abuser;<br \/>\nor law enforcement gets involved or the victim gets a restraining order).<\/p>\n<p class=\"o877gxqusjkh4ofpr\">It is important to realize that when violence has occurred in a relationship,<br \/>\nthere is a good chance it will happen again. Although the victim may think<br \/>\nthe first hit, kick, push, etc. is an isolated incident, it is more likely<br \/>\nthat it is the first violent act in a series of violent episodes. We call<br \/>\nthis behavior <a href=\"\/about_abuse\/cycle_of_violence\/\">the cycle of violence<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h3>What is the difference between an abusive relationship and saying something<br \/>\nhurtful to someone once in a while?<\/h3>\n<p class=\"o877gxqusjkh4ofpr\">Calling someone names in order to humiliate them, put them down, or lower their<br \/>\nself-esteem is abusive behavior. Often people in relationships will say hurtful<br \/>\nthings to each other. There are many things to think about to figure out whether<br \/>\nyou are in an abusive relationship:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>How often and how serious the verbal abuse is<\/li>\n<li>The specifics of what is being said<\/li>\n<li>The context in which it is said<\/li>\n<li>The effect it has on you or the person you are with.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"o877gxqusjkh4ofpr\">But, even if the abusive behavior does not rise to the level of an abusive relationship,<br \/>\nit is still <strong>not ok<\/strong> to purposefully hurt someone you are in a relationship<br \/>\nwith.<\/p>\n<h3>What if the victim likes the abuse?<\/h3>\n<p class=\"o877gxqusjkh4ofpr\">Remember that when we talk about domestic violence, we are talking about <strong>unwanted<br \/>\nbehavior<\/strong>. No one likes being abused, whether it is physical, sexual, verbal<br \/>\nor emotional. If it seems like a victim is provoking the abuse or even that<br \/>\nshe likes it, she may have very low self-esteem, but she doesn&#8217;t like being<br \/>\nabused.<\/p>\n<h3>If I want to get help, do my parents have to know?<\/h3>\n<p class=\"o877gxqusjkh4ofpr\">No. Many services for victims of domestic violence are confidential. In some<br \/>\nstates you can go to court and get a restraining order and you can get counseling<br \/>\nwithout your parent&#8217;s permission. You can <a href=\"\/about_us\/contact_us\/\">contact<br \/>\nBreak the Cycle<\/a> for confidential advice and information.<\/p>\n<h3>Can my relationship be abusive even if the person I am dating has never hit<br \/>\nme?<\/h3>\n<p class=\"o877gxqusjkh4ofpr\"><strong>Yes.<\/strong> Abusive relationships can involve physical, sexual, verbal and\/or emotional<br \/>\nabuse. You don&#8217;t have to be physically hurt by the abuser to be in an abusive<br \/>\nrelationship. In fact, even many physically abusive behaviors (like pushing,<br \/>\ngrabbing, pulling hair, and shaking) will not leave a bruise or a mark.<br \/>\nIn addition, verbal and emotional abuse (including extreme jealousy, threats,<br \/>\ncontrolling behavior, put-downs and insults) can be just as frightening<br \/>\nand can leave long-lasting and painful effects. Learn more about the <a href=\"\/about_abuse\/types_abuse\/\">types<br \/>\nof abuse<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h3>What do I do if I have a child with the abuser?<\/h3>\n<p class=\"o877gxqusjkh4ofpr\">If you have a child, it is especially important to keep yourself and your child<br \/>\nsafe. Your child may be in danger from the abuser. In addition, it is <strong>not good<br \/>\nfor your child to grow up witnessing domestic violence in the home<\/strong>. An important<br \/>\npart of protecting yourself and your child is figuring out where your child<br \/>\nwill live and who will make the decisions about your child in a way that will<br \/>\nkeep you both safe. In addition, you should make sure that you and your child<br \/>\nwill be safe during any visitation exchanges. In some states, you may be able<br \/>\nto get custody and visitation orders for your child as part of a restraining<br \/>\norder.<\/p>\n<h3>I&#8217;m in an abusive relationship with someone at school\/work. What should I do?<\/h3>\n<p class=\"o877gxqusjkh4ofpr\">Once you have decided what you are going to do about the relationship (break<br \/>\nup with the abuser, get a restraining order, call the police, etc.), <strong>let people<br \/>\nat your work\/school know what is going on<\/strong>. Especially if there is a restraining<br \/>\norder, they have a responsibility to help make sure you are safe. If you have<br \/>\na restraining order, or police report, show school officials or your supervisor<br \/>\nat work. Things they may be able to do to help keep you safe include: changing<br \/>\nyour work\/school schedule so you don&#8217;t work with or near the abuser or so that<br \/>\nyou don&#8217;t have classes with the abuser; transferring the abuser to another school<br \/>\nor work location; and arranging for an escort to your ride\/car.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>About Abuse The Cycle of Violence Types of Abuse About Domestic Violence About Teen Dating &#8230; <a title=\"What do I do if I am worried about someone?\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/dv_faq\/\" aria-label=\"More on What do I do if I am worried about someone?\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/163"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=163"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/163\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4168,"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/163\/revisions\/4168"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.breakthecycle.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=163"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}